Chapter 8
OWEN: Well, now. It seems congratulations are in order. We have TWO upcoming Brodie live performances to celebrate…
MILES: Shit on a biscuit. Who told you?
OWEN: Shane Miller’s twins were cast in a new stage musical adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Shane looked at the cast list, and it turns out our favorite little songbird will be starring as Alice! And guess who’ll be delighting us as the charismatic, mysterious, eternally grinning Cheshire Cat?!
DYLAN: If it isn’t Jack Nicholson or Samuel L Jackson, I’m not going.
DYLAN: Although, my friend Sir Patrick Stewart would also be delightful.
Owen disliked “Although, my friend Sir Patrick Stewart would also be delightful.”
Miles disliked “Although, my friend Sir Patrick Stewart would also be delightful.”
Pops disliked “Although, my friend Sir Patrick Stewart would also be delightful.”
Mama disliked “Although, my friend Sir Patrick Stewart would also be delightful.”
OWEN: It’s Miles. Miles will be playing the Cheshire Cat.
OWEN: Frankie and I have already blocked out opening night on our calendars, and we will be dragging Sam, who will literally be kicking and screaming.
DYLAN: Miles brODIE?
POPS brODIE: My son Miles will be playing the Cheshire Cat on stage? In a musical? Is he going to sing about his famous owner whose name rhymes with The Shmuchess?
MAMA brODIE: I will boob a flick right now.
MAMA brODIE: Box a felch!!!
MAMA brODIE: Book a flagpole!!!
MAMA brODIE: Shaft on a butt cock.
POPS brODIE: Well, good night, folks!
MAMA brODIE: I am not the least bit drunk! My fingering are just excited!
MAMA brODIE: Book. A. Flight.
MAMA brODIE: I will book us a flight.
OWEN: I haven’t told you the dates yet, Mama.
MAMA brODIE: I am beside myself. Miles! Why have you not shared this wood nips with me?!
POPS brODIE:
MAMA brODIE: *wonderful news
MILES: I will be purchasing every ticket to ensure that no one I know will ever be able to attend a performance.
OWEN: Shane has already secured a large block of seats for opening night. His wife is planning a party. It’s going to be an event!
MILES: Fucking Millers.
DYLAN: Well, I’m just happy for Macy.
MAMA brODIE: As am I! I am so full of pride right now I could bulge!
MAMA brODIE: How did this happen? Are we certain she was cast as Alice and not the Duchess or the queening?
POPS brODIE: We’ll be sure to send a gift to congratulate Macy. I’ll make sure I’m the one who types out the message for the gift card.
DYLAN: And I would like to remind Miles that I am a Tony-nominated thespian who can (but may or may not be available to) give advice on the art and craft of stage performance.
This will depend on my busy schedule as an in-demand actor with a hot fiancée, very entertaining future stepson, adorable cat, and a highly anticipated feature film release.
OWEN: And if the Cheshire Cat has to deliver any nonsensical fart jokes—I’m your guy.
MAMA brODIE: I am almost unbearably proud of all of my boys and grandbabies.
POPS brODIE: Wow. Not one typo in that one.
MAMA brODIE: I just Googled it. Did you know you can turn off auto-correct?
POPS brODIE: Yes. Where’s the fun in that?
MILES: Thanks for all your support for my daughter. That’s what this is all about. I’m doing all of this for Macy. Yes, she is starring as Alice and would like for everyone to refer to her as Miss Alice for the entire summer.
MAMA brODIE: What exactly is the “all of this” that you are doing for Macy, Miles? Please elaborate.
MILES: I just meant playing the Cheshire Cat. That’s all.
MAMA brODIE:
Pops disliked “”
OWEN: Hey, Shane said the director is Tyler Holden’s ex-girlfriend.
DYLAN: I would give my left nut to work with that guy.
OWEN: I would give your right nut to work with him. And Tyler and I have the same manager.
DYLAN: Isn’t he your client too, Miles?
DYLAN: Oh, all of a sudden Miles isn’t bragging about his client roster.
DYLAN: Whatever. Our agents have been trading calls.
DYLAN: But congratulate Macy for me.
Miles liked “But congratulate Macy for me.”