Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
ELIJAH
A drenalin courses through my body as I enter my office, priming my muscles despite my lack of sleep. I look to the bookshelf where the watch Pen gave me buzzed.
Fuck.
It’s something when you can’t even feel safe in your own environment.
My nerves are stretched raw from stress and now a lack of sleep.
Everyone I passed on my way here, anyone who acknowledged me, I wondered.
Is it you? Are you the one who sold me out?
My mind is racing.
Whoever it is, I’ve been working alongside them for months, maybe even years. It could even be one of my founding members.
Fuck! This is messing with my head . I still need to speak to Todd and the board.
I move towards my desk and drop into my chair. It lets out a loud creak in protest and I drop my head back, closing my eyes.
A knock on my door has me jumping upright.
“Yes,” I shout, my voice sharper than usual.
The door opens, and Jules enters.
“Are you ready for our weekly meeting?” She pauses. “Or we can reschedule?”
I look at my calendar.
It’s our meeting to plan up the following week. I like to be organised, always have done. I may not have control over everything in my life, but within the office, I like to run a tight ship.
“No, it’s fine. Come in, take a seat.”
A frown mars Jule’s brow, but she says nothing.
Pen’s words echo through my mind.
“It’s important you keep up appearances. You don’t want to tip off the mole by changing your routine. At the moment, we have the upper hand.”
I smile, but it’s impossible to miss the look of concern she shoots me. She’s worked for me for years. Is used to my mood changes and is likely more attuned to them than most. I need to give the woman a pay rise!
In true Jules style, she refrains from calling me out on whatever she’s picking up on.
“Sorry, I had a late night,” I say, wanting to offer some excuse for my less than friendly behaviour.
She smiles, her shoulders relaxing.
“Say no more.”
The smile she gives me tells me she thinks I was up late having fun. If only she knew.
“Let’s get started,” I say.
We run through the minutes and tasks from last week. We close off completed tasks and reset outstanding ones.
I dictate a couple of memos I want to be sent out and pray I have thrown off whoever is listening.
It seems absurd and a little disconcerting knowing there’s someone out there listening to us. Taking their own notes.
Jules asks her usual questions, and we discuss next week’s planned meetings. When she finally leaves, I sit back. My concentration is shot. I’m getting too old to burn the candle at both ends. Knowing someone is out to get me, take down my company. When Darra finally left, I thought life would become less complicated. I could pick up the pieces of my shattered existence. Live again, but no, instead, I’m now dealing with this.
By midday, I’m done.
I get up and grab my coat.
Opening my door, I head to Jules’ desk.
“I’m heading out.”
She looks up and grins.
“It must have been a good night.”
I groan. “I wish. I spent the night tossing and turning.”
Realising I don’t want her to get the wrong impression.
“She’ll be fine, you know. A summer in Italy will be amazing. She’ll come back with all these stories.”
I take a moment to realise Jules has equated my sleepless night with Lottie being away. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“I know. It’s just hard. This is the longest she’s been away. The apartment feels very empty.”
At least, if anyone is listening in, this sounds genuine. It’s true I am worried about Lottie, but I know she’s having a great time. Her calls and messages are saying as much. It’s also important she spends time with her mother. I may not be Darra’s biggest fan, but Lottie is her daughter, and it’s important they forge their own relationship.
Jules shoots me a sympathetic look.
“Take the time to enjoy yourself. Meet up with friends.”
I nod, not wanting to point out that fifteen years of prioritising Frazer Cyber Security, alongside alienating my friends to conceal my secret, has left me with few remaining.
I smile. “Maybe I’ll do that. I’ll be back in an hour. I just need to get some fresh air.”
I get out my phone and dial Lottie’s number.
“Hey, Dad,” Lottie says.
“Hey sunshine, how are you?” I ask.
Jules looks across and mouths.
“Take as long as you need. If there’s an emergency, I’ll let you know.” She shoos me away with her hand and a warm smile. “Go.”
I return her smile and head for the elevator, continuing my conversation with Lottie, my phone pressed to my ear.
