EIGHTEEN
Noah
Charlotte let out a soft cry of surprise when our lips met. My kiss had startled her for sure, but as it went on, she softened into me. I wrapped my arms around her, and her hands went inside my suit coat, wandering over my chest.
Christ, could she feel my chaotic heartbeat?
Or how much I’d been sweating beneath my suit... and did she know she was the biggest reason for it?
I angled my head to deepen the kiss, and she responded in kind. Her lips parted and her tongue slicked over mine, and I fucking felt the caress of it everywhere . But I was grateful for it because our kiss had started too sweet. It had been filled with more passion and longing than I was comfortable with.
We’d kissed each other like we’d been starving for it.
I slid one hand down her backside, grabbed a handful of her ass, and squeezed like I wanted to claim ownership. I needed to remind her that this thing between us should be about lust and desire. About two people with similar interests who could help each other out.
It couldn’t be about anything else. Not romance, and certainly not love.
A sound of satisfaction slipped out of her at my possessive grip, and her response was to nip gently at my bottom lip. Her kiss was so provocative and seductive, I got lost in it, and I knew if I wasn’t careful—it’d escalate beyond my control.
And I knew I needed to stay in control.
When I ended the kiss, she looked as woozy as I felt. Were we drunk? Shit, no, we’d only had one drink. Her hands were still on my chest when she leaned back and gave me a dazzling smile.
“Well,” she said, “that’s a relief.” Her expression was victorious, like we’d been playing a game that she’d just won. “Now I don’t have to spend the rest of the night trying to convince you to kiss me.”
I chuckled and gripped the back of the chair, pulling it out for her, because there was a lot of shit we had to talk about. She dropped into it and patiently waited for me to take the seat across from her.
“Whatever this is going to be,” I gestured between us, “your father can’t know about it.”
She snorted like that was the understatement of the year and picked up her martini glass to take a sip. “Obviously.”
I needed her to understand how serious I was. “Because if he finds out, it’s bad for both of us.”
Her cavalier attitude faded somewhat. “Noah, I get it.”
“Do you?” I asked it earnestly. “It’s kind of embarrassing to admit this... but you need to know I’m the kind of person whose entire identity is tied to their career.”
One of my general education classes in college made me take a personality test, and I’d scored the highest marks in the ‘achiever’ category. At the time, I’d written it off, but years later I’d come to realize how painfully accurate it had been.
I was goal driven to a fault, and had no problem making sacrifices as long as they’d get me results. And when I strove for something and didn’t accomplish it? That failure hit me like a sledgehammer.
Charlotte peered at me with a dubious look.
“I was a broker for so long,” I continued, “that’s all I was. That’s who I was. Making this drastic career change, moving to Warbler, has me feeling,” I searched for the right phrase, “off-balance.”
It wasn’t adequate, but I left it at that. She didn’t need to know how I second-guessed my decision to come back to Nashville on a daily basis. But maybe the drinks had been laced with something because the honesty kept pouring out of me.
“What I’m trying to say is, if I lost my job,” I swallowed thickly, “I’d really struggle.” It came out in a quiet rush. “It might, like, destroy me.”
Her expression softened and she was more serious than I’d ever heard her sound. “I understand.” Her gaze fell to the tabletop and her fingers traced the circle at the base of her glass. “After Zach, I’m beyond my last chance with my parents... so you don’t have to worry about me telling them anything about us.” She attempted a smile, but it was sad and didn’t reach into her eyes. “I kind of like not being homeless.”
We both had good reasons to walk away, and the weight of them hung heavy between us. She was young and impulsive, and although she’d talked about the consequences we both faced, I was concerned she hadn’t really given them much thought.
You don’t spend the first twenty-two years of your life being spoiled and entitled, and grow out of it in a few short months.
I pretended I didn’t see any red flags. And even if I did, I sensed it wasn’t enough to make me stop.
“This means we need to stop our arrangement of you cleaning my house.”
Alarm had her straightening in her seat. “What? Why?”
“It’s a weird situation, you working for me while we’re...”
While we’re what? Fucking ? In a relationship?
I wasn’t sure what to say since we hadn’t defined anything yet.
“I get that, but I need the job, and,” she lifted a shoulder, “I thought you knew how to compartmentalize.”
This was a dig at what I’d told her when I’d said we weren’t allowed to kiss, and although I deserved it, it was still irritating.
And she wasn’t done either. “Plus, you need me.” She laughed casually. “We both know what your house would look like if I wasn’t coming once a week.”
“We need each other,” I corrected through clenched teeth.
I’d revealed a few things to her tonight, but I was still struggling to admit to myself what a difference she’d made in the last six weeks. Not living in clutter and mess had been one of the only things keeping me sane during my big transition.
