Chapter 33 Dylan
DYLAN
I’ve been trying to prove myself to my family my entire life.
That’s the truth.
Most of the time I don’t let it get to me when they make fun of me. But it does. Deep down, it gets to me. How can it not? It doesn’t define me, and I don’t change who I am because of it, but it’s there.
Like an intrinsic layer of truth about a character. Something that is undeniable and unchangeable. Dylan Brodie is the youngest brother. Dylan Brodie wants to be loved. Dylan Brodie’s romantic relationships always come to an end.
Everyone thinks I have a pattern.
I might.
But there’s a pattern for the girls and women I’ve dated too.
There always comes a point when the boyish cocky grin goes stale or becomes offensive to them.
The blue eyes lose their luster. The charm loses its charm.
The once-hot sex becomes tepid. I can’t flirt my way out of an argument.
My tolerance and understanding and general all-around awesomeness somehow is no longer enough.
I don’t think it’s gotten to that point with Scarlett.
I thought everything was different with Scarlett.
I thought she was on my side.
But here’s the other thing that always happens toward the end, when the play or film or TV production wraps: my calls are missed and they respond with a text.
Dates for public events get canceled because they don’t want to get their picture taken with me anymore.
When I do see them, they bring up the fact that all my exes were co-stars so obviously what we had wasn’t real.
That won’t be the argument for Scarlett, exactly. But she’s obviously heard about Tabitha. She’s obviously expecting the worst of me. Like everyone else. Instead of just letting me explain to her that it’s a total nonissue.
Yeah, maybe I should have told her as soon as I found out Tabitha was in the running for the part.
But I knew it would just worry her. Why worry her until I knew for sure they were going to cast her?
Sure, it might have been better for Scarlett if I’d called her as soon as I found out they cast her.
But I found out about three hours before they announced it in the trades.
Yes, Alex asked me if I thought it was a good idea before they offered Tabitha the part.
It is a good idea—for the movie. It’s not a good idea for Scarlett, but I don’t think Scarlett would be okay with any actress they cast. Or more like she wouldn’t be okay with the idea of me working with any actress they cast.
She should understand more than anyone that I have to compartmentalize the different areas of my life.
I’ve been talking about that with my new therapist. If I can show Scarlett that I have a clear understanding of the boundaries between my acting life and my personal life, then it should be clear to her that any feelings I have for my co-stars when we’re acting together will dissipate when the scene is over. As long as I have her to come home to.
I am compartmentalizing now. And I knew without a doubt that the best thing for this movie and for my career would be to cast Tabitha opposite me in that role.
She’s a really good actress. We had those puppy love feelings for each other that the characters had.
But it was just puppy love. It’s not the real, grown-up love that I feel for Scarlett.
That’s what I wanted to tell her in person. That’s why I waited. So she could not only hear my voice but see my eyes and feel my touch. So I could tell her and then kiss her so hard she’d forget about the past because I was there, kissing her now. Telling her I love her now.
But she didn’t answer my call. She responded with a text.
She didn’t want to have dinner with me. She didn’t want to go to her first public event with me because she didn’t want to get her picture taken with me.
I know what that means. I may be a fool for always believing that my current relationship will be different from the last one, but maybe they’re fools for not believing I can make it better.
It’s Friday night, and after barely sleeping last night, I’ve been driving around LA all day, going from meetings to interviews to fittings.
It’s Friday night, so Noah is with his dad and I’m driving to Scarlett’s house to meet her.
It’s Friday night and it’s raining, so traffic fucking sucks and it’s taking a fucking hour to get from my meeting in the Valley to Santa Monica.
She didn’t want to have dinner in a restaurant, probably because she doesn’t want to cause a scene.
I’ve been through so many of these conversations, you’d think I’d have no problem handling them by now, but I just want to get this one over with.
I already know what she’s going to say. She wants to end things because it will be easier now than if it happens later if I fall for Tabitha.
