Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
ELIJAH
A s the evening festivities slow down, I make my escape. Lottie has joined April’s students in our old games room, where Mum’s hired a projector and gaming equipment after we moved our old gaming machines to the community centre next door to April’s dance studio.
I make my way to the pool. I long to shed my suit, dive into the warm water, and swim until I’ve relieved the stress of the day. But today isn’t about me, and the last thing my mother needs is drunk guests taking a dip.
I drop onto one of the sun loungers positioned around the side and stare into the blue-lit water. I’ve spent countless hours at this pool since learning to swim. It’s always been my safe place.
When my hobby and love for the water became an obsessive goal to make the Olympic swimming team, I was driven by an unshakeable force to be the best. I swam every morning and every night, weight trained, ate a specific diet, and had the best coaches. I trained for years, only to have it end with a snap.
My hand goes to my ankle, rubbing the now almost invisible scar through my trouser leg.
A snap it truly was. It happened during my final year of university. It was January, and I was cycling to the pool early one morning. I hit a patch of black ice and lost control of my bike. I hit the kerb and came off, breaking my ankle. Surgery, followed by months of physiotherapy, meant I missed out on team selection. When I finally did make it back into the water, I knew I’d never regain the form I once had. With that and finding out about Darra’s pregnancy, I refocused my attention. I concentrated on my finals and building a future for myself and my new family rather than trying to reclaim a lost dream. Frazer Cyber Security went from being an idea to a company whose growth over the past fifteen years has surpassed my wildest dreams.
There’s a movement to my right.
“Hi,” the last voice I expect to hear says. “Are you shirking your duties, Mr Frazer?”
I look up, my heart racing.
“All duties complete. I’ve officially signed off for the evening.”
A flush of adrenalin shoots through my body at the sound of Pen’s voice.
“Impressive. I would have assumed Franny would have run you ragged until the last guest left,” Pen says.
She’s the only person who gets away with calling my mother, Francesca Frazer, Franny. And Mum won’t hear a word against it.
“I could ask, what you’re doing out here?”
“Reminiscing,” she says, stepping closer. “Why are you skulking in the dark on your own?”
“Who says I’m skulking?”
“Sat in the dark, by an empty pool, no one else around in the middle of a party?”
She has a point.
“Getting some fresh air?”
“The marquee is outside, and they’ve taken the sides off. Plenty of fresh air over there.”
The laughter and music from the DJ reaches us, and Pen raises an eyebrow.
“Fine. I admit—I’m hiding.”
Pen drops herself onto the sunbed next to mine, putting her feet up.
“Do you want me to go?”
I turn and cock my own eyebrow as she makes herself comfortable.
When her gaze meets mine, she smirks.
“Depends,” I hear myself say.
“On what?”
“Are you going to sit and offer me platitudes about my divorce or how I’ll meet someone else? I’m still young, with my whole life ahead of me?”
Pen sits back against the raised back and shrugs.
I grumble, and Pen chuckles again. The sound light against my tension.
“I wasn’t intending to,” she says. “So you’re out here hiding from the divorce sympathisers?”
“Honestly, if someone else gives me that look or offers me their sympathies,” I say.
“They mean well, and this is a wedding. Everyone is all about the love ,” Pen says, her fingers making inverted speech marks in the air. Not that she will believe it. She was never a fan of platitudes. It was one of the reasons we got on so well. She was a straight talker, said it how she saw it.
“No shit,” I say, making her laugh.
“You know what I mean. Love is in the air, ” she sings badly while batting her eyelashes.
I laugh. The sound surprising me.
It’s been a long time since I sat with Pen, and we laughed. Truly laughed. She always had a way of making the world seem lighter.
Another thing my marriage took from me. My best friend.
“You do know it’s only going to get worse?” she says, leaning forward.
“What do you mean?”
“You are now the only single Frazer male left. All those social climbers your brothers have been fighting off?—”
“Will be sorely disappointed. That is one path I never intend to tread again,” I say, running a hand down my face.
The mere thought of committing myself to someone ever again, giving them that sort of power over me, makes me want to break out in a cold sweat. I turn my head sideways and groan.
Pen shakes her head. “Never say never.”
“I can. I’ve been there, done that, and got the t-shirt, Lottie is my priority now,” I say. “I thought you were going to make me feel better, not wind me up.”
“Just pointing it out. You got away with it the first time around, unlike poor Gabriel and Caleb.”
I did. Darra was the perfect shield. The society mothers and their husband hunting daughters left me alone. But the last laugh was on me. I ended up married to the biggest social climber of them all.
And now here I am, divorced.
As Pen pointed out, it’s going to be free season on my ass. I grimace at the thought.
I turn back to face the water, my elbows resting on my knees.
