The Broposal

Chapter Twenty-Two Kenny

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

KENNY

A fter getting Han an Uber home, I went the rest of my shift feeling like a monumental piece of crap. If Han hadn’t been so distracted by my pointless flirting, he wouldn’t have fallen. I had done this, but I had only been trying to make things feel less weird after what happened the night before. Still, I might have gone a bit overboard.

After my shift was over, I didn’t even bother to double-count the money for the day. I shot Leti a quick text letting them know I’d be missing the show tonight, then headed out to my car. I needed to be there for Han.

When I turned the corner, I almost shat myself when I saw Jackie leaning on my car door.

“What the hell are you doing here, Jackie?” I sounded a lot more confident than I was. I really couldn’t let any of my complicated feelings for Jackie show in front of her, or she’d sink her claws in and take advantage. I had to be ice.

I tried to reach for my door, but Jackie blocked my way. “I had to come here because you blocked my number! How else am I supposed to get ahold of you?”

“Yeah, I blocked it for a reason ,” I said through gritted teeth, but I softened up with one look at Jackie’s face. Her eyes were puffy, and her nose and cheeks were red like she’d been crying. “What’s wrong?”

She sniffed and wiped her nose, not meeting my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

I blinked, not sure if I was imagining things or if she’d actually just said that.

“What?” I felt my breath get thin, and the air I took in hurt . It was how I felt when I went for a long run in the winter. This wasn’t happening. Jackie couldn’t be pregnant.

“I’m pregnant,” she repeated.

“No, I heard you. I… Is it mine?”

“Of course it’s yours, you asshole.” She punched my arm. I had to ask.

“How? We were so careful…” I clicked my keys to unlock the car so we could talk more behind the privacy of my nontinted windows. She didn’t answer until we were both sitting inside.

“I must have missed a pill.”

“But we used condoms…” I rubbed my head, unable to wrap it around this new development. A baby. What was I going to do? I barely had any money in savings for an abortion. But then, what if she didn’t want one? Not to mention there was no way I could cut ties with Jackie with a baby involved. What did this mean for me and Han? I kept rubbing my head, feeling dizzy now.

“I know .” Jackie smacked the back of my head, sounding irritated. “You know condoms aren’t a hundred percent reliable. And stop doing that.” She grabbed my wrist and pulled it away from rubbing my forehead.

“Sorry…” I felt bad for focusing on the how instead of what would happen next. And for dodging her this whole time. I felt terrible.

“What are we gonna do?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She started tearing up. Not fake, nonblinking tears, either. Real ones. “I’m not ready to be a single mom! I can barely take care of myself, let alone a baby! What am I supposed to do?”

I pulled her into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay. Whatever you choose, I’ll be here for you,” I said. I knew I had to be there for her. This was my problem just as much as hers, and if she wanted me there, I would be. I tried not to think of how that would complicate my situation with Han. Of course I would still do both no matter what, but I couldn’t think about the logistics of all that right now.

“Thank you, Kenny,” she said, sobbing into my chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Did you forget you blocked my number?!” She hit my chest with an open palm. I swallowed the pain. I deserved that.

“What about that day at the restaurant?” I asked.

“I didn’t know then, obviously.”

“I’m so sorry…” was all I could say.

“I think I’m gonna keep it,” she said, and the pain in my chest grew.

“Okay.” I focused on taking deep breaths. In. Out.

“I don’t know for sure yet. But if I do, you have to break it off with Han and help me raise it.”

“No,” I said, surprising myself with my firmness. I was just as committed to marrying Han as I was to raising this baby.

Unsurprisingly, my answer earned me a swift slap to the cheek, bringing tears to my eyes.

“I meant… I’m not breaking up with Han. But of course I’ll help you raise it.” My voice cracked as I turned to face Jackie. The woman who never hesitated to put her hands on me anytime I didn’t do exactly what she wanted. The woman who made me feel so small I wanted to disappear. The woman who I would be spending the next eighteen-plus years raising a kid with if she decided to keep it. Telling her I wasn’t breaking up with Han may have been one of the only times I’d told her no in our entire relationship.

