Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
Bailey
I needed to go home. I needed to wrap up my visit to Jackson Falls and book a ticket back to Chicago.
That was my plan when I arrived at the bed and breakfast that morning.
I was supposed to go online, buy a return ticket home, get some painting done, and make some decisions about décor.
I had done two out of the three things. For some reason I couldn’t pull the trigger on buying the plane ticket.
Part of it was that I really loved being in Jackson Falls.
The vibe was just easy, breezy. I understood why all of my family had made the move and why they stayed.
Of course my mother and Collins stayed because they both married Jackson Falls men.
They kind of had to stay. But Perkins and Church were happy making new lives in Jackson Falls.
They were thriving. Both Perkins and Church were working and living, instead of living to work or working to live like they’d been doing at home.
My mom and my sisters had become part of the Jackson Falls community.
When I let myself dream, I could admit that I wanted that.
I wanted to slow down. Not to experience life as a race with an end that promised me burn-out and exhaustion as a prize.
But before I could even seriously consider a relocation, I needed to tie up the loose ends in Chicago. I still had a home there, a job there, and a husband there.
I dialed Xander’s number for the twentieth time. I wanted to ask him what he thought he was doing showing up at my mother’s house and trying to break her window out. My call rolled to voicemail. I sent the one hundredth text.
“Still no response?” Perkins questioned.
The ride home had been quiet. She’d picked me up after she got off work.
One of the things she loved about working for Collins at the hair salon was that she could make her own hours.
On Fridays she cut out at four in the afternoon and took her girls on a mother/daughter date to the movies.
It was such a different existence from what she had in Chicago.
There, she worked jobs that could never seem to pay her enough money to allow her to leave work early.
“No, he’s avoiding me. He’s probably embarrassed.”
“As he should be.”
I gave a nod of agreement.
“What’s happening with the divorce?”
“The court approved my attorney’s motion for a default judgment. She’s gonna let me know once my case is on the books. I’ll have to go back to Chicago for sure for the hearing.”
“Are you gonna stay there? Go back to work and pick up your life?”
I sighed. “I wish I didn’t feel like I had to, but you know how Chicago Transit Works pays, Perk.
I mean, Mom raised four girls by herself off her paychecks working there.
I didn’t go to college . . . or hair school.
Where am I ever gonna make the kind of money I make with just a high school diploma? ”
“Yeah.”
“You know we grew up with Mama living paycheck to paycheck. I don’t live like that, Perk.
My paycheck covers everything I need, plus some.
I make enough to actually save.” I paused.
“Well, I could save if Xander didn’t spend money as fast as we make it.
I like knowing I don’t need Xander’s income to survive.
Knowing that I can make everything happen that needs to happen with my own paycheck gives me freedom. ”
She didn’t say anything for a minute, which was unlike Perkins. She was the bossy big sister that always had something to say. Always had an opinion to share. Always thought she had the right answers to figure out your life for you.
“What?” I probed.
“I don’t know. I don’t wanna come off sounding like a bible thumper or nothing. I mean, I’ve only been going to church regularly since I moved here. I’m definitely a baby Christian.”
I huffed out a sigh. “Just say it. I know you want to.”
“When you said that your paycheck was freedom, the thought dropped in my mind that what if what you view as freedom is actually bondage? What if your belief that your paycheck is freedom is what will actually keep you tied to a dead situation?”
What Perkins said to me stayed on my mind all during dinner, through us bathing her girls, and getting them into their pajamas.
I loved helping out with my nieces and helping out with the bed and breakfast. I felt like those things gave me purpose.
Like they meant something. Unlike my job which basically consisted of me apologizing to irate and entitled customers about service issues that couldn’t be helped.
But could I walk away from my good-paying job and my steady paycheck over not getting the feels from the work?
It wasn’t late, barely past eight at night, but I was tired and ready for bed. As I walked over to the dresser to grab nightclothes, my phone rang.
Mrs. Eckhart flashed across the screen. It was Xander’s mother. “Hello?”
“Hello, Bailey. Have you spoken to your husband?”
“I haven’t. I’ve been calling him all day, but he hasn’t answered or called me back. He hasn’t even texted.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, but you need to fix it. You really need to come home and get him.”
“I need to fix it?” I took a deep, supposedly calming breath.
“You are aware that your son asked me for a divorce, right? I mean, you were the one family member of his who was there at our house when we were memorializing the baby we lost. He came in and told me that he had a new family. Remember? My father knocked him out. I know you remember that, Mrs. Eckhart.”
She sighed. “I do. And I know Xander was talkin’ outta his head the day of the memorial—”
I cut her off. “I felt like he was very clear.”
“The baby y’all lost hit him hard. I know he didn’t show you his vulnerable side, Bailey.
But I saw the pain my son was in. Finding out that his first child, and a son no less, had all of those issues and wouldn’t make it full-term?
He couldn’t process it. And I’ll be the first to admit that he did act up—”
I cut her off again, because I wasn’t about to let her rewrite history and gaslight me.
“Mrs. Eckhart, respectfully, your son has a baby on the way in a little more than a month. He was cheating on me before he found out about our son’s issues.
