Chapter 12 Dylan
DYLAN
I know I should have asked Dr. Shepard if it would be okay for me to bring a kitten to therapy with me, but if there’s one thing I want more than to date my therapist, it’s to make sure Mr. Noodles doesn’t think I’m abandoning her.
“Is it okay for me to take her out? You aren’t allergic to cats, are you?” I ask. I start to unzip this super manly pet tote bag thing that’s resting on my lap. A week ago I was ready to unzip my pants in here, and now I’m going to ask my therapist if she wants to hold my kitty.
“Yes, that’s fine. I’m not allergic. But you probably shouldn’t put her on the floor—there are a lot of hard-to-reach places she could get to.”
There are a lot of hard to reach places I’d like to get to.
I hear an audible gasp when I pull my fluffy gray-and-white little baby girl out.
“Ohhh. She’s so cute.”
“You wanna hold her?”
“Yes. I do.” No hesitation. She closes her notebook, places it on the side table, and comes over to take Mr. Noodles from me. “So tiny!”
Said no woman ever when approaching my lap.
I hold Mr. Noodles up in both hands. Scarlett bends forward to make eye contact with the kitty before taking her from me.
I can see down the top of her blouse again.
I get an eyeful of some amazing white silky undergarment, cleavage, that delicate gold chain necklace, and smooth skin that deserves to be kissed and caressed for hours.
Maybe scratched up a little from stubble. Maybe a lot.
She smells like a coffee shop that sells expensive incense and exotic flowers and hot sex, and I want to go to there.
Our fingers touch as she wraps hers around the kitten. There’s a move I’d make right now if she weren’t my therapist. If I didn’t care that she might drop the cat when she swooned. “You got her?”
“Yeah! I got you,” she purrs to my kitten. “I got you, Mr. Noodles.” She takes her back to her chair, and I check out my therapist’s ass in those dress pants.
If there’s one thing I like to look at more than my new kitten, it’s my new therapist. All of her. Her ass. Her face. Her long, thick dark hair. Her ankles. Even her ankles are beautiful. I would make slow, sweet love to those ankles. Every inch of her. I would talk dirty to her shoulder blades.
“Mr. Noodles, huh?” She smiles over at me when she sits back down. “Tell me about that.”
“I didn’t name her, actually. The kid who found her did.”
“So you adopted her?”
“Rescued. I went to my niece’s school on Monday, and when I was leaving, this kid showed me this kitten he’d found. It was crazy, I guess, but what was really weird was how not-weird it was. I just sort of saw her, and I wanted to take her home.”
Scarlett wrinkles her brow. “You were at your niece’s school?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t planning on adopting a cat anytime soon, but it’s something I’d thought about before. Anyway, I took her to the vet, and she wasn’t microchipped. I probably should have put up flyers to see if she was lost, but…she’s mine now. I’m keeping her.”
It looks like she’s about to say something and then changes her mind and asks, “Have you ever had a cat before?”
“No, we never had pets growing up. My mom and dad like animals, but my mom said she had her hands full with four boys in the house, so there was never any discussion.”
“Can’t say I blame her. You seem happy. Are you nervous at all?”
“No, I just don’t like leaving her alone. I mean, she sleeps a lot, but I don’t want her to wake up all alone in a big empty condo.”
“She was all alone outside for a while, probably.”
“True. You think I’m projecting?”
She smiles, still staring at the kitten in her lap. “Haven’t formed an opinion yet. So how was your week, other than becoming a cat parent?”
“Good. Elena finally texted me back. But I didn’t respond.”
“Elena. Is that your most recent girlfriend?”
“Most recent ex, yes.”
“Is that unusual for you? To not respond to a text from a recent ex?”
“Very.”
“And what do you attribute this to? The lack of interest in her?”
“I brought Mr. Noodles home and realized how much more comfortable I was having her around than Elena. And there’s no way she would have wanted a cat. So Mr. Noodles would have been out of luck. Elena will have another boyfriend any day now. But this girl needs me.”
“You like to feel needed?”
