Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
"Maddie, focus!" I nudged her shoulder at puck drop for the third period. She’d been distracted all night, not just because of the wolf mascot. She would’ve blamed it on that, but I saw her sneaking looks at the Outlaws bench. Specifically the end with the coaching staff.
The energy in the building was electric, every inch of the stands brimming with fans decked out in school colours. Signs waved frantically in the air, and the pounding of feet against the metal bleachers became a thunderous rhythm that reverberated in my chest.
Crystal leaned over with a grin, adjusting her maroon toque emblazoned with the Outlaws’ logo. "Tie game, ladies!”
I squirmed in my seat. Normally, I loved a tight game, but this was the invitational championship. The Outlaws and the Wolves were locked at ones heading into the third period, and I already felt nauseous. With Logan away at World Juniors, the team had been forced to step up, and they had. But Clearwater wasn’t backing down.
The puck dropped, and the tension in the rink ratcheted up a notch. Tim, our goalie, crouched low in the crease, his eyes tracking the play like a hawk. Rob took control in the defensive zone, skating backward with precision as he kept the Wolves’ star forward at bay.
"Come on," I muttered under my breath as a slapshot sailed toward the net. Tim reacted with lightning speed, deflecting the puck with his blocker, and the crowd roared its approval.
"TIMMIE!" Crystal yelled, pumping her fist.
Bear, Rory, and Axel pushed hard up the ice, their sticks slicing through the air as they passed the puck. Rory broke through the Wolves’ defence, setting up Axel for a one-timer. My heart leapt as the puck soared toward the net, but the Wolves’ goalie made an unbelievable save, sprawling across the crease to smother it.
"So close!" Maddie groaned, clutching her scarf. "They’ve got this. They just need to keep pushing."
Time ticked on, and the game remained deadlocked. The Wolves’ forwards were relentless, testing Tim again and again, but he was freaking perfect, his saves drawing deafening cheers from the crowd. Then, with eight minutes left, disaster struck. The captain of the Wolves threaded a pass through Rob’s skates, and their winger buried the puck in the top corner.
The rink fell silent for a split second before the Clearwater fans erupted in celebration. My stomach dropped. Rob skated to the bench with his head down.
"They’ll come back," Crystal said firmly, as if sheer will could make it true. "There’s still time."
The Outlaws threw everything they had at the Wolves in the final minutes, but the Wolves defence held strong. With less than two minutes left, the Outlaws pulled Tim for an extra attacker. The crowd was on its feet, screaming encouragement as the puck zipped around the Wolves’ zone. Rory fired a shot that hit the post, the clang echoing like a bell through the rink.
The crowd let out a communal groan when the final buzzer sounded. It was over. Clearwater had won, two to one. The Wolves celebrated at center ice while the Outlaws skated back to the bench, their shoulders slumped.
Maddie nudged me. "You okay?"
I’d chewed my lip to a pulp. “Yeah. Fine.” Not fine. My stomach was twisted up like an old garden hose. I wanted to go down and see Rob, make sure he wasn’t beating himself up. Which, of course, he was.
But I couldn’t. Rob wasn’t my boyfriend. I wasn’t going to sneak down the stairs and meet him in the secret hall outside of the locker room.
Instead, I followed Crystal and Maddie out of the rink, the three of us making our way to Ranchmans for our gift exchange. The bar was bustling as always, filled with students blowing off steam and shit-talking after the game. We found a quiet corner and settled in, Maddie pulling out a bag with a flourish.
"Okay, Sharla, you first," she said, handing it to me.
I opened it to find a beautiful maroon scarf with gold accents like the one she was wearing. My throat tightened. "Did you make this?” She nodded, her eyes bright. “Maddie, this is perfect. Thank you."
“Sorry, the surprise is already ruined.” Maddie grinned and handed Crystal her gift. I couldn’t have been more thrilled that all three of us could twin it up at the games from now on.
Crystal handed over her gift next, a set of fancy sheet-music-themed notebooks and a pen shaped like a violin bow. "For all your musical genius," she said with a grin. Maddie opened hers and laughed at the syringe pen and notebook wrapped in math equations.
I gave them each their gifts next. They laughed at the shirts and loved the soaps. We exchanged hugs, and I was glad we’d saved this for tonight. After that heart-wrenching loss, we all needed a bit of a pick-me-up.
After a few more laughs and some food, Maddie dropped me off at home. The townhouse was quiet and dark as I let myself in. I’d secretly hoped Rob might show up at Ranchmans after the game, but he hadn’t.
