9.
J ANIS
This has to be what hell feels like. Three hours ago, I thought hell was being dressed up with three inches of makeup on my face and a pound and a half of product on my hair, but no. This is hell. The fact that I’m sitting here like a lump trying to tell two people who have not only never worked in a commercial kitchen, but have never baked anything more than cookies they cut out from a roll they bought in the supermarket, how to stretch and fold sourdough is literal hell.
The buzzer at the back door sounded, and I rolled myself in that direction, leaving my precious dough in the hands of two morons.
Remember, Janis, you’re being nice. The easiest way to say nice things is to start out by thinking nice things.
“Fuck that,” I mumbled as I reached up and unlocked the door. When I saw who was there, I smiled and said, “You made it! Girl, I haven’t seen you in three days. You can’t do that to me. I was worried!”
The woman standing in the doorway didn’t say a word, and she never had in the three years I’d known her. However, I could tell by her facial expressions when she was happy, sad, sick, or tired, and right now, she looked upbeat and the apples of her cheeks were rosy, so I was relieved. I handed her one of the boxes my employees had made right before the bakery closed, along with two bottles of water and a baggie filled with condiments, napkins, and some hand wipes. I took the shiny rock she offered and smiled at her.
“I’m serious! Do not leave me hanging for days at a time again, or I’ll . . . I won’t give you a cookie for a week!” Her eyes widened in mock horror, and she shook her head as she backed away slowly with one hand over her heart. “That’s what I thought. Don’t make me get mean!”
Once she turned away, I rolled back and shut the door, throwing the lock out of habit before I rolled into the kitchen to see how Dumb and Dumber . . . Nice thoughts, Janis. Nice thoughts! . . . how Lawson and Corey were doing with their assignment.
“Who was that?” Corey asked.
“Delivery,” I said as I slipped the rock into my pocket. “Ready for your next assignment?”
“When do we get to eat the bread?” Corey asked.
“Tomorrow after it’s baked.”
“What?”
The forlorn look on their faces was priceless. I didn’t even try to stop myself from laughing. “You’ve still got one more step before they bulk ferment for the night. In the morning, they’ll be fresh and ready for you to pick up. I’ll put a note on the counter so that the girls set aside whichever loaves you want.”
Corey sighed before he asked, “What now?”
“Now we make some cake batter so we can get them in the oven. While they’re baking, we’ll make some cookies,” I said as cheerfully as I could.
“I’m sad about the bread, but there’s promise here. We’re gonna get fresh cookies?” Lawson asked.
“Only if you like them raw. They won’t get baked until tomorrow morning.”
“Fuck, Grissom! How do you do all this shit and not get any rewards?” Corey asked.
“There’s a pastry case up front filled with deliciousness. I’ll let you have your pick of it before you go,” I promised. I felt a twinge in my neck and winced, but then pasted a smile on my face when I realized Corey was watching me. “Let’s get started!”
Once the pans were oiled and the correct liners put into each one, I had Lawson crack the eggs we’d need for each recipe into separate containers while I sat next to Corey and talked him through the dry ingredients for each recipe. Like always, I had the kitchen set up in stations, which I had found to be the most productive way for me to work.
Rather than make one recipe and finish it before starting another, I set up each recipe in a line along the table and then walked from bowl to bowl, adding the correct ingredients that each one had in common before I dealt with the specifics.
“Why so many cakes?” Corey asked as he weighed out the different containers of flour.
“There will be some generic ones for the case tomorrow, but most of these will be for custom orders for this weekend.” I sighed and looked at the clock before I said, “And I’m making extra for the freezer since I’m not sure how long I’ll be down this time.”
“Does this happen often?” Corey asked. He added, “I should know this since we run in the same circle of friends, but I guess I haven’t paid attention.”
I bit back my knee jerk reaction and answered his question instead. “Because of the medication I’m on, I can go for years without a flare, but it seems like just when I have almost forgotten how bad things can be, one will hit me out of the blue to remind me.”
“Are they getting any closer to finding a cure yet?”
“Lupus is an autoimmune disease, so there will never be a cure.”
“Why not?”
