Chapter 27
CHAPTER 27
PEN
L eah’s gaze is locked on me as Gabriel and Elijah leave the room.
I turn to her, and when she raises an eyebrow in my direction, I smile.
“Is that all I’m going to get?” she asks.
I shrug and busy myself with the last of the toys, ignoring her question. When I’m done, I pick up the coffee Amanda brought in.
“Delicious,” I say, closing my eyes and letting the taste explode across my tongue.
Leah lets out an unladylike harrumph , something she’s picked up from her husband, and I chuckle.
“Have it your way,” Leah says good-naturedly before I open one eye and look at her grinning. “Shall we get out of here?”
She pushes the still-sleeping Callum towards the door.
“Absolutely,” I say, jumping up and following, placing my empty coffee cup on the desk.
It’s been too long since we’ve chatted.
I couldn’t believe my luck when, ten minutes after I arrived at Gabriel’s office, Leah turned up with Callum. One of my favourite little humans. I was on the floor in seconds, shoes off so as not to catch little fingers as we crawled around.
Seeing Gabriel with his wife and son warms my heart. I never thought I’d see the day. He had a toy pile stored in his office and was happy to have them strewn all over the floor. I wonder if Kris will be the same?
A fluttery feeling began deep in my belly when the door opened behind me. My pounding heart revealed his identity before he uttered a word.
Should I be surprised?
I know Gabriel called me after Elijah spoke to him, but Elijah has held himself back from his family for so long. What is surprising to me is my body’s response to the man who I’ve tried to distance myself from for years. Why is it that when I’m finally moving on, old feelings are being dragged back to the surface?
This is my problem, and I need to get a grip. I’ll be leaving soon, going back to Kris and my future.
One thing is for sure. It’s good to see Elijah finally reaching out and reconnecting, mending the bridges and relationships his marriage broke. Whatever happened between him and Darra left its scars. His focus was always on his swimming and then his business, but when we first met, he was never closed off. He was sociable, family-oriented. The Frazer household was a hub where we all gathered. We still do, but instead of him being at the heart, he’s been skirting around the edges, looking in for far too many years. Hopefully, this is the start of change.
I didn’t miss Elijah’s smirk when he took in my wacky socks. It was a joke at uni. He would always buy me the brightest, garish pair of socks he could find. He told me, even if he couldn’t see them inside my boots, they would brighten up my goth look. I resisted until I couldn’t. Now, it’s a habit. I loved black in those days, and it was not only my clothes but my hair, my nails, my eye makeup. I look back at pictures and scare even myself.
I still wear a lot of black, but I’ve toned down my makeup and hair. Running a multi-million-pound empire does that to someone. I have removed most of my piercings. My nose, eyebrow, and lip rings, as well as my tongue stud. I still sport a belly button bar and have multiple hoops and studs in each ear.
“So, what’s going on with Elijah?” Leah says as soon as we hit the street.
I move alongside her as we navigate our way through the crowds.
“I was helping him with something,” I tell her.
“All night?”
She stops, causing the surrounding people to swear and step around her.
I grab her arm to get her moving again, apologising to those Londoners cursing us.
“It was a big something,” I say.
It’s only when the words leave my mouth that I realise what I said. I turn to Leah, whose face crumples with laughter. Shaking my head, I manoeuvre us into a nearby coffee shop. I will need more caffeine if I’m going to be quizzed.
“Sorry,” she chokes out as she tries to get her laughter under control.
“Hilarious,” I say drily.
“Oh, come on, it was a little bit funny. I am married to a Frazer,” she says, waggling her eyebrows.
My cheeks heat.
“I wouldn’t know,” I say, feeling more flustered than I should.
Leah coughs, choking on the air she has inhaled. I slap her on the back with a tut.
Leah and I have become firm friends since she started dating and married Gabriel. I liked her from the get-go. She’s smart, funny and put the society bitches in their place. I can still see their faces, and Gabriel’s. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my friend go so red. But the way he looked at Leah, how he looks at her now. It’s like he could devour her, and she him. When they’re in the same room, it’s as if the air will combust.
We grab a seat in the corner where there’s space for the pushchair. A waitress comes over to take our order. Once she’s left, Leah turns.
“I saw the way Elijah looked at you. Are you telling me nothing happened?”
“I am. Nothing happened. We worked all night, reminisced about the past. But I hate to disappoint your romantic streak. You’re seeing things where there is nothing.”
Leah scowls at me.
“If it’s nothing. Why did he look like he’d swallowed a wasp when I mentioned your wedding?”
My heartbeat picks up at her words.
“You’re imagining it. Weddings aren’t exactly Elijah’s favourite topic. The man’s wedding was a train wreck. Darra’s parents overwhelmed him, parading him around like a prize bull. A society and celebrity who’s who. It was awful. Believe me.”
It was before Leah’s time, but I’ll never forget my friend’s face when I found him hiding in the bathroom.
I give myself a shake. That happened ages ago. A lot has changed since then for both of us.
Leah snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“Earth to Pen,” she says as I refocus on her. “I’m not blind. It was more than that. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, and when I mentioned Kris, I swear he went green around the gills.”
“Don’t,” I say.
“Why not?”