“Elijah.”
I turn at the sound of my name.
Todd is walking towards me.
“Hey, sweetheart, I’ve got to go. Enjoy your class this afternoon...love you too.”
I turn to face Todd, my heart thumping.
Is it Todd?
He’s been with me since the beginning. Could he be the saboteur?
“I’m just heading out,” I say, holding the elevator door. I try to force my shoulders to relax as he joins me.
“Did you see my memo? Testing is complete. We’re good to go. The teams are in place for this weekend, ready for the first rollout.”
We never let everything roll out at once. Too dangerous if there does happen to be an issue. Easier to only have to back out a couple of sites, not everyone.
“Great news,” I say, trying to add an influx of enthusiasm.
I have to trust Pen and the code we changed last night. That it will hold up to whatever this person has planned, that we haven’t missed anything. Not knowing their target is killing me.
Is it a particular client? Or is it me and my firm they want to bring to its knees? Hold me to ransom.
“You look knackered,” he says, turning to face me. “You been burning the midnight oil more than usual? We’re not getting any younger.”
He chuckles to himself.
“Didn’t sleep great,” I tell him. “Lottie is away with Darra.”
I use Jules’ excuse as it fits the narrative.
“Ah, I’m sorry, man. It must be difficult. Divorce and children are never easy. Seems to be the hardest on the guy as well. Custody going to the mum most of the time.”
I stare at his hand as he grips my shoulder and squeezes.
Oh fuck, now I’ve got people feeling sorry for me .
Not what I want going around the office.
“No, it’s more the silence. Lottie lives with me full time now, and her mum has moved to Italy,” I tell him.
He grins. “Ah, teenagers. Noise and money pits. Mine cost a fortune. Always wanting the latest gadget and don’t mention the school fees.”
He grins and rolls his eyes.
My spine stiffens.
Is that what this is? Someone selling me out for money?
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to stem the headache forming behind my eyes.
The elevator reaches the lobby, and I step out. Todd claps me on the back.
“Get some rest. Things here will be fine without you.”
“Thanks, Todd. I appreciate it,” I say, almost through gritted teeth.
Little does he know, or maybe he does. Things haven’t been running without me. My divorce from Darra took my concentration and look at what’s happened. My company is one of the few things I have left, having given Darra everything else in order to ensure Lottie’s adoption.
I make my way onto the street. It’s warm, the summer sun reflecting off the surrounding office buildings, trapping the heat at street level. I hail a taxi, too tired to walk to Gabriel’s office. I need to see him. Thank him for arranging Pen, but also give him a brotherly bollocking for overstepping. In all honesty, the second point I’ll let go. I’m not sure what I’d have done without her. Although her skills have raised more questions than answers. I wonder if Gabe knows more about Pen’s life. The thought bothers me more than it should.
The taxi pulls up outside, and I climb out, making my way into his reception.
The main lobby calls up and announces my arrival. Amanda, his PA, is waiting for me by the elevator when it opens.
“It’s a busy day today,” she says, and I shoot her a questioning look, making her smile. “Leah is here with little Callum, and Ms Dawson has just arrived. They’re all in Gabriel’s office if you would like to join them.”
My heart thunders at the mention of Pen’s name. I need to speak to Gabe, not face the one person who has invaded my thoughts all morning. I realise it’s not only the company that has taken my focus but the woman I sat beside all night. A woman who’s driven me insane from the moment I met her over eighteen years ago. A woman who’s always been just out of reach and is now moving even further away.
It’s not how I always saw us. At one point, there had been hope, but fate had other plans for us then, and it seems like now. She will forever be the one who got away .
Kristophe is a lucky man.
Amanda bustles me forward and knocks on Gabriel’s door, opening it before I can stop her.
“Gabriel, your brother is here,” she says, pushing the door wider so Gabriel and the other occupants of the room can see me.
