Chapter 32
Chapter
Thirty-Two
I gripped the steering wheel, my hands ten and two and knuckles white as I pulled Logan's truck to the curb. I stared at the big brick house ahead of me. I turned off the engine, and the sudden silence amplified the pounding of my heart.
This was it. I’d spoken the words, but if I got out of this truck, I would be putting the final nail in the coffin on my relationship with Logan.
It wasn’t that I worried I’d change my mind. I knew I wouldn’t. But even though I knew it was the right choice, it was still scary as hell. A month ago, I thought I knew what my life would look like. I had it all planned out. Instead, starting with this moment and all the seconds, minutes, days, and months ahead of it, I was staring at a blank sheet of paper.
I slumped forward, resting my forehead on the wheel as tears spilled over onto my cheeks. I grieved the end of that relationship. The end of the life I’d envisioned and the person I thought I was. The end of my living situation with that nice townhouse and my own washroom. That part was petty, but it was still depressing.
Now, all I had was a suitcase and a headache. I had no idea where I was going to live or what I was going to do.
I sucked in a breath and took inventory.
Okay. So I’d stolen a truck. I was homeless. And I was sitting on the curb in front of a veritable party house full of guys who played on every Douglas sports team.
What. Was. I. Going. To. Do.
I jolted at a tap on my window and straightened, swiping the backs of my hands over my cheeks. When I finally looked up, relief swept over me like a winter Chinook.
It was Rob.
His eyes searched mine through the glass, and the tortured expression on his face made my heart ache. He opened the truck door, and I fell into his arms. For the first time I wasn’t holding him because I needed comfort. I wasn’t questioning whether it was okay to be this close to another guy or berating myself for feeling something for a person other than Logan.
I sank into him, burrowing my head against his chest and drinking him in. His scent, his warmth, his solid muscle and slow breath.
"I’m sorry," I mumbled into his shoulder. "I'm always such a mess when you find me."
Rob tightened his grip, his breath warm against my temple. "Can you stop being so Canadian? Apologizing for things you didn’t even cause?"
I laughed, twisting my fingers in his shirt. I wanted to crawl inside of it. To lie next to him, skin to skin. To talk for hours and tell him everything that was running through my head.
I’d never felt such a magnetic pull to strip down. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. It was terrifying and intoxicating, and I had no idea whether it was good or safe or smart. All I knew was that I wanted Rob to see every part of me. All the parts I’d hidden. All the pieces I’d pretended away.
“You’re in Logan’s truck.” Rob’s voice was low as he ran his hand over my back. I nodded. “But there’s no Logan.”
I exhaled. “Damn it, you noticed that?”
Rob chuckled, then stilled when he turned his head and looked in the back seat. “You have a suitcase.”
I pulled back, tilting my chin up to look at him. “I hoped?—”
“Are things with Logan . . . Does he know?”
I reached up and ran my thumb over his brow. “He came home today. We talked.”
Rob’s throat worked. “You saw the picture?”
I blinked. “ You saw the picture?”
He grabbed my hand and moved like he was going to press my fingertips to his lips. Instead, he slowly lowered it back to his chest. “Everyone did. Rory had to tie me to a chair to keep me from breaking down your door and kicking Logan’s ass.”
I blew out a breath. “An hour ago, I would’ve let you.”
Rob wrapped his hand over mine and held it to his chest. “And now?”
I wet my lips. “I think . . . I learned a lot while he was gone. I think I was a little bit grateful to have proof that what I was feeling wasn’t just in my head.” I met Rob’s eyes. “It’s easy for me to question my version of reality. To wonder if I’m overreacting, especially when what I feel isn’t convenient for other people.” Rob listened, his eyes dark, liquid pools, and I knew I didn’t need to give more of an explanation. “I told him it was over.”
His nostrils flared, and he crushed me to his chest. “Did he believe you?”
I blew out a breath. “Maybe not until I stole his truck?”
