Chapter 9 Kit #2
He read the words on the screen. “Oh nice, ‘Shut Up and Drive’ by Rihanna. That’s a great song! Can you really sing in that high key?”
“Nope. Good thing I don’t have to.”
I strutted around to the other side of the firepit, struck a dramatic pose, and nodded to Devon. When he hit play, I lip synched the hell out of that song. More than that, I performed an entire, choreographed routine, one I’d practiced alone in my bedroom for years.
To pull this off, I had to imagine myself in full drag, including an ultra sexy short skirt and very high heels, instead of my T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. That was easy, though. I’d imagined it a million times.
What I’d never done was perform in front of anyone, but I trusted Devon. He’d appreciate what I was trying to do here, and he wouldn’t make fun of me. I was sure of it.
As soon as the song ended and I struck my final pose, Devon jumped up and started whooping and applauding. Then he ran to me and lifted me off my feet as he exclaimed, “That was fantastic! And sexy! My god was that sexy. You’re a natural performer.”
“Not really. That was the end result of years of practice.”
He was buzzing with excitement as he put me down. “I knew you had this in you. I just knew it. Your love of drag doesn’t end with making fabulous outfits. You were born to perform.”
“We’ve talked about this. I’d get stage fright. I’d freeze up.”
“You’d blow away the entire audience! Don’t you realize how incredible you are?
It wasn’t just that your lip sync was dead-on, or that your choreography was flawless, which they were.
You have charisma, star quality, that spark.
It’s the thing that separates a good performer from a great one, and it can’t be taught.
Someone has it or they don’t, and you have it, Kit. ”
“That’s very flattering, and I’m glad you enjoyed it. But like I said, that was a one-time-only performance.”
“You can’t give up on this,” he said, “because I know how much drag means to you. It’s been a huge part of your life since you were a kid, and you deserve to be in the spotlight, wearing your fabulous designs instead of letting someone else wear them.
” I planted a kiss on him, and he grinned against my lips and murmured, “You’re trying to shut me up. ”
“Yup. Also, I know that definitely didn’t qualify as singing a song around a campfire, but I knew you’d bring your A-game. I had to bring mine, too.”
He wasn’t ready to let this go. “Do you have routines to other songs, or just that one?”
“I have dozens,” I admitted. “I’ve been practicing since I was ten.”
“You’re ready for the stage, Kit. I get that stage fright is a concern, but muscle memory would kick in, no matter how nervous you were.”
“But what if I tried it and failed miserably? It would be so embarrassing.”
He looked so hopeful as he said, “What if you tried it and succeeded beyond your wildest expectations? Come on, Kit. Isn’t it worth a try?”
I considered that for a few moments before saying, “I will if you will.”
“What?”
“You’re afraid to get on a stage just like I am, Devon. So, I’ll do it if you do, too.”
“That’s different.”
“Yes and no. You’re afraid it’ll be great, and you’ll realize you missed your chance to make your dreams come true.
But every single day you’re here on this earth, living and breathing, that chance still exists!
What difference does it make if you end up performing for years, or months, or days?
All that matters is that you try, no matter how scary it is, and no matter how many excuses you can come up with not to do it. ”
“Okay. When we visit your friends in Austin, let’s find a bar and a drag club, both with open mic nights. I’ll get up and sing if you perform in drag. To hell with all of our excuses.”
“I like that idea. If I’m ever going to get up onstage, I’d prefer to do it in a town where I don’t know anyone. That’ll be so much better than choking in front of the entire drag community in San Francisco. But I might end up chickening out, so don’t get your hopes up.”
“Too late. They’re already way, way up.” He kissed me before saying, “For now though, let’s see if we can find a song we both know, because I really want to sing a duet with you.”
“I don’t think we’re going to come up with anything, not unless you’re secretly into girl groups, or divas.”
“I know some divas. How about this one?”
He started to play a song I recognized on the guitar. I flashed him two thumbs up, and both of us launched into a totally over-the-top rendition of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.”
Later that night, we changed into warm sweats, visited the slightly scary cinderblock restroom, and converted the van into a cozy bedroom.
After we slid under the pile of blankets, I said, “We haven’t had a chance to see much of this place, since we got here in the late afternoon.
What do you think about staying an extra day? ”
“It’s your call.”
“But what do you want?”
Devon said softly, “I just want to be wherever you are.”
When I brushed my lips to his, he responded by sliding closer and deepening the kiss. After spending the last few nights sleeping chastely in my father’s apartment, it turned out both of us were more than ready to break the drought.
We undressed quickly but stayed under the three layers of blankets, because it had gotten very cold once the sun went down.
Devon took control, kissing and caressing me and making me feel absolutely wonderful.
