THIRTY-ONE
Charlotte
I sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, scrolling through Instagram, while my mother cooked dinner. She’d asked for my help, but it quickly became obvious she didn’t really want it. Her goal had been to get me out of my room, and to try to force an interaction with my father.
But it didn’t happen.
He was avoiding me just as much as I was him, and we hadn’t spoken since the night Noah had broken up with me. If my dad was expecting another apology from me, well, he’d have to wait forever.
Because I’d apologized enough, and now I was fucking done.
My gaze lifted from the phone screen so I could glare at the gorgeous flower arrangement that sat as a centerpiece on the kitchen island. It was vibrant pink roses and white lilies, nestled in greenery and arranged in a tall, clear vase.
It was the first time a guy had ever sent me flowers. It had been delivered this afternoon, bearing a card that said it was from Noah, and that he was sorry and to please call him.
I’d been halfway to the garbage toter in the garage when my mom stopped me. “Throw out the card if you want,” she had begged, “but these are too beautiful to go to waste.”
I stared at the flowers, hating how pretty they were and that I couldn’t like them on principle. Did he think this made up for what he’d done?
While she stirred the spaghetti boiling in a large pot on the stove, my mom tried to make small talk. I was polite, answering her questions, but I didn’t engage at all in conversation.
“It doesn’t seem like you need my help,” I said. “Can I go back to my room until dinner?”
She asked it quietly. “So you can go back to moping?”
Irritation brewed inside me, but I kept it in check. “You know, I’m allowed to be upset. I had my heart broken.”
“You’re right.” She stopped what she was doing, and her expression was pained, as if she were trapped between a rock and a hard place. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. Your father is too.”
That was rich, because he’d played no small part in it.
She set the wooden spoon down so she could give me her full attention. “Honey, you need to talk to him.”
Frustration raised my gaze to the ceiling. “I’m not apologizing again. I already did it a bunch of times.”
At this point, if anyone needed to apologize, it was him, but I didn’t say that to her. After I’d spent the night crying over Noah, my tears had dried, and I’d made a plan for myself. I’d do as my parents asked and follow their rules, but I’d be completely disengaged.
I’d finally realized that while their safety net protected me, it also held me back. How could I live my own life if I wasn’t independent from them? I’d watched my friends sometimes fail or struggle, and it had been fucking bewildering to me—
Because I’d never had to experience that.
Things always worked out for me because my parents were there, ready to catch my fall or solve any of my problems. Even with the whole Zach fiasco, part of me had known deep down they’d probably take me back.
But their purse strings went both ways. I couldn’t take their help and then expect them to stay quiet about how I lived my life.
It was time to be a fucking adult and start doing things for myself.
“I’m not asking you to apologize.” My mother’s face softened. “I’m just asking you two to talk to each other. You used to be so close, and I hate this tension.” She sounded like she was nearly beside herself. “You know your father and I love you so much, Charlotte. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to us.”
I believed her, but I was too wounded to say anything. Yes, Noah had chosen to abandon me, but it was my father’s ultimatum that had rushed him into making that decision. So, while I wasn’t as mad at my father as I was at Noah, my dad wasn’t blameless.
My mom must have thought I was unconvinced, because her eyes began to water with tears. “Please talk to him. For me.”
I pushed away my emotions, trying to stay detached, and pulled in a breath to even myself out. “Okay.”
She nodded and sniffled, sucking back her tears. When she picked up the spoon and returned to stirring the spaghetti, her shoulders didn’t seem quite as heavy, like my agreement had lifted a weight off her.
I was glad she was relieved, but I didn’t see the point of talking to my dad. He was upset and stubborn, and in the unlikely event he saw reason and said all was forgiven, that he was okay with me dating Noah—it didn’t matter.
Noah didn’t want me.
Being with me was a waste of time, he’d said, after all.
His words had crushed me to the point it’d been hard to leave Warbler and walk to my car without sobbing. I spent a long time sitting in the driver’s seat of my Yaris, with tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to figure out how it had all gone so wrong.
He’d warned you this would happen, a shitty voice reminded me.
When the tears drained out of me, it made room for anger to take its place. I’d needed to do something, to take back some control. It was stupid and maybe immature, but I wanted to act like the careless way Noah had tossed me aside hadn’t gotten to me.
It felt so fucking good to block his number and his socials, to pretend he didn’t exist. I didn’t want to see him again. To ever think about him again.
Too bad my mind and my heart wouldn’t let me.
The following evening before dinner, I tracked my dad down in the living room. The TV was on, but, as usual, he wasn’t paying any attention to it. His focus was on the tablet in his hands, reading his emails. When I approached and my shadow fell over him, he lifted his gaze and looked cornered.
“Do you have a minute?” I asked but didn’t wait for a response. I plopped down on the couch beside him.
He put down his iPad and his expression was plain, announcing, let’s get this over with.
“Mom asked me to talk to you.” I crossed my arms over my chest, although I hadn’t meant for it to look confrontational. I felt awkward and didn’t know what to do with my hands. “I’ve got to admit, at first, I didn’t want to. But now I think it’s good because there’s something I need to ask you.”
He looked worried, like he had no idea what might come out of my mouth. “What is it?”
“You need to know my happiness these last few months wasn’t just from being with Noah. Sure, he was a big part of it, but I also... I don’t know.” But I did know. “I feel like I’ve finally found my purpose.”
“Your purpose.” He repeated it almost like a question.
