Chapter Ten
A few weeks passed, and Naomi started getting some energy back. She wouldn’t push herself again as she had. The funny thing was she hadn’t thought she was overdoing it.
The atmosphere between them had settled into a nice, calm friendship, which she was glad for because she missed him. Even though he was there, they’d both stood back emotionally, keeping their walls up.
She had a come-to-Jesus meeting with herself. She had decisions and choices. She could either stay with the man she had fallen in love with and have just a friendship, or not have anything to do with him and leave. The thought of never seeing him again made her stomach tighten.
Her decision was she’d take whatever she could get with him.
The sun was coming through the drapes when she made her bed. It was amazing what a little rest could do for a person. She felt energized and ready to tackle the day.
She took the chicken out of the refrigerator and started cleaning it. The feel and the look of it made her stomach heave. She raced for the bathroom and threw up what little was in her stomach. After flushing, she washed her hands and rinsed her mouth out before sitting on the toilet seat.
“Oh God,” she cried and thought back to when they had sex on the kitchen floor. She realized she hadn’t had her period since before that happened, and she should have had two already.
She pressed her face into her hands. She was pregnant. Her hand pressed against her stomach. Having a baby was something she had always dreamed of, but not like this. She’d make sure she was right and run into town with one of the hands and get a test, but she didn’t need it. She knew. Everything she’d been feeling, like the tiredness, nausea, and sensitive breasts, confirmed it.
She took several breaths to help calm her heartbeat. Fear was quickly taking over, and she fought it back. Maybe if he knew about it, he’d be happy.
The rest of the day, one question after another raced through her mind as she cleaned. She got the chicken ready for baking, but it took effort and thinking about anything besides what her hands were doing.
She heard the back door open and then close before turning to see Joe walk in.
“Dinner is about ready,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll clean up and be down.”
She had just finished the potatoes when he sat down.
“Here,” she said and leaned over his shoulder to place it on the table.
He jerked away from her so violently the bowl slipped out of her hand. Fortunately, Joe was able to catch it before it crashed.
She took a few steps back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to touch you. I know you don’t like it.”
He turned toward her. “What does that mean?”
“It’s just you don’t seem to like it when anyone touches you.”
He wiped his hand down. “No, not everyone.”
The pain spread through her and made it hard for her to breathe. “You mean it’s just me you don’t like touching you?”
He turned away. “Can we talk about something else?”
She studied the back of his head. “Why don’t you go ahead and eat? Just leave everything on the table, and I’ll clean up later.”
He grabbed onto her arm as she passed. “Why aren’t you eating with me?”
She wanted to laugh but knew it would come out pathetic. “I lost my appetite.”
Joe released her. “I’m sorry if it’s something I said or did.”
She shook her head. “You can’t help the way you feel. I just feel bad that I make you uncomfortable.”
“I don’t think you realize why?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She turned to go.
“It does matter. We’ll talk about this later,” he said.
She nodded just to get away from him before she broke down.
She made it up to her bathroom, closed the door, grabbed a towel to press her face into, and slid to the floor. Waves of tears and agony went through her.
She had her answer. There was no way she’d tie him to her because of the baby. He’d end up hating her because he would feel he couldn’t find a woman he found attractive. But she didn’t have to stay on the ranch.
Where would she go? She didn’t want to take the baby from him, so she’d have to find a place in the area. She had plenty of money, so she never had to work and could buy whatever house she wanted.
Naomi tried not to think about how she’d feel to have another woman mother the child, but that’s what Joe’s wife would do. She pressed the back of her head against the wall and breathed. She needed to stop thinking that far ahead. The next few days were going to be hard on her, so she had to just get through them.
It was late when she finally made her way down to the kitchen to clean it up. She wanted to make sure he was asleep. Naomi saw that Joe had set all the dishes on the counter for her.
The thought of food made her nauseous, so she didn’t even try to eat anything.
“Hey,” Joe said behind her.
She jumped and steadied herself against the counter. She knew she must look horrible, so she tried to act busy so she didn’t have to face him.
“H-hey,” she said.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Was there anything you needed?”
“I need you to look at me so we can talk.”
“It’s late, Joe. Can we do this another time? I just want to clean up and go to bed.”
He walked closer to her, and she saw him reach out a hand toward her before he stopped.
“Have you been crying?”
She turned her back on him. “No, don’t be silly. I’m just tired.”
He stood behind her for a long time, and she thought he’d keep pushing, but she finally heard his sigh.
“I’m going up. If you need me, just call out.”
She nodded and started rinsing the bowl as he walked away. When she heard his bedroom door close, she turned off the water and leaned against the counter.
She could not live with him, knowing she was making him uncomfortable. This was his home.
Several hours later, she lay awake trying to come up with a plan, and the sooner, the better. It didn’t matter that her heart was breaking. She’d live and go on and be the best mom she could be.