7.
C OREY
When Hank spun Janis straight into my arms, I took that as a sign that I may have a chance to make up for how I’d hurt her a few minutes ago, even though I wasn’t sure why in the hell I even wanted to try. Janis had been a thorn in my side since we were in middle school, and I couldn’t imagine she’d want to change - or even be able to - after all this time.
And even though we couldn’t stand each other, she was part of my trusted circle of people I could count on. I knew that if I needed help with anything , she’d be right there, insulting me the entire time, but helping me with whatever problem I had. And I would do the same for her.
When we were kids, we’d been friends, not more friendly to each other than we were to anyone else, but we got along just fine. When she first got sick, I was worried about her, or as worried as a kid my age could be. I even stopped by to see her in the hospital a few times with a group of our friends. After her diagnosis became common knowledge, I asked my mom about it and felt my heart constrict when she explained that Janis would never be completely well - she would have ups and downs for the rest of her life. Sometimes, she may feel perfectly fine, but that could change on a dime. She could end up right back in the hospital the next day, or she might develop a secondary issue that could take her life. There were no solid answers and no cure to make sure that didn’t happen, which was something I couldn’t fathom.
I couldn’t imagine that because at twelve, I had no concept of forever or even the passing of time. I thought my parents could solve any problem the world threw at them. A few years later, when my brother was in the throes of addiction, I learned the hard lesson that there were some things my parents couldn’t fix.
While my brother was lost to our family, first because of his addiction and then because of his prison sentence and his refusal to come home once he got out, time crept by in the worst of ways. Even so, it would occasionally hit me that it also seemed to fly by.
With that thought in mind, I said, “You haven’t smiled at me in at least fifteen years, Janis. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, but it was a little shocking when I found out it was really you in there.”
“No need to worry about it,” Janis said with a tight smile as she tried to pull away.
“Not so quick, Grissom,” I said as I held her close, never losing step as I led her around the dance floor. “I have questions.”
“That would require us to speak, and I’m sure you don’t want to do that.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you want to?”
“Talk to you? I’m quickly realizing that idea was a mistake, and if you’d let me go, I’d quit making it.”
“No.”
“Listen, Donut, I know you . . .” Janis cleared her throat and her expression calmed again as she took a few steady breaths before she said, “Thank you for dancing with me, but I’d like to go now.”
“No. I’ve still got questions.”
“I’ll give you until the end of this song to ask them,” Janis offered.
I knew that meant I had less than a minute or two left, so I asked the most burning question. “What’s your diabolical plan?”
“I don’t have one.”
“I call bullshit on that, Janis. You’re always thinking up some way to make my life a living hell.”
“I’m trying to be nice, okay? Maybe I’m not the one with a problem here. Maybe it’s you.”
“First of all, I didn’t know you had the ability to be nice to anyone other than animals, the elderly, and very small children. Secondly, even if you are capable of of changing your nature, which you might actually accomplish since you’re the most stubborn human on the planet, why would you even consider aiming nice vibes my way when you hate me so fucking much?”
“Because if I can be nice to you, then I can be nice to anyone.”
“So, there is a diabolical plan.”
“No, there’s not. I was trying something new, but three minutes in, and you’re making me rethink that.”
“You almost let her out of her cage there, Grissom. Tighten the reins and let’s try again.”
“Don’t push me,” Janis snapped. She took a deep breath before she ground out, “Please don’t push me, Donut. I’m hanging on by a thread here.”
“You’re really trying,” I said in shock.
“Yes, I am.”
“Now that I know what you’re up to, this could go a couple of different ways.”
“Only one way, and that’s with me walking off before . . .”
“I could run away because the inevitable explosion once all the angry pressure builds up inside you will be catastrophic for anyone nearby, I could tiptoe around you and not look a gift horse in the mouth while I enjoy a reprieve from that razor sharp mouth of yours, or I could try to ignore our bygones and appreciate holding a beautiful woman in my arms while I think of all the ways I can push you until you finally break.”
“Or you could understand that this is difficult for me after our history and give me some damn grace.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I asked.
“Donut, you’ve known me long enough to understand that I don’t like to lose and I never give up on something I’ve set my mind to. If you want to throw down the gauntlet and try to make things harder for me than they already are, then, by all means, do that, but the song’s over. You’ve missed your chance for today.”
Janis pulled out of my arms and walked away. I stood there on the dance floor and watched her go, enjoying the sway of her hips in a way I never had before. I rubbed my hand over the spot on my arm where her soft curls had been tickling it throughout our dance and wondered if pushing Janis to her breaking point was the right thing to do. After all this time of being the target of her anger, it might be better if I just left well enough alone and avoided her like I had been doing for years.
But where was the fun in that?