Rob laughed, squeezing tighter. “You can stay.” His words came out in a rush, his chest rising and falling in quick succession. “Unless you were hoping?—”
“With you.” The words were a plea, the whispered prayer I’d kept in my heart the whole drive over.
Rob ran his hands over me like he was trying to memorize the shape of my spine, then released me so he could open the back door. I pulled out my backpack, violin case, and purse while he grabbed my suitcase, then we walked up the steps to the house.
The house was quiet, a stark contrast to the chaos in my mind. We stepped into a living room that looked completely different from Halloween. The furniture was back in place, and there weren't people dancing on the coffee table.
I stopped short when I saw a group of guys sitting on the couch and chairs in the living room. Rory and Axel looked up, and their faces immediately morphed from pissed off to concerned.
"Sharla, are you okay?" Rory shot up from the couch. "Where the hell is Logan?"
I swallowed hard. "He's . . . at his house."
Axel shook his head. “So it’s true?"
My heart started to pound. Rob hadn’t been exaggerating when he said everyone saw that paper. “Logan didn’t sleep with anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.” I wasn’t going to protect him, but I also wasn’t going to throw gasoline on the rumour coals already glowing. “He just has other priorities right now.”
They looked down, taking in my suitcase. “You have company tonight, Thompson?” Rory asked, the corner of his mouth quirking.
Rob’s grip on the handle of my suitcase tightened. “Yeah. Possibly for longer than that.”
Heat rushed to my face. “I don’t mean to impose, I just don’t have anywhere to go right now, but I’m working on?—”
Rory held up a hand and stood, then crossed the living room in three steps and pulled me into a bear hug. “Stay as long as you want, Shar.”
I grunted as another set of arms wrapped around us. “Group hug,” Axel announced. “Except for Rob. You stay the hell out of this.”
I laughed, gasping for breath, then jolted when someone’s hand yanked Logan’s keys from my pocket.
“I’ll be taking those.” Rory grinned as they both let go of me.
Axel’s eyes widened. He stalked to the window and peered out. "You took his truck? Sharla, you badass." He turned back and motioned for Tim and Bear on the couch to get up. "Let's go, boys. Time for a little chat."
I breathed out a shaky laugh. "Please don't kill him."
"Don’t worry, we won't." Rory gave me a mischievous grin. "But we might make him wish we did."
I shook my head. "I’m pretty sure he’s already having a terrible night."
Rory clapped me on the shoulder, and I felt like I would crash through the floorboards. “He’s called us out on plenty of shit. Our turn to repay the favour.” They didn’t even bother grabbing coats, just clomped out of the house, the door slamming closed behind them.
The house seemed to exhale, the walls settling around me. Rob reached out and took my hand.
"You okay?" His voice broke through my thoughts.
I nodded, staring out the window as Logan’s truck pulled away from the curb. "Yeah. Just processing."
He stepped closer, his presence warm and solid next to me. "Thank you for coming here. I was worried about you."
Something swooped low in my belly. I turned, allowing him to draw me closer. “Thank you for making this the only place I wanted to be.”
Rob’s eyes grew glassy. He cleared his throat, then nodded toward the stairs. “You want to put all this luggage down?”
“Mmm. Super sexy pickup line. How long have you been working on that?”
Rob smirked. “Since I watched you pack an instrument to and from campus every day for a year.”
My face squinched. “With that much time, I feel like it could’ve been better.”
Rob laughed, then tugged me toward the stairs. The house was old, the floorboards creaking under our feet as we walked up one flight of stairs and down the hall to his room. The hallway walls were painted a faded white, and the wood trim was chipped and worn. There were a few framed posters of Calgary monuments, but otherwise, the decor was minimal.
Rob pushed open a door to reveal a small bedroom. His bed was pushed against one wall, a single nightstand next to it. Across from the bed was a dresser with a mirror, and a closet door stood slightly ajar.
"It's not much, but it's home for now," he said, stepping inside and motioning for me to follow.
I walked in and looked around. "It's cozy."