My whole life flashed before my eyes. I couldn’t bear the thought of getting slapped around like this on a daily basis. Maybe we could split custody. Maybe I wouldn’t have to interact much with Jackie at all.

“I swear I’ll be a good father,” I found myself saying, “but I’m not breaking it off with Han.” I was sure the kid would have a much healthier upbringing with Han in the picture anyway. Plus, I seemed to bring out the worst in Jackie. I didn’t want my kid to grow up seeing their dad getting slapped around all the time.

“Whatever… I know you’ll change your mind. We don’t have to talk about it right now, though.”

“Okay.” I sighed in relief. I really didn’t want her to try to convince me to break up with Han. I wouldn’t do it no matter what she said, but I knew she’d be able to make me feel like the world’s biggest asshole for it. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just thought you were trying to get me to break up with Han. I had no idea you were pregnant.”

“But I do want you to break up with Han!” Jackie replied angrily. “Ugh! Please just think about it? I want to raise this baby right. Two parents, you know?”

“I thought you said we didn’t have to talk about it.”

“You’re the one who brought it back up!”

“The baby is going to have two parents whether I’m with Han or not,” I said. I couldn’t just dump him after everything. Not when we were so close to getting him a green card. This might have been a good excuse for us to get divorced sometime after the wedding, but not now. Not until Han was staying for good.

“You know what I mean, Kenny. Just think about it, okay?” Jackie said, then got out of the car, walked to her own, and drove away. I reluctantly unblocked her number.

I stopped at the store before going home to get some things for Han. We didn’t have any ice at the apartment, so I got some, plus heat packs, an ankle brace, crutches, ibuprofen, and some Ace bandages. I channeled all my anxiety about the baby into worrying about Han instead. If I focused on that, I couldn’t think about anything else.

When I got home, I rushed up the stairs, wondering how Han could have made his way up here with his ankle as messed up as it was. I hoped he didn’t hurt himself even worse in the process.

When I got to the apartment, I was greeted by several stray cats eating food Han must have left out. I grinned. Of course he would still find it in him to feed the cats when he could barely stand.

Luna greeted me excitedly when I opened the door, panting and wagging her tail so hard her butt wobbled around. She jumped up on me, which she never did. She was way higher energy today than usual, which I figured had something to do with the fact that Han wasn’t able to play with her or take her out after coming home. I made a note to myself to take her out after taking care of Han.

I gave Luna a kiss on the head and pet her really quick before checking on him. He was napping on the couch with an open laptop on his stomach. The slight wrinkle between his brows showed that he was in pain even in his sleep, and it made me want to punch something. It wasn’t fair that he had to rely on the kind of medical help I could get at Walmart. He should have been able to go to a doctor and get an X-ray, a cast, real painkillers… This was why no matter what Jackie said, I wouldn’t drop the wedding. I wanted Han to be safe. I wanted Han to be able to hurt himself and not face permanent consequences just because he couldn’t go to the hospital.

I carefully took the laptop and set it on the coffee table, catching a glimpse of the screen. Looked like Han was studying civics for his eventual exam before he could officially get his green card. I had no doubt he’d ace that part. Maybe he was just studying because he was nervous about our interview at the immigration office the next day. Most of the work to apply for a green card came after marriage, but there was still a good amount we could get ahead on.

According to the research I’d done on my own, Han had a pretty good chance. As long as we didn’t get caught pretending, we would be just fine. We had witnesses who could attest to Han and me being in love, we already lived together, both our names were on the lease, and hell, Han even cosigned on my car since he had the better credit. We’d be fine.

I closed the laptop quietly. Then I gently slipped a couple of pillows under Han’s foot to elevate it, careful to lift his leg by the calf instead of the ankle to avoid hurting him.