Even if I swear to her that there is no chance I will fall for Tabitha, she’ll point out that all of the publicity for the movie will focus on us and question whether or not we’re just keeping our relationship a secret.
And she’s right about that. She’ll tell me it will be hard for her and it will be hard for Noah if he sees how upset she is.
She probably won’t say it out loud, but I’m only twenty-seven, so how could she possibly take me seriously as a future husband?
Oh, and also I was her patient so we really shouldn’t be dating anyway. She’ll definitely bring that up.
It’s always something.
And I am so tired of trying to prove myself to everyone that I love.
If it’s easier for her to end things now, then I will let her end things. But I will show her. By the time we wrap the movie, she’ll see that no one else can come between us. The only thing keeping us apart has been her. All along.
I pull into her driveway, remembering that first night I followed her here.
It was raining, but it seemed to take no time at all because all I could think about was how I was going to grab her and kiss her once I got to her house.
I had been wanting to kiss her ever since I first saw her, and I haven’t stopped wanting to kiss her.
If I have to kiss her goodbye for now, then it will be just as long and deep a kiss as the first one.
I will make sure she knows what she’ll be missing.
I remember feeling so vulnerable the first time I was standing on her doorstep, but this time I feel…armored. Ready for battle. Ready to let her win this one so I can win the war.
When she opens the door, I catch my breath because she looks so damn beautiful. Tired. But beautiful. Hair up, red lipstick, sexy dress. Like she made an extra effort to look especially beautiful tonight. For me.
Which is just evil. She’s trying to catch me off guard. Trying to make me feel vulnerable again.
“Hi,” she says.
“Hi.”
“Come on in.”
I step inside the foyer, keeping my shoes on. Because you can’t win a battle when you’re barefoot. Unless you’re a gladiator.
She closes the door and then places her hand on my arm, getting up on her tiptoes to plant a warm kiss on my cheek. I guess this is how mature adult women handle breakups. “How was traffic?”
“Terrible.”
She looks at me expectantly, like she’s waiting for me to say but it was worth it because now I get to see your gorgeous face or some bullshit awesome thing that I would usually say.
And honestly, that’s how I’m actually feeling.
It is fucking awesome and incredibly painful to see her gorgeous face. But I don’t say anything else.
She is clearly surprised by this. “Oh. Sorry. You want me to take your coat?”
“I’ll keep it on.” I shove my hands into my coat pockets and shrug my shoulders. “Let’s get this over with.”
Her head jerks back a bit. “Oh. Okay.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, and her tone completely changes. “Should we go into the living room to sit down, or are you in a hurry to leave?”
“Might as well rip off the Band-Aid.”
She blinks. “Okay, then. Go ahead.”
“You first.”
“No, you seem to have an agenda here. You go ahead.”
“Fine. You heard about Tabitha, I take it?”
“I heard that she was cast opposite you in the movie, and I heard that the script has some very ‘racy’ scenes in it.”
“Uh-huh. And your reaction was to cancel your plans with me instead of talking through things with me.”
“My reaction was to work through my thoughts and feelings before talking to you so I wouldn’t overreact.”
“And? Have you done that? Did you work through your thoughts and feelings with the gopher or the punk band that lives in your head?” Okay, that came out a little more acerbic than I meant it to.
She scoffs. “I am so glad I shared that with you, but I actually spoke to my therapist this morning. It may have been a complete waste of time because it seems you and I are working toward very different goals here.”
“Right. You wanted to end things with me because you think I’ll get together with Tabitha. You think it will be easier for you and for Noah if we do this now. Because of my history. Because of your history with your ex-husband.”
“Okay… Go on.”
“No. I won’t waste your time. I want to make things easier for you. And for Noah.”
“Well, thanks! I mean, I wouldn’t want to trouble you either.”
Sarcasm. This is a new color for her, but I know how to deal with sarcasm. Been dealing with it my entire life. You know how I deal with it? By being forthright and genuine.