“Because every person with lupus has different symptoms and triggers, and those symptoms and triggers can change at the drop of a hat. I’ve met people with lupus who have completely different flares than I do, and if every one of us is different, then one cure won’t work for everyone.”
“You just hurt?” Corey asked. He studied my face for a few seconds before he asked, “Is that why your face is redder than normal?”
I nodded before I answered, “That’s one of my first signs of a flare. My face gets red, my hands and feet get cold, then something starts to hurt and it just spreads . . . sometimes all over my body, sometimes just specific parts, but either way, it hurts so bad that it’s hard to do regular things.”
“Like lifting 300 pounds of sticky, wet dough?” Corey asked sarcastically. “I wouldn’t say that’s a regular thing.”
“Like brushing my teeth or putting on socks.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Fun stuff, right?” I asked with obviously fake cheer. When the buzzer rang again, I said, “I’ll be right back.”
“Who makes deliveries this late?” Corey called out as I rounded the corner.
I ignored him and opened the door to hand containers to the two men there. I realized he was behind me when their happy smiles changed to expressions of wariness.
“You’ll have to let me know how you like the cookies. I tweaked the recipe, and I’m not sure it has enough salt to counteract the sweetness.”
“I’m sure they’re just as delicious as always,” Jeffrey assured me. “Thank you, Miss Grissom.”
“Anytime, Jeffrey,” I said with a smile. I looked at the man I didn’t recognize and asked, “Did Jeffrey tell you how the system works?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I’m Janis, by the way.”
“Stephen.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Stephen,” I replied. As I rolled back so I could shut the door, I called out, “You guys be safe out there. I’ll see you soon.”
“Thank you!” they said in unison.
“What’s that about?” Corey asked as I locked the door.
“What?”
“I thought you said you were getting a delivery.”
“I said it was a delivery, not that I was getting one.”
“What are you giving them?” Corey asked as he looked into the box on the shelf beside me. “Are you passing out food?”
“Is that a crime, officer?” I asked sarcastically.
Corey ignored my question and opened one of the to-go containers. He whistled before he asked, “Is that a ham and cheese sandwich on a croissant? Holy shit! That looks delicious! Do they order in advance or what?”
“Yes, of course. They use the app on their cell phone and then pay with their credit card. No, numbnuts, they don’t order in advance,” I scoffed. “If you must know, we pack the meals up every afternoon with whatever we have left in the case that can’t be saved. If there’s bread that’s not fresh enough to sell, we make sandwiches with it. Today, some of them have quiche that was cooked this morning and a few have kolaches. We also put some fruit in if we have it, along with something for dessert.”
“Holy shit, Grissom.”
“What?” I snapped.
“I didn’t realize you had it in you.”
“Do you have that problem often because I’m sure there’s something your doctor could do to help,” I said irritably as I rolled past him. “Now you’ve gotta wash again and get a new pair of gloves because you’ve been nosing around and touching things you shouldn’t have.”
“What happens when you run out?” Corey asked, as he followed me back into the kitchen.
“I turn off the green light, and they know not to knock.”
“That’s what the light I turned on was for? To let them know you had food to give away?”
“You caught on,” I snapped. Remembering my new vow, I smiled and said, “Yes, that’s the purpose of it.”
“Impressive,” Corey muttered as walked over the sink. “I never saw that coming, Grissom.”
“Well, Donut, it’s a side I don't show just anybody, so today must be your lucky day.”
“I think it just may be.”
◆◆◆
COREY
“Oh my God. I think I’m dying,” Lawson moaned from his stool by the wall. He moved to take a bite of the pastry he’d snagged from the case out front and then let his hand fall back to his thigh before he said, “I’m officially dead. I don’t even have the energy to eat.”
“Everything hurts,” I muttered as I hopped up on the counter to sit down. I knew that if Janis was in here, she’d probably be ranting about germs and washing and all of that shit, but I was fucking tired and my lower back was at war with my feet to see which could hurt worse. “How the fuck does she do this every day?”
“I had no idea she did! I knew she was here all the time, but I didn’t know it was to do this.”
“Shit. We’ve still gotta do the dishes,” I said before I started to get back to my feet.