She acted like she didn’t agree and announced it with a fucking smirk. The attitude she pulled lit me up, and a dark heat took over, seizing control.
“ Say it ,” I demanded in a voice so commanding it shocked us both.
Charlotte glanced around in disbelief, as if checking to see if anyone else had heard my order. “What?”
“Say that you need me too.”
I’d used a tone that was non-negotiable, leaving her to consider how she wanted to play it. Her eyes narrowed, she lifted her chin in defiance, and she sighed dramatically. “Fine. I need you too,” a devious look darted through her eyes, “ Daddy .”
The word poured gasoline on the smoldering fire inside me, burning away all thought.
“I’m going to take you upstairs and fuck that bratty mouth of yours while everyone watches. Is that what you want?” I leaned forward over the table so I could demand her full attention, even though I already had it. “Would you like that, Charlotte?”
My attempt to shock her failed spectacularly. She picked up her cosmo and leaned in, balancing her elbow on the table. “I would.” She made a production out of sipping her drink, while keeping her sultry gaze fixed on me. “I guess that means we’re done talking?”
My impatience wanted to say yes, but we still had things to figure out. I shook my head. “I need to know what kind of relationship you want with me, because I don’t want to hurt you, and if we—”
“You won’t.”
It felt like I was suddenly two steps behind. “What?”
“You don’t have to worry about hurting me. It won’t happen, because I’ve decided you can’t.” She said it with the certainty of an inarguable fact. As if it was that simple and avoidable. “You decided you don’t have time for love, right? Well, no problem. I’ve decided I don’t have time for heartache.”
My mouth dropped open.
How the fuck was I supposed to argue with that?
“Here’s how I see this going,” she said. “Neither of us wants anything serious, so I say let’s just have fun and see what happens.” Her head tilted as she pondered something. “Friends with benefits, if you want to put a label on it.”
I stared at her, feeling a mixture of excitement and something vaguely like disappointment at the same time. This was exactly what I wanted, right? So why did it feel like it wasn’t enough?
It was foolish to ask, but I did anyway, wanting to clarify. “Friends with benefits, who are exclusive?”
Her throat bobbed with a swallow. “Well, if we’re exclusive, then how am I supposed to watch you fuck other people?”
Thoughts swam in my head. “You’d be okay with that? Being with other people while we’re together?”
“I’m okay with it, but,” hesitation forced her to lean back in her chair, “remember how I don’t sleep with someone unless I’m in love?”
I did a perfect impression of a statue, not wanting to reveal any of the thoughts running through my mind. “So, friends with benefits, but...”
“Not full benefits, no.”
She looked at me with trepidation, like she thought her ‘no sex’ rule was a defect she wasn’t sure I’d be willing to put up with. I hated that I’d made her feel that way.
“I didn’t handle it right the first time you explained it to me. I’m sorry,” I said. “There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries.”
At that moment, a scary thought descended upon me.
Kissing her the first time we’d been together had been nice, but it didn’t compare to the one we’d shared tonight. The big difference between then and now was that I hadn’t really known her then. Hadn’t cared about her the way I did now.
God, what if she was on to something?
Did sex without feelings pale in comparison to sex with someone I’d fallen for? I had no way to know. It’d been so long since I’d had romantic feelings, and even then—I’d never been totally sure I’d ever been in love.
“Can I ask why, though?” I said.
She hesitated and something like fear moved through her expression. “Why I won’t have sex without love?”
“I could be way off, but is this a worthiness thing?” I tried not to grimace. “No sex until a guy has proven himself worthy of you?”
Whatever confidence she’d had before, completely abandoned her as she took a long sip of her drink, and I got the sense she’d only done it to stall and contemplate her response. Then, she plunked it down and delivered a look that was so anxious it made my stomach twist.
“I’m going to tell you something,” her voice was unsure, “I’ve never told anyone else.”
My chest tightened uncomfortably. “Okay.”
It took her a long time to form the sentence. “When I was a senior in high school, I got pregnant.”
I held perfectly still, not wanting to show any reaction and unintentionally hurt her, especially because she clearly had more to say.
“I can’t take the pill.” Her gaze lingered over the glass in my hand, rather than my eyes. “I mean, I tried, but it made me feel foggy and depressed. I didn’t get an IUD until college, so until then, I always used condoms. My boyfriend at the time, he seemed understanding.”
Anger flared at the word she’d chosen and its implied meaning. “ Understanding ?”
“When I told him I was pregnant, he swore the condom must have broken. But he was weird about it, and...”
I tensed. “You had your doubts.”