◆◆◆
JANIS
“What in the hell are you doing?” Jonas Dean, one of my best friends - or at least one of my best guy friends, hissed as he walked up with a scowl on his face.
“I’m having a beer. What are you doing, Jonas?” I asked before I reached out and ran one finger from his wrist to his elbow. He watched my hand until it rested on his bicep, and when I squeezed it gently, he looked at me in horror. Since I viewed Jonas and his twin as the brotherly type who burped, farted, smelled, and seemed to take pride in irritating the shit out of me, I had never actually paid attention to his arms, so I was genuinely curious when I asked, “Have you been working out?”
Jonas yanked his arm out of my hand and tipped his beer up for a long drink, then looked at me before he finished off the bottle.
Jonas’ twin brother walked up and glared at me as he asked, “What the fuck?”
“Hi, Lawson,” I said dreamily. “I just realized how big Jonas’ muscles are. Are yours the same? I’ve always thought that you two were handsome, but things have just gotten out of control lately, and I can’t stop myself from wondering.”
Lawson wrinkled his nose and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing at all,” I assured him. I looked back over at Jonas and asked, “So, Jonas, have you been working out more than normal?”
I realized that Jonas was staring at my chest and sporting an expression that was a mixture of lust and horror. It was almost too much for me to handle without cracking up. I managed to hold it in and kept a serene expression on my face, but I knew that if I pushed him any more, he’d break. Hopefully, before his brother did.
“Oh! Are you looking at my necklace?” I asked. Lawson looked down at my chest, staring just as openly as his brother, so I decided to give them a show. I slowly ran my hands up my stomach, cupping my boobs for a second before I rested one hand on my chest and lifted the pendant on the chain up so I could look at it. I giggled, and, although it was painful, knew it was worth it when both of them started staring at my mouth. In unison, their eyes widened when I puckered my lips to kiss the clasp before I held it out toward them and whispered, “Wanna make a wish?”
When Lawson swallowed, there was a loud gulp, and then he frantically shook his head.
I bit my lip as I hummed and then let it go before I asked, “There’s nothing that you want, Jonas?”
“Ugh . . . erm . . . ack . . . uh.”
Jonas’ garbled nonsense almost threw me over the edge, but I knew it would spook him if I laughed right now. Instead, I smiled before I said, “I’m going to grab another drink. Can I get something for you guys?” When they just stared at me in shock, I made sure my voice was sultry when I said, “I’ll give you whatever you want.”
Neither man moved, and as I turned away, they were standing with their mouths open. I could feel their eyes on me, and I knew they were watching my back as I walked away or, to be more specific, my ass. I put a little extra sway in my hips for a few steps, then stopped and looked back over my shoulder. Their eyes jumped up to my face, so I licked my lips seductively and then blew them a kiss.
Jonas didn’t even notice when the bottle he’d been holding slipped from his fingers and shattered on the tile. I spun around to hide my grin when he jumped back in shock. Up ahead, I saw my dad sitting at a table with my Pop, Grunt, and their friend Clem Forrester, and all three of them were laughing. They laughed even harder when I plucked the twenty-dollar bill out of my dad’s hand as I walked by.
I didn’t stop to talk because I was on a mission to get to the table in the corner so I could sit down with my friends and relax while we watched the band. This nice and sweet bullshit was exhausting, and I really needed a break.
When I got closer to the table, Tad started a slow clap, and soon everyone sitting with her joined in. Pretending that the empty chair in front of me was a podium, I rested one hand on the back of it as I pretended to adjust a microphone with the other.
I wiped away invisible tears before I smiled brightly and said, “I’d like to thank the Academy for my nomination, and my heart goes out to my family and friends who stood by me through it all. Special thanks to Gracy Mason, who we lovingly refer to as Tad, not because she’s a tadpole but because she’s just a tad bit more unhinged than the rest of us. She’s not here right now, but I’d like to thank Opal for undertaking the selfless task of taming the wild beast in the chair while she did magical things with its mane. I’d also like to thank every man I’ve ever dated because without them, I would never have learned to fake it like I have tonight.”
This time, there was loud applause, complete with whistles and shouting, so I executed a perfect bow and then plopped down on the chair in front of me with a dramatic sigh.
“I don’t know how you people do it. Between the holes I’ve bitten in my tongue trying to keep quiet and fighting the almost irresistible urge to scratch my face off to get through the nine layers of shit y’all piled on it, I’m exhausted.”
“Your makeup looks amazing, and your hair is fabulous.”
“Thank you, Marley. This is all your fault.”
“My fault?”
“Absolutely. I’m terrified that I’m going to be discovered dead because I end up as a smell that the neighbors bitch about, so I decided to pull the plug and make a change.”
“You don’t expect me to try to be nicer, too, do you?” Marley asked warily.
