Chapter 6 Kit
Kit
The entire evening was a whirlwind. Over the course of three hours, I found myself out of a job, packing some bags, and taking off on a spontaneous road trip with Devon.
Our housemates had been almost as surprised as I was by this turn of events, especially when I told them I didn’t know exactly when we’d be back.
But Devon seemed completely confident about all of this.
Then again, he also brought along every single thing he owned.
That seemed to suggest he didn’t expect to return here at the end of the trip.
Maybe he thought the curse was going to take him out before that could happen.
Despite that, he was all smiles as we got underway.
After one of our housemates drove us to a rental company, we picked up our online reservation—a cute, royal blue camper van.
It had a compact kitchenette, and a table and bench seating that converted to a full-size bed somehow.
I thought it was very cozy, and that it would have made a wonderful place to live, back when I was homeless.
By eight p.m. we were on the move, heading south on the one-oh-one. We’d brought along a bunch of blankets and pillows, and I wrapped myself up in a fuzzy lavender blanket like a burrito—not because I was cold, but because it was comforting.
I was excited about seeing my dad, and confident we were going to make that happen.
But at this point, the rest of the trip felt hypothetical.
That was why I decided to wait before messaging Hal and letting him know I was coming for a visit.
There was no reason to get his hopes up, only to call back later and tell him it wasn’t happening after all.
Not that I wanted to be negative. Devon was being wonderfully kind and generous, and he’d presented me with an incredible opportunity to experience something I’d only dreamed of. I really was grateful.
It was just that all of this had happened so fast that it was overwhelming, and it triggered my anxiety. That in turn activated the part of my brain that was used to disappointment, which kept telling me this was too good to be true.
Devon could tell I was anxious, which sent him into caretaker mode.
After a while, we took a break for dinner at a roadside café, and he made sure I ate.
As we returned to the van, he took my hand and said, “I know this trip is way outside your comfort zone, but I’ve got you Kit, I promise. I’m going to take good care of you.”
I grabbed him in a hug, and he held me tightly.
“Maybe it was a bad idea to start our trip tonight, before you could process any of this,” he said.
“I was just worried you’d talk yourself out of it if we didn’t leave right away.
Then later on, you might have regretted missing out on a wonderful experience. ”
“You’re right that I probably would have overthought it and backed out, then regretted it later.”
“Do you want to go home? If so, it’s absolutely no problem to head back to San Francisco.”
The fact that he understood what I was going through and totally supported my decisions meant a lot. It had felt like all of this was out of my control, but now I saw that it really wasn’t.
That revelation was reassuring. So was this moment Devon and I were having. I felt good with him. He made me feel cared for, and safe. This was going to be okay, because I was with him, and he’d make sure of it.
“No, I want this,” I said. “I really do. There are just a lot of unknowns, and it happened so fast, which threw me off. But I’m sure I’ll get my nervousness under control soon.”
“As far as tonight goes, I’m planning to stop again in about three hours, so we can spend the night at a cute motel I stayed at when I did that west coast road trip. Does that sound good?”
“It sounds great.” I leaned back a little, so I could see his face. “I’ve been so busy freaking out that I think I forgot to say thank you, Devon. I really, truly appreciate what you’re doing for me.”
He gently touched my cheek and said, “I’m doing this for both of us. It means everything to me to get to share this with you.”
At about two a.m., I woke with a start. The van was parked, and Devon was standing beside me with the passenger door open. As I looked around and tried to get my bearings, he said, “We’re here.”
“Where’s here?”
“We’re at that motel I mentioned, which is about ten miles north of Santa Barbara. We’re all checked in.”
“The desk clerk was awake at this hour?”
“I called ahead. The owners remembered me from when I was here before. They charged the card I had on file and left a key for us.” I wasn’t surprised that they remembered him, since he made friends wherever he went. “If you need a minute—”
“No, I’m awake.”
I tumbled out of the van, and as he locked up behind me, I noticed ours was the only vehicle in the parking lot. I also discovered he’d already unloaded his duffle bag, backpack, and the suitcase I’d borrowed from JoJo.
We gathered our things, and I took his hand as I dragged the shiny red suitcase behind me on its little wheels. When I stepped through a gate he held open for me, I whispered, “Oh, wow.”
The midcentury-modern motel was a single story with maybe fifteen rooms, and it was built around a lush, tropical courtyard. The planting beds were softly lit, and the golden glow made it feel like I’d stepped into a dream.
Devon asked, “Do you like it?”
“It’s wonderful.” That made him smile.
When he used a key card and opened the door to our room, I was pleasantly surprised all over again.
The décor was funky 1970s chic, with a hot pink, orange, and yellow color scheme and some wonderful details, like daisy-shaped throw pillows on the two queen beds and a spherical, orange pod chair in one corner.
“This is incredible,” I murmured, “and definitely not what I was expecting.”
“It’s cute, right? The owners are this amazing lesbian couple. The motel was abandoned when they bought it, and they put their hearts and souls into fixing it up and making it someplace special.”
“I love it so much. It’s like stepping onto the set of The Dating Game in 1972.”
“I think that’s exactly what they were going for.”
I kicked off my sneakers before climbing into the pod chair and crossing my legs. “I assumed we’d be sleeping in a generic chain motel, so this is a great surprise.”
“I always try to find unique, independently owned places when I travel. It’s more fun.”
When he pulled his phone from his pocket, I said, “Before we mess up the room, could you take a few photos? It’s giving me a ton of ideas for an outfit I’d like to design.”
“Great idea. In fact, we should make that the theme of this road trip—design inspiration, from sea to shining sea. I’ll post pictures and build a whole story on social media.
It’ll be great!” I loved his enthusiasm, so I didn’t complain or try to dive out of the shot when he included me in some of the photos.
A few minutes later, after we’d both brushed our teeth and changed into pajamas, we climbed into separate beds and shut off the lights. We were facing each other across a three-foot divide, and I could still see him pretty clearly, since I’d intentionally left on the light in the bathroom.
Devon tucked his hand under his head and said, “You seem to be doing better.”
“I’m getting there. My initial reaction to anything unexpected is usually fear and worry, even if that thing is actually positive. But then I adapt.”
“Why do you think you react that way?”
“I think my anxiety and insecurity started after my abuela passed and we lost the house. I was so scared. He tried to hide it, but I knew my dad was scared too, and that made me even more anxious. The whole time we were homeless, and even after we moved into a tiny apartment in a terrible part of town, I never felt safe. Even now, years later, I crave things like stability, predictability, and a consistent routine, because they give me a sense of security.”
“It’s no wonder a spontaneous road trip threw you for a loop.” His voice was so gentle.
“I might have done okay with it, except that losing my job and the club so unexpectedly already had me reeling. I still can’t quite believe that happened. It felt like a family, made up of all our regulars, the performers, and my coworkers. Then it was gone in the blink of an eye.”
“I didn’t think of that, and I’m sorry, Kit. My timing sucked.”
“No, don’t apologize. This trip is going to be wonderful. I just need a little more time to get a handle on my anxiety.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Actually, there is one thing.”
I climbed out of my bed and into his, and Devon drew me into his arms. Right away, I felt safer and more secure.