Chapter 11
Kit
Twenty-four hours later, I was standing backstage at a drag club in downtown Austin and trying not to hyperventilate. I’d shown up for amateur night at a relatively small club with a welcoming atmosphere, and I’d put my name on the list to perform. Now it was almost my turn to take the stage.
My heart was racing, I was sweating in places I’d never sweated before, and I couldn’t really take a deep breath, because I was cinched to within an inch of my life. If it wasn’t for the fact that Devon, Hal, and Ryder were in the audience, I would have absolutely bolted out the back door.
There was a mirror on the wall beside me, and my hands shook as I adjusted the cluster of red silk roses pinning up one side of my puffy, black wig.
I’d spent two hours doing my makeup, but I looked like a teenager going to prom instead of a drag queen who was about to take the stage.
I’d managed a smoky eye, false eyelashes, and red lipstick, but I’d blended the rest of my makeup so much that it was nearly invisible.
My dress was beautiful though, even if it weighed a ton.
It was deep red with a fitted off-the-shoulder bodice, a snatched waist, and a long, fit-and-flare skirt with an off-center slit.
What made it special was that the whole thing was covered in silk rose petals, cascading into full silk roses near the bottom of the gown.
I’d made it for myself while I was in school, hand-stitching it over countless hours, and it had never seen the light of day.
And, okay, it was totally wrong for this venue. All the other queens were old-school with huge hair, fake boobs big enough to be seen from space, bold makeup, and gowns with tons of sequins. I didn’t even sort of fit in.
Well, whatever. I was going to go out there, totally choke, flee in utter humiliation, and never see any of these people again—aside from Devon and my friends, obviously, but I figured they knew me well enough to brace for disaster.
The queen who was on ahead of me left the stage to thunderous applause, and then the emcee stepped up and said, “And now, all the way from San Francisco and performing for the first time anywhere, please give a Texas-sized welcome to Kit Corazón!” I winced at my sappy spur-of-the-moment stage name, but it was too late to do anything about it now.
Passing out felt like a very real possibility, but I stepped onto the stage anyway. I did that for two reasons. First, I’d promised Devon I was finally going to do this, and I didn’t want to let him down.
The second reason, though, was that I’d been dreaming of this since I was a kid.
I owed it to twelve-year-old me, that little boy lip synching to the radio night after night with a hairbrush microphone and a wonky, handmade dress.
Even if this was terrifying, and even if I totally screwed it up, I still had to try it. Just once.
I made myself hold my head up as I crossed the stage and came to a stop on the faded star painted on the floorboards.
The lights were so bright that I could barely see the audience.
I’d planned to focus on Devon when I performed to make this less scary, but it was impossible to pick him out of the crowd.
Then I heard him yell, “I believe in you, Kit! Show them what I already know—that you’re an absolute star, baby!”
The audience liked that. There was a chorus of, “Awwwww,” and a stranger joked, “I believe in you too, Kit!”
All of that was a good distraction. As some of my tension eased, I took a breath and exhaled slowly.
A moment later, Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain” began to play.
I’d sung and lip synced to this song countless times, and it was one of my absolute favorites—which was why I’d designed this dress for it.
I performed it with everything I had. Then, when I reached the chorus, I stealthily tapped a hidden button on my hip, and the entire dress lit up in a red, flickering glow, as if it was on fire. A gasp came from the audience, which was gratifying.
Fortunately, whoever was manning the stage lights realized they were too bright for what I was trying to do. They cut all but one small spotlight, which was perfect, because it allowed the dress to literally shine.
Now that my special effect had gone off without a hitch, I relaxed a little more. Muscle memory took over, and I performed the song like I was alone in my bedroom, infusing it with all the emotion and drama it deserved.
As the final notes faded out, I struck a pose and held it. The lights came up, and the audience began to cheer and applaud. I blinked against the glare and saw the crowd was on its feet. I was totally overwhelmed. After taking a quick, self-conscious bow, I hurried off the stage.
Two more queens were waiting for their turn to perform, and they both congratulated me. I murmured a thank you as I hurried past them, and I kept going right out the back door of the club.
The cool night air was an instant relief. I breathed as deeply as I could in my corset, doubling over and bracing myself with my hands on my knees.
I felt like I’d just run a marathon. I was winded, and my legs were shaky. After a few moments, I realized my dress was still putting on its show. I tapped my hip to shut off the fiber optics and went right back to concentrating on breathing.
I was still doubled over when Devon found me a couple of minutes later. “There you are,” he said, as he hurried over to me.
I straightened up and asked, “Did I do okay?”
He grabbed me in a hug and exclaimed, “You were incredible! Didn’t you see that standing ovation? Everyone loved Kit Corazón. That’s a great stage name, by the way.”
“It’s corny. As I was filling out the sign-up sheet, I decided not to use my real name, because I expected to totally bomb. I thought of that name because my dad used to call me his corazón when I was little—his heart.”
“Now I like it even more.”
When I shivered, he took off his jacket and draped it over my bare shoulders. I asked, “Are you sure I didn’t screw that up?”
“You totally nailed it. Didn’t it feel like that?”
“I don’t even know what happened. I was freaking out while I was backstage. Then it was like I went into autopilot or something. Before I knew it, the song ended, and I was bombarded with all these emotions. I had to find someplace quiet and just breathe for a while.”
“You were wonderful, seriously. Hal filmed it, so you can see for yourself. Plus, the dress was a real showstopper, even before it lit up. I had no idea it did that.”
“I didn’t mention the fire effect because I wanted to surprise you.”
“It was amazing.”