“I’ll wash the dishes. You guys did all the hard shit, so it’s the least I can do,” Jonas said as he walked into the kitchen.
“Did you get her settled?” Lawson asked.
“Yeah, she thought she’d be okay in the bed, but ended up moving to the hammock. The meds kicked in, so she’s pretty relaxed, or at least as relaxed as Janis can be, but I promised her that we would ask her questions or buck the system.”
“I think we’ve got our assignments down, don’t you?” Lawson asked.
He looked over at the things that still needed to be done - weighing the cookie dough to ensure that each piece was the same before we rolled it into balls, arranged them just right on the cookie sheets, and then covered them to go on the rack in the walk-in. That wasn’t the only thing, though. Two batches of cake batter still needed finishing, but since everything was weighed and measured, all we had to do was stir the wet ingredients into the dry, weigh the correct amount into each pan, and bake them.
“How does she do all of this by herself?” I asked. “It’s taken us four hours to get to this point, and there’s still God only knows how many hours of work left.”
“She naps between each batch. She’ll do the mixing part, get it in the oven, start an alarm, and then nap until it’s finished,” Jonas explained.
“And none of her fucking employees could help her tonight? That’s bullshit.”
“They had an open house at Zoey’s place so the staff from the parole office could take a tour and get a feel for where the women were going to be living.”
“What?” I asked.
“The women wanted to be there to show off all the hard work they’ve done to help Zoey get everything in order so she can start letting women move in.”
“I know Janis has been helping, but all of her employees volunteer out there too?”
Lawson laughed before he said, “All of her employees could live out there, man.”
“What?”
“I think he’s broken,” Jonas said as he walked toward the sink.
“Except for Jewel’s son, all of Janis’ employees are ex-cons who are on parole and trying to start a new life. Some of them are fresher than others and sometimes they don’t stick to the job, but Janis gives them one chance to fuck up. If they fuck up again, they’re out. No exceptions.”
“What?”
“Are you thick, Forrester? It’s not rocket science.”
“But Janis?”
“She’s got a soft spot for ex-cons because of her dad.”
“That makes sense,” I admitted. “Shit. Not only has tonight been exhausting, but it’s been pretty fucking enlightening too.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did you know that she gives out food to the homeless who show up at the back door?”
“Yeah. None of us are fucking happy about it, but she won’t stop.”
“She does it when she’s here alone?”
“Yep. She’ll keep opening the door until she’s out of food to give away.” When I opened my mouth to say something, Lawson laughed and said, “Say ‘what’ again! Say ‘what’ again! I dare you! I double dare you! Say ‘what’ one more goddamn time!”
“Does he look like a bitch?” Jonas yelled.
I laughed at their reference to Pulp Fiction , one of my favorite movies, and said, “Back to the subject at hand. Doesn’t she realize how dangerous it is to open the door to random strangers when she’s alone here?”
“She does, but she doesn’t care.”
“The rest of it fits too,” Jonas chimed in. “And blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.”
“Damn. It really does,” Lawson agreed.
“I had no idea that Janis had a heart, let alone a heart like that,” I admitted.
“It’s in there. She just doesn’t show it very often or to people that she doesn’t like,” Lawson said with a grin.
“That would be me,” I said with a sigh. “Although, I have to admit that I’ve kind of enjoyed nice Janis. I could get used to this, even though I have a feeling it won’t last.”
“She gets points for trying, man. I have to say that I was confused, but it all made sense when she told me why she was doing it.”
“She said that she was practicing being nice to me so she could be nice to everyone else, but I don’t understand her motivation.”
“When I asked her about it, she said it was because she’s lonely,” Jonas said, drying his hands on a paper towel as he walked our way.
“She’s never alone.”
“She said, and I quote, ‘It’s possible to be lonely in a room full of people, especially when you’re someone like me. I’ve always been different and always will be, but I’ve got to find a way to let people in or I’m never going to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve got health problems that get in the way of everything, including relationships, but maybe if I was easier to get along with, someone might decide I’m worth it.’”
“Fuck!” Lawson hissed. “I had no idea that was the reason.”
“I wouldn’t have either, but I asked her a few minutes ago after the meds kicked in,” Jonas admitted.
