Chapter 20
DYLAN: I think there’s something seriously messed up with your son’s digestive system. Please advise.
DYLAN: Seriously. SOS. I’m not sure I should let him sit on the rental furniture anymore.
DYLAN: Dude.
DYLAN: Dude.
DYLAN: There is some seriously fucked up shit going on in Sam’s stomach right now. Literally. My girlfriend just left because she’s scared of what’s going to come out of him.
DYLAN: Fine. You’re busy shooting the music video they should have cast me in. I’m texting the hot nanny.
DYLAN: Hey Frankie. It’s Dylan Brodie. Owen’s younger hotter funnier more talented brother. He gave me your number in case I can’t get ahold of him. I can’t get ahold of him.
FRANKIE: Hey! Is everything okay?
DYLAN: Yes and no. The good news is there’s a window and a really powerful fan in the bathroom so the smell is gone. The bad news is I might have to cover this entire apartment with plastic sheets.
FRANKIE: Uh-oh. Did Sam eat cheese?
DYLAN: Affirmative. I took him to the restaurant across from my place for lunch, and he wanted the cheese fondue. He said it’s fine since it’s melted cheese with bread.
FRANKIE: Um. Owen should have told you not to let him eat more cheese today.
DYLAN: He neglected to tell me that. Probably on purpose because he’s an asshole. Any advice for me?
FRANKIE: Yes. Don’t tell Sam any fart jokes for the rest of the day. Don’t make him laugh or scare him.
DYLAN: I just put on Ghostbusters. Is that bad?
FRANKIE: Only if you don’t want to help him clean up and change out of his underpants in a little bit.
DYLAN: But if I tell him he can’t watch Ghostbusters I won’t be his favorite uncle anymore.
FRANKIE: I’m so sorry but I’m about to go down to a subway station so I might not be able to text for a little while. If you don’t have any wet wipes you should order some immediately. If you want me to come pick up Sam tonight I will.
DYLAN: I mean. If I’m the reason you don’t go to that party, Owen will straight up murder me. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Have a good night.
DYLAN: You owe me big time, bro. Big time.