“Ahh…” Han hissed at the movement, his lids scrunching together harder.

“Sorry, babe—I mean, Han. Sorry, Han,” I stuttered. I was so used to having someone I could refer to as “babe,” and with the act we were putting on, I was getting used to calling Han that. I had almost forgotten we were only doing that in public. I hoped Han was still too far into his nap daze to have registered it. “I brought you some stuff. You should probably ice it.”

“Thanks,” Han muttered, finally opening his eyes, “ pumpkin .” He smirked.

“Shut up.” I laughed, glad Han wasn’t taking it too seriously. “Have you eaten? Had any water?” I asked. The two of us hadn’t eaten before our shift at eleven, and it was now well after eight p.m.

“Nah. Didn’t want to get up.” Han frowned as Luna hopped up on the couch, refusing to be ignored. “Could you take her on her walk for me?”

“Of course,” I reassured him as I set my water bottle down on the coffee table for Han. “First you have to eat, though. I’ll make you something.”

“You’re the best,” Han said, though Luna didn’t seem as pleased with the decision. I went to the kitchen to heat up some food.

“What do you want? Top Ramen or Hot Pockets?” Those were practically our only food options right now. We really needed to go grocery shopping. I would have gotten some groceries when I went to Walmart, but I didn’t want Han to be waiting for me any longer than he needed to. It was probably for the best that I didn’t, too, since Luna probably had to go soon.

“Hot Pockets,” Han mumbled, and I obliged, popping a couple in the microwave on a folded paper towel so neither of us would have any dishes to wash. I leaned against the counter as they heated up.

“How bad is it, do you think?”

“My hand is fine. It’s a shallow cut. But my ankle’s definitely broken, or at least badly sprained. I can’t put any weight on it at all.”

“Shit… How are you gonna work on Friday?”

“On one foot.” Han let out a single laughing breath, but he wasn’t smiling.

The timer dinged, and I brought Han his steaming Hot Pockets, which I was sure would somehow still manage to be cold on the inside. I wished I could make something better right now. Han deserved something better. He deserved better in general. But that was why we were doing this. Whether Jackie wanted me to or not, whether she was pregnant or not, we were doing this.

Before Han took his first bite, Luna got the zoomies and started spinning around in circles. I laughed at first, until she zoomed right into the table where Thornelius was perched. He was supposed to be safely out of Luna’s reach, but I never thought she’d slam into the table!

Thornelius wobbled a bit before falling to the ground. I ran to try to catch him, but it was too late. He hit the floor hard, separating from the pot and sliding toward the couch where Han sat. Thornelius’s now naked bottom revealed a block of Styrofoam stuck to the base where his roots should have been. The top hat fell off, and his monocle stared off into the ceiling, the thorns behind it making a perfect x , confirming his death.

Han started cracking up. “Wait, he’s plastic?”

I couldn’t laugh, though. Instead, I fell to my knees as I stared at Thornelius through tear-blurred eyes, unable to speak. Han was usually the one to have panic attacks, but I could tell something was wrong in my chest. My throat tightened, and every breath was begging to be let out as a sob. Han stopped laughing and frantically maneuvered himself onto the floor next to Thornelius in a panic. “Hey, it’s okay. Look, he’s fine! Everything’s fine!”

He quickly took Thornelius in his hands and put him back in the pot, then grabbed the top hat and placed it gingerly on his head, straightening the monocle, then looked up at me, nodding and smiling.

“Good as new, see?” He held Thornelius toward me, arms outstretched.

I took Thornelius in my arms and did my best to cradle him, but I couldn’t help it. I just started sobbing.

“Bro, bro, bro, what’s wrong?” he asked, overdoing the “bro” thing like he was desperate to take any of the intensity out of this whole situation.

“It’s my fault!” I sobbed. “I should have just taken Luna on her damn walk!”

