Chapter 69
CHAPTER 69
PEN
“ M arry me,” Elijah says again, pulling me into his arms when we finally get out of the shower and get dressed.
I grin up at him. “Don’t you think it’s a little soon. Lust is one thing, but how do you know you’re still going to want me?—”
He stares at me wide-eyed, his arms snaking around my waist, pulling me against his chest, as my pulse picks up.
“God, Pen. Want you? I’ve wanted you for longer than I can remember. Forced myself to suppress those feelings, knowing I could never have you.”
He looks at the ceiling before his eyes meet mine, the truth of what he’s saying shining out.
“I’ve sat by and watched you date other men, knowing I had no right to my jealousy, or to you. In the beginning, I didn’t understand what it was, but then as we got closer. After you nearly drowned and then my accident. It was like a weight around my neck.” I watch his throat bob. “When you got engaged to Kristophe…I can’t explain it.”
His voice catches and I can see the anguish in his face.
He drops his forehead to mine.
“Do you know I was going to ask you out the day Darra told me she was pregnant?”
I freeze. My muscles cramping as I stare at him, a pain forming in the back of my throat.
“It wasn’t my imagination,” I whisper.
His outline blurs through my unshed tears.
“No, my love. Even then, you were all I could think about. But then, when Darra told me she was pregnant, I suppressed those feelings. I had created another human being, it was no longer about what I wanted. They had to take priority.”
I sob and Elijah pulls my head against his chest, smoothing my hair, kissing my hair.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I wasn’t sure you felt the same way. When you told me you were happy for me and Darra, I was gutted. I thought it was all one way, and I’d misread the situation.”
“Jax never told you?”
“Told me what?”
“I went out that night and got incredibly drunk. I called him, and he collected me. Sat with me all night while I threw up. Made me drink some bloody awful concoction the following morning.”
“He never said a word,” Elijah admits. “And that would be his magic hangover cure. Tastes like shit, but is surprisingly effective.”
“He’s a good friend.”
“He is. You were the only other person apart from Jax who didn’t care about my last name. Treated me like any other pain in your ass.”
I chuckle as a tear runs down my cheek.
Elijah catches it with his thumb.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers. “It’s breaking my heart.”
“I thought I was crazy, that I’d misread our friendship. I felt like such a fool.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because why would someone like you, tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, and wealthy, ever look at or want someone like me?”
It’s his turn to stare wide-eyed at me.
“Why on earth would you think that? You were perfect for me. You are perfect.” Elijah shakes his head. “If anything, you’ve always been too good for me. You’re smart, beautiful, driven. Everyone you meet loves you.”
“But you had Darra. She was the perfect girlfriend, she looked and acted the part. Everyone said so.”
“Well, everyone was wrong. Acted being the operative word. Darra was all about my name. She even admitted as much before she announced she was pregnant. She wanted us to be the perfect power couple. Love never came into it for her.” He sighs. “You saw my mum and dad. Love is what we were raised to believe in.”
He drops his lips to mine, showing me in a single kiss the truth in his words, and something inside me thaws, a new warmth spreading throughout my body.
“I love you, Penelope Dawson. I’ve waited a long time for you. Please say you’ll marry me.”
“But we’ve barely spoken outside of work for the past fifteen years. It’s been all business,” I point out.
“And you think that’s been easy? I built a wall. Initially, because it wasn’t fair to either you or Darra. I wanted to give my marriage a chance. See if I could make something of it. But it takes two, and then when I found out about Lottie. It all seemed so pointless.”
He pauses, his face twisting in pain.
“After that, Darra and my relationship soured. I still wasn’t free. She held Lottie over me at every turn. However much I wanted to reconnect, I couldn’t turn my back on my child or the secret I was being forced to keep. Reconnecting would have hurt more than I could bear. You were so successful. My family loved you. I was jealous of my brothers and sisters who got to spend time with you.”
I raise a hand and cup his cheek, letting him know I understand.
“I wouldn’t have expected you to. I love Lottie, and I’m sorry she was used against you. You’re an amazing father.”
“I had no idea you saw me as anything other than a friend. Not that I could have done anything. I would never have asked anything of you when I couldn’t give you one hundred per cent of myself.”
“So you built a fortress around yourself. Wanted to keep your troubles away from those around you,” I say, realising the full scale of what he’s been through.
