Chapter 16 #2
‘What was it like to grow up with so many brothers and sisters?’
‘Noisy,’ he says. ‘But that’s what I was used to, so I didn’t think much of it when I was growing up. I was the one who always talked about travelling and now everyone else is doing it.’
‘You miss them?’ I ask. ‘Or you’re jealous?’
He nods, scratching his chin. ‘Ach, a bit of both, I suppose. I went from a family of ten to just me in the space of a couple of years. It’s been too quiet since they all buggered off. I hate the silence.’
‘I grew up in silence,’ I confess. ‘I would have loved to have a big, bustling family growing up. I always wanted siblings, but Mum and Dad were ‘one and done’. I’m not even sure they really wanted me, if I’m honest. My granny was different, though.
She loved having me around. She wasn’t married when she had my dad.
I think it was a bit of a scandal for a while.
Dad couldn’t wait to leave Ullapool. He was out of here as soon as he turned sixteen. ’
‘No wonder your granny wanted you around, if your dad left when he was so young. She would have been delighted with your company and how you’ve turned out. Your parents must be too.’
I shrug. ‘Nope. My parents wanted me to follow in their footsteps and work in finance. I was a disappointment for choosing marketing. They’re horrified that I’m here right now. They think I’m ruining my life.’
‘Starting your own business and buying your own flat? Yeah, you’re pure trash. There’s no coming back from that,’ he says with a grin.
‘I know, it’s just not the way they do things. They wanted me to get married and settle down in London and I was on the cusp of it. When it fell apart, Mum was more devastated than I was.’
‘You were about to get married?’
‘Well, he hadn’t asked me, but yes, it was on the cards.’
I don’t know why I’m talking about Seb again to Rory. I wish I could keep my mouth shut.
‘What would you have done with the shop? If you’d got it,’ I say.
‘I was going to make it into a studio and gallery to exhibit my stuff and work by local artists,’ he admits. ‘I thought I could paint there when my parents took over The Toolbox again.’
‘I’m sorry I stamped all over your dream.’
‘It just wasn’t meant to be.’
‘I’m still sorry.’
We sit in silence, staring out to sea, until Rory offers me a chocolate biscuit from his stash.
The American tourists appear and start to chat with him, so I make my way up to the deck to look at the view.
The captain offers the three young boys the chance to steer the boat and they squeal in delight.
I watch the boys jumping up and down with excitement.
Seb and I had talked about having children.
He wanted one child, but I wanted two. At least. Only children are lonely; I know that better than anyone.
Just nine months ago, ironically, Seb asked how long we should wait to have a child.
How had everything changed so drastically in such a short period of time?
Macy never wanted children. She always said it would be too much responsibility for her. I wonder if she’s told Seb. Maybe it’s not even an issue. Maybe Seb loves her so much he doesn’t care.
I shiver, and not just because it is freezing. I can’t think about them any more. As I check my phone, I realize the tour will soon end. Two hours have passed by in a flash.
‘Ava!’ Rory comes pounding up the stairs to the top desk, where I’m sitting alone. ‘Look!’
I frown as the wind whips my hair around my face. ‘What is it? I can’t see anything.’
He stands behind me and leans close so his head is just above my shoulder, his breath tickling my ear, as he points out to sea. I follow his finger, ignoring the strange somersaults my stomach is doing at his sudden touch.
‘Dolphins!’ I gasp, as he smiles widely.
‘You see them?’
I grab my phone to capture them. I yelp in delight as the dolphins leap out of the water, sending huge splashes curling into the air around them.
‘I see them!’
It is the most magnificent display I’ve ever witnessed.
The dolphins are so close that I feel like I can reach out and touch them.
It is awe-inspiring. Tears spring into my eyes.
Forget Seb. Forget Macy. This is why I came back to Ullapool.
This is magical. The surprise of new experiences is cushioned by the memories and sense of belonging that stem from my summers here.
As I watch the dolphins surge in and out of the vast expanse of water, I feel grateful for the time spent here.
I glance up at Rory, my mouth wide open. ‘It’s amazing.’
He nods. ‘It is.’
I shiver, gazing out at sea, and feel his cheek close to mine. As I turn, I realize he is wrapping the tartan blanket around my shoulders. I look up into his eyes. He gazes back at me, his lips parted slightly.
He’s going to kiss me. Or maybe I’m going to kiss him, I’m not sure which.
I haven’t kissed anyone other than Seb in years.
Will it be a full-on snog, like Jen and Evan, around the back of our shops?
Will I melt into him, as easily as I did with Seb on our first kiss?
This is crazy. I thought Rory hated me, and now here he is, staring at me, moving closer to my lips.
It’s this place. Being somewhere new, on the water, far away from everyone.
As the thoughts whizz through my head, a child screams at the top of his lungs, ‘I wanna swim with the dolphins!’
Rory’s gaze is immediately torn away from mine as the young boy bounces at our feet, snot flying from his nose. His mother comes hurtling up the stairs and grabs hold of him by the shoulders.
‘You do not run away from Mummy. Do you hear me?’ She kneels down beside him, then looks up at us. ‘I’m so sorry! He kept saying someone in his class swam with dolphins and he wanted to get in the water with them too. I thought he was going to jump overboard!’
‘I want to swim!’ he insists, as he stamps his feet and dissolves into a series of uncontrollable sobs.
‘I mean, I totally get where he’s coming from,’ I say with a smile. ‘I want to swim with them too.’
‘Five minutes until we head back,’ the tour guide informs us. ‘Please gather your belongings.’
The moment, if there was one, has passed.
‘That was… brilliant,’ I say, avoiding Rory’s eye.
He whistles, completely nonchalant. Maybe I imagined the whole thing.
It was such an intense moment, in my head at least, but it’s possible that I’d built it up into something more than it was.
I’d been thinking about Seb, stupidly, and our failed future.
About children. And where I belong. Maybe I was trying to convince myself, for a second, that I could move on.
I hand Rory the blanket he’d wrapped around my shoulders. I hadn’t imagined that part, at least.
He nods and throws me a smile. ‘It was worth it to hear you squealing like a five-year-old.’
‘Ah, come on, that was incredible! We just saw freaking dolphins! Anyone who doesn’t squeal like a child when they see that is dead inside. Dead! Even you looked like you loved it, and you’ve got a black soul.’
‘Excuse me, I think you’ll find it’s more verging on grey,’ he says. ‘Like your ex’s walls.’
‘Verging on grey,’ I repeat. ‘That would be the title of his autobiography.’
He laughs at that. As we disembark from the boat, Lynnette and Melissa call a goodbye to Rory and I throw a wave in their direction before we walk back towards our shops. We stand outside, unsure how to end the day.
‘Back to reality,’ he says.
‘At least we managed to stop arguing for a while. So that’s a bonus.’
‘Verging on… friends?’
Friends. Sure, that’s better than hating each other. I nod.
‘Right. I’ve got to go and get ready. The breakup bookshop is meeting here this evening. Why don’t you pop your head in?’
He grunts. ‘No thanks.’
‘Ah, come on. I thought we were friends now?’
‘Verging on friends. Anyway, sorry, I’m washing my hair tonight. Good luck with it, though.’