Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
JAXON/JAX
Now
Sterile Halls & Unspoken Wars
We don’t walk these corridors…we drag our skeletons through them.
My world shifts again, and I can’t help but pray there’s no more bad news.
Cash steps toward the nurse. “Why does she need to go to the ICU?”
“With the severity of her concussion, we want to monitor her for the next twenty-four hours. It’s standard protocol for head trauma of this nature.” The nurse gestures down the hallway. “This way, please.”
Cash and I follow her through a maze of corridors and up an elevator to the fourth floor. The ICU waiting room is smaller than the emergency room, quieter, with fewer people. More intimate somehow, like we’re getting closer to the reality of how serious this is.
“Someone will update you as soon as they have her settled.” The nurse leaves us.
Cash pulls out his phone and gazes my way with a tired angst surrounding him. I’m right there with him. My heart cracks, but I hold my steady stance.
“Jaxon, I need to call her family.” He gestures to the phone. “They’re in Spain, and they…”
“Yeah, they should know.” A wave of emptiness knocks me over. “But if you don’t mind, don’t tell them about…”
“Yeah, I won’t say anything about her miscarriage. That’s Livianna’s choice to make.”
Cash steps toward the window for some privacy and makes his call. He moves to the far corner of the waiting room, his phone pressed to his ear.
His shoulders curve inward like he’s bracing for impact. The words are too low to make out, but the way his free hand rakes through his hair tells me Brendan isn’t taking the news well.
The chair is hard beneath me despite its cushioned seat. My elbows rest on my knees, hands clasped together to stop them from shaking.
The ICU waiting room is eerily quiet, like it’s preparing someone to get ready for the earth to disappear beneath them. A searing pain strikes my heart because mine already has.
Livianna was pregnant.
The thought circles back as it has for the past half an hour, each rotation cutting deeper. She was carrying my child, and I had no idea. Because I left her.
While I was in Malaysia trying to get control of an investment nightmare, she was here growing a baby in her womb. While I was preparing to finally tell her everything, she was getting ready to tell me I was going to be a father.
And now that future is gone. Erased in the split second it took for a black SUV to slam into her car. My entire body tenses even though I coil into myself as guilt filters into every crevice I have.
I pull out my phone and send another message to Axel. He was only supposed to be doing a ghost-level operation using encrypted lines.
That plan changed and went into full-blown coverage the second he sent me the message that the police don’t think the incident was an accident.
From their investigation, everything points to a hired operative. Which means someone paid for this. Someone who knows about Livianna and her connection to me.
The list of people who want to hurt me is unknown. I’ve never been able to identify all of them.
But there’s one person who stands out. Someone I’d kill with my bare hands if I ever had the chance. Too bad he went underground after he was found playing both sides.
My phone buzzes. Axel now communicates through open channels, which makes it easier and faster. His team is already coordinating with the LAPD and reviewing traffic camera footage from the intersection. They’ll have something within hours.
Not good enough.
Across the room, Cash’s voice rises slightly. “I know, Guns. I know. But she’s stable, and they’re monitoring her. You just need to get here as soon as you can.”
A pause.
“No, I’m not leaving. I’ll be here when you get here.”
Another pause.
“Yeah, mate. I promise.”
He ends the call and stands there for a moment. His forehead is pressed against the window, his phone still clutched in his hand. When he finally turns back to me, his eyes are tired and full of worry.
“Guns said they’ll charter a plane. They’ll be here by tomorrow afternoon.” Cash crosses the room and drops into a chair two seats away from me. Close enough for conversation, but maintaining distance.
“Perfect. She’ll need them.”
The silence stretches between us. The muted television flickers with images of today’s events that don’t matter. Behind the huge metal-locked door where the ICU rooms are, Livianna lies.
She’s probably an emotional mess. She needs me, and once again, I’m not there for her.
A fleeting thought passes through me. Maybe it’s better this way. I’m putting her life at risk by having her in my life and that was made obvious today.
My enemies are getting closer. It’s becoming clear I should walk away, but I can’t. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I’ll burn the world down to keep her safe in my arms.
Cash leans forward. His hands clasp together between his legs. He stares at the floor for a few moments before speaking.
“I need to tell you something.” His voice is rough. “About Livianna. About something that happened between us.”