Let’s not pretend. Did you know he had that girl on the side?
Did you know he was running around on me? ”
“He’s not himself since you left him.” She conveniently curved the question.
“He left me . . . for his new family.”
“He told me that you filed divorce papers on him, when he never really even wanted a divorce.”
“Then he shouldn’t have said it. He shouldn’t have cheated and he should’ve been a husband to me.” I tried to calm down. “Does he want two families? One with me and one with her? I’m confused.”
“Bailey . . .”
“Please tell your son to stay away from my mother’s house. We’re planning on pressing charges.”
“No! Please don’t do that! You and Xander need to talk. He’s not doing good at all. He and that little girl got into an argument and she hit him over the head with a skillet.”
People are still hitting folks over the head with skillets? That sounded like something from my mother’s era. Nowadays, I thought people just pulled out their pew-pews and let their bullets do the talking.
“A skillet!” She continued, her voice rising in distress.
“She cracked his skull. He was in the hospital for three days. They called it blunt force trauma. They think he has brain trauma. The police even arrested her little pregnant ass. He’s not thinking straight right now.
He loves you, Bailey. You up and leaving without telling him isn’t helping matters. ”
“Mrs. Eckhart, I’m trying so hard to keep it respectful with you, because that’s how I was raised.
I know you love your son. You should. But as far as I’m concerned, it’s fuck your son.
On one of the worst days of my life, instead of holding me, supporting me, or just being there for me, he told me that he wanted a divorce.
Told me that he had a new family that he needed to concentrate on.
Told me his new woman was having a healthy baby for him.
He said he wanted a divorce, because he couldn’t do it anymore.
I gave him exactly what he asked for. I’m not giving him nothing else.
He thinks that he can stop the divorce by not signing the papers.
He can’t. The divorce is proceeding. If he wants the details, he can call me. ”
She sucked her teeth. “I never shoulda encouraged him to marry you.”
“Agreed.” I ended the call as thoughts of my relationship with Xander floated through my mind.
What his mother said was confirmation for me that he never really loved me. He thought I was pretty, and he probably liked me enough, but he never made me safe or secure in his love.
I shot Perkins a text.
Me: I’m taking your truck.
I had no idea where I was going, but I wasn’t surprised that I ended up at Bright’s house. He met me on the porch with a shocked expression on his face.
“I’m sorry. I just—”
“You’re good.” He took me by the hand. “You’re good. Come inside.”
“No.” I shook my head back and forth. “You look like you were about to head out.” I motioned up and down his body indicating the fact that he had on his shoes and a hoodie.
“That ain’t nothin’. You seem upset.”
I was upset, but my discomfort wasn’t his problem. I wasn’t his girl. “No,” I told him again, but he didn’t listen to me. Instead, he led me into his house.
“I was just headed out to Brewer’s to watch the NBA playoffs. There’s another game the day after tomorrow.”
His care and concern caused tears to form in my eyes.
He eyed me thoughtfully before saying softly, “Big, bad Bailey is shedding tears? I damn sure ain’t leaving you to go watch no game. Let’s go.” He pulled me by the hand.
“I need the bathroom,” I cried.
He let my hand go and watched me as I made a beeline for the powder room.
I peed, washed my hands, splashed some cold water on my face and dabbed at my eyes.
When I felt as pulled together as I knew it was going to get, I met him in the hallway.
He was holding a throw pillow and blanket, which he handed to me while he grabbed a bag of chips, a bottle of wine, and a glass.
On his back deck, he arranged the blanket and pillow in the egg chair, making it look like a cozy nest. He sat the chips, wine, and wine glass on the small table next to the chair. I watched him flip the switch to light the fire pit, then use the remote to cue up the movie Friday.
“Let’s chill.” He dropped into the over-sized egg chair and patted the space next to him. “Let’s go, Bae-Bae.”
I sat down next to him, so close that our thighs touched. I rested my head on his shoulder.
“You’ve been through too much this year, ma. You’ve taken too many losses.”
Just the fact that somebody acknowledged the hell I was going through meant everything to me.
When he made moves to pull me into his lap, I went without hesitation or pushback.
I cried into his shoulder, my body wracking with the overwhelming feelings of defeat.
Defeat about not being able to have my baby.
Defeat about losing my marriage. Defeat about not knowing how I was going to face going back to my mother’s house or my job.
Defeat about not knowing if I was going to survive, let alone thrive.
“You’ve been through the ringer. You don’t have to carry all this bullshit alone.
My back is strong as hell. Shit, my last name is Strong.
You can lean on me. You can give me some of your load.
I own a construction company, Bae-Bae. You ever wanna fling a hammer at a wall, or pound the fuck outta some nails, I got you.
You wanna go shooting, I got plenty of guns.
We can do whatever you think’s gonna make you feel better.
Anything except fucking. You’re a married woman, Bae-Bae.
I don’t mess around with married chicks. ”
I chuckled. “How do you know the lodge guests that you sleep with aren’t married?”
It was his turn to chuckle. “You gotta point. Let me amend that to, I don’t knowingly sleep with married women.”
“You would know if you asked them.”
“Shut up and watch this movie.”
I actually laughed.