“Whoa, no, it’s not your fault. She gets excited sometimes, that’s all. It’s no big deal, okay? Look, Luna’s fine. Thornelius is fine. Everyone’s happy!”

“None of this is fine, Han!” I snapped. “If I can’t even take care of Luna for one fucking hour, how the hell am I supposed to take care of a baby? Thornelius isn’t even alive and I killed him! What am I supposed to do with a human child?”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Han reassured me, sounding panicked himself. “Don’t worry. You’re years away from that kind of responsibility.”

“Jackie’s pregnant!” I blurted out before Han could get any more confused.

There was a long silence before Han said anything. His brows furrowed as he seemed to put the pieces together. “Bro…”

“Yeah…”

“You’re joking.” Han hissed in pain as he shifted his body so he was sitting right across from where I knelt.

“Dead serious,” I said. “I talked to her today.”

“And you believe her?”

“ What? Of course I believe her!”

“I’m just saying. She could be lying. Maybe she’s just trying to manipulate you into getting back together with her.”

“She’s not.” My voice was harsher than I’d meant it to be. The words came out like a warning for Han to drop it. I knew Jackie. Yes, she was capable of being manipulative at times, but Han hadn’t seen her earlier. He hadn’t seen her puffy eyes or her red nose. Jackie was never able to fake emotion like that.

“All right, all right. So she’s pregnant. What’s she gonna do?”

“Keep it, I think…” I wiped the tears pooling in my eyes.

Han took a while before responding again. “You’re gonna kill it, bro.”

“Han! Not helping!”

His eyes widened. “Not like that! I meant as a dad! Like, you’re gonna kill it at parenting !”

I let out a strangled laugh that was more like a sob. “Sure, I will…”

It was all so weird. I had always wanted to be a dad, but not like this. This was not how it once played out in my head.

Han and I sat in silence for what felt like ages. Instead of talking more, I decided to just go ahead and take Luna on her walk already to avoid any further catastrophes. I finally got up from my knees, placing Thornelius back on the table. I went over to Han and offered him my hand, which he took so I could help him up and back onto the couch.

It only took about fifteen minutes of walking around before Luna did her business and seemed satisfied, so I headed back to find Han still on the couch, wringing his hands. It was the only outward sign he gave that said he was freaking out just like I was.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, since there was clearly something else on his mind.

Han shook his head but continued wringing his hands.

“Han…”

“So I guess the plan’s off then, huh…?” he said, voice low.

“What? Hell no, it’s not. I made you a promise. I can take responsibility with Jackie and marry you at the same time.”

Han’s eyebrows knitted together, and he leaned forward, bringing his thumb to my cheek. “What happened to your face?”

“What?” I used my phone camera to look at my face. I had a couple of scratches on my cheek. “Oh, that. I…” I didn’t know what to say. Jackie’s nails must have gotten me. Han knew me better than anyone, but Jackie hitting me was one thing I didn’t want him to know about. I just knew he’d overreact. “I tried to pet one of your cats. I guess she still has to warm up to me.”

Han smiled and shook his head. “You gotta let them come to you, man.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I learned that lesson.” I felt bad lying to Han, but I just didn’t know how to talk to him about this. Instead, I tried to make up for it by telling him something that was true. “I’m not gonna break off the wedding, but you should know, that’s definitely what Jackie wants me to do.”

“The fuck? Is she ever going to let you live your life?”

“It’s not like that. She’s just—”

“Abusive, Kenny. She’s abusive.” Han clenched his fists. “You should seriously get a restraining order or something.”

“What, why?” I asked, thrown off by the sudden outburst.

“She wants to control every aspect of your life. You’re not yourself around her. It doesn’t matter where she works. She’s abusive .”

“But she’s pregnant! And I’d never get a restraining order before you got naturalized. It’s too risky. Besides, the baby—”

“You can’t get back together with her. I’m not letting her near you. I swear to God—”

“Han! Just listen, okay?”

