26. Calla
TWENTY-SIX
CALLA
The morning after the awards show, I’m up early for a workout and breakfast with Luke. Then, we’re promptly taken to a studio to work on a few songs that my label wanted me to try. They’re not songs that I’ve written, which makes me wonder if they heard my recent stuff and didn’t like it.
The songs they had me sing are very pop, which is fine, but it wasn’t really what I was trying to do with my next album. I want people to feel when they listen to these songs, whether it’s heartbreak, love, or anger. Just something that connects with their hearts.
But my label wants catchy songs people can dance to. I get it. It’s what I’ve kind of always done and what they know will make them money. So, I sing the songs and do what I’m asked. There’s no point in arguing with them. At the end of the day, I don’t get to make the decisions. It’s part of my contract that the label gets the final say on song choice for each album.
Maybe one day I’ll get to put out an album of all the songs I want. A pipe dream, I know. But I have to hold out hope, or I don’t think I’ll be able to keep going.
After spending hours in the studio, Luke and I have afternoon tea, which is so fun for me. Turns out Luke isn’t much of a tea drinker but he does enjoy the little sandwiches and the scones. Afterward, we go back to the hotel to get ready for the West End show Ashley got us tickets to.
Ashley has a short black dress sent to the room that Luke helps me put on, while he wears a black suit that I love on him.
Tonight, we forego trying to be discreet. We’re spotted walking into the theater, but Luke keeps an appropriate distance from me. People call my name, and someone asks me to sign their shirt for them before we make it through the theater doors.
“Do you ever get tired of people yelling your name and taking your picture?” Luke asks once we’re seated in our box.
I shrug. “Not really. I mean, I guess it depends on the situation. If I was trying to not be noticed and someone didn’t respect my privacy, I would be upset. But I understand that people get excited when they see me.”
“I feel like I’d be so exhausted having to cater to people all the time.”
“Yeah, that frown of yours isn’t very approachable anyway.” He squeezes my thigh, making me laugh. “Most of my fans are so sweet. I mean, they’re the ones who stream my music and buy my albums. I feel like if they want a picture or my autograph, it’s the least I can do.”
“You’re too good for this world, Calla.”
I lean toward him and give him a quick kiss on the lips.
Shortly after we’re seated, the show starts. I’ve seen Wicked once before on Broadway. It’s one of my favorite productions. Luke informed me on the way here that he’d never seen a show in a theater before. My heart squeezes for a young Luke. It sounds like his mom was trying her hardest to keep a roof over her son’s head. I wish I could hug her and thank her for raising him to be such an incredible man.
As much as Luke will tell me he doesn’t want it, I like to buy him things. Even if it’s not actual things but experiences like this or going to the beach for the first time. I want to be the one to give him that. I know he wouldn’t let me do it if he knew what I was actually doing. I played off tonight by saying I wanted to see this show, so he obviously had to accompany me, even though Ashley actually offered to come with me and arrange for Luke to wait outside our box. I turned that option down really quick. Thankfully, Ashley didn’t look like she cared either way. I think she was hoping for a night off by herself anyway.
I want to give Luke special nights like this. I hate that it’s under the ruse that he’s my bodyguard when I’d much rather it be a fun date night, but I’ll take what I can get.
I watch the show, but I also watch Luke’s face throughout the performance. He goes from being completely indifferent to actually smiling by the end of it. He claps loudly once the curtain closes and looks at me with an almost boyish grin.
“That was better than I thought it was going to be,” he admits.
“I told you. Wicked is one of my favorites, but I saw The Lion King when I was in London a few years ago and it was fantastic, too.”
“I can see why people love it so much.” He leans over and cups my chin before bringing me in for a kiss. “Thanks for bringing me with you.”
I smile and kiss him once more before we make our way out of the theater. We’re shown to the back entrance, where a car is waiting for us. There are also at least twenty people waiting outside the door.
A few of the younger girls start crying when they see me so I make an effort to stop and take a picture with them even though I know Luke gets more nervous the longer I stay out here. He guards my body the entire time until he’s practically pushing me into the back seat of the car.
“That was fun,” I say, straightening my dress as I get situated.
“You’re trying to give me a heart attack, aren’t you?”
“Me?” I ask in mock confusion. “Of course not.”
He tells the driver where we’re going. I had asked to go to a pub for dinner tonight, but both Ashley and Luke said absolutely not. Luke said there are too many drunks, and it becomes more of a security risk. So, instead, we’re headed to a fine dining restaurant. Which is fine, but I guess I’d rather have fish and chips and a pint just so I can say I’ve done it. But I won’t push it.
We’re sat in the back of the restaurant in a semi private corner booth where I take full advantage of snuggling up to Luke. If my head isn’t on his shoulder, my hand is resting on his leg or my arm is linked with his.
