Chapter Seven Han
CHAPTER SEVEN
HAN
T hornelius proved to be a great exercise in decision-making for Kenny. He handpicked a plant at Target and chose the default “outfit” he’d be wearing (a monocle and top hat). Deciding where to put him was its own struggle, though. After fussing over the perfect spot, Kenny finally decided to set him on the kitchen table. So we could have meals “as a family.”
“Luna, this is your new little brother, Thornelius!” Kenny said after situating Thornelius on the table. “Please protect and love him like a big sister should, okay?”
Luna wagged her tail in response; then Kenny’s phone dinged with what I’d now come to recognize as a Grindr notification. He glanced at his phone and bit his lip while typing something out.
“I’m gonna have a guy over,” Kenny said as he stood back up. “I was thinking I should get my rebound sex over with sooner than later so I can move on.”
I hated that Kenny talking about rebound sex made me feel anything less than happy for him. It shouldn’t have bothered me in the least. There must have been a logical reason I was feeling this way besides being jealous homophobic. The main drawback was that since I’d replaced Kenny’s blue curtains with his actual favorite color while he was at work, the first person to see his reaction to them would be some stranger he’s fucking.
Or would he be getting fucked? I wasn’t actually sure where Kenny stood with that stuff. Not that I cared, or needed to know, or was curious in any way, shape, or form.
“Do you know this guy?” I asked hesitantly.
“He’s a Grindr hookup, so, not exactly.”
“What if he’s a serial killer? Are we really cool with giving random guys our address?”
“Ah, I’m sure we could take him.” Kenny laughed and nudged me playfully, but I wasn’t sure I understood the joke. “I’m gonna shower real quick before he gets here.”
I sighed as Kenny went down the hall and into the bathroom. What the hell was wrong with me? Kenny moving on from Jackie was a good thing. I should have been happy for him. I was happy for him! But I also felt… weird.
I must have been in my head about it longer than I expected because soon enough Luna started barking at someone knocking on the door.
Shit, he was already here? I’d kind of wanted to hide in my room so I wouldn’t have to deal with meeting a stranger, but Kenny was still in the shower. I groaned before dragging myself up and over to the door, not bothering to hold Luna back as I opened it. She wasn’t a biter or anything, so I wasn’t worried.
She immediately slipped through the open door and started sniffing the guy, who yelped and almost dropped the bag of Cane’s he was carrying.
“You don’t like dogs?” I asked, sizing him up. He was tall and lean with curly brown hair and a slightly cropped top. If this guy didn’t like dogs, how compatible could he possibly have been with Kenny?
“No, I’m fine with dogs. I was just surprised,” he said as he held the bag of food out of Luna’s reach. Sure, he said he was fine with dogs, but he wasn’t even petting her. I called her back inside. Normally, she would protest, wanting to explore the new person, but she didn’t. I guess she didn’t find him interesting enough. She was a good judge of character.
Red flag number one.
Once Luna was back inside, the guy waved at me with his free hand. “Kenny, right? You look different from your pictures. Not that I’m complaining…” He looked me up and down.
“Uh, no,” I said, maybe a little colder than I’d intended. “Kenny’s my roommate.”
“Oh! Sorry, I only brought enough food for two… I’m Adam, by the way.” He smiled and held his hand out. I scanned him for any suspicious serial killer signs before shaking it. “Okay… Ow.”
I hadn’t meant to grip his hand that hard, but I was a little on edge. “Sorry…”
He just stood there awkwardly until I realized I was supposed to let him in. “Right.” I opened the door wider and stepped aside. Luna didn’t even bother with him. Instead she lay by the bathroom waiting for Kenny. “Kenny’s in the shower. He’ll be out in a minute,” I said, more to Luna than Adam.
Adam nodded as he looked around. He chuckled at the sight of Thornelius. “Cute cactus.”
“He’s a succulent,” I corrected.
“Uh, yeah. A cactus succulent,” he said with a smile. “Wait, did you say ‘he’?” He let out another little laugh. Dick.
“Do you have a problem?” It wasn’t that I was embarrassed. How could I have been embarrassed about something Kenny was so excited about? But how dare this guy look down on one of the first examples of Kenny expressing his own agency in years ? If Kenny wanted to adopt and coparent and name an emotional support succulent, who was I to stand in his way? So what if it looked silly? Kenny chose this. Maybe choices were easy for most people, but they weren’t for Kenny, and he still chose this specific plant. Chose his outfit. Named him. Yes, him . And chose to raise him with me . So fuck this Adam guy for laughing.
Adam raised his hands in surrender. “No, no problems here.”
Finally, the running water from the bathroom came to a stop, and Adam looked almost as relieved as I felt. Thank fuck.
We both stood there awkwardly, waiting for Kenny to come out. Sure, I could have left Adam alone to go to my room, but I wasn’t getting the best vibes from him. I wanted to make sure Kenny felt comfortable before leaving them alone. Kenny sometimes had a hard time putting his foot down when he was uncomfortable, especially if he felt like someone went out of their way for him. So if he changed his mind about wanting to fuck this guy, I’d kick him out in a heartbeat. With glee.
“Hey! Sorry, I must have overestimated how far away you were,” Kenny said as he scrubbed his hands through his slightly wet hair, then lit up when he saw the Cane’s. “Oh, you brought food! Me and Han had a day . I’m starving.” Kenny went straight to the table, and Adam followed.
“Yeah, sorry, I only brought enough for two.” Adam sounded apologetic enough, but he was obviously trying to get me to leave them alone. But if Kenny wanted to be alone just yet, he’d take Adam to his room. Since he wasn’t doing that, I wasn’t about to hide away in my own fucking house.