“I’m glad you think so. The lights make the dress extremely heavy, though. I can’t wait to take it off.” It randomly occurred to me that I must owe JoJo a fortune in shipping costs, and that I should have asked her to send me a much skimpier dress.
“Let’s get you back to the hotel, so you can change.” I took off my high heels while he pulled out his phone and sent a quick message. “I’m texting Hal and Ryder to let them know where we’re going.” He pocketed the phone again and asked, “Since you’re barefoot, want a piggyback ride?”
“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll never get the rose petals right again if I wrinkle them.”
“Fair enough.” As we started walking, he asked, “How did you make that dress? Tell me everything.”
“You’re not really interested in the boring details, are you?”
“It’s something you designed and made, Kit. Of course I’m interested.”
“Well, okay. I constructed the dress over three years, while I was enrolled in art school. Part of the reason it took that long was because I couldn’t afford the materials and had to buy them bit-by-bit.
I dyed the fabric, sewed the dress, wired it with fiber optic lights, and covered it with around fifteen hundred individual silk petals and over a hundred silk roses, which were all stitched on by hand. ”
“It’s a work of art.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you have other dresses stashed away like this one?”
“I have several, but this is my favorite. I wanted to go with the most beautiful thing in my collection for my one and only time onstage.”
Devon glanced at me as we rounded a corner. “You’re not really going to leave it as a one-time thing, are you?”
I shrugged. “I wanted to know what it was like to perform. Now I do.”
“But you killed it back there.”
“I thought I was going to pass out.”
“You didn’t though, and now you know for a fact that you can get up in front of an audience and totally bring the house down.”
“I got lucky this time,” I said. “What if next time, I trip and fall on my face? What if I totally blank on the lyrics? What if—”
“All of that has the same answer. If things go wrong, get up, dust yourself off, and laugh. That’s the secret to getting through any embarrassing situation. It’s impossible for anyone to laugh at you if you’re laughing, too.” He had a point.
As soon as we got back to our hotel room, I carefully took off the dress and hung it up, and I placed the wig on its form.
Then I left a trail of undergarments on my way to the bathroom, including a strapless bra with silicon inserts, a corset that left red lines around my torso, two pairs of skin-toned tights I’d just ruined by walking back here without my shoes on, and a pair of tucking panties that really could have been skipped under that dress.
After shedding my clip-on earrings, faux-ruby bracelets, and false eyelashes, I scrubbed my face with a makeup removing cloth and got in the shower. It felt so good to take all of that off.
When I returned to the bedroom a few minutes later dressed in a plain old T-shirt and briefs, Devon was sitting in a chair by the window.
He was tuning the vintage acoustic guitar he’d bought earlier that day, and I exclaimed, “Your turn! Are you excited? Ryder says the bar that’s hosting open mic night is kind of a big deal here in Austin.
It’s been around forever, and a lot of great musicians have played there. ”
“This should just be your night. We can find an open mic night for me some other time.”
“Nope. If I had to perform tonight, then so do you. We had a deal.” I put on a pair of jeans and picked up my phone to read my texts.
“Hal and Ryder are already at the bar, and they put your name on the sign-up list. There are a bunch of people ahead of you, so they said you should plan to go on in about ninety minutes.”
“That’s going to make for a pretty late night…”
“Which is fine. It’s only nine-thirty right now, and nobody has to get back to the ranch tonight. It’s why we all got hotel rooms, and why Ryder’s ranch hand is holding down the fort.”
“Okay. I’m going to get cleaned up, and then we can head out.” On his way to the bathroom, Devon asked, “Did Hal send you the video he took of your performance?”
“Yeah, that and a bunch of photos.” I sat on the edge of the bed and put on my socks and shoes before scrolling through the pictures my friend had taken. My makeup actually looked okay, and the wig and dress had photographed well.
I was afraid to watch the video, but curiosity won out so I hit play and braced myself. Not surprisingly, I looked like a deer in headlights as I took the stage. But once the music started, I performed that lip sync exactly like I had all those countless times in my room.
Somehow, I actually looked like I belonged in the spotlight.
After the video ended, I sat there in a daze and tried to process what I’d just seen.
If I’d watched a stranger do that exact same performance, my only real feedback would have been to use more of the stage, since I’d barely moved from my starting point.
That was a minor flaw though, and one I could easily work on for next time.
Wait… next time?
Okay, so no matter what I’d said about only doing this once, a part of me was already planning my next performance.
Well, why not? Tonight I’d learned I was capable of so much more than I’d ever imagined.
I could confront my fears. I could do what I’d always dreamed of.
This didn’t have to be a one-time thing.
When Devon returned from the bathroom, I looked up at him and said, “I didn’t suck.”
“I tried to tell you that.”
“I thought you were just being nice.”
He crossed the room and crouched down right in front of me. “You were brilliant, Kit. You looked like a star, and you had that audience eating out of the palm of your hand.”
I grabbed Devon in a hug and whispered, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Absolutely everything. I never would have scraped up the courage to get on that stage if it wasn’t for you.”
“You deserve all the credit, Kit. Not me.”
“No, we’re definitely a team, and I’m going to want your input for next time.
” I sat back and said, “That dress was a good call for tonight, because I was too scared to move anyway. Plus, I wanted my rose gown to have its moment in the spotlight, after all the time and effort I put into it. But I’ll need something lighter for my next performance, so I can dance. ”
He looked delighted. “I love the fact that you’re talking about a next time. What song do you think you’ll choose?”
“We can figure that out later.” I got up and took his hand. “Right now, it’s your turn to make your dreams come true.”