The Broposal

Chapter Fifteen Han

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

HAN

E ven though Kenny and I were eager to get married ASAP, we decided to wait a couple of weeks before I asked Kenny’s parents for permission. If it were up to me, we would have waited longer. But Kenny refused to let me wait.

So, here we were, sitting in Kenny’s minivan, waiting for me to gather the courage to get the hell out of the car and into his parents’ house.

“What if I can’t do it?” I asked, hesitating to open the car door.

“You can. I’ll be waiting right here,” Kenny said. The proposal was all set up for that night, but before we could go through with it, I had to officially get permission from Kenny’s parents. Everyone knew having their approval meant a lot to Kenny, even if this whole thing was fake. Maybe even more so because this whole thing was fake. If anyone found out Kenny got married without getting his parents’ blessing, they’d clock this whole thing as a sham before we finished saying our I do’s. Still, lying to them felt wrong. Not wrong enough not to go through with it—I would do whatever it took to make this work—but wrong enough to make me feel like shit.

I took a deep breath before opening the door and walking over to their house. Kenny was pretty sure they’d approve, since their condition about Jackie had been about waiting longer, and Kenny and I had known each other for almost two decades. But I thought the opposite. Since Kenny and Jackie had just broken up, that meant he and I couldn’t have been seeing each other very long at all. Still, if I went with the story Kenny came up with, it’d seem like a slow burn that’d been brewing our entire lives, not a spontaneous ploy to get citizenship. Not that they knew about my status.

I rang the doorbell and after a moment was greeted with a kiss on the cheek by Elisa and a firm hug from Cedric.

“Han, so good to see you! Come in!” Cedric said while Elisa ushered me inside. I kicked off my shoes before joining them on the couch. “Where’s Kenny?”

“It’s just me today.” I gave them a nervous smile. Back in high school, and while Kenny was in college, I’d sometimes drop by here by myself to wait for Kenny to be done with a class or play practice or Taekwondo, but Kenny hadn’t done any of that in years, so it’d been a while.

“What a sweet surprise! So sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Elisa said as she quickly fluffed some couch pillows, which was the only “mess” she could seem to find, as the house was cleaner than my permanent record.

“Coffee?” Cedric asked. “I would have made something if I knew you were coming!” I knew better than to deny Kenny’s parents an opportunity to provide hospitality, so I accepted the offer with a smile.

“Thanks, Papi,” I said. Calling Kenny’s parents Mami and Papi had started as a joke when I was much younger, but it’d grown to feel more natural calling them that than my own parents. Obviously they could never replace my parents, but it felt nice to call someone here mom and dad.

In no time, we all sat on the couch with coffee a bit too hot to be sipped on just yet. I grasped the warm cup to keep my hands from shaking. The AC in the Bautista house was always freezing, but that wasn’t what caused the tremble.

“I wanted to talk to you guys about something really important to me,” I said. I told myself I’d keep the lying to a minimum. It was like Kenny had said, acting was easier if you used real emotions, and it was true that this was very important to me. I wished Kenny were here, but the act was supposed to be that he wouldn’t know anything about the proposal.

Cedric raised a bushy eyebrow, and Elisa gave a welcoming smile that made my guilt rise into my throat. I’d rehearsed what I would say so many times, I just had to get it out and over with.

“You guys know this, but Kenny is really important to me.” Another non-lie, but my breath quivered. Both Cedric and Elisa were silent, allowing me time to get it out. “He’s been a huge support for me my whole life, and I honestly couldn’t imagine life without him. Which is why”—I gulped—“it would mean the world to me if I could get your permission to marry him.” I couldn’t bring myself to look them in the eye. I hadn’t lied, sure, but this whole thing was a lie. I put my mug down, still unable to look up from the floor.

“Han, honey, you know you’re like a son to us.” Elisa took my hand in both of hers and leaned forward. Looking into her eyes now, I could see where Kenny got his intensity from. “But I worry about Kenny… about both of you. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt after jumping in too quickly.”

“I know, and I get that, Mami,” I started, trying my best to meet her gaze without disintegrating. I pulled Kenny’s story back into my head. “Trust me, I would never pressure Kenny to move faster than he was comfortable with, and if I had any hint that he wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t be asking.” I swallowed before letting my voice crack. “I know it looks like we’re going fast, but… I can’t even remember a time I didn’t love Kenny,” I admitted.