“I forgot how much of a know-it-all you are.”
She leans forward and pats my shoulder, withdrawing her hand almost instantly.
I turn my head again.
“What are you really doing out here?”
She purses her lips, biting the skin where her lip ring used to be.
“Taking a break,” she says, and I incline my head.
Pen huffs. “From all the congratulations, let me see your ring, to how are your wedding plans going .”
It’s my turn to chuckle, my eyes drop to the enormous rock Pen is sporting on her engagement finger.
“It is a wedding, after all,” I parrot.
“Touché,” she says.
“No Kristophe?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “He’s inside talking to The Boys. ”
“I wish I could go for a swim,” I say suddenly.
“Nothing changes. There are a lot of memories tied up with this pool.”
We both turn and face the water.
We spent every summer around this pool. It was in the time before , a time when responsibility was nothing but a word, and laughter filled the air. My friends and I returned here every holiday. Zach and Jaxson were on the university swim team with me and would help me train in the holidays. Darra, my girlfriend, and some of her friends would tag along, and eventually, I convinced Pen to join us. I was different then, sociable. Focused on making the Olympic team. I had my whole life ahead of me.
“We had fun during those summers.”
“Including you and Jax teaching me to swim after I nearly drowned,” she says.
My breath catches at the memory. I’ll never forget that day. No one knew Pen couldn’t swim. No one but Kat, and she’d gone inside. We were messing around, childish horseplay, when Darra pushed Pen into the deep end. We all thought she was messing around. It was only when Kat returned and plunged in, pulling a half-drowned Pen from the water, we uncovered the truth. My sister ripped us all a new one that day, and her ongoing friendship with Pen was formed.
“The guys and I swore, by the end of the summer, you’d be swimming.”
“And I was. You were all very bossy if I recall, but great teachers. If not for you, I wouldn’t have swum off the Great Barrier Reef or been surfing in California.”
My heart swells. “You always were one to make the most of something.”
After my initial panic, I’d been so angry with Pen. Water safety was my number one rule. It was ingrained in me from childhood.
“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell any of us you couldn’t swim.”
I watch her shrug but don’t miss the twitch of her lip.
“Really? A little hard to admit when you’re surrounded by the university’s team of elite swimmers. Oh guys, by the way, I can’t swim. ” She chuckles again, the sound filling the air. “And it wasn’t a case of not being able to swim. I could manage the basic strokes. I learned those at school. I just needed to be where I could put my feet down.”
This is nothing new. I quizzed her about it after the event. With her mum always working and money tight, there’d been no after-school swimming lessons for Pen. It was the first time I realised how privileged I was and why it became our mission to ensure Pen could confidently swim by the end of the summer.
“If I remember. It was the perfect trade-off. I helped you with your coding, and you taught me to swim. A win-win.”
My chest aches as memories of our time together. She shuffles forward, making herself level with me, her feet now on the floor.
“I can’t believe that was sixteen years ago,” she says wistfully. “We were all so young and carefree.”
“Life is very different now,” I mumble.
Silence descends as we stare at the water.
“The wedding was beautiful,” Pen says eventually.
“Very different to mine, you mean,” I say.
I sense Pen turning her head towards me.
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
I turn my head to face her, our eyes locking. “But it’s true.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you and Darra,” Pen says.
“Are you?”
She pauses as if weighing up her answer. She sighs. “No.”
It’s my turn to chuckle. “Always brutally honest.”
Pen shrugs. “I didn’t like the way she treated people. You most of all, but it wasn’t my business. She gave you Lottie, and she’s the best of both of you.”
My heart warms at her words, but my chest constricts. Would she say that if she knew the truth? Pen’s love for my daughter, her goddaughter is renowned. She’s stepped in over the years and supported her, been like a second mother when Darra was too wrapped up in herself.
I shudder to think what would have happened if Pen had been in the country the day Lottie overheard Darra and me. It would have been Pen who Lottie ran to, and that would have been more serious than Gabriel and Leah.
“Good to know,” I say.
“So what next?” Pen asks. “You’ve clearly dismissed hooking up with any of the social climbers . What are your plans while Lottie’s away?”
“The usual,” I admit. “Run my company. We have a release going out. I may take Gabriel up on his offer to attend boys’ night.”
“Ah, the infamous boys’ nights. You should. They’re fun, and it will get you out. I’m going to miss the girls’ night equivalent.”
I know from Leah and April that Pen is part of their girl squad.
“How are your wedding plans coming along?”
Pen groans.
“Sorry.”
She sighs. “I can’t believe it’s been seven years since we last chatted like this.”
We both turn our heads and face the water. The blue light dances on the surface.
“After Dad’s funeral,” I say.