Knowing the impact his disastrous relationship has had on the twins alone. Luckily, they met women who were worth fighting for, who broke down their barriers.
“I hate to say it, but you weren’t very successful.”
“I realise that now. At the time, I thought I was protecting those I love.”
I look into his eyes and see the truth in his words. I lean in and gently place a kiss on his lips.
“You know, those who love you would have helped. A problem shared is a problem halved.”
“I know. Only at that time, I felt trapped. I couldn’t see a way out. Didn’t think anyone would understand.”
I get it. When you’re in the thick of things, it’s often hard to navigate a path through it, especially when you’re isolated.
“I spoke to Mum. I know she said nothing for the same reason I didn’t. It would have made the whole situation more complicated.”
“I get that. But you also need to understand anyone who loves you would have never judged you. They would have supported you.”
“Maybe not. But I was my own judge and jury. But I’m older now. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Have and raise a family with you, if that’s what you want?”
The uncertainty in his voice steals my breath, and I choke on the air I’ve inhaled.
“You want more children?” I squeak.
He grins. “With you, I want a football team.”
“But I assumed.” I pause when he raises a brow. “Well, when you didn’t have any more children after Lottie, I just assumed.”
“It’s dangerous to assume. You, of all people, should know that,” he says, a small smile playing around his lips. “The truth is, I didn’t want any more children with Darra. We didn’t love one another, and I didn’t want to bring any more children into a loveless marriage.”
“Oh,” I say, my heart rate picking up. Is it possible? “I…”
I realise how stupid I was to assume. But what will he think? My hand goes to my still-flat stomach.
Elijah watches my movement. His eyes sparkle as he drops to his knees. He places a kiss where my hand is.
“I would love nothing more than to watch you grow big with my child in here. To have you, the mother of my child, hopefully, children.”
I bite my lip as yet another tear escapes and makes its way down my cheek. My hormones are already in overdrive.
“About that,” I say. “We may have already passed go and collected our two hundred pounds,” I say. “I’m late.”
Elijah rocks back on his heels and stares up at me. “Are you serious?”
“I’m late and have been suffering some sickness. I put it down to stress, but I did a test before coming over here and?—”
“You’re pregnant?”
I nod my head, not sure how he’s going to take it.
“I’m not expecting anything from you,” I say quickly, my hand cupping his cheek. “I don’t expect you to marry me, you got trapped into one marriage. I refuse to do that to you.”
Elijah is off the floor and sweeping me into his arms, swinging me around.
“You think I’m going to let you get away with not marrying me? Have you listened to a word I’ve just said? I love you, woman, more than I have ever loved anyone. I can’t imagine life without you, and now you tell me you’re pregnant. It looks like fate is stepping in once more and telling us we have to make a go of it.”
I throw my head back and laugh. My tears are free-flowing now.
“I have to warn you. I seem to be prone to tears at the moment.”
Elijah grins. “Then I’ll have to work extra hard at putting a smile on your face.”
“Oh, you do that, Mr Frazer.”
His mouth slams down on mine, our tongues tangling as I sink into his body.
“I love you, Elijah Frazer, and I would be honoured to be your wife.”
“Thank goodness.”
I pull back, my hands resting on his shoulders.
“What about Lottie?” I ask.
“What about Lottie? You think she’ll have a problem with us?” He takes my head in his hands. “She’ll be thrilled. She asked me the other day if I was going to propose, if we might have babies. She loves her cousins. I had to all but drag her away from Leah and Gabriel’s after Callum was born.”
“It’s just...”
“What?”
“I love her like a daughter. I don’t ever want her to think that isn’t the case.”
My heart is still breaking for Lottie and all she’s been through.
“And that’s the other reason things will be fine. Lottie loves you, too. You have the strongest of bonds. One thing I’m learning, especially after everything that’s gone on recently, is communication is important. You and Lottie already have that.”
“About work,” I say.
“The choice is yours. You can work or not work. I have something I was going to discuss with you. It was finalised today, but in all the excitement?—”
Elijah pauses, and I incline my head.
“I’m selling Frazer Cyber Security,” he says.
I stare at him for a moment. “Wow, that’s not what I was expecting you to say.”
“I want to change my life. Not in a midlife crisis kind of way, but I’ve realised life is too short.”