Leah grips my forearm, stopping me in my tracks.
“Because you’re marrying Kris?”
When I say nothing, Leah continues.
“Why are you marrying Kris?” she says, her fingers gripping my arm tighter.
I frown down at her hand.
“Leah,” I warn.
“No Pen. You’re my friend. I’m worried about you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
Leah groans at my words.
“Fine? Really?”
I grimace at her tone.
“Do you love him? Do you love Kris?”
Her eyes lock on mine, and I know she’s not going to let this go.
“Of course, I love him,” I tell her.
She pauses and inclines her head, staring at me. I squirm under the intensity of her gaze.
“Okay, let me phrase that slightly differently. Are you in love with him?”
I shoot her a warning look. I love Leah, but right now, I want to get up and walk away. She’s overstepping. I love the man he is, the way he treats people. But when I look at her and Gabriel, Caleb and April, do we have that same intense kind of love? No. But that does not mean it’s not there.
As if sensing my frustration, she holds up her hand.
“Please, hear me out. Let me say my piece, and I promise I won’t say another word.”
I nod in affirmation and sit back.
Our waitress arrives with our order. Leah pauses until she’s gone.
“Before Gabriel, I nearly married someone I thought I was in love with.” Her eyes glaze as she sinks into the memory. “I mistook love for my desperate need to settle down and get married, start a family. Thought time was running out. Luckily for me, fate stepped in, and I was forced to change direction, reevaluate. It was the best thing that ever happened. Look at where I am now.”
We both glance down at her sleeping angel.
I sigh. “I’m not you.”
Fate has already stepped in. It stepped in fifteen years ago when the man I fell in love with married someone else.
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
Leah pulls my hand away.
“I’m sorry, Pen. I spoke out of line. It’s just you and Kris were so sudden. You barely mentioned him, and then, after a couple of months of dating, you’re marrying him.”
Her eyes widen as the words leave her mouth, and it’s then I realise where her mind has gone. She and Gabriel fell head over heels for each other.
I smile at her.
“We’re not you and Gabriel,” I tell her truthfully. “And you’re not wrong. I have let my career rule my life. Kris and I want the same things. We both want a family, someone who understands us. So it’s true, we may not be the love affair of the century. But then again, until I saw you and Gabe and April and Caleb, I was sceptical true love existed.”
Leah’s eyes swim with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I smile and squeeze her hand, knowing it comes from a good place.
“No, you’re concerned for a friend. I appreciate it. But please don’t worry. I’m happy. This is what I want.”
I haven’t known Leah for long, and it’s scary how perceptive she is. How perceptive everyone seems to be.
What they don’t understand is Kris and I get one another. We want the same things.
“Like you said. I’ve hit that age. My career has meant I’ve put my personal life on hold. I want to rectify that before it’s too late.”
I look down at the little boy sleeping in his pushchair, his thumb tucked between his lips. My chest constricts as I think back to how he fell asleep in my arms. How holding his tiny body felt as he nestled into me. I want that more than I realise.
Kris and I are compatible in so many ways. Do I love him? I care for him deeply. Am I in love with him? No. But I’m not kidding myself that he’s in love with me. We trust and respect each other and what the other has achieved. I’m proud to stand by his side. He never makes me feel less, instead he encourages me. It may not be what Gabriel and Leah have, or what Caleb has found with April. But then that kind of love is rare and could have been missed as much as grasped. Kris and I are new to this. Maybe we just need time. Look at Leah and Gabe. They were under each other’s noses for eight years before they finally got together.
“I’m sorry, I’m out of line,” Leah says.
I lean forward and pull her in for a hug.
“If friends can’t speak their minds, then I don’t know who can. Never be afraid to tell me what you think,” I tell her truthfully.
She hugs me back.
“I’m going to miss you,” she says. “We all are.”
My heart constricts at her words. I’m going to miss them all, too. The past week in the US proved that. Was that why I jumped at the chance to come back here, help Elijah?
“Nah, you won’t,” I say, needing to deflect. “You have Stella and Nat, and Kat and Harper. April now as well. You’ll have forgotten me in a heartbeat.”
Leah pulls back and stares at me, her eyes wide.
“Is that what you think? You, my lovely lady, are very much mistaken. No one can replace you. There is only one Penelope Dawson.”
Her eyes glisten as she pulls back, taking her drink in her hands.
“Thank you,” I say, her words meaning more than I can express.
Old hangups die hard, and as an outcast, being accepted is something I still find challenging.
“I promise not to be a stranger.”
We finish our drinks, and I pay the bill before Leah can say anything.
“I better get this little man home before he wakes up.”
We walk back onto the street, and I see Mason pulling up at the kerb. Before Mason can get out, I help her unclip the seat of the buggy that also doubles as a car seat. Mason is out and holding open the door in the blink of an eye.
“Hi, Mason,” I say, leaning into the car and strapping Callum’s seat in while Leah helps Mason with the rest of the bags and buggy frame.
Leah climbs in, and Mason moves back to the door.
“Do you need a lift?” he asks.
I smile. “No, thank you. I have some jobs to do.”
He smiles and closes the door. I bend down and wave through the window before turning away.
I have something to do, and there’s no time like the present.