CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“I have to go away for a while,” Gideon says.
His announcement takes both Lisset and me by surprise. We’re over at Gideon’s house for Lisset’s weekly Saturday session as a Reading Dog volunteer. I’m relieved to see her enthusiasm hasn’t waned. The moment she wakes up, she rushes to remind me we have to head over to Gideon’s place so she can bathe and brush Uno. There’s not a single Saturday she’s skipped so far.
During that time, I curl up on Gideon’s couch with my laptop, trying to catch up on admin. In reality, I spend more time watching them laugh and joke and chat about all sorts of subjects. My heart lifts when I see how well they get along.
After spilling her secret two weeks ago, Lisset no longer balks at reading to Uno. She’s reading up to three pages now and Laura, her teacher, tells me Lisset is reading in class as well.
“How long will you be gone?” Lisset asks Gideon now as we sit at the kitchen table eating Chinese takeout.
“Nearly two weeks.”
I keep my gaze fixed on my noodles so he doesn’t see my reaction. Two weeks . The words expand in the space between the three of us.
For the last two weeks, Gideon has weaved himself into the texture of our days, popping in to say hi or watch a movie with us or fix a leaking faucet. He’s become such a fixture in our lives that I find myself a little undone at the thought of his absence.
“When are you going?” Lisset asks.
“I leave tomorrow.”
“What about Uno?”
“He’s staying with a friend,” Gideon answers.
“Where are you going?”
“Out of town. There’s some business stuff I need to sort out.”
I’m quiet, allowing Lisset to interrogate him while I absorb his answers and wrap my head around the fact he’s leaving us.
There’s a brief pause while Lisset pokes dejectedly at her egg roll, gathering her courage for her next question. “Will you be back?” she finally manages.
“Of course,” he answers, a trace of surprise in his voice.
Her question doesn’t surprise me, though. Lisset might have been only four when her father left, but the fact he never came back has stuck with her. She’s still a little girl craving a father’s love, still fearful that when someone says they’re leaving, they might not return.
She stays silent, her doubt evident in the downcast curve of her neck.
“Lissy.” He waits patiently until she lifts her head to look at him. “I promise I’ll be back.”
“Promise?”
“I promise,” he says solemnly.
She nods, reassured. “Okay.”
And then Gideon levels a stare my way. “I’ll see you in two weeks,” he repeats softly.
It feels like his words hold a different kind of promise to me, but I can’t be sure. His eyes are impossible to read.
Like Lisset, I take a fortifying breath to gather my courage and unpeel a layer of my heart with my next remark. “We’ll be waiting for you.”
Something flares in his face, a taut anticipation. A soft recognition of my bravery. We stare at one another for five charged seconds. Even with Lisset’s presence, it’s such an intimate moment. More and more unarticulated boundaries are dissolving between us.
As the warmth of his gaze lingers, I wait for my familiar misgivings to return. But it’s as though the unveiling of the unpleasant truths behind my marriage has hit snooze on my anxiety.
With Gideon’s encouragement, I came clean about my marriage to my family. There was such a relief in the telling. They knew I had a bad marriage, but I’d kept from them just how bad it really was. I braced myself for tears and there were plenty of them. Tess, especially, was a mess, blaming herself for not doing more to help me. I had to reassure her I probably wouldn’t have accepted her help anyway. Aaron and my dad did a lot of angry pacing, vowing to find Oliver and... Let’s say there was a lot of mutterings about castration and broken limbs, and it took them awhile to calm down.
It felt like a cleansing. A fresh start.
I know it might take a while to work through my insecurities and trust issues, but with every day that passes, the hollow feeling inside me dwindles. As does the shame and guilt and bitterness. Hope is taking their place. And as Grandma keeps telling me, there’s no timeline for learning to love again.
“Gideon, when you go away, what’s going to happen to my reading?” Lisset asks now, worrying her bottom lip.
He smiles at her. “You know, the one thing we haven’t done today is inspect Uno’s working backpack. Could you check it now for me please?”
He hooks a finger on the strap of the backpack at his feet and hands it to her. She takes it from him and reaches a hand inside. The first item she pulls out is a small soft toy of a black greyhound that looks remarkably like Uno.
Gideon tilts his head at the plushie. “This is your reading companion while I’m away.”
A delighted gasp bursts out of Lisset. “Thanks, Gideon!” She cuddles the dog to her chest. “He’s soooo cute. What’s his name?”
“He’s yours so you get to name him.”
Lisset contemplates the dog. “I need to think about this.”
“Take all the time you need,” he assures her.
“I got it! I’m going to call him Toto.”
I smile. “We watched The Wizard of Oz last night.”
“Good name,” he compliments her.
Thank you , I mouth. His eyes crinkle as he smiles at me. He turns to Lisset and I find myself admiring the strong line of his jaw. “Keep checking the backpack, Lissy.”
She rummages around and withdraws four books.
“Toto loves stories,” Gideon explains. “I’d like you to read to him every night if you can. Just a few pages, because he prefers you keep it short. What do you think?”
Lisset gives a vigorous nod. “I’ll read to him.”
“Promise?” he asks, echoing her.
“Pinky promise,” she replies. They entwine pinkies, sealing the deal. I know she’ll stick to her end of the bargain because a pinky promise equates to a blood oath in her mind.
I glance at the titles of the books. My chest squeezes when I realize they’re all centered around themes of loving and valuing yourself. Gideon witnessed firsthand the impact of Oliver’s words, how they’d not only caused her to hate reading, but to also question her self-worth. He instinctively knew she needed books to affirm how truly wonderful and special she is.
He’s thought of everything, from ensuring she doesn’t fall behind in her reading to reversing Oliver’s message. My throat is thick with emotion. I can’t believe he went to all this trouble.
“I’m going to read to Toto right now,” Lisset declares, jumping to her feet and scampering off with the books and soft toy.
“You did all of this,” I say to Gideon in the silence left in her wake. “I don’t know what to say.”
His gaze travels a slow circuit of my face. “Say you’ll miss me.”
I lift my hand and lightly cup his jaw. His beard is rough against my palm. We’re both intensely aware this is the first time I’ve initiated physical contact. “You’re a good man, Gideon Walker,” I tell him in a low voice. “And there’s a strong chance I might miss you when you’re gone.”