I have several glasses of champagne, something I don’t normally do. Luke has none because he’s technically on duty, but he watches me with a smirk and will occasionally lean over and kiss my forehead or the tip of my nose. It feels like it’s just the two of us in our own little bubble.
I couldn’t tell you what we ate for dinner. The alcohol running through my system has made me overly emotional, and all I want to do is situate myself on Luke’s lap and let him hold me, but since we’re in a public place, he keeps my butt firmly on my own seat.
After dinner, we leave through the back door of the restaurant where our car is again waiting. The driver opens the door for us, but before I can get in, Luke takes my hand, twirling me into his body.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening, Calla.”
He kisses me before I can say anything and before I even know what’s happening, he’s helping me into the car.
Once we’re back in our room, Luke heads to the fridge to grab me a water bottle while I stand in front of the giant window overlooking the city. I don’t know why my mind starts to wander: maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the company, maybe it’s because my tour is almost over, and the nagging feeling of Luke leaving is lurking in my mind. But I start wondering about what’s next for me.
I have a great life. I know that so many people would kill for my life. But lately, I’ve been feeling like something is missing, and as much as I try, I can’t get the feeling to go away.
Luke comes up behind me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist. He nudges my head to the side with his nose so he can kiss my neck.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, pulling me tight to his body.
Normally, I would say “nothing” or “just things,” but tonight, I want to tell him, so I do. “Do you ever think you’ll get married or have kids?”
I realize that I was worried he would tense up or pull away from me with the topic of marriage, but he doesn’t. He puts his chin on my shoulder so we’re both looking out into the city.
“If you would’ve asked me that a few months ago, I would’ve said no. But now, I do want that. I do want to get married. I want to watch my wife’s belly swell with my babies. I want a house with land where my kids can run around.”
I smile, picturing him as a dad running around with his kids, swooping them up from the grass and flying them around. It brings a smile to my face. But that quickly fades when I realize he can have that dream, but I won’t be a part of that.
“I can see that for you,” I tell him.
“Good. Do you see yourself by my side?” he asks.
I shake my head slowly, trying to swallow back the sting of tears in my eyes.
“Why is that, Calla?”
“How can I? You’ve seen my life. You’ve seen what’s required of me. You think they’ll let me get married to someone who doesn’t somehow elevate me in the world of Hollywood?”
Again, he remains so relaxed against my body. “Calla, maybe it’s time you take what you want.”
“I-I can’t,” I say, a single tear rolling down my cheek.
“You can, baby. You can.” He spins me around so I’m facing him. The pad of his thumb wipes away my tears. “I want this. With you. I want to marry you. I want you to have my babies. I want that with you because I love you, Calla. I never stood a chance with you. You didn’t just steal my heart, you yanked it out of my fucking chest, and I’m so damn glad you did.”
I choke on a sob. He loves me. It’s such a relief hearing him say that.
“I love you, too, Luke. You are everything I never knew I needed. Don’t give up on me.”
He tips my chin up and kisses me. “You’re going to marry me one day, Calla. I’ve never been one to go down without a fight.”
He squats down a bit and lifts me up into his arms. He carries me to the bedroom and sets me down on the bed. I sit silently while I watch him remove his suit.
“I am the luckiest man in the world.” He comes behind me and slowly unzips my dress. I let him take it off, standing only to get it all the way off.
He situates himself at the head of the bed. “Come here, baby.”
I crawl across the bed to him, straddling his lap. He pulls my mouth down to him and kisses me slowly like this is the first time all over again. Our tongues meld together as his hands trail over my body, touching me everywhere. And yet, it doesn’t feel like enough. It never feels like I have enough of him. I have an overwhelming need to be enveloped in his arms and heart and soul.
He guides my hips to his cock and slides me down until he completely fills me.
We sit like that for a few moments, him looking up at me and me looking down at him. Relishing in the fullness of him inside me.
I slowly start moving, taking my time to get a good rhythm that satisfies us both. This isn’t a quick thing. We’re not in a hurry. He’s letting me take his body nice and slow. He’s trusting me with his heart.
Every rub of my clit on his skin feels like an electric shock to my body. Every time his mouth sucks on my nipple, it feels like my body is no longer mine. It’s Luke’s, and he knows exactly what I need.
Eventually, he flips me onto my back, giving him a better angle to play with my clit. He kisses me again and my emotions get the better of me. I can’t stop the tears from falling. Luke doesn’t question them, and I have to think it’s because he feels this way, too. That we are meant to be together.
“God, I’m so in love with you, Calla.”
I believe it. I feel his love in his words, his movements, the way he cups my cheek and kisses the tears away.
A few more circles on my clit, and I’m coming. He follows, and I feel his warmth flood inside of me. His body collapses next to me, and he pulls me close to him and holds me.
And for once I feel like maybe everything will be ok.