Chapter 18
”Ithink I”m going to leave tonight,” I told Anna as I sifted through the clothes that I had hung in the closet.
”What? So soon? Why?” she asked.
I sighed, contemplating her question as I listened to the clanging of pots and her chopping things in the kitchen. I couldn”t help but wish I was there with her, in this moment, safe and clear-headed, not tormented by anxiety and regret.
I didn”t regret my time with him. How could I? It was amazing. However, I regretted that I han’t controlled myself better. I felt as though I had lost something, suspecting that I might never find out what it was, was troubling to say the least.
”I spent money on clothes,” I told Anna, opting for the politically correct answer. ”Yet I still don”t think I fit in. Every time I meet someone new, I feel as though they”re looking down at me, wondering about what the hell I am wearing.”
”Oh my God,” she said. ”That can”t be right. Maybe you”re reading too much into it?”
I was definitely reading too much into it. Under normal circumstances, none of this would have bothered me. I was there to do a job I was grateful for, caring deeply for it, so who the hell cared what anyone thought about me? The truth was that I was running... from what I had started, from myself.
I had boldly told Drake that I didn”t want anything to happen again, yet I couldn”t get him off my mind for even a moment. I should have been worried about us being caught for being too passionate in the library, yet I was concerned about how I would keep myself from jumping him the next time I saw him.
”I”m not reading too much into it,” I told her. ”I just... I was right to stick to smaller weddings.”
”You mean a lower circle?” she said, and I immediately began to take offense. I didn”t respond, hoping she would move on to other topics, but she wouldn”t let me.
”I would never have pegged you for this kind of person, Anna,” I said, and my heart dropped into my stomach.
”Let”s talk about something else,” I said, but she refused.
”Evelyn,” she said. ”Are you trying to self-sabotage yourself? Is this what”s happening here?”
I sighed and pulled out three outfits for the dinner ahead, still considering whether to attend or not. I laid them down on the bed, momentarily considering ending the call. However, I knew she would haunt me until I picked up again, or she wouldn”t care and not bother to call back, leaving me in a state of confusion and fear.
”I”ve always been sure that passion and interest are what keep you playing small, but now?—”
”I wasn”t playing small,” I complained, but she wasn”t buying it.
”If you weren”t playing small, then what are you doing now, trying to run away from the first big thing you”ve been involved in since you started? Come to think of it, you”ve always said you didn”t like big projects, but why? Because they were too polished? Too fancy? That makes no sense. I mean, you could have made it as rustic as you wanted. Rustic doesn”t mean poor or small; it?—”
”I slept with Drake,” I said, interrupting her, needing her barrage of comments to come to an end.
Whether it was because I didn”t want to hear what she was saying or because they were true and I needed an immediate solution, I couldn”t tell. What I did get, though, was a long minute of silence, which we both needed and appreciated.
”That”s, um...” she eventually found her voice. ”You just got there, didn”t you? A few hours ago?”
”That”s your strategy? To slut-shame me?”
She was amused.
”What”s yours? I mean, when did this even happen? How? I thought you two were mortal enemies. You did that within just a few minutes of seeing him again?”
”It wasn”t a few minutes,” I grumbled.
”But you hate each other!” Her interest grew. ”He kicked you out of his apartment for asking about his sister.”
”Wow, I didn”t know any of these,” I said dryly as I placed the phone on speaker and set it down on the dresser. Then I stood before the bed and spread out all three dresses so I could look at them properly.
”Stop being sarcastic and explain yourself,” she said, and I sighed.
”It happened.”
”It happened?” she asked. ”That”s your defense?”
I sighed again. I knew I didn”t need to tell her the details, but everything was so fuzzy in my head, almost a blur, and I needed to make sense of it. Somehow.
”I wanted to apologize,” I told her. ”It seemed as though he was extremely upset about my presence here because wherever I went, he would seem to get irritated and leave. I didn”t want things to be uncomfortable, so I decided to be the bigger person.”
She went silent again, and in that time, I decided on the outfit for the evening. It was white and a romper, quite ironic given how very black and red I was feeling, but I was hoping it would give me a sense of safety and confidence. I turned around and started to get ready. Since I had chosen what I would wear, I put my hair up in a half-up, half-down style.
When choosing between jewelry, my eyes automatically reached for my daily gold necklace, but another layered beaded pearly ensemble caught my eye.
”Do pearls scream ”makes bad sexual decisions”?” I asked, and she laughed.
I was surprised she was still on the phone, though, but I could hear her moving around, busy and deep in thought as well.
”Sleeping with your boss the moment you meet him is generally not a good decision, yet you can”t just judge this to be a bad one. Plus, your work dynamics are not usual. Anyway, pearls are good. What”s important, though, is how you”re going to handle this. Are you really going to leave? It doesn”t sound like you want to leave.”
”Of course, I don’t want to,” I complained. ”I don”t want to disappoint Aurora, and I want to see this thing to the end. And, of course, give out my cute business cards.”
”The business card idea as Amex business cards is so cute,” she said. ”And their guests are super rich, so they will appreciate it even more.”
I sighed and then unzipped my makeup bag to begin the process of smoothing out my skin and bringing life to my cheeks.
”I say, act like nothing out of the ordinary happened.”
”Um, we were loud,” I said. ”Something definitely happened, and the world has probably heard by now.”
”You don”t know that, and it might not have been you. No one has evidence that you were the one in that library.”
”A man saw,” I replied. ”An older man. I think he was his father or at the very least an uncle. He is shorter and smaller in stature than Drake, but their facial features are immensely similar.”
”Well, fathers don”t speak carelessly about their son”s private business,” she said. ”So, you have nothing to worry about.”
I stared at myself in the mirror as I lightly filled in the strokes of my eyebrows.
” You really think I should stay, don”t you?”
”No, I know you want to stay,” she said. ”If you leave now based only on assumption alone and not with a real reason like being kicked out or treated badly, then I feel you”ll always wonder what if and you might, in the end, come to regret it. You know how much I hate that; it currently haunts me.”
”I know,” I replied as I dabbed blush on my cheeks and patted it in.
I gave her words some thought, searched my heart, and in the end, decided that she was absolutely right.
”Alright,” I agreed, loving the way I was feeling and looking, even though I was concerned I”d feel too down and afraid to attend tonight.
”I”m ready,” I said. ”I”ll go. I mean, I”ll stay until there”s a real reason to leave.”
”Alright,” she replied.
”Send me a picture and videos,” she said. ”I have nothing interesting to do this week, so I want full updates on your daily shenanigans.”
”Sure,” I smiled and thanked her. Then the call came to an end.