“That much has always been clear,” Elisa said, squeezing my hand while Cedric nodded along.

“You guys are my family. I know how much your approval means to Kenny, but it means just as much to me.” I reminded myself to only say true things to keep from wrecking myself with guilt. “I really do want this, and I know Kenny does, too.”

I looked up to see Cedric with tears in his eyes. Had I upset him? Did he know I was basically using Kenny for citizenship? No, no, I wasn’t using Kenny. He was perfectly willing. I had to stop thinking like that, or this would never work. We were in this together.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a sap,” Cedric said, blowing his nose.

“I’ll be right back.” Elisa swiftly got up from the couch and made her way down the hall.

“Papi, you okay?” I asked.

“I always knew it would come to this one day. I’m more than okay. I would love to see Kenny marry someone who actually makes him happy.” His mouth curved into a trembly smile.

Elisa came back then, smiling almost wildly. She reached for my hand and squeezed. It wasn’t until she let go that I realized she’d placed something in my palm.

The emerald ring.

The gesture made me want to run away and call the whole thing off. I figured they’d agree to the marriage, but I wished they’d kept the ring. Saved it for when Kenny and I got divorced and he got married for real. This was too intimate. Too real . While this whole thing was fake. But if I refused the ring, it’d look suspicious.

“I… don’t know what to say.” I wished I could somehow make this all up to them. They would never forgive me if they found out.

“You’ll have to get it resized of course, but please, take it.” She folded my fingers over the ring.

“Thank you. Thank you so much” was all I could manage to say as I pocketed the ring.

“When are you proposing?” Elisa clapped her hands together.

“I was hoping to propose tonight.” I shifted on the couch, feeling like I was under a microscope.

“Ahh! So soon! I know a guy who can resize a ring in less than an hour. You’ll have to go to him if anyone’s putting this on tonight!”

With all the parties, quinces, weddings, et cetera that Elisa had helped plan, I wasn’t surprised she knew a ring guy. Getting this one resized would be the perfect cover for me to tell Kenny I’d be out buying a ring. “That would be perfect. Thank you so much.”

“How are you doing it? We’ll have to throw an engagement party! I’ll need a couple of weeks to get everything together.” She pulled out her phone to look at her calendar. “Hmmm… let’s plan for the twenty-third?”

“Um—”

“Great! There’s no time to waste. I’ll get right on it. You two won’t have to worry about a thing. And good luck tonight!” She winked, and I wished I could disappear. “Don’t worry. We won’t keep you any longer. I have a party to plan!” Elisa practically shooed me away. I hadn’t even popped the question, and she was practically planning the honeymoon.

After saying our goodbyes, I was relieved to be back with Kenny, except that he bombarded me the second I opened the car door.

“What’d they say?”

I debated pulling out the ring, but I stopped myself. Kenny was a sucker for the dramatic, which meant he’d eat it up if I surprised him tonight.

“That we’re good to go.”

Kenny fist pumped. “I knew it!” He looked like he would leap out of his seat if it weren’t for his seat belt. He hugged me tightly. When he pulled away, something soft flashed in his face as he looked into my eyes before he shook his head, shaking away the expression. Maybe he was feeling weird that his parents agreed so quickly for me but not Jackie. That had to hurt. Best not to overthink it though.

“All right, let’s do this.”

Even though Kenny was the one doing drag for the first time tonight, I was more nervous than ever. While Leti did Kenny’s makeup, I sat on the edge of their bed, watching anxiously.

“Calm down, primo. You’re making me nervous,” Leti said without looking away from the thick eyeliner they were drawing on Kenny’s lids. I realized then I’d been wildly bouncing my leg.

“I’m chill,” I said, trying to convince myself more than Leti. They knew I was proposing tonight, but they didn’t know it was all fake, and they were under the impression that Kenny was completely clueless, so they couldn’t talk about it while they were doing his makeup.

“What are you so nervous about? I’m the one performing.” Kenny laughed, and I resisted the urge to flick his forehead. Kenny obviously knew why I was nervous.

“Okay, so why aren’t you nervous?” I shot back, and Kenny grinned.

“Are you kidding? I was born for this.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And, honestly, it kind of was. Now that Jackie wasn’t around to suppress Kenny’s expression, of course he’d end up doing something like this. “You don’t need to worry about me, okay, love?” he added with a wink.