Han let out an aggravated breath through his nose, and I could have sworn I saw steam coming out.

“I’m not getting back together with her, all right? I learned my lesson. She’s… Sure, she’s abusive. I don’t want to get back with her, even if she’s pregnant. But I can’t get a restraining order. Even after you get citizenship. I don’t want to traumatize a kid like that.” Even if Han didn’t know the full story, he was right. This was the first time I had admitted to what I’d been thinking. Jackie was abusive. Even if some part of me knew it all along, I never let myself admit it before now. She slapped the shit out of me all the time, not to mention emotionally manipulated me every chance she got. Sure, some broken part of me still missed her, but it wasn’t worth getting back together. I would help her raise our kid, but there was no way I was putting myself through that again. That much I knew for sure. Han stopped wringing his hands but started bouncing one of his legs instead, so I put a hand on his knee. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. We’re doing this.”

“I’m not worried about that right now. I’m worried about you , bro.” Han clenched his jaw like he did when he didn’t want to look vulnerable. I wished he would let himself be more vulnerable, though, even if just a little bit. Then again, I was the one who might be a father, and I was comforting everyone but myself. But how could I not? Han was so concerned right now, it almost made me think maybe he’d seen through my lie about the cats.

“I’ll be fine.” My voice was too soft. Salty water blurred my vision once again.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay, bro,” Han said, jaw unclenching.

“Stop calling me bro!” I burst out, surprising myself at how upset the word made me.

“Whoa, sorry, bro—I mean… sorry?” Han put his hands up in surrender.

We both stared at each other for a moment too long, not sure what to do next.

“Why are you doing this for me?” Han finally asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“You have a baby coming… Why are you still marrying me?”

I started answering without thinking. “We already talked about this. You can stay. We’ll be able to save on—”

“Taxes, yeah, I know… Forget it.” He waved me off. Was he having doubts? I realized then that I didn’t know what I would do if Han changed his mind. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to kiss him again, hold his hand, be his… something. God, even I was annoyed with myself. I knew by now Han was more than just a rebound, but Han seemed pretty set on forgetting our post-wedding kiss. He must have wanted to stay friends, so I couldn’t complicate it like that. It had to stay uncomplicated, or as uncomplicated as a fake relationship/real friendship could be.

Han didn’t meet my eyes as he stared at the floor. “I know you’re not doing all this just to make Jackie jealous…”

I sighed. He was right. “I know.”

“So why are you doing it?”

“Well… for you, Han.” I stared softly into his deep brown eyes. “I’m obviously doing it for you.”

“But why? Why risk everything for me? Why now? When Jackie’s pregnant? Just, why, bro? I don’t get it.”

There was that “bro” again. Heat rose up in my face for some reason. “Look, I know you’re allergic to commitment, but this is fake, remember?” I said sharply.

Han looked like I’d just punched him in the gut. “I can commit to things.”

I laughed. “That’s a lie. You’re so afraid of being vulnerable that you come up with an excuse to break things off the second they get real.”

Shit, I’d said too much. I couldn’t let Han know things were getting real. I knew I was crossing a line, but I couldn’t stop. It was almost like I wanted Han to get mad.

“That’s not true,” Han said, his tone hurt. “Besides, it’s not real.” Han’s tone was icy now. “You’re the one who only wants to kiss me to make Jackie jealous or convince our ‘audience’ of something. How is that real?”

“I—I didn’t—” I started, unable to form the words. That was the farthest from the truth. But I couldn’t go telling Han the real reason I set the no-kissing rule. That would definitely make things too real. “I’m sorry…” was all I could manage to say.

“Jesus, cut it out with that shit,” Han said, still sounding cool and unbothered despite his harsh words. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Kissing is back off the table. It’s fine. It’s fake. No big deal.”

For some reason, Han’s words cut deeper than Jackie’s nails. “Then why do you say ‘bro’ at the end of everything nice you say to me? If it’s fake, what’s the point? We’re engaged . You can’t be calling me bro!”