At one point, he sat up and studied me in the soft light of our little lantern, tracing my cheek as he said softly, “You’re so beautiful, Kit. You take my breath away.”
I’d never felt beautiful. I thought of myself as mousy, unremarkable, the kind of guy who never got a second glance. But in that moment, when I heard the sincerity in his voice and saw the look in his eyes, I believed it.
I whispered, “You make me feel so good.” What I wanted more than anything in that moment was to make him feel good, too.
I rolled us over and explored his body, seeking out his most sensitive spots, the ones that made him catch his breath, and squirm, and moan. He was wonderfully expressive. I slid over him, skin against skin, kissing and tasting every part of him, learning what gave him the most pleasure.
There were a million things I wanted to say to him. All of it was too much, too soon. But even if I couldn’t tell him how I felt, I could show him.
I used my mouth and hands and tongue to take him right to the edge, and then I held him there, feeling the way his body trembled beneath my touch. I wanted to give him the best orgasm of his life, and the only way that would happen was if I let it build.
I kept going until he begged for release.
Finally, I wrapped my lips around his swollen, sensitive tip, sucking hard before sliding down his shaft.
He came within seconds, with a yell unlike anything I’d ever heard before.
It was utterly primal, his body bucking beneath me, his hands grasping the sheets as he threw his head back.
When it was over, Devon’s entire body went limp.
As he gasped for breath, I pulled the blankets over both of us and curled up at his side.
After a moment, he burst out laughing and blurted, “Holy fuck, Kit, that was incredible.” I grinned as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer.
“It’s like you found a Devon instruction manual and memorized the whole thing.
” He kissed me and said, “Give me two minutes. Maybe three. I feel like a jellyfish right now, but as soon as I can move I’ll return the favor. ”
“Next time. Tonight was your turn.”
“You sure?”
I nodded and turned off the lantern. It was pitch dark, but I felt safe in Devon’s arms.
Sometime in the middle of the night, Devon woke me up by dotting kisses across my bare shoulder. I raised a lid and muttered, “Why is everything red? I feel like I woke up inside a blood vessel.”
A laugh burst from him. “That’s so random.”
“I know. Explanation, please.” I wasn’t awake enough for whatever was happening right now.
“It’s red because I’m trying to preserve our night vision. Our handy dandy camping lantern has a setting for that.” He kissed my shoulder again before telling me, “Get dressed. There’s something you need to see.”
“I don’t think I do.”
I tried to pull the blanket over my head, but he caught it and pulled it down to my chin. “You do, though. Trust me, you’re going to love it.”
“Why do I have to get dressed?”
“Because it’s really cold outside.”
“It’s outside? Then I definitely don’t need to see it,” I muttered. “It’s probably literally freezing out there.”
Devon kept gently insisting though, so I pulled on my sweats and stuck my feet in my sneakers, and he wrapped one of the blankets around me like a puffy shawl. Then he picked up the lantern and helped me climb out of the van.
I huddled into the blanket and complained, “I was right, it’s freezing! It feels like it might snow. Is that a thing, snow in the desert?”
He shut off the lantern, set it aside, and wrapped his arms around me. “Look up, Kit.”
When I tilted my head back, my breath caught. Above us were hundreds upon hundreds of stars, some brighter, some fainter, painting a huge swath across the night sky. I was completely stunned as I whispered, “I can’t believe I’m seeing the Milky Way. That’s what that is, right?”
“It is.”
“It doesn’t seem possible.” I was still whispering, as if this might actually be a dream, and I didn’t want to wake myself up.
“The night sky is full of wonders.” Devon’s arms were still around me, holding me securely and keeping me warm. “It’s wild when you think about it. There’s always all this incredible stuff right in front of us, but until we get out of our usual environment, it’s impossible to see any of it.”
I murmured, “A different perspective changes everything.”
“Exactly.”
I knew he was being literal. He was talking about the way the city lights where we’d grown up drowned out the stars, so we had to go someplace new to see them. But there was more to it, too.
An hour later when we were back in bed and he was snoring softly beside me, I got to thinking about how this trip was already changing me as a person, and changing my perspective on the world around me.
It was huge, and amazing, and full of potential.
I just hadn’t been able to see that from where I’d been.
That thought occurred to me again two days later, as tears of wonder streamed down my face. I clutched Devon’s hand as I looked out over the Grand Canyon for the first time and whispered, “There are no words.”
Everything was different now. Devon had opened up my world, and there was no going back. There were so many possibilities, so much to see and experience. I felt like I’d been asleep until he showed up. But now I was wide awake, and I had so much catching up to do.
I didn’t know what else this journey had in store for me, or who I’d be at the end of it. But I did know all of this was even more wondrous because Devon was experiencing it with me, and I knew I needed him by my side. Always.