Pen came to my office. She, Mum, and Dad had been close. Dad’s death hit her hard. She’d bought a bottle of my dad’s favourite whisky and two glasses. We talked all afternoon, reminiscing over time gone by. Finally raising a glass to the man he was. We celebrated my father’s life that afternoon, but then it was back to usual the next time we met—pleasantries.
“I said it then, and I’ll say it now. Thank you for all you’ve done for Lottie over the years. She’s going to miss you. I’m sorry Darra stopped me from taking her out of school for your wedding.”
Pen sighs. “Don’t thank me. Every moment spent with her is a blessing. I appreciate being in her life. As it stands, I should have checked before the save-the-date cards went out.”
There’s a small pause, and I feel a hand touch my arm, squeezing before it disappears.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Elijah. You always were your own worst critic. That drive of yours to be the best. You’ve done an amazing job. Lottie is a wonderful young woman.”
“And you always were my biggest cheerleader,” I say before I can stop the words.
There is another pause as Pen stands.
Shit!
“I better go back in,” Pen says. “Kris will wonder where I’ve disappeared to.”
A sudden pressure builds in my chest, and I draw in a breath.
“Are you coming?”
“I think I’ll hang out here for a bit longer.”
Pen comes to stand in front of me.
“Take care of yourself,” she says, as I find myself looking up at her.
We were the perfect team. Her partnership inspired me to excel. My natural competitive streak taking over. I was determined she wouldn’t beat me, but she always did.
“I’ll leave you in peace.”
She smiles down at me.
This Pen is so different from the initial Penelope Dawson I brought home that first weekend. Gone is the harsh white and black makeup and a face full of metal piercings. Now she is polished. Her makeup is flawless, her hair styled in dark waves. Her charity shop buys have been replaced with designer chic that shows off her toned and tanned physique. And gone is her prickly, defensive demeanour. In its place is a woman quick to laugh and happy to help those she cares for.
“Take care of yourself, and good luck with the wedding plans. Kris is a lucky man,” I say, knowing I mean every word.
My chest constricts.
Pen, out of everyone I know, deserves to be happy. She’s worked harder and given more back to society and everyone around her than anyone I’ve ever met.
“Thank you. Take care of you, big man,” she says, giving a small smile. “This has been…nice.”
I chuckle at her choice of word.
“Nice is a biscuit,” I say, smiling back. “You better get back.”
She nods before turning and walking away.
I watch her disappear into the gardens and out of view.
My heart sinks as my once best friend walks away—again.
I rest my forearms on my knees and stare into the water. Fate intervened between Pen and me. I should be happy for her, but the pain in my chest refuses to subside. Out of everyone I know, she deserves to find true happiness. If Kristophe Lansdown can give her what she wants, then I wish them well.
I press the heel of my palm into the muscle of my chest and rub as I stare at the water.
“This is where you’ve got to,” another voice from the past states.
I look up and smile.
“I needed a break,” I admit.
Jaxson drops himself onto the sun lounger next to mine.
“Wanting to jump in the pool and swim away the stress of the day?” he asks.
“If only,” I say.
“Was that Pen I just saw leaving?” Jax asks.
“It was,” I say with a sigh.
“A long day?”
“Don’t you know it.”
Jax leans over and squeezes my shoulder. He’s one of the few people who understands the stress of today. He was by my side throughout my wedding to Darra.
“Caleb and April, aren’t you and Darra,” he says. “You can take comfort in that. April is very much in love with your brother. Not to mention he’s completely besotted with her.”
I can hear the amusement in his voice. I know he was there when Caleb first met April in New York. My brother confided in him about the girl who got away . He and Caleb have been business associates and friends for many years. Jax, having built up a successful architectural business specialising in energy efficiency, and Caleb, Frazer Development. Together they’ve transformed large portions of the capital.
I turn my head to face my old friend.
“I know, and I’m happy for them. Both my baby brothers have found great partners.”
“And you? What next?” Jax asks.
“Now I concentrate on Lottie. She’s suffered enough with all mine and Darra’s fighting. It’s time I put her first.”
“Remember, her dad being happy will make Lottie happy,” he says, his tone tinged with a hint of sadness.
I look back at the water.
If only I knew what that looked like.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry I shut you out.” I run a hand through my hair. “I’ve been saying that a lot recently.”
Jax turns his head to face me, so I move mine to look at him. We exchange a look, mirroring a moment long past.
“Hey, I’m here now. And what’s fifteen years between genuine friends?” he adds, smiling widely.
I chuckle.
“Only you,” I tell him, shaking my head.
“No,” he says. “Every one of us is here whenever you’re ready.”
I choke back the lump forming in my throat.
“How about we grab dinner, catch up? I’m not heading back to the US for a month,” Jax says.
I smile, the pressure in my chest easing.
“I’d like that.”