I take in the scene in front of me. Gabriel is sitting smiling at his wife while Pen is grinning on her hands and knees. Her ass is in the air as she operates the plastic figure, dancing on the carpet in front of her while my nephew shrieks with laughter. Her boots are missing. Instead, her brightly coloured socks stand out against her black trousers. Who knew?
It’s at that moment Callum looks up.
“Unc Lij,” he squeals, clambering up and stumbling towards me. He staggers, and I scoop him up into my arms, swinging him into the air. I grin as he squishes my cheeks in his tiny hands.
“Hey, scamp, how are you?” I ask him, my exhaustion suddenly gone.
“Good,” he says. “Throw,” he adds, and I shake my head.
He loves me throwing him in the air and catching him. I’m his giant uncle.
“Not inside, buddy, no head banging, or Daddy and Mummy will be cross with me.”
His bottom lip pops out, and he looks over my shoulder.
“Where Ottie?”
“Lottie is with her mum today.”
His little shoulders sag, but he shifts his focus and grins.
“’Kay,” he says before turning around in my arms and pointing. “Ant Pen here.”
My eyes meet Pen’s over my nephew’s head. She’s shifted position to sit cross-legged on the carpet. She’s surrounded by a barrage of stuffed and plastic toys.
“I can see,” I say, unable to keep the mirth from my tone.
Pen looks disgustingly refreshed seeing, like me, she had no sleep last night.
“Morning sunshine,” she says. “Come to join the fun?”
Gabriel groans, and Leah chuckles.
“This is my workplace,” he grumbles. “Caleb’s away. Now I get my big brother instead.”
“I can leave,” I say, turning towards the door, Callum still in my arms.
A resounding no goes up from Leah and Pen, followed by laughter.
“I’ll get more coffee,” Amanda says, reaching up and tickling Callum, making him squirm before she leaves.
“Juice pees,” he says.
“Of course, young man.”
“Enclosed cups,” Gabriel calls after her.
Gabriel won’t have open mugs of coffee or tea around Callum, not after he nearly pulled one onto himself when he first started walking.
“Come in and sit down,” Leah says, pointing to the sofa near where Pen is sitting.
I close the door and put the now squirming Callum back onto the floor. He returns to Pen, who opens her arms and has him fall into them.
She tickles him until he’s squealing with delight.
“More,” he says breathlessly when she stops.
“Enough, Callum, let poor Pen come up for air.”
Pen cuddles him close to her chest, and he rests his head against her shoulder. The sight does strange things to me. I think back to how she was with Lottie. Not that I got to appreciate it very often. We made her Lottie’s godmother, along with Jaxson and Zach as godfathers. Or should I say, my father insisted, even though we were barely talking at that point. He must have had foresight into what an amazing godmother she would be. She’s always been there for Lottie, still is. Day trips and homework. Nothing is or has been too much trouble for my daughter, but with me, she always made sure I was absent.
“Getting ready for your own?” Leah says as Callum snuggles deeper into Pen’s shoulder.
He’s clearly exhausted himself and is beginning to fall asleep listening to Pen’s heartbeat.
She looks across and smiles.
“I can only hope,” she says, her gaze wistful.
My heart gives a kick at the thought of Pen’s stomach growing round with Lansdown’s child.
“Not long until the wedding,” Leah says, grinning. “How are the preparations going?”
I want nothing more than to tell my sister-in-law to stop, but one look at Gabriel, and I swallow my retort.
“I can’t believe it’s only two months. It’s been mad. Although Kris’s mum has taken over and coordinated everything with the wedding planner. She knows the move is crazy enough. But Kris and I didn’t want to wait.”
I wonder if I hear an underlying current in her voice. No. It’s that her words are like an arrow to the chest.
I look up to find Gabriel staring at me.
I decide to change the subject.
“I didn’t expect to find you here. I would have assumed you’d be catching up on some sleep.”
Leah eyes dart between us.
Pen laughs.
“After you left, Mum came in and began drinking coffee. I made the mistake of joining her. She would not leave easily.”
Gabriel knows what’s going on. He knows why she’s here. I’m not sure how much he’s told Leah.