“I don’t get the big deal about calling you bro. It’s just us.” Han’s cool demeanor just annoyed me even more. Why wasn’t he getting mad? He never got mad. Even if I was being a dick. Even if I deserved it. I immediately felt bad for trying to provoke him. Han wasn’t like Jackie. He would never say or do anything hurtful. No matter how bad I felt I deserved to be yelled at. I rolled my eyes. There was no point in arguing with someone who wouldn’t get mad back, as annoying as it was.

“Right, it’s fine. No worries… whatever,” I said. Then I got up to go to bed.

“Good night. Love you, bro,” Han said, a contagious grin on his face.

I grabbed a pillow from the couch and whacked him on the head with it.

After about an hour of sulking in bed, the same pillow was thrown against my door. “What?” I called out, but Han didn’t answer.

Then my phone rang. I braced myself for a call from Jackie, but it wasn’t. It was Han. I laughed to myself.

“You know I can hear you if you shout, right?”

“Why would I want to shout when I can just call you? Get your ass over here.”

I hung up and groaned. I didn’t exactly want to get out of bed, but Han probably needed help with something, so I got up anyway. When I made my way to the living room, Han was sitting on the couch staring at his phone.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I just realized you missed your show because of me.”

I raised an eyebrow. Han wasn’t usually one to bring things up that might be any kind of sad, especially randomly like this and especially when there was nothing that could be done about it. “It’s fine. Had to make sure you were okay, you know?”

The corner of Han’s mouth twitched up into a small smile as he looked at me. “I wanna see you perform.”

“What? We’re too late, Han.” The show was long over by now.

“You had a whole new routine planned, right?” Han asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know you do. I heard you practicing in your room.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s okay. It’s too late to go now. I don’t mind, really.”

Han bit his lip like he was holding something back.

“What is it?” I asked.

“This is probably a bad idea. Never mind.” He shook his head.

“What are you talking about?”

Han sighed. “Well, I was thinking… I know you really wanted to do your new routine. You were so excited about it…”

“It’s okay, Han, I promise. I’d rather stay here,” I said. I hated that Han was feeling guilty about me staying home with him. I didn’t want to make him feel bad.

“What I’m saying is…” Han laughed awkwardly. “Why don’t you do your show? Like, right here. Just for me. I mean, if you want to. I bet it’s hella good. I’ll hype you up just like an audience could, you know?”

I had to laugh. This must have been Han’s way of trying to make up for our not-really-a-fight-but-the-closest-we’ve-ever-gotten-to-a-fight. Han was kind of doing his whole “trying not to be vulnerable” thing at the same time, but at least he wasn’t saying “bro.” I had to admit, I didn’t hate the idea. I kind of loved it. If I couldn’t dress up and do my performance at the bar, why waste it? I could do it right here, just for Han. In fact, that made it feel even more special.

“It’ll be without makeup, since Leti was gonna do that part for me,” I say, which was really the only bummer about it.

“I mean, I could try to do it for you. I’m sure there are YouTube tutorials.”

I had to laugh at the idea of Han attempting to do my makeup, but there was no way I was passing up that once-in-a-lifetime offer. “Let’s do it.”

After I got dressed, I set up two chairs in the bathroom so Han could do my makeup, but Han made it a point to sit me with my back facing the mirror so I couldn’t see his handiwork. Really, I could have done my makeup on my own, but I was just so curious to see how Han would do it. The YouTube tutorial played in the background as Han got to work.

“Close your eyes,” Han said as he took a glue stick to my eyebrows.

I did, even though I knew he was asking me more to keep me from turning my head to look in the mirror than to protect my eyes from glue.

I almost fell asleep in the chair, but after what felt like ages of constantly pausing and restarting the YouTube video, Han finally finished.

“Okay, you can look now,” he said, swiveling my chair so it was facing the mirror.

I opened my eyes.