Chapter Fifteen
R aven
My eyes jerked awake as the memory/dream faded away. My body was coiled as if it was preparing for harm. I opened and closed my hand to get some movement into it. Wiggling my body slowly, I tried my best to rise to a sitting position. My back briefly stuck to the sheets because it was slick with sweat, but I was able to move to a sitting position. A groan escaped my lips when the wound from my abdomen started hurting.
I didn’t know if I was jacked up on pain meds, but whatever I had currently in my system wore itself off. I gritted my teeth as I slowly moved my feet over the bed. The room was dark, too dark for my liking. I guess that night light finally went out. I reached over and turned on the lamp. My eyes blinked rapidly to block out the bright lighting. Once they adjusted, I was able to fully open them. I hissed when my feet touched the cold floor.
I slowly made my way to the bathroom, but slipped on something and fell backwards. “Fuck!” It would’ve been funny if I hadn’t stretched my stomach in the process, reinjuring my wound.
There was a deep laugh, and instead of trying to get up, my body stalled in movement. Who was in here with me?
“Well, that was graceful.” A smoky, masculine voice greeted me from the other side of the room.
I pinched myself. I must be dreaming. It’s not possible that he was visiting me so often. After all these years? Why was he suddenly so active in my life?
I remained on the floor, not moving and probably making a fool out of myself. My heart was pounding in my chest. What did he want? Was he here to take Julianna away from me? What would he say next? I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came. I was in shock; I had to be. His boots moved across the floor and I waited on bated breath for him to show his handsome face. Every time I was in his presence, I felt unworthy. It was obscured to think that because of our social statuses, but even still, I wanted him to see me. To love me. To be mine forever.
I never cared that I was the princess and he was the servant’s son. He was more than that. He was more than me. If anyone was meant to be a royal, it was him. Not me. Slade could command a room like Father did. I never garnered the respect that he did.
His black boots stopped in front of my feet. I remained still, but my eyes slowly traveled from his boots to his dark blue jeans, all the way up to his gray shirt. His shirt was short sleeved, showing the tattoos that were wrapped around his biceps. I swallowed, seeing his sculpted chest showing through his shirt. My gaze continued to travel up, from his Adam’s apple, to his chin, lips and finally his eyes.
His silver gaze looked right through me, seeing everything I wanted so desperately to hide behind. This man haunted my dreams frequently. He wanted to torture and weaken me until there was nothing left but scraps of dust.
Those beautiful eyes of ice stared back at me with a hint of amusement. The corners of his lips were tilted, and his stance relaxed. He held out his hands, and I placed mine in his. Sparks of electricity ran through my veins as his fingers closed around my palms.
He carefully lifted me off the ground so I wouldn’t hurt myself more, and my chest rubbed against his. All of my pain vanished for a moment and was replaced with another feeling. Want.
I frowned. “Am I dead?”
A deep rooted laugh emanated from his chest. He shook his head. “You haven’t changed one bit, still have that weird sense of humor.”
Something was wrong. White spots invaded my vision as I tried to figure out every scenario possible. I had to be dead. It was the only thing that made sense.
Slade would never be laughing and joking like this in my company. I ruined him. I took away his smile, his laugh, and every possible reason for him to love me. He hated me, while I loved everything about him.
This had to be some form of Heaven if he were giving me the time of day again. But what about my wound? Aren’t wounds and pain nonexistent in Heaven?
I took a steady breath and tried to push away from him. He didn’t release my hands. “Where are you trying to go?”
I nodded towards the bathroom because I was a coward and couldn’t talk to him like a normal adult. This was what he did to me. He crippled me.
Suddenly, his hands let go of mine, and he leaned down, picked me up, and carried me to the bathroom. I was floored.
What was this? Some type of game? Was he trying to show me he still cared, or was he faking it? What the hell was going on?
“I’m not broken.” I said with a firm voice. He wouldn’t turn me into a weakling like Father did.
A chuckle escaped his lips, “I know.” He set me down and his face grew serious. Something was on his mind, but I couldn’t figure it out. He was always hard to read.
I didn’t feel so good. I was hallucinating. Maybe I was going insane...maybe Father would finally send me to the nut house to get rid of me once and for all. He backed away from me, but I kept my hold on him. There was this feeling that I was going back to the day he left...the day my world once again crashed around me.
“Raven...” there it was again... his voice. There was something so haunting about it. So magnetic. Anything could happen, a fucking war could ensue and all I could do is think about being with him...near him.
I wanted him. Just one more kiss, one more touch. One more night full of passion under him with the darkness surrounding us like a warm blanket. I squeezed my eyes shut. “You’re not here. I’m hallucinating. This is a dream. Just some fucked up nightmare. Another twisted game I’m forced to play.”
My skin itched. It started to itch like it was on fire. Burn like I was on fire. I had to stop the itching. I had to stop the burn. Fuck, what the hell was wrong with me?
My eyes popped open. I didn’t dare look around the room. I couldn’t look in his direction. Instead, my focus was on that tiny little weapon on my bathroom sink. My hands released his arms, and I turned away, placing my hands on the counter.
Black spots invaded my vision, a dizzy spell getting ready to take over my body. Without another thought, I grabbed the knife. My eyes met his in the mirror. His gaze was wide, and his mouth was open as if he didn’t know what I had planned.
“Raven...what the fuck..”
I didn’t hear anything else as I sliced through the skin on my wrist. I took a deep breath. This pain...the pain of wanting, needing to feel normal, was back. The dream was fading, and reality was setting in. Blood trickled down my arm and onto the marble floor. Quick, like a bandaid. The pain slowly faded into a numbness that gave me a euphoria. Soon I would be so high that nothing could hurt me anymore. Even the pain of losing him.
Before I could blink, the knife was thrown across the floor and two ice cold eyes stared back at me.
“What the fuck did you do, Raven? God fucking dammit!”
My eyes flickered closed as I whispered, “Gave you exactly what you wanted.”