I frowned. He still wasn’t home. After putting my shoes away and hanging up my coat, I set my new gifts in my room and flopped onto the couch. I ignored my yawns and flipped on the TV. Tomorrow I was leaving to go home and I already had my things packed. I would just . . . stay awake for a while.
I wasn’t waiting for Rob. I was winding down.
There was a difference.
_____
I jolted awake to knocking. I rubbed my eyes, confused by the sound and the furniture I saw around me. This wasn't my room.
Then I remembered the night before, lying on the couch, watching a movie after the invitational championship game.
Waiting for Rob.
I glanced over. The TV was off, and a blanket was pulled over my body. Had I slept there all night? Adrenaline flooded my system when I realized Rob must have found me like this.
Another knock. It was coming from the front door.
I jumped up, dragged my fingers through my hair, and rushed to the peephole. I cursed under my breath when I saw my mom's face distorted through the glass. I swung the door open and tried to sound like I hadn't just woken up.
"Hey, Mom," I threw out my arms and stooped to give her a hug. "Just a second. I need to grab my things."
She frowned. "I've been knocking for almost five minutes. Did you not hear me?"
"Nope. I guess these walls are pretty thick." I invited her in, then escaped into my room.
I used the washroom first, noticing that Rob's toiletries now sat on the edge of the tub. I wondered what time he was leaving today. After washing my hands, I threw all of my toiletries in my waterproof case and grabbed my backpack and violin from behind the door. My suitcase was already out in the entryway.
Surprisingly, my makeup hadn't smeared during the night, so I didn't bother washing and reapplying, especially since my mom was already antsy. I paused and grabbed Logan’s bracelet from the shelf in the washroom. I slipped it in my pocket. I’d put it on in the car.
Mom stood next to the island when I reentered the room. "Have you had breakfast?" she asked. I shook my head, and her face brightened. "Perfect. I was thinking we could stop at a brunch place my friend recommended."
My stomach grumbled. "Sounds great." I grabbed my purse and moved to extend the handle on my suitcase. My mom took it for me out the door.
I probably should have cleaned out the fridge. Didn't even occur to me until right that second.
"Here. Just a second, Mom." I turned back, set down my violin and toiletry case, and rounded the island to grab a notepad and pen. I scrawled out a message to Rob:
Hope you have a good break.
I chewed my lower lip, the pen pausing above the paper. Words flooded my head.
You played amazing last night. I'm sorry about the loss. That call in the third period was bullshit. I'm sorry I fell asleep.
Finally, I wrote,
At least you'll have the washroom to yourself, but I'm sorry I didn't clean my food out of the fridge. Take whatever you want.
I set the pen down and turned back to the front door. He had my email. If he needed to get in contact.
My mom gave me a look like, "Are you finally ready?" I grabbed my bags and slapped a smile on my face, then followed her out to the car.
I immediately asked her about my dad, and she filled me in as we drove toward the highway. He was tired but recovering well. All of his numbers looked good. The way she was describing everything in such vague terms did not breed confidence that she actually knew what she was talking about.
When I asked her how she was holding up, she gave a small smile and launched into everything she was doing to prepare for Christmas. I started to zone out around cookie tin prices going up, and a shortage of cloves in our local grocery store. Then she said something that made my ears perk up.
"I hope you don't mind. We're going to have you in your old room instead of the guest bedroom."
I turned to look at her. "No. That's fine. Is there something wrong with it?"
Mom kept her eyes trained on the road. Both hands clamped on the wheel, and my heart started to race.
"No. Nothing wrong with it. We just needed to use it for our other guests."
My eyes narrowed. "You didn't tell me we were having other people over for Christmas."
She smiled a little too brightly. "Well, it was kind of a last-minute thing. I got a call from your aunt Rosemary last Wednesday."
Ice slid down my spine. "Aunt Rosemary is coming?"
"No." She waved me off. "This is something I don't want you telling anybody else, but you know Aunt Rosemary is getting divorced." I nodded.
"Well, it's getting nasty. She's not in a good place."
I frowned, trying to figure out how this had anything to do with extra guests at Christmas. I hadn't talked to my aunt Rosemary since I left the house, and I would have preferred if that vow of non contact would’ve occurred much earlier than that.
"Anyway, she wondered if we'd be able to have the kids at our house for Christmas."
My body went rigid. My mouth, dry. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Mom blew out a breath.