“Yeah. I started my cleaning channel as a side thing. It was just supposed to be fun, but it’s grown, Dad. It’s like a full-blown business now, and for the first time ever, it feels right. Like this is what I’m supposed to be doing.”
His eyebrows pinched together. Maybe he was thinking he’d heard a version of this spiel before, when I’d asked to go to college, but couldn’t he see how different this was? How different I was?
Before, I’d been coasting through life, and I’d known that college was the answer he’d wanted to hear. So I’d offered it up, hoping it would work out, even when I doubted it was what I really wanted.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to figure things out.” I swallowed a breath so I could put everything I had into it. “And I really appreciate how patient you and Mom have been. I haven’t done a good job of showing it, but I’m grateful for all the chances you’ve given me.”
He was stunned and pleased to hear it, but unease moved through his expression. “Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming?”
“Nope, no ‘but.’ I’m just saying thanks.”
He peered at me, perhaps wondering what had happened to his daughter and who this imposter was, before his cautious eyes seemed to sharpen. “What did you want to ask?”
“You need to give Noah his job back.”
“Ah, there it is,” he said. “Did he put you up to this?”
I shook my head. “No, we haven’t talked since he ended things.” I steeled my voice, keeping it controlled. “My relationship with him had nothing to do with his work, so don’t punish him for being with me. I’m the one who lied.”
“Charlotte,” he started.
But I wasn’t finished. “Neither of us wanted this, but then you volunteered me to work for him, and it was—”
“You’re blaming me?”
“No.” I made a face. “Well, maybe a little. What I’m trying to say is Noah really tried not to get involved with me. He warned me about how important his job is to him. He even said his identity is, like, tied up in his career, so I know right now he’s lost. He’s hurting.”
Confusion splashed across my father’s face. “That may be true, but he hurt you, too. So I’m not sure I understand why you care how he’s feeling, or why you would want him to get his job back.”
I gave a sad shrug. “Because I love him, even when he doesn’t love me back. Plus, he’s helped me so much with my business, I owe him this.” I folded my fingers together and dropped my hands into my lap. “Also, Noah getting his job back wasn’t the thing I wanted to ask you about.”
“What?”
“What I want to ask is, why do you care that I was with him? Why was that so wrong?”
He stiffened. “You both work at Warbler, and that makes me uncomfortable.”
I’d never realized before that my father was not good at lying. The way his gaze ran from mine confirmed my suspicion. This wasn’t his real reason.
“That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it? I’m there twice a week after hours, and barely anyone knows I work there.” I lifted my chin. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to be an issue soon anyway.”
He frowned. “Why’s that?”
“Because tomorrow I’m paying off the last of my debt.”
He made a face, and I could see the thoughts in his eyes. He was scrambling to come up with another way to get me to stay. Not necessarily because he wanted to control me, but because he was convinced it was too soon. That I’d fail if I tried to do things on my own.
“You and I both know,” I said, “you don’t really need me cleaning Warbler. And certainly not twice a week.”
He didn’t want to admit it. “You do such a good job, though.”
“Thanks. I mean that, too, because if you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have started my channel. But I need to know the real reason you said I had to end things with Noah.”
We both knew the reason, but he didn’t want to put it into words. He dragged it out so long, I worried he wasn’t going to say anything.
But finally he let out a heavy breath. “He’s too old for you.”
“Ah, there it is.” I couldn’t help using the same phrase he’d given me. “I know it makes you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry for that, but I’m not your little girl anymore. I’ll be twenty-four in a few weeks, and I’m too old for you to be telling me who I’m allowed to date.”
“A guy like that,” he hesitated, “he’s not with you for love. It’ll run its course, and things will end exactly like they did with Zach.”
My voice shook, because the comparison filled me with anger. “Noah is nothing like Zach.”
“All right, fine.” Worry creased his expression. “But he’ll hurt you, Charlotte.”
The laugh I gave was humorless. “Well, thank God you were there to protect me and stop that from happening.” I took a moment to get hold of myself. “Look, I don’t want to fight. Maybe it’s true he wasn’t ever going to fall in love with me, but I’ll never know, because he didn’t really get the chance.” I shot him a hard look. “You had a hand in that.”
He considered my statement for a long, tense moment. “I didn’t handle it well, no, and I’m... sorry for that.”
It was the best apology I could hope to get from him, and I nodded in acceptance. I shifted on the couch, turning so I was sideways and faced him completely. “Since you’re so big on offering me deals, I have one for you.”
Did he sense he wasn’t going to like it? His expression was guarded. “What is it?”
“You give Noah his job back, and you and I can work through our issues together. I know there’s still a lot I need to do to earn your trust back, and I promise to do it. And I’m going to work on not being so dependent on you and Mom—that one is regardless of what you decide.” I said it more for my benefit than his. “I can’t keep running to you whenever things don’t go my way.”
He stared at me with disbelief. “And if I don’t rehire him?”
My pulse quickened and my lungs tightened, because I was giving him a version of the same one he’d given me. “Then, you’re cut off emotionally. I’ll obey your rules and do whatever you ask of me, but that’s it.”
He scowled, like the deal was too harsh or unfair, but I lifted a hand before he could say anything.
“It’d be inevitable,” I said. “If I have to carry the guilt over Noah losing his job, it’ll drive a wedge between us.” I peered at my father with the hope he’d make the right decision, that we could repair the damage I’d done to our relationship together. “What do you say? Do we have a deal?”