Chapter Four
James
I can’t fuck this up.
I’m feeling more and more desperate to be around Allie as the day goes on, like letting her out of my sight would be detrimental to us both. I want to tell her that the reason I’m keeping things from her is to keep her safe, but I think that will just freak her out more.
She’s right that I need to give her more to do, but when she showed up this morning looking like a goddess, as always, I knew I would do anything to keep her around me. So, I had her shuffle with me to meetings I couldn’t let her into rather than having her stay here and do the work I actually need done.
It was stupid, and a mistake I won’t be making again.
I call in an order to my favorite sushi spot, ordering a mix of dishes. I then grab us a bottle of white wine to split, and we settle back in the living room once the sushi arrives.
“Oh my god, this is the best sushi I’ve ever had,” Allie says to me in between bites of her spicy salmon roll.
“It’s unreal. I’ve been to Japan and this is on par with that,” I say, admiring the way her throat moves as she takes a sip of her wine. Everything about this woman turns me on.
“Wow,” she says, plucking another roll from the assortment. “It must be amazing to see so many other places. Or maybe…not?” I don’t miss the hesitation in her tone, and I feel terrible for not being able to tell her what I really do, but I want to keep her safe. I can’t risk anything happening to her.
“It is,” I say, picking up a slice of sashimi. “I’m not usually ready to come home. This time is different though.” I watch her, making sure she understands how different this time actually is. Her blush says it all.
I ask her where she’s travelled, and she said she’s only been to London as part of a school trip and Canada for some family vacations as a child. She mentions not being very close with her parents, but that she has a great relationship with her grandfather, who she lives with.
I crave that kind of closeness with just one member of my family, but my family has never been the close-knit type. We deal with each other for business reasons and that’s about it. If I’m being honest, Allie is the first person I’ve felt like forming a connection with in a very long time. That should scare me, but it doesn’t. It makes me want to be better for her.
We finish up our dinner and I ask her if she wants to sit by the fire pit in the backyard while we finish our wine.
“That sounds perfect,” she says, rising from the couch. “Do you need any help cleaning this up?”
“Nope, you’re my guest,” I say, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards me. “Go get settled out there, there’s blankets in the bin next to the couch.” I press a kiss to her forehead and her creamy cheeks redden before she grabs her glass of wine and heads through the French doors at the back of the room.
I quickly clean up the dishes and stash our meager leftovers in the fridge, thinking one of us will want them for lunch tomorrow. It strikes me then how easily Allie has fit into my life, how in just a day I’m already planning for our days ahead together.
A few minutes later, I’m heading outside with the rest of our bottle of wine after clicking on the outdoor firepit. When I see her sitting next to the glow of the fire, I know that I would do anything for her—anything for us to be together.
I sit right next to her on the couch, not wanting to leave any pretenses of this being platonic, and wrap my arm around her as I stretch her blanket over both of us.
“It’s beautiful out here. I would spend every night outside like this if I were you,” she says, peering up at me.
“Yeah,” I reply, “life gets so busy I forget to come out here a lot of the time. I’m glad you’re here—it made me want to show off this space to you.” She smiles at that before leaning her head back against my shoulder and staring at the sky. I stare at her golden locks turning red in the fire and am filled with a peace I haven’t felt since before I had to take on the stress of running the family business.
We sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before we’re interrupted by my phone ringing. When I see it’s Pedro from the gem mine in Colombia, I know I have to answer. Nothing with this deal has been easy and the negotiations only keep going more off the rails. I can’t risk this not working out.
“I’m so sorry, Allie, I have to take this,” I say, rising and heading back into the kitchen to take the call.
When I emerge a few minutes later, I’m irritated and definitely not in the right space to deal with the questions Allie immediately starts throwing at me.
“Can you tell me who that was? Maybe I can help you with something,” she says, looking small as she’s wrapped up in the blanket. She looks upset for me. This only makes me frustrated, unable and unwilling to share that part of my life.
“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, but we honestly barely know each other.”
She flinches back like I’ve hit her.