"It doesn't have to be a big deal. They're going to stay in the basement bedroom."
Not a big deal. My hands were shaking. I clasped them in my lap. The edges of my vision lighting up.
"Is Eric going to be there?"
My mom opened her mouth and then closed it. I blew out a breath and squeezed my eyes shut, dropping my head back against the headrest.
"Sharla. It's been six years."
"I don't care how long it's been. He abused me as a kid, Mom."
"Well, we still don't know."
"Don't know what? Just because you and Dad don't seem to know exactly what happened, I do."
"Sharla—"
"No." I cut her off, my chest so tight I could barely breathe. "Is he already there?"
"He and Megan drove in yesterday."
He was there. At my house. With my sister sleeping upstairs.
I turned my face to look out the window, not wanting her to see the angry tears pooling in my eyes. I couldn't do this. I wasn't going to drive home and spend my entire Christmas break in a house with him—to sit across the dinner table, to wake up on Christmas morning and have him sitting next to the Christmas tree.
I couldn’t feel my hands. “You have to tell him to go.” How could she not see how dangerous this was? How could she put another daughter in danger?
"Sharla, I'm serious.”
"I can't be in the same house as him. You can get him a hotel or something."
"Sharla, we're not going to get him a hotel. Do you know how much that would cost? You'll be on separate floors."
I was going to pass out. My lungs refused to fill. My hands and toes were starting to tingle.
"Stop the car."
"Sharla—"
"Mom, stop the car!"
She pulled over, her tires screeching, as she pulled into the parking lot of a gas station. As soon as the vehicle stopped moving, I threw open the door and stumbled toward the fence, crouching over my knees and throwing up in the gravel. I stood there watching the tears drip from the end of my nose.
A few seconds later, my mom appeared next to me, handing me a napkin. I wiped my mouth.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I thought it would be better to talk about it in person."
I let out a sardonic laugh. "There is no better time to talk about this, Mom. I can't be there with him."
"Well, then what am I supposed to do? I already told them they could stay."
I stalked back to the car and opened the back seat. I pulled out the gift bag with my parents' present in it and set it on the front seat, then pulled out my toiletry kit and purse and moved to the trunk.
"Sharla, what are you doing?"
"I'm not going to the house."
“You're being dramatic."
A switch flipped inside of me, turning my panic into raw anger. I yanked open the trunk and pulled my suitcase out. I couldn’t go back there. I hated myself for it. For not running to Red Deer and yanking my sister out of the house.
"Yep. Super dramatic. How ridiculous that I don't want to spend three weeks in the same house with the boy who shoved his hand in my underwear in the middle of the night when I was thirteen.”
My mom's face went white as she scanned the parking lot, gauging how many strangers had just heard that sentence.
"Don't cause a scene."
"Oh. Sure. You're right. Let's just sweep this under the rug and stay one happy family. Right, Mom?"
I dropped my suitcase to the pavement and slammed the trunk closed. “I swear, if you don’t tell Isabel to lock her door, I’ll—” I sucked in a breath and dragged my things toward the convenience store across from the pumps.
"Sharla!”
“Merry Christmas, Mom. I love you. Give Dad a hug for me," I snapped.
I didn't look back until I was inside the store. A man in yellow coveralls and a trucker hat held the door for me, and I walked to the back near the Coca-Cola products. I watched out the window, my vision blurring. My mom's car sat in her parking spot.
That's when I started to cry. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I’d just ruined Christmas. Completely blown it apart. My dad had just gotten out of the hospital, and I wasn’t going to go home for the holiday?
I pressed the back of my hand against my mouth to keep from “making a scene.” I could walk back out there. Apologize. Tell her I was overreacting and ride with her back to the house.
She’d driven all the way here. She was probably angry and disappointed in me. Annoyed I couldn’t just suck it up for a couple of weeks.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn’t do it.
Just the idea of seeing his face slammed me back onto my grandma’s linoleum floor. Leaned over the toilet. Heaving up stomach acid.
Mom got out once and looked at the store. She tapped her foot. Crossed her arms over her chest.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Then she got in and pulled out of the parking lot.
What was I going to do? I was standing with a suitcase in a shithole of a gas station. Maddie was already at the airport by now, and Crystal was probably on her way to BC. I didn't have Lily or Caleb's number, and it wasn't like I could find a computer and email them.
Then my heart started to slow. My breathing deepened.
I did have one number.
Memorized.