“I won’t push her to make her fail,” I promised. I looked up and said, “That was my plan, you know? She’s been nothing but fucking mean to me for so long that I thought it might be fun to fuck up her resolution or whatever it is.”
“She does hold a mean grudge.”
“I don’t even know what she was mad about in the first place, man. We were never that close, but then she just hated me one day. When Zoey and Garvey started dating, that made things suck because we always got thrown together, but no matter where we were or what we were doing, she was downright shitty to me for no reason.”
“She never told you or Zane why she can’t stand you?” Jonas asked.
“Never!”
“I don’t know whose party it was or if I was even there, but after y’all played Spin the Bottle, she heard you talking to Zane about her. It broke something inside, I guess. That was right after her diagnosis and she’d had all of those health problems. She missed a lot of school and everything seemed to go on without her, so she was feeling really down on herself. What you said about her just made it a hundred times worse.”
“Spin the Bottle?”
“Yeah. When you kissed her.”
“I have never kissed Janis Grissom in my life.”
“Damn. The worst part about it is that she’s been holding a grudge and you don’t even remember that night.”
“Because I wasn’t fucking there, Lawson. I was grounded for shooting spitballs at a substitute teacher.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I remember when my brother kissed Janis because he came home and told me about it.”
“It was Garvey ?”
“Yeah. Garvey kissed Janis in a closet. He was freaking out because he was afraid she’d think he smelled because he’d stepped in dog vomit earlier.”
“What?” Lawson and Jonas asked at the same time.
“The party was at Mandy Turner’s, and the next day, her parents had to take her dog to the vet because the neighbor had poisoned it. I remember my parents talking about it. My dad was fucking pissed that the guy didn’t get arrested because they couldn’t prove he’d done anything. Since the law wouldn’t do anything about it, me, Garvey, Marley, and some of our cousins doled out our own version of karma and fucked with that guy like it paid good money until he threw in the towel and moved away.”
“Shit,” Jonas whispered.
“This changes everything,” Lawson said, stunned. “She’s hated you for fucking years, and it wasn’t even you.”
“And there wasn’t a reason to anyway because he wasn’t talking about her!” Jonas added.
“I don’t know whether to be mad or sad about all of this. Obviously, she was very hurt by whatever she thought she heard, but she never said a fucking word! She just turned into a woman possessed every goddamn time I got near her.”
Jonas and Lawson nodded in unison, which was funny because that seemed to be a twin thing and the two men didn’t even look like they were related, although they were twins.
“We should tell her,” Lawson announced.
“No! She’ll feel bad because she’s been unjustifiably cruel, and you know she hates that,” Jonas said as he shook his head.
“She’s just plain mean all the time!”
“She’s really not, Corey,” Lawson said sadly. “She just hasn’t ever let you see the other side of her because you were the target, even when you shouldn’t have been.”
“I learned more about the real Janis tonight than I ever thought I would, and I have to say that it was all good. Shocking, but good.”
“What do you mean?”
“She feeds the homeless and does everything she can to help women who need a hand up. Although she’s not exactly Mother Teresa, she’s not a fucking demon either. She’s sort of somewhere in between.”
“There’s a pretty sizable gap between the two,” Jonas pointed out.
“And you know what? I'm on a mission now too.”
Lawson looked confused when he asked, “What do you mean?”
“She’s going to try her hardest to be nice, and I’m going to try my hardest to make her see it’s not that fucking difficult while I figure out more about her. Demon or saint? She’s probably somewhere in the middle, but I’d like to figure it out for sure.”
“Whatever you do, don’t hurt her, man.”
I looked at Jonas and saw that he was genuinely worried for his friend. I felt like I should reassure him, so I said, “I don’t plan to hurt her. If anything, I plan to make her feel a lot better about herself. I don’t know how, but I will. I’ve got a stubborn streak almost as wide as hers, so I won’t be deterred, no matter how hard it proves to be.”
“I guess that’s a good thing?” Lawson asked. He looked at his brother and raised his eyebrows in question, but Jonas just shrugged.
“It’s a very good thing. The world needs a nicer, gentler Janis, and I’m the one that’s going to deliver.”