Chapter 19
TO: notdylanbrodie@
FROM: scarlett@
SUBJECT: For the best
Dear Mr. Brodie,
I hope this email finds you well.
Your well-being and personal growth are of the utmost importance to me, as a therapist.
As such, I have decided it is in your best interest to continue individual therapy with another practitioner.
This is due to the potential for boundaries being crossed between us.
Attached is a list of colleagues I would recommend for you.
Sincerely,
Scarlett Shepard, MS, MFT
TO: Scarlett Shepard
FROM: Dylan Brodie
Dear Scarlett,
Cool.
Consider our sessions terminated.
Now I can tell you how beautiful you are and how attracted I am to you.
Let’s start crossing boundaries over dinner tonight.
You’ll say it would be unethical, and I’ll point out that we’ve only had a few sessions.
You’ll cite the age difference, and I’ll tell you how hot it is that you’re six years older than me.
You’ll say you’re a mom, and I’ll remind you that I think your son is awesome.
We don’t have to discuss my former attachments to former co-stars ever again.
This is due to the fact that clearly my only personality issue is that I’m irresistible.
Yours in well-being and personal growth,
Dylan Brodie, W.M.H.T.A.T.Y.E.H. (Way More Handsome and Talented Actor Than Your Ex-Husband)
TO: Dylan Brodie
FROM: Scarlett Shepard
Let me know which therapist looks good to you, and I’d be happy to reach out to him for you, if you’d like.
Best,
Scarlett Shepard, MS, MFT
TO: Scarlett Shepard
FROM: Dylan Brodie
You know very well which therapist looks good to me.
I see you’ve only recommended male therapists… Interesting. And smart.
I would just like to point out that the things we’ve talked about in those two-and-not-even-a-quarter sessions weren’t much more in-depth or personal than what we would have talked about as friends who were just hanging out.
Or as a man and a woman on a date. It’s not like you’ll be manipulating me because you have intimate information that I wouldn’t have given you if you weren’t my therapist.
I’m stating that for the record here in an email.
You have my cell number. Feel free to text me about dinner and other non-therapy-related subjects ASAP.
Yours truly and without hesitation,
Dylan
P.S. To be clear, this time I did mean “ASAP” as in it’s an emergency. I need to make a reservation for tonight.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: It’s Scarlett. I have to help my parents unpack at their new condo tonight.
DYLAN: I like that you didn’t tell me you can’t ever have dinner with me. Go on.
SCARLETT: I am open to discussing all the reasons why I can’t have dinner with you over coffee tomorrow.
DYLAN: And if Saturday coffee should lead to dinner and a movie and then who knows…we can discuss that over breakfast on Sunday.
SCARLETT: I’ll see you tomorrow, Dylan. But I have to ask you not to discuss me with your new therapist. At all. I will tell him that you decided you’d feel more comfortable with a male therapist. That’s all either of us has to say.
DYLAN: Agreed. But no therapist talk on here, Scarlett. This text convo is an emotionally safe environment for flirtation, sexting, and kitten pics.
SCARLETT: Say hi to Mr. Noodles for me and Noah.
DYLAN: Yeah, that was neither flirtatious nor sexty, but will do.
SCARLETT: Get out of here! She’s so cute! Is she wearing a sock?
DYLAN: Affirmative. My brother’s girlfriend gave me the idea. I cut off the foot part of one of my wool socks so she can wear it like a sweater.
SCARLETT: That sweater looks kind of big on her though…
DYLAN: Well you may or may not have noticed that I have big feet…
SCARLETT: I may or may not have noticed it when I initially assessed your excellent choice of footwear during our first session. But I suppose that counts as therapy talk, so never mind.
DYLAN: Clinical assessment of my sizable body parts and good fashion sense is allowable and encouraged on all interfaces and platforms. Go on.
SCARLETT: If you had read that pamphlet you’d know that it won’t be appropriate for me to discuss any of your appendages in a text convo until two years have passed. My client’s here. See you tomorrow.
DYLAN: I actually did read the pdf of that pamphlet online, and there is no mention of the prohibition of textual relations between therapist and client.
So I will tell you that I think your little gold necklace is pretty and I can’t wait to find out if it sticks to your skin when you get all sweaty from hot sex.
DYLAN: Too much too soon. Got it. See you tomorrow.
SCARLETT: I just want to say that I was very impressed by what you said in my office yesterday. In my defense, we are trained to give out that pamphlet if we feel a situation arises that warrants it. But I probably could have handled it better, and I like how you handled it.
DYLAN: Bet you’re also impressed that I’m not making a joke about the kind of situation that’s been arising in my pants when I think about you and how it could have been handled.
DYLAN: Yeah, I should have just thanked you and left it with you being impressed by how I was yesterday but
SCARLETT: Boys will be boys Fortunately, mine is still in the fart joke stage.
DYLAN: Pretty sure that’s a lifelong stage, but your son is great.
SCARLETT: Gotta see my next patient. But thank you.
SCARLETT: And feel free to tell me exactly how you would have liked me to handle that situation in your pants.
SCARLETT: Shit. Pretend I didn’t send you that text. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m at work!!!