“But here’s the thing, Scarlett—I don’t want to end things. I think we should just take a break. If it’s easier for you to let me go and see if you can trust me, then I will let you let me go.”
Her eyes widen in genuine shock. “Wow.”
I’m hoping she’s shocked by how amazing I am, but I really can’t tell.
“If it’s easier for you to not have to talk to me while I’m gone or come up to Big Bear to visit me and wonder if I’m cheating on you and suspect that maybe everyone on set is keeping some big secret from you—then I will let you let me go. ”
“Great. That is so thoughtful of you.”
I honestly can’t tell if she wants to laugh or stab me in the face right now, so I continue. “But you have to promise to come back to me when I come back to LA and I’ve proved to you that the only person who has ever come between us…is you.”
She shuts her eyes tight and then takes a step back when she feels my hands on her arms. “Wait. So you’re suggesting we take a break while you film this steamy movie on location in Big Bear with your first girlfriend?” She uses very ironic and offensive air quotes. “Your first love?”
“If you need that space to figure things out, yes. I will let you have it.”
“Oh my God.” She laughs disbelievingly. “Unbelievable. That’s what you wanted to say to me? That you want us to take a break while you shoot the movie?”
“Well, what did you want to say to me?”
She holds her hand up, takes a deep breath in, closing her eyes, and when she opens them and breathes out, she looks…
furious. She looks absolutely furious. “I want you to leave. I wish you all the best, Dylan. Thank you for loving me and sharing your time and your unicorn penis with me. Thanks for being nice to my family—you’re a great guy.
I know I sound pissed off right now—and I am—but I do mean that.
You’re great. I truly wish you a wonderful life because you deserve it. ”
Yikes.
“Scarlett.” I lean in to kiss her, but she puts her hand on my face and pushes me away.
“I am a mother, Dylan. I don’t get a break from that. Ever. You think I’m going to explain to my son that you and I are taking a break while you go off to shoot a movie in the mountains, and then we’ll just see how things go and maybe get back together in a month or so? That’s what you want?”
“What, so you’d rather just end things?”
“I would now, yes!” She covers her face and says, “You know what—hang on!” She shakes her head. “Wait here, don’t leave.” And then she stomps over to the kitchen.
I have no idea what’s happening.
I can’t tell who’s winning this battle.
I can’t decide if I should run out the door because there’s a fifty-fifty chance she comes back from the kitchen with a meat cleaver and sarcastically hacks me to death.
Scarlett returns and holds out a Ziploc bag with a sandwich inside. “Here. You need to eat something.”
I have never been offered a sandwich in such an aggressive manner before.
I take the sandwich from her. “Thank you!” I have never thanked someone in such a reluctant, angry way before.
“Eat it in your car,” she commands, and I actually shiver because her voice is so cold.
She opens the door and glares at me when I pass by her.
“So, to be clear, we’re breaking up?”
“Yes, Dylan. Drive safe.” She sounds so decisive and rational now, it’s scary. “Thank you for everything, I mean it. If Noah wants to see Mr. Noodles, please let him. But I don’t want you to call me.”
“Of course I’ll let him.”
I step out onto the porch and then turn around, but she shuts the door in my face.
In. My. Face.
The fuck just happened?
I get into my car and back out of the driveway, tossing the sandwich onto the passenger seat.
I remember that first time I went for a session with Dr. Shepard, sitting in the waiting area thinking all I wanted from a woman was sex and a sandwich.
I deserve so much more than that.
I know that now because of Scarlett.
Did I just fuck up?
It feels like I might have just fucked everything up.
I hit the brakes because I want to go back and knock on the front door, but the porch light goes off.
She doesn’t want me to call her?
This is real.
It’s Friday night, and now I have to drive back to my condo in the rain, to the only female mammal left on Earth who believes in me when it comes to having a relationship with me. As long as I feed her and don’t play with her too much. I hope I don’t fuck that up too.