“No worries! Han can share with me,” Kenny said, waving me over as he opened one of the to-go boxes.
I sat next to Kenny, and he handed me a chicken strip while he got to work on the fries.
“So, you two are really close, huh?” Adam asked after a couple of bites of chicken. I couldn’t help but notice his hand resting on Kenny’s thigh.
“For sure,” Kenny said, hiding his full mouth behind his hand. “We’ve been friends since, like, first grade.”
“So you’re just friends, then?” he asked, glancing back and forth between me and Kenny like he was suspicious of us , as if he wasn’t the potential serial killer in this situation.
“We’re friends,” I answered, almost too quickly. It felt wrong to call anything relating to me and Kenny “just.” As if our relationship was “only” something. This “Adam” (if that was even his real name) was really starting to piss me off.
“Okay, cool,” “Adam” said, then gave Kenny’s thigh a little squeeze. Not that I was paying attention.
Kenny and “Adam” talked while we finished eating, “Adam” not once letting go of Kenny’s thigh.
“So, should we take this somewhere more private?” “Adam” said as he gave Kenny this almost-hungry look. I didn’t like that look. Not on “Adam.”
“How could I say no to that?” Kenny said. While his expression mirrored “Adam’s,” I couldn’t help but read into his response.
Kenny wasn’t exactly great at saying no. Was he hinting that he needed help? I gave him a serious look, trying to telepathically ask if I should shut it down for him. He looked back at me for a second before giving an awkward laugh.
“Um, so, shall we?” “Adam” nodded toward the hallway where the bedrooms were.
“No means no, ‘Adam’!” I found myself using actual finger quotes around the probably fake name.
“Wait, are you saying no?” “Adam” looked to Kenny.
“I said how could I say no ,” Kenny tried to explain, but somehow I doubted this “Adam” would get the hint.
“Exactly!” I said firmly. “I think you should leave.”
Kenny gave me a slightly wide-eyed look that seemed like he was trying to tell me something, but I was never an expert in body language. Whatever. He could tell me after this “Adam” guy left.
“You don’t have to leave!” Kenny said, which confused the hell out of me, but “Adam” was already standing. I stood, too, not knowing whether he was about to leave or pick a fight. He just laughed.
“Okay, I don’t know what the hell is going on with… all this ”—he gestured wildly to me and Kenny—“but y’all should really figure that shit out, far away from me.”
“Wait!” Kenny stood up too now, but “Adam” was already storming out.
The door slammed behind him, leaving me and Kenny alone with an unexpected amount of tension in the air.
“What the fuck , Han?” Kenny’s head snapped toward me.
I studied him before responding. Shoulders tense, brows furrowed, mouth hanging open. I wasn’t an expert at reading people, but… even I could tell he wasn’t happy.
“Wait, you’re mad?” I asked, completely at a loss.
“Yes!” Kenny threw his hands up exasperatedly. “What the hell was that! Why are you cockblocking me?”
“I thought I was helping!”
Kenny slumped in the chair and rubbed his temples. “In what world does kicking out the guy I brought over help me get laid?” The gears turning in my head suddenly ground to a stop.
“Wait… you wanted to fuck that guy?”
“ Yes! ” Kenny yelled. “Do you have a problem with that or something?”
I sat down across from Kenny and sighed. “No, I don’t have a problem with that.”
“Then what the hell just happened?” Kenny asked earnestly, sounding more confused than angry at that point.
“You said ‘how could I say no’ when he asked to go to your room,” I said plainly, but Kenny didn’t look any less confused. “Did that not mean you needed help telling him to fuck off? Like, you didn’t know how to tell him you changed your mind?”
“Fuck.” Kenny softened up a little. “Okay, that’s actually kind of sweet, but that’s not at all what I meant!”
“You meant yes,” I said, half realization, half question.
Kenny nodded, rubbing his temples again.
“Now I know, I guess. Um, sorry, bro.” I hoped he wasn’t too mad, but maybe I deserved it. I did fuck up his first chance at rebound sex. And in trying to keep him from getting taken advantage of, I ended up making the decision for him. Just like Jackie had always done.
Kenny sighed. “It’s been a long day. Let’s just go to bed.” He got up and headed to his room.
“Okay,” I said, and went to my own room. I stood in front of my door for a while, trying to decide whether to go knocking on Kenny’s door to apologize again. I felt like shit, but it wasn’t like Kenny to stay mad. And I wasn’t great at apologies. Too vulnerable.
Still, maybe he needed more than just a “sorry, bro” to feel like I understood the problem. I started texting him, but before I typed much, my door swung open and Kenny rushed toward me in an unexpected hug.
“Thank you,” he said, his words muffled by his face pressed against my shoulder. I was so caught off guard by the affection that it took a second for my body to react. Once my brain registered what was happening, I relaxed into the embrace.
“What? I was just gonna say sorry again…”
“For the curtains, Han. Not the cockblocking.” He laughed into my shoulder and gave me one last squeeze before pulling away. “So… are you sure you don’t have a problem with me bringing people over? Like, guys, specifically.”
“No,” I said quickly, and Kenny raised an eyebrow like he was suspicious, which made my heart practically combust. He was kind of right, but I had no idea why. The last thing I wanted to do was make Kenny feel bad for being himself. He was not the problem in this situation.
But… maybe I did have a problem. Maybe Kenny was somehow both at the center of it and the only imaginable cure.
No, maybe not. Definitely not.
Maybe I was just homophobic.