Pen, as if sensing Leah’s confusion.
“That thing Gabe was talking about. I was helping Eli. It took all night.”
“Ahh,” Leah says, a small smirk appearing on her lips.
I shoot her a look, and she raises an eyebrow. It seems I no longer intimidate my sister-in-law, not that I’m convinced I ever did, nor did I ever want to. That she’s forgiven my surly ass shows what an amazing human being she is and why my brother fell so madly in love with her. She’s a forgiving soul, and I was a complete asshole. Luckily, we’ve put that behind us. We both love Gabe and want the best for him.
“How did it go?” Gabe asks.
“Good,” Pen says, not adding anymore.
She shoots me a look. Surely, she doesn’t think that someone has bugged Gabriel’s office, too.
She shrugs as if answering my unspoken question.
“It’s safe. I checked this morning when Pen called,” Gabe says.
I should know my brother, Mr Gadget, would have a tool.
“Good. I taught you well,” Pen says, grinning. “We plugged the leak, let’s say.”
Gabriel nods, his eyes flashing to mine.
“And?”
“I do not know,” I say, shaking my head. He wants to know if I’ve worked out who’s behind this and why.
“ Shit ,” Gabriel says.
“Gabe!” Leah chastises, sending him a dirty look before flipping her eyes to their son, who is now sleeping peacefully against Pen’s chest.
My eyes catch sight of them together, and it does another flip.
Pen looks down at the sleeping tot in her arms, and a look I’ve never seen passes over her face. It’s wistful…peaceful. Her arms tighten before her eyes raise to mine. Our gazes lock before I drag mine away, turning towards my brother.
“I’ve got someone working on it,” she says, surprising me.
My gaze flies to hers, and the look she shoots me tells me not to dig any deeper, so I comply. More because my brain and body are in turmoil than for any other reason.
“I’m going to go,” I say, standing up just as Amanda returns with our drinks. I hold open the door as she places the cups on Gabriel’s desk.
“I need to get a couple of hours shut-eye. I can’t think straight.”
“Try having a child. I’ve been running on empty for months,” Gabriel says, earning himself a playful slap from Leah.
“Get some rest,” Leah says. “It’s time I got this little man home, anyway. But coffee first. I miss your coffee-making skills.”
She shoots Amanda a grateful smile as she passes through the door.
Stooping, she scoops the sleeping Callum out of Pen’s arms. While Pen sets about collecting the toys from Gabriel’s floor.
“Not bunny,” Leah says, at the teddy with big floppy ears that Lottie chose for Callum when he was born.
Pen smiles and holds him out as Leah places a still sleeping Callum in his buggy.
Only handing the worn teddy over once Leah straightens.
“Thank you.”
I bend down and help Pen clear up the carnage Callum has made.
“I’ll see you later,” I say when we have returned Gabriel’s office back to the professional place of work it has always been.
“I’ll walk you out,” Gabriel says, diving out of his chair, joining me at the door before I can say anything.
“Bye, ladies,” I say, exiting the room.
We walk away in silence.
“Are you okay?” my younger brother asks.
“Not really,” I tell him truthfully.
I’m working on letting my family back into my life. For too many years, I’ve shut them out, thinking I was protecting them from my disastrous relationship. What I’ve learned is I fooled no one. Instead, I caused them more worry and strife. Something I’m struggling with, and my therapist is helping me with. That feeling of being isolated, unable to connect with people meaningfully. Thinking things would never improve or that there was no escape. How I made my bed, and now I must lie in it.
“Pen is the best at what she does,” he tells me, and I wonder if Gabe knows more about Pen’s mysterious past than I do. I know the two are close.
“Gabe?”
He shakes his head, his eyes locking on mine.
“If you want details, you talk to Pen.”
The look on his face tells me I will not win this battle.
“That’s because I’m a genius,” he says, his lips twitching at my unasked question.
I groan.
“Don’t forget it’s boys’ night next week. If this is resolved. We expect you there. No excuses.”
Another battle I don’t think I’ll win.