He leads me to the sofa, and we sit down.
“Darra was right when she said she was married to a workaholic. I have been. It’s been my crutch for too many years, a distraction from my day-to-day life. Since you’ve come back into my life, I’ve realised I don’t want to be locked in an office from six AM until midnight, be on call twenty-four seven, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. I want to start enjoying life again, the way I did when I was swimming.”
“But you were always so animated about Frazer Cyber Security in the beginning,” I say, confused by what he’s saying.
“I was when I was about to be working with my best friend, but after she was forced to bail on me.” He shoots me a wink. “That same company became a means to an end. A way to support a wife and child. Yes, I’ve been successful, but I’m a driven man. I can’t do anything by halves. That’s just who I am.”
“What do you plan to do? I take it you do have a plan.”
I know Elijah too well. He’s not a man to sit around and twiddle his thumbs. He’d be bored in five minutes.
“I want to paint,” he tells me. “Come with me.”
It’s then I remember the room he showed me when Lottie went missing. We haven’t had a chance with everything else that’s gone on to revisit the little nugget I knew nothing about. Elijah, The artist.
Elijah gets up and drops a quick kiss on my lips before taking my hand and pulling me after him. We make our way upstairs and towards his art studio. He presses on the keypad until the door unlocks.
As with the first time we entered, I’m hit with the smell of oil paint and turps.
The next is the light. The room has floor-to-ceiling windows, letting in an enormous amount of natural light. Not something I’d really taken in the last time I was in here.
I walk forward and stare at the picture on the easel. A half-finished painting of me.
“Elijah, it’s…”
“This is my other passion… besides you.”
“But Kat, Gabriel, no one has ever said anything.”
“That’s because they don’t know.”
“How do they not know? You’re incredibly talented. Anyone with half an eye can see that.”
“Only my mother knows, and Lottie, and now you and my cousin, Logan. I invited him around to see what he thought.”
“And?”
“He wants to exhibit my work, represent me. Already has some potential buyers for a few of the pieces.”
My jaw drops.
“He owns galleries around the world and wants to showcase me.”
“I know who Logan Frazer is. He’s one of the world’s foremost art dealers, come critic. Elijah, that’s huge!”
“Do you remember the paint-by-numbers set you gave me when my ankle was broken?”
I spin to face him. “I gave that to you as a joke. To make you smile.”
“Well, the joke turned out to be a life changer. I did that one, then ordered more. My therapist saw it as a positive. Mum enrolled me in art classes. I had a teacher come to the house twice a week during my recovery. I’ve never stopped from that moment on.”
“You mean to tell me you’ve been painting for fifteen years, and no one knows... Lottie…”
He grins at me sheepishly.
“Painting is something Lottie and I do together. She might not be my biological daughter, but we share a lot of common interests. Swimming, art…not so much computers. She prefers to use her creative side.”
“I support you in whatever endeavours you choose. I shall look forward to standing next to you at your first exhibition.”
Elijah swings me into his arms. His voice is breathless.
“I want to marry you, raise a family, and paint. I know how much your job means to you, and this way, you’ll know you can go to work, and I’ll be around. Or you can stay home with me. The choice will be yours.”
I suck in a breath, my heart rate increasing to almost painful levels.
“Yes, yes, yes… yes to everything. To marrying you, to raising a family with you. A thousand yeses to you painting. You are so talented. Yes to being your partner in life, of growing old together. I’ll not be repeating your initial proposal. It’s a little x-rated for our future grandchildren. But I love you, Elijah Frazer, and I can’t imagine life without you.”
His lips touch mine, and that is the last thing we say for a while as we cement our love on his art room floor.
“What next?” Elijah says as we lie in each other’s arms. “I understand you protecting Kristophe’s feelings, but what about us? We’ve both spent so many years putting other people’s feelings above our own. It’s finally our time, and I don’t want to wait.”
“Kris doesn’t care,” I tell him truthfully.
“You discussed it with him?”
“He asked when he came to collect Harper. Asked when we were going public.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him we hadn’t discussed it.”
He grins. “I’m discussing it now.”
I pull back and smile. “I can see that. Whenever you’re ready. I can see the headlines. Frazer Cyber Security sold to wife’s ex-fiancé.”
“It does have quite a good ring to it.”
“I think so, too.”