Rob chuckled and set my suitcase next to the wall. "That's one way to put it."
I turned to him. "Where's the washroom?"
He pointed to a door across the hall. "Shared with Rory and Bear. Keeps things interesting."
I laughed. "I bet."
Rob sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at me. "Not quite as nice as our previous accommodations.”
I set down my backpack and violin case, then walked over and sat next to him. “The mattress is nice.” I ran my hands over his comforter.
“Hmm. Super sexy pickup line. How long?—”
I smacked him, and Rob caught my arm, pulling me down on the bed next to him. We adjusted until we lay side by side, his arm under my head, curving around my side.
My hands trembled. My heart raced like I'd downed five cups of coffee, and I had no idea what to do with myself. I wanted to be close to Rob. That much was clear. But I was also emotionally compromised, and I had no idea if this was the right moment to act on my attraction.
“I’m sorry I was rude,” Rob said, his hand running up and down my arm.
“You were rude?” I allowed my hand to wander over his chest, electricity flaring against my fingertips as I felt the outline of his pec, the dip before his shoulder started.
“Yeah. I was.” Rob drew in a breath. “When I found out you read the letter.”
I considered this. “I don’t think you were rude. I was the one who broke the rules.”
“I regretted walking away from you. And then when you left?—”
I smoothed my hand up to his neck, running my hands over his jaw. “I’m sorry you had to spend Christmas alone. I thought of you the whole time I was at Crystal’s. But I didn’t want to . . . I didn’t want to be disloyal to Logan.” I pushed myself a little higher so I could see his face.
Rob smoothed the hair from my forehead. “I shouldn’t have given you a massage.”
“Uh, no. You shouldn’t have.”
Rob laughed out loud. “I wanted to touch you so damn bad. I was making up excuses.”
“I’ve never been that turned on in my life.” I stilled, realizing what I’d just admitted.
Rob’s smile faded. “Is that true?”
My heart suddenly felt like it belonged to a bird or a rabbit. Beating so fast, I was sure it was going to short circuit. “It’s true.”
Rob pushed up on his elbow, laying my head on his pillow and curling his body until he looked down into my face. “I don’t expect anything. Just because you’re staying here. You know that, right?”
I nodded, my mouth so dry, I could barely swallow. “I think—I might need some time.” The second it left my lips, I hated myself for saying it. I didn’t want time. I wanted to pull off Rob’s shirt and press my face up against every square centimetre of his skin. I wanted to pick up right where we left off in our living room.
But even though I was sure Logan and I weren’t getting back together, I wasn’t sure what I’d be feeling in the morning.
“Yeah, of course.” Rob dropped back to the pillow. “Whatever you need.”
I reached up and turned his face to mine. “What about what you need? I don’t want this to hurt. I know you’ve been hurting, and?—”
“No.” Rob slid a hand over my waist. “Having you here is . . . “ He let out a shaky exhale. “More than I ever could’ve asked for.” His fingers tightened against my hip. “But don’t take that as me being satisfied. I’m saying I’ve waited a year, and I’ll wait as long as you need. But you know how I feel, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Heat flared within me, zinging through my middle and hitting the ends of my fingers and toes before snapping back and humming through my hips and thighs. I wasn’t satisfied either. And I was pretty sure we both knew it.
Rob’s jaw tensed, and then he forced himself from the bed. “I got you something. For Christmas.”
I frowned. “You got me a present?”
Rob sat up and put his feet on the floor. "Yeah. I wasn’t going to give it to you and make things weird, but—" He crossed the room, and my curiosity was piqued.
Rob pulled open his dresser and rifled through his clothes. I heard the crinkle of a plastic bag, then he turned and walked back to the bed. He pulled something out. A rectangular black box.
He returned to the bed and sat next to me. When he saw my face, he smirked. “It’s not jewelry.”
I pursed my lips. Had it been that obvious that I didn’t like the bracelet? Rob handed me the box. I drew a breath, then opened the lid.