“You asked, Allie. You fucking asked,” I’m frustrated that I can’t tell her my life, that I can’t share what I want to with her. “You have to believe that it’s for your own safety. You. Don’t. Want. To. Know,” I say, punctuating each word and feeling my tone grow darker with each pause. I can’t help it. Pedro and his team are pushing me for more money and the stress of it all is making me crazy. I need her to understand that knowing what’s going on will only make her life harder.
She’s wide-eyed after my tirade, but then she rises and looks directly into my eyes, the different shades of hers glowing in the light of the fire with something that looks a lot like hurt and anger. “I know you’re upset because I know you, even though we ‘barely know each other’.” She throws my words back at me as her eyes well up with tears.
Fuck.
“I want to help you,” she continues, placing a hand briefly on my chest, “but I can’t if you keep me in the dark and push me away.” She steps back and gathers her coat. I can’t do anything but stand there frozen, my heart beating too fast.
“When you decide to start letting me in, you know where to find me,” she finishes softly then turns and walks out the door.
I’m a fucking mafia boss, and yet when the door shuts behind her I feel shaken and suddenly very, very alone. I grab what’s left of my wine and down it in one gulp. My phone rings again, and I curse as I see Pedro’s name again. I send it to voicemail and run a hand through my hair.
Shit, what did I do? And why the hell am I not going after her?
Without another thought, I grab my keys, run into my office to find her address, and race out the door.
Though it’s only a fifteen-minute drive, it feels much longer by the time I park my Range, hop out, and stalk up the small stone pathway to the front door. I see the lights are still on, but instead of forcing my way in like I’d like to, demanding she never run from me again, I force myself to ring the doorbell. A minute later, Allie answers the door, and before she can even get a word out, I shove my way in and shut the door behind me.
“Where’s your grandfather?” I ask, my voice deepened with my emotions.
“He’s not here,” she whispers.
“Good.”
I take her face in my hands and steal her gasp as I place my lips on hers. Pushing her back against the wall, I kiss her, wanting to consume her, the fire between us raging. She kisses me back, her fingernails scraping my scalp as she pulls me as close as possible. My hands lower to her hips, and I pick her up, our mouths never losing contact. As our tongues dance, her legs wrap around me, and I clutch her close to me.
Just when I think I’m going to have to move to release some of the tension from my straining dick, she pulls away, gasping for breath.
“James,” she pants.
“Yeah baby,” I nip her lower lip then soothe it with my tongue.
“What was that?” she asks, her eyes searching for answers in mine.
“Don’t run from me. Never run from me,” I try to soften my tone, but it still comes out as a warning.
“Don’t give me a reason to,” she fires back. Wiggling against me, I lower her to the floor, and she takes a step back. She crosses her arms, waiting.
“Allie,” I say after a moment, my voice more authoritative than I’d like to be with her, but I need her to take me seriously. “In my line of work, sometimes knowing all the information only puts you at risk. I’ll try to be more open with you, but for now, with this, you have to give me a bit of trust, baby. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but let me keep you safe. Because I won’t risk losing you.”
She looks at me and I see her eyes warm slightly before she responds. “I do get that, James, but it’s pretty hard to work or… spend time with… someone who shuts me out. I’m not asking for you to tell me everything, but I would like to be filled in on the basic details of what’s going on so I know how I can help.”
“I know. And I’ll tell you everything, eventually. Just give me a bit of time.”
“Come here,” I say, grabbing her hand and making my way into the living room, settling on the couch. She follows, crawling onto my lap and nuzzling her face in the pocket between my neck and shoulder. She’s a perfect fit, and I think about where else we’ll perfectly fit together.
She pulls back and her hazel eyes meet mine once again. “What are your tattoos?”
“They’re Celtic knots,” I say, unwinding my arm from around her to undo another button on my shirt and show her the intricate patterns that wind around my upper arms, over my shoulders, to just the bottom of my neck. “They represent strength and wisdom and I felt like I could use all of that I could get.”
“They’re beautiful,” she whispers. And when her eyes meet mine, I see them filled with heat; a heat I now feel an inescapable need to stoke.
“ You’re beautiful,” I say, brushing a hand down her silky-smooth cheek before moving my hands up her thighs and gripping the globes of her ass. She lets out a little gasp and I press my lips to hers.
She tastes like heaven.