“I don’t think that would be a bad idea,” Rain answered. When Marley started to argue, Rain put her hand up and said, “However, I’m not sure that the people of Rojo could survive the fallout if both of you did it at the same time. Trees would lose their leaves . . .”
Tad couldn’t resist and interrupted to add, “Fish would mysteriously start floating to the top and bloating in the sun.”
Rain kept it going and said, “A haze would cover the sun and cause the crops to wither in the fields.”
“And the locusts! Oh God, the locusts!” Vivi Conner chimed in with a shudder.
“Marley, if you decide to join in, let me know ahead of time so I can stock the basement with canned goods and extra water. I, for one, don’t want to die because of your negligence,” Evi said firmly. “Let a sister know, okay?”
Marley flipped her off and then looked at me before she said, “I’m in.”
“No!” Rain, Tad, Evi, and Vivi shouted at the same time.
“Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be a gentler and nicer Marley.”
“It’s painful,” I warned. I considered it for a second before I added, “At least you don’t have to do the clothes and makeup thing, though. You’ve already got that going for you.”
“You don’t really need any of that shit, Janis. With your sparkling wit and personality, the clothes and makeup don’t even play into the equation,” Marley said with a serene smile.
I grimaced before I said, “You’re really good at that.”
“I’m scared,” Rain said as she warily studied Marley. “How do you turn it on and off like that?”
“Lots and lots of practice,” Marley answered sadly.
“In front of the mirror or . . .” Tad let her voice trail off when Marley glared at her.
“Let me give you a scenario,” Marley offered. “I pull over a car with . . . let’s say a woman around 40. She’s speeding, going more than fifteen over, and driving erratically.”
“Okay,” Tad said with one eyebrow raised.
“Officer Forrester, an upstanding member of the Rojo Police Department, would say, ‘Ma’am, do you know how fast you were going? It’s illegal to use your phone while driving. I know that you were being careful, but rules are rules. I’m going to have to ticket you for excessive speed and driving while distracted.”
Evi narrowed her eyes and asked, “What would you like to say instead?”
“In my head, I’m screaming, ‘Watch the road, you ignorant bitch! There are kids all over the fucking place, and every one of them is more important than whatever text you were trying to send! I wonder if you’d drive any better with that phone shoved up your ass?,’ and then I’d yank her out of the car and beat her with said phone until she begged me to stop and promised to pay attention when she was driving from now on and always go one mile per hour below the posted speed limit.”
“Not to encourage that behavior or anything, but I like the second scenario much better,” Vivi said with a shrug. “What exactly would happen to me if I did that to someone I saw using their phone while driving?”
“As long as there weren’t any witnesses and you have an alibi, I don’t think you’d have a problem,” Marley said with a grin.
“She was with me the entire time,” Rain said cheerfully. “Never once left my side. She even came into the bathroom and talked to me while I peed.”
Tad burst out laughing and said, “I was there too!”
“I occasionally have to be nice to people, even when I want to just rip their arm off and beat them to death with it.”
“When?” Rain asked doubtfully.
“There are times when some uppity customer comes in for a custom order and insists that they just ‘must talk to the owner, so it’s done right! ’” I ended with a nasal tone, mimicking a customer I’d talked to this morning about a cake for her best friend’s divorce party, of all things.
“I bet that goes over really well,” Marley said with a grin.
“It always does. I smile and listen to all the ideas they have, help narrow them down to something reasonable, and then assure them that they’ll get their money’s worth right before I charge them double what they would have paid if they weren’t such a pain in the fucking ass.”
We all laughed and then Marley asked, “So, how did it go with my brother? He’s been standing over there by the bar watching you since you walked over here.”
“He’s confused, but that’s really nothing new, is it?” I asked.
“Are you going to find Zane next because I have to find Zoey and make sure she’s watching when you do.”
“Where is Zoey?”
“Garvey took her home earlier. She wanted to stay, but her head was killing her,” Vivi said sadly.
“She’s gonna be pissed that she missed the show.”
“Evi’s right. Unless you plan to make this a permanent change, Zoey might not ever get to witness the magic,” Marley said.
“Take a picture of me all dolled up, and send it to her tomorrow,” I suggested. I struck what I hoped was an elegant and flattering pose and waited for her to snap a few pictures. Once Marley was done, we started posing for funnier ones to send Zoey, knowing that she’d hate that she missed our fun, but hoping she’d at least get a few laughs out of our goofiness.
I was about to sit back down in my chair after a group selfie with the girls when I glanced over at the bar and found Corey staring at me with Jonas and Lawson flanking him. They were clearly still in shock and staring at me like a specimen in a petri dish.
I blew them a kiss before I turned and sat down. Even though it wasn’t easy, the fact that I’d put those men so off-kilter made it completely worthwhile.