Chapter 23
Iwas making absolutely no sense. I was literally talking to what had to be the most gorgeous man I had ever been in the presence of, and I was babbling away like I didn’t have a lick of sense. I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, I didn”t think I could stop. I knew what I was trying to say … what I was trying to ask, but it didn’t seem as though it would come out. He watched me, and I would have given anything in that moment to know what he was thinking because I was sure it would be along the lines of what a train wreck I was. However, I didn”t want to sound or appear this way. I stopped and straightened my shoulders. Then I said exactly what I wanted to.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked, and the moment it came out, all the anxiety seemed to drain out of me. There was no longer any need to dance around the bush because I needed to know. I also knew what the natural assumption for me asking this question would be, so I immediately countered this and explained myself.
“I”m not asking because… I mean, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. I just don”t want to cross any boundaries. I wouldn’t want to do to someone what I would absolutely hate if it were done to me.”
He watched me, and then he smiled.
“Isnt it too late for such concerns?” he asked, and I sighed.
“It is indeed too late, but I have to still salvage this the best way I can. I was carried away the first time, but it doesn”t mean I have to be again.”
We both went silent, and in the passing moments, I couldn’t believe how worked up I was. It felt good, but it also felt dizzying. There was no doubt in my mind now that I was completely and totally infatuated with him, and it just made me happier that I was addressing the hard matters now. Hopefully, he would tell me that Victoria was right and that he had a girlfriend so that all of this unnecessary inner turmoil would come to an end.
“No,” he replied. “I do not.”
I heard him; however, only when the words came out, did I realize that I hadn’t quite been expecting him to tell the truth. I mean, what man did. However, as I stared into his eyes, I
realized that this wasn’t true. I was expecting him to tell me the truth because why would he lie. He was gorgeous, handsome, unbelievably wealthy, and he was at a freaking wedding party. He could line up all the women here with married and unmarried and take to his bed, and no one would resist or bat an eyelash. Including myself.
But still, and for common sense, I had to ask outright at least once.
”You”re telling the truth, right?” I asked, and he smiled.
“Why would I lie?”
“Yeah, right. I mean, you can sleep with anyone here that you want to probably, so I guess there isn’t really any reason to lie. I just, I just heard that you had one and it made me feel a bit ill. Because I never want to cheat with someone else”s partner. I would absolutely hate it if someone did that to me.”
“You would?” he asked, and I was surprised at his question.
“Of course, I would. You wouldn’t?”
He didn’t respond.
“A lot of women and men, I guess… our generation - they don’t seem to think that way. If someone isn’t married, then no chains are on, apparently.”
“Absolutely motherfucking not,” I refuted this, quite incensed at the fucking ridiculous logic. “If you can”t even fucking respect something as simple as a relationship, then how the fuck do they expect to respect a marriage?” His brows slightly raised at my outburst, making me realize that perhaps I was overreacting.
“Sorry,” I apologized and lowered my head, but he smiled instead.
“You seem to be quite passionate about this topic. I don’t think I pictured you as the cursing type.”
“I only curse when I”m pissed,” I said.
“Oh? Do you have personal experience with this then? Is this why you”re pissed? Do you have a boyfriend? Have you been cheated on before?”
“No, I haven’t,” I replied. “I mean, I don”t know if I have, which is exactly my point. But you know if I was …I would be fucking pissed.”
He smiled again, and it was just so beautiful that I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as well.
“A drink would be great right about now,” he said, and I let out a deep sigh in agreement.
“Exactly. Exactly.”
I expected him then to get up and go on his way, but he didn”t. Instead, he remained seated, and so I was forced to look away.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he said, and I wondered which he was talking about. He repeated it.
”Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked.
“No, I do not.”
“I should believe you, right?” he asked.
“Of course, you should. I mean, I believe you and... the only reason why I even doubted you was because Victo—“ I stopped instantly.
He, however, was more than smart enough to catch onto what I had been about to say.
“Victoria?” he asked. “Why is she coming up again?”
I sighed because I had to accept now that I was part of the problem.
For a long moment, I contemplated telling him about what she had said and decided in the end that there was no point in holding back. The more things were in the open, the better I would be able to navigate whatever this was between us.
“You asked me earlier what she said to me when she came up to me at the bar,” she said, and I nodded.
“Yes.”
“Well, what she came to tell me was that you had a girlfriend. And that basically I should stop building castles in the sky.”
He stared at me, and then he smiled.
“You were building castles in the sky?”
“Absolutely not,” I replied. “I was simply minding my own business, and there she came yet again to bother me. She insisted that I was always seated alone at bars to wait for you to come speak to me and-”
“She’s not wrong.”
“And I was just so irritated by her that-”
His words struck like a gong.
“What?” I asked, and his smile widened even further, literally setting off a colony of butterflies in my stomach. I hated this; I hated this so much.
“She’s not wrong,” he repeated. “I get bored after a while with all the socializing, so naturally, my eyes strayed to the bar. Since you don’t know a lot of people here or anyone for that matter, it”s expected that you would go to the bar to sit in peace.”
“Thank you!” I explained, wondering how he could understand this, but she couldn’t.
“I didn’t have anything to do with you. I mean … no offense, but I just wanted to relax and drink when I went there, yet she was insinuating that I did it to get your attention.”
“She is right as well about that,” he said, and I stopped.
Something about my sullen expression made him laugh out, and the sound was so electric to listen to.
“She’s right?” I asked, nearly out of breath.
“It”s very hard for a man to resist approaching a gorgeous woman sitting alone at the bar. That is the ultimate attention grabber.” Listening to him, I realized he was right, and so I sighed and gave up.
“I”m exhausted,” I said, and he smiled again.
“That’s why I came out here,” he said, his voice lowering even more dangerously. It sounded husky just like it had earlier that evening but was rapidly bringing memories to mind that hit painfully against my stomach.
The flashbacks… fuck! These damned flashbacks.
I couldn’t look away from him or breathe for that matter.
“I didn’t sit there to get your attention,” I said, and he nodded.
“Noted. I”m glad you did, though, because it made you easier to find.”
My gaze couldn’t help then but flutter down to his lips.
“Would setting some ground rules make you consider spending your week with me?” he asked, and my heart dropped into my stomach.
No! I screamed internally because this was exactly what I wanted, yet I knew it was wrong. Or maybe it wasn’t? My head was conflicted, but my heart… my fucking heart as I stared at him.
I looked away then, knowing that I needed to think straight.
“I need time,” I replied.
“Sure,” he said, “You can take as long as you need.”
He rose to his feet then, and I was a bit startled, so I rose as well with him.
He gave me a questioning look, but I couldn’t sit back down because it would feel even more awkward.
“I uh... I’ll be heading in soon as well, but of course, I”ll wait till you”re in. I have work to do.”
“You’ll wait till I go in first because you have work to do?” he asked, and I heard just absolutely how nuts I sounded. I soon decided, though, upon seeing his smirk, that he was for the most part to blame because he was the one intentionally misinterpreting my words. Of course, he knew what I meant. I wanted to hit him, but I simply just shook my head.
“I’ll go in first,” I said and started to leave, but then, before I could get out of reach, he caught my arm once again.