My stomach knots. “What?”
“When she was fifteen, and we were together…” He scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip. “She got pregnant. We were young, stupid, and unprepared. But we were gonna keep it.”
The admission rips through me and steals my breath. Livianna was pregnant before. With Cash’s child. And she never said a word to me about it.
Why?
“What happened?” My voice comes out flat even though everything inside me is breaking apart.
“She lost it. My Uncle…” Cash’s hands curl into fists. “It destroyed her, Jaxon. That loss threw her into a deep depression. She spiraled into this dark place I couldn’t pull her out of. Her cutting got worse, she was using opioids, cocaine, anxiety pills—”
“I knew she used drugs, but I thought it was because she was heartbroken over her ex.” I run my palms down my thighs. “There was so much we didn’t tell each other.”
“Livianna’s not known for talking about things that hurt.”
My chest constricts. Were we even as close as I believed we were?
“Why are you telling me this, Cash?”
“Because she almost died and I’m terrified it’s gonna happen again.” He raises his gaze, his eyes filled with genuine fear.
“Why?”
“She just lost another baby, Jaxon. Your child this time. And I’m scared that when she wakes up and finds out, she’s gonna collapse the same way she did before. Maybe worse.”
Jesus Christ. The true terror on his face is factual. This isn’t a strategic move or a power play. This is a man who’s watched the woman he loves crumble right before his eyes and is worried about it happening again.
“She never told me.” The harsh admission slices at my soul. “In over two years, she never mentioned any of this.”
“Did you ask?”
“No. I knew she had a painful past, but I didn’t push. I thought I was respecting her privacy.”
“Or you were avoiding uncomfortable truths.” Cash leans back in his chair. “Look, I’m not trying to be a dick here. I’m trying to make you understand what we’re dealing with. When Livianna loses something she loves, she doesn’t just grieve. She ruins herself from the inside out.”
My mind races through the past two years. The late nights I’d find her still working in her office, frail from exhaustion. The way she’d sometimes switch subjects mid-conversation. The panic attack Cash mentioned this morning.
How many signs did I miss? How many times did she need me and I wasn’t there because I was too busy protecting her from threats I deemed more important?
I want to explain this to him and discuss it with him, but I don’t do that with anyone. Hell, I don’t even go this deep with Livianna.
What was I thinking by keeping her at arm’s length?
Cash tilts his head, studying me.
“There’s more for you to understand, Jaxon. You know her career is exploding right now. She’s been holding it together, but barely. And you…” He pauses. “You left her alone to deal with all of that. You went away on business and she needed you.”
His words land hard. I left. I told myself it was necessary, that the issues in Malaysia couldn’t wait. But the real reason was I was scared.
I feared being fully honest with her and letting her see the dangerous world I inhabit. I gave her the Malibu home and a letter explaining what I wasn’t brave enough to say out loud.
I hoped she’d be with me when I returned. I didn’t know if I could bear it if her answer was no.
So I created distance and gave her space. I convinced myself I was allowing her to have agency over her decision. Really, I was hiding behind my need to control how my life plays out.
I inhale a sorrow-filled breath, and my words follow on the exhale. “I was going to tell her I was fighting for her when she got to the house.”
“But you didn’t." Cash’s tone isn’t cruel, just informational. “You waited too long, and now she’s in that hospital bed. Her baby is gone. And when she wakes up, she’s gonna have to process all of that without knowing if you’ll even be there for her.”
That pulls out my determination and brings forth the man I am. The man she knows me to be. “I’ll be here for her.”
“Will you?” Cash raises his eyebrows. “Because from what I can tell, you hide behind your business, when in fact, you’re just too scared to let her in. Otherwise, she would know you’re in love with her.”
He’s right. I’ve spent over two years with Livianna building something extraordinary, and I’ve never once told her I love her. Not until I let it slip during our argument in my office. I convinced myself she knew.
Maybe that’s why she never told me she loved me until yesterday. She always said she just liked knowing she made me happy. I thought that was enough.
“Look, Jaxon, I’m not judging you. I’m only saying this to you because I know she’s gonna need a lot of support. And as much as I hate it, she’ll want that from you.”
All I do is nod. My mind races to fix it all. I need to let her know how I feel. I need to make it right.
Then the crash comes to mind. My enemies did this.