Her focus returned to me. “I don’t know. I didn’t think he was the type of guy who’d take a condom off during sex, but I also didn’t think he was the type of guy who’d fucking ghost me when he found out, leaving me to deal with it on my own.”
Fire burned up my throat. “If he took the condom off without you knowing, that’s assault.”
She frowned. “I’m not sure that’s what happened. And at this point, I’ll never know. I miscarried a few weeks later. My parents never knew because I was too fucking terrified to tell them.”
Jesus . I sat back in my seat, processing it. “Fuck, Charlotte. I’m so sorry you went through that.”
“Thanks,” she said softly.
And I hated that she’d gone through it alone. But she was stronger than she let on, and she drew in a breath, exhaling it slowly, as if cleansing the bad thoughts away.
“So, since then, I’ve been more careful.” Her half-smile was empty. “A handjob is safe. A guy wants to go down on me? Safe. Blowjob? Safe . If something goes wrong, it isn’t going to accidentally change the course of my life forever.”
“I get it.” Fuck, did I understand. “I’m sorry if I made you share something you didn’t want to, or—”
“You didn’t.” She softened. “Is it weird to say it felt good to tell you?”
“Not at all.” The tightness in my chest eased slightly. “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with me.”
She seemed to relax a bit too and leaned both her elbows on the table. “My ‘no sex until love’ rule is really more like ‘no sex until trust.’ And I trust you, Noah, I do. I’m just... not ready yet. Is that cool?”
“Of course,” I said instantly. “It’s more than okay with me.”
“Good.” This time, her smile was real. “Because all that ‘safe’ stuff?” Her eyes went wide and serious. “I really fucking like it.”
A smile wanted to break on my lips. “Yeah, I do too.”
She motioned between us. “Friends with benefits, then. Most benefits,” she clarified. “I figure we can do, like, ninety percent of stuff together,” her eyes smoldered, “and you can do the other ten percent with someone else while I watch.” Her voice filled with smoke. “How does that sound?”
How the fuck did she do that? The heaviness of our conversation lifted, and thick desire replaced it in a heartbeat. “That sounds really fucking good.”
She already knew the answer but asked it anyway. “Does that mean we have a deal?”
I straightened in my seat, smoothed a hand down the maroon tie I’d worn for her, and drained half of my Manhattan in a single gulp. “Yeah, we have a fucking deal. Grab your drink. I’m taking you upstairs.”
She happily did as told.
This time, when we climbed the staircase to the second floor, there was a bouncer sitting on a stool on the landing at the top of the stairs. From his perch, he could see most of the lounge and keep an eye on the guests.
And there were guests here now. It looked like most of the crowd who’d watched the show had come upstairs and were scattered about the space. Some sat on the large sectional couch in front of the decorative fireplace, while others stood near the tall counter that served as a place to set drinks.
Conversations and laughter filled the rooms, as did low, seductive music.
Activities had already started for some folks, because people were in various stages of foreplay and undress. A topless woman was sprawled out on the oversized ottoman in front of the sectional, and her partner was bent over, sucking on her tits.
I glanced at Charlotte, curious to see her reaction.
Her gaze was locked on the couple, and she stood still at my side, holding her cosmo like it was prop. Maybe she didn’t realize she still had it.
I’d only been upstairs a few times, but I’d seen enough to know what this main room would descend into as the night went on. It’d become a frenzy of sex, with the most action happening on the sectional, so when Charlotte took a step toward it, I gently grasped her elbow to stop her.
“Do you want to watch,” I said, “or participate? Because sitting on that couch means you’re up for anything, including other people joining in.”
She turned to look up at me, and it took my breath away. Downstairs, she’d been confident about what she wanted. But now it looked like she was realizing how very real this all was.
She was on the cusp of total overload.
I gave her an easy smile and used my hold on her elbow to lead her beyond the couch. “Why don’t we keep exploring? I bet there’s more to see.”
She nodded and followed me through the main lounge, past the bathrooms, and into the room at the back of the house. It was much brighter than the main lounge and it was smaller too. The space was so packed with furniture, it probably felt cramped even if there weren’t people in it.
But it wasn’t empty tonight.
When we stepped inside, we joined at least a dozen other people. Some sat on couches and chairs, while others stood in a group by the door. All the focus was on the foursome in the corner.
Two women and two men, who had already shed some of their clothes, and the rest of it was pulled down or pushed up out of the way. It looked like they’d been in a rush to get to the good stuff and hadn’t bothered getting completely naked.
The man who stood in the back corner had lost his shirt, and his pants were puddled around his ankles. The woman in front of him was bent over so he could fuck her from behind, and he held on to the skirt bunched at her waist. She was busy sucking the cock of the guy in front of her, and her breasts swayed and swung as she was spit roasted.