“I’ve never really felt needed before.”
“Never?”
“Not outside of work. Even then, I’m fully aware that I’m always replaceable. As an actor or model. I’ve never felt emotionally needed by anyone. Definitely not literally needed.”
“Not with your girlfriends?”
“Not really. I mean, sexually, yeah. But that’s more want than need.”
She blinks. Does a pretty good job of hiding her reaction to the mention of sex. But I see it. She’s curious to know how much they want me.
“They needed sex, but they wanted what I could do for them, specifically. Or maybe they needed sex with me. Elena would come to my dressing room during the second act, when we both had fifteen minutes between scenes. It was pretty reckless, but I liked that she couldn’t wait until we got home.
She kept telling me she’d never felt that way before about anyone. ”
Dr. Scarlett clears her throat. “Did you ever deny her what she needed? Or wanted?”
“Hell no. I wanted it too. I needed to feel wanted, I guess. Still do.”
“But it seems you’re doing okay with Elena not wanting or needing you anymore.”
“I am, yeah. I’m even doing okay with not being wanted by the person I want. I must be growing.”
Again, she does an admirable job of appearing unaffected by my reply.
But I am a keen observer of human emotions.
It’s how I’m able to portray them so subtly on film.
I see the flicker of longing dance across her face.
I see how she decides to stop herself from licking her lips because that would betray her physical attraction and mild arousal.
She pretends to be focused on scratching the kitty’s chin before saying, “What about in your family?”
“Well, I’m the youngest. So I guess I was always the needy one. Everyone else had already bonded by the time I came along. Do you have siblings?”
“No. Do you feel your brothers are closer to each other than they are with you?”
“They definitely like to make me feel like the baby of the family. My mama still calls me Baby Boy, so…”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I mean. I’m the only one she calls that, so I guess I’ve never asked her to stop.”
“Being the baby makes you feel special?”
“Only when it comes to her. I actually had a realization earlier this week… I don’t know why I didn’t remember this before, but one of the reasons I was so intent on becoming an actor when I was a kid was because I realized Mama would have to drive me to my auditions and jobs.
I’d seen how proud she was of my dad when we’d visit him on set.
And there were always times when she’d drop me off at Little League or whatever after school activity I had, and then she’d rush off to visit my dad at work.
And I guess in my little kid brain I thought it was because he was an actor. So I wanted to be that important too…”
She watches me, waiting for me to continue.
I probably shouldn’t be picturing my therapist naked while telling her about my relationship with my mother, but maybe this will lead to some sort of breakthrough…
“Now I realize it was probably because she wanted to be alone with my dad in his trailer. So I was cockblocking my parents. I mean, I guess that’s what all kids do.
But also, I wanted to be able to connect with my dad.
About being an actor. I remember him running lines with me at first, but usually when he was at home he didn’t want to have anything to do with acting.
That’s something I just realized too. He wanted to be with us. Or with his wife, more like.”
“It sounds like your parents had that walking-on-air feeling and created a safe place to land with each other. Isn’t that how you put it?”
I can’t believe she remembered that from last week.
“Yeah. I do admire what my parents have with each other. I guess I was jealous of the connection they had when I was a kid, but now I’m envious of what they have.
I want that. They have that passion for each other, but they’ve always made us feel important.
My brothers and me. Even when we visited my dad on set.
He made sure everyone treated us like VIPs.
I don’t know why I’ve never realized this before.
I guess I’ve been so focused on getting the girl and keeping the girl that I never thought about what I really wanted once I had the girl.
I want what my parents have. I want to be the kind of husband and father my dad was—is.
I love acting more than he does, for sure, but I want to make sure my future wife and kids know that I do it for them. ”
Now she’s licking her lips and readjusting herself in her chair, stroking Mr. Noodles while studying my face. “Make sure they know you do what for them?”
“Work. The acting. And modeling, if I’m still doing that. I mean, let’s face it—my dad keeps getting better looking as he gets older, so I probably will too.”
“But how will you make sure your wife and kids know you do that work for them?”