“He used to get real nervous when I first started performing, too, verdad, Ale?” Bless Leti’s soul, trying to cover for me so Kenny wouldn’t find out about the proposal. A twinge of guilt jammed its finger in my ribs. Everyone was going so far above and beyond for me. I’d never kept anything from Leti before. If they knew this was fake, they’d kill me and Kenny both for keeping it from them.

And it was fake, so why was I so nervous? I rubbed my hands on my thighs to keep them from bouncing. I’d never committed to anyone for longer than a few weeks. The prospect of asking someone to marry me made my legs shake, like they wanted to run away. But I couldn’t run. I didn’t want to run. I wanted to stay here, in my home, with Kenny, as long as I could. That much was real.

When we got to the venue, I had to sit alone in the audience since Leti was emceeing and Kenny was performing. I didn’t mind sitting alone. I just had to try not to think about how this crowd would be watching me soon enough.

I tried to pay attention, but I couldn’t get my mind off my nerves. Performers came and went, and they were great—probably—but I could hardly focus. My mind was all on Kenny. On my performance. I spent the next hour of restless jitters going over the speech I’d planned instead of watching the incredible talent before me.

Then Kenny came onstage. I honestly wouldn’t have recognized him if I hadn’t witnessed him getting ready myself. He waltzed out, letting the train of his red gown trail behind him. The picture-perfect embodiment of tonight’s theme: royalty. There was a mantle caping down from his shoulders and a gold and ruby crown so big I wasn’t sure how he was able to stand straight, much less keep his head up. Somehow, he walked with grace all the way down the runway. He kept his back perfectly straight, even when he lowered himself to the ground so the skirt of his dress spread delicately on the floor. With a gentle hand raised to the lights, he looked up at his fingertips regally.

I stood up and started whistling. The crowd clapped and cheered along. Before Kenny could walk offstage, Leti asked him to stay. That was my cue. I downed my drink, hoping it might give me the push I needed to get through this. The drink made me lighter, but it didn’t help. I only thought I might be light enough to fly away.

“We have a very special announcement from a very special someone,” they sang, and I knew it was now or never. I put one wobbly foot in front of the other, in complete contrast to Kenny’s graceful stride moments ago. I hoped no one could tell my knees were shaking. When I got onstage, Leti handed me a mic. I had rehearsed this, but I couldn’t remember the words for the life of me.

The crowd suddenly seemed bigger. Meaner. My mic-holding hand trembled as I brought it to my lips and choked.

I’d originally planned on lying as little as possible like with Kenny’s parents, but I couldn’t remember the true parts of my speech to save my life. Besides, I was in front of a bunch of strangers who didn’t know Kenny at all—and Leti, who would probably understand one day. No harm in lying here, right?

I swallowed my nerves and focused on Kenny. Even under the thick makeup and wig, his eyes offered a familiar reassurance.

“I, um…” I cleared my throat, and a few hushed murmurs echoed around. I turned to face the crowd instead of Kenny. “I want to talk about something—someone—very important to me.” I looked back to Kenny and held out my hand, which Kenny took in his, holding the other to his chest as if to say “Who, me?”

“Hi, Kenny.” I decided to ignore the crowd and just talk to him. “I wish I could say I’ve loved you since the moment we met, but we were six, and I hated your guts.” A few chuckles bounced against the walls. I had no idea where I was going, but I embraced the drama like Kenny encouraged me to. “But I love you now more than life itself…” I got on one knee and pulled the ring out of my pocket. The crowd went wild, but Kenny’s reaction was better. A look of recognition flashed across his face before he covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes sparkling. “… and I’d want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Kenny’s eyes watered, and I wondered if he felt even a fraction as guilty as I did. Maybe he was using that real emotion to fuel the fake narrative.

“Kenny… will you marry me?”

Still covering his mouth, he nodded yes, actual tears tracking eyeliner down his face. I wondered how the hell he made himself cry like that, but I got up to hug him anyway. Kenny leapt into my arms, and the crowd erupted.

I was thrown back into our living room, where we practiced this exact kiss. It happened as naturally now as it did then. The cheering and the blaring lights faded away, and for a moment it was just me and Kenny, kissing like no one was watching. Just like we’d practiced.