And the guy getting a blowjob was also busy. He was kissing the woman who stood beside him, and had a hand shoved inside her undone pants.
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a foursome, so my gaze left them and drifted to the girl standing beside me. She’d seen a lot tonight, but this looked like the first thing to truly shock her.
These people weren’t gorgeous like Travis and Lilith had been. All four of them were older and none were in as good physical shape as the performers had been. These were regular people... and that made it almost as hot as the show, only in a different kind of way.
We were seeing something real . Something taboo and forbidden.
I liked watching, but Charlotte? She was a true voyeur. Her lips were parted, her face flushed, and her breath went shallow. Even if I wasn’t acutely attuned to her, I’d be able to tell she was turned on. Hell, I’d be able to see it from clear across the room.
There was a small loveseat in the opposite corner that was empty, and it looked just big enough to fit us both.
She let me guide us over to it and sat down so quickly I chuckled softly. She’d sat down in a hurry because she wanted to get her gaze back on the foursome happening just ten feet away. When I joined her on the small couch, my weight made her lean into me, and I wasn’t mad about the way her body pressed against mine.
I rested my arm along the back of the loveseat, which she used as an invitation to snuggle even closer. I was on fire both mentally and physically, sweating beneath all the layers of my clothes, but I enjoyed her proximity anyway.
It was fucking unreal to sit here with her, sipping our cocktails and casually watching a group of strangers as they fucked.
Whenever I came to the club, I made a conscious effort not to judge. I tried to leave inhibitions and closedmindedness at the door. But no matter what I did, I could not silence the part of me that wanted to critique tonight.
The guy who was fucking the woman was just hammering away. It was too fast, too constant, and what I could see of her face made it look like her expression was strained. Was she already exhausted? It had to be hard work standing like that, bent over, plus she had to contend with the competing rhythm of the man fucking her mouth.
Her heavy breasts swayed with the back-and-forth rocking of her body. The woman who stood beside the blowjob guy had her hand around his cock, holding it steady for her friend.
The scene was so sexy, Charlotte squirmed in her seat, rubbing against me. It’d been innocent enough, but my body reacted like it had been more, and I groaned in my head. We’d need to go at whatever speed she was comfortable with tonight, meaning if she wanted to stay right here and watch all night, that was what we were going to do.
But if she climbed into my lap and got naked? Fuck, I didn’t know how long I’d last. I barely kept myself in check when we were alone, and fooling around in public, with other people watching, heightened the experience.
Jackhammer guy was still going at it, but his focus wasn’t on the woman he was slamming into. He scanned the room, taking in the crowd who’d gathered to watch the foursome, and a devious grin smeared across his face.
He was fucking thrilled at all the people watching him.
But when his gaze snagged on Charlotte, an unease settled in the pit of my stomach. He looked at her for so long, it developed into a stare. It was hard to fault him for it. She was the most beautiful woman in the room and could join in with anyone she wanted.
It was hard not to feel a twinge of possessiveness at the idea, which was selfish. We’d just discussed this, and she’d said we weren’t exclusive.
As the man continued to stare at her, she squirmed against me again, but this time I sensed it wasn’t with excitement. It was discomfort, because the guy wasn’t staring at her—he was fucking leering.
I told myself it wasn’t possessiveness coursing through me, it was a desire to protect. Her drink was empty, and I finished mine in a big gulp, and then I rose from the couch. I collected our glasses, deposited them on the tray nearby meant for used glassware, and offered my hand to her.
“Let’s go somewhere else,” I said.
Relief washed through her, and she quickly slipped her hand in mine. Neither of us glanced back at the man as we went, and I didn’t let go of her hand as we strode through the hallway.
The main lounge was even busier than it had been when we’d walked through on our way to the back room. The sectional was full of half-naked people, and the topless woman we’d seen earlier was now fully naked, straddling her partner who was on his back on the ottoman.
There was a dramatic shift in the atmosphere in comparison to the other room. It wasn’t just that it was darker and moodier here, there was also a totally different vibe. This space felt feverish. Hedonistic. And we only stood at the edge, near the exposed brick wall. How much stronger would it be if we waded farther inside?
She must have felt it, too, because her hand tightened instinctively around mine.
That tiny reaction snapped whatever restraint I’d been holding on to.
Charlotte gasped as I turned to face her, grasped her waist, and moved in so aggressively, it forced her to stumble backward. Her eyes went wide and her back hit the brick with a thud, but I silenced whatever other sound she wanted to make when I slammed my mouth over hers.