Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
ARLAND
M y breath caught when I saw Mariam striding toward me. The street was all lit up for Christmas and the red, green, and yellow lights bathed her where she walked along the sidewalk, making her look like some kind of ethereal, festive vision.
She was gorgeous, so damn beautiful dressed in a feminine shirt that made me salivate, white linen pants, and cute, low-slung heels on her feet. Those dirty blonde locks seemed darker in this light, pulled up into some kind of fancy braid that started at her forehead and hung over her shoulder. A few loose tendrils around her face softened it and gave her an innocent, angelic look.
A smile the size of the whole state rose on her lips when she saw me, her pace quickening until she was only a foot away. If I was being honest, I was relieved she’d shown up.
I hadn’t been confident that she would, considering that she hadn’t fought me on the assertion that we had to keep our distance from one another. In fact, she’d seemed as dedicated to doing just that as I had been. We had barely seen each other and communicated mostly through post-it notes.
It had only occurred to me on my way to the restaurant that she might not show up. The risk might’ve been too big for her, the possibility of her brother finding out too intimidating to even meet me.
Now that she was here though, I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I stared into those vivid, cornflower blue eyes that seemed so much larger and brighter tonight and said the only thing that mattered. “I can’t stay away from you any longer.”
Acting of its own accord, my hand reached for her, finally losing the battle it’d been fighting every time I’d seen her since that night. I tugged her to me deliberately. Our eyes locked together and I sealed my lips over hers.
They were as soft and full as I remembered. My tongue slid along the sweet seam of them and she parted for me, her arm wrapping around my neck and holding me to her. I groaned into her mouth. Her body melted into my own as we kissed like we needed the other to breathe.
The soft, alluring scent of her drifted to my nostrils, a blend of citrus and spice that reminded me of the way she had tasted on my tongue. My muscles bunched, the urge to drag her right back to my hotel sweeping through me like a tsunami, but I hadn’t come here just to fuck her and I wanted her to know that.
Finally remembering that we were on a public sidewalk and that there were people around, I slowed the kiss to a natural end and smiled as we broke apart. “We should go inside before we scar some poor child for life.”
She giggled. “You may not be wrong about that.”
“I rarely am,” I joked, offering her my hand and holding out the flowers. “These are for you, but I’ll keep carrying them if you want. They’re pretty heavy. I might have gone a little overboard.”
She took the arrangement from me, bringing it to her nose and closing her eyes as she inhaled deeply. “They’re incredible. Thank you.”
Glancing up into my eyes, she flashed me a smile that made me feel like a fishing hook had caught me right in the heart. I led her into the restaurant and gave the hostess my name. We were led through a beautiful, warm dining room with teal-painted walls and wooden booths to a table at the back. I admired the bright, bold artwork against the walls and breathed in the mouth-watering scent of grilling steaks. We sat down and then I turned my attention on my date.
“Thanks for meeting me,” I said, finally confessing my first thoughts. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
Mariam looked back at me like she hadn’t been sure she would either, but then she exhaled a slow, audible breath, clearly gathering her thoughts before giving me a shy, smaller smile this time. “Would it be too forward of me to ask what this means?”
“I want a shot at being with you.” I hadn’t been expecting to sound so steady while saying those words. Especially given how opposed I’d been to relationships for so long. “I realize that we’d have to keep it on the down low, but I’ve tried staying away and I really can’t do it. You’ve consumed my thoughts, Mariam Walker, so here we are.”
“Here we are.” She smiled. “I feel the same way.”
I arched an eyebrow at her. “Are you sure? I’m forty-five, Mariam. I’m a big boy. I can handle rejection, and if the difference in our ages or my friendship with your brother is too much for you, then I can accept that. Nothing will have to be awkward between us when you come back to work and no one will ever have to know I was even here.”
Impressed with how well she was handling this conversation, I found myself reminded of why I’d been so consumed by her in the first place. While I would hate if she decided against trying to make a go of things with me, I would respect her decision. I would have to, even if I didn’t like it.
She held my gaze, her eyes soft and warm on my own. “I’ll level with you. The age gap does make me nervous. I think we’re going to face a lot of judgment and people are going to jump to a lot of conclusions about both of us and our motivations for being together, but we do seem to have a natural chemistry and I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“So you’re willing to give us a try?”
She stared directly into my eyes, taking a beat before she nodded. “I’m down to give it a go, but I’m also only in Sun Valley until early next year. After that, I’ll be heading someplace else. I don’t even know where I’m going yet, but that’s something to keep in mind on top of everything else.”
“We can cross that bridge when we get there.” I wouldn’t let that get in our way right now. Neither of us even knew if this spark between us would burn out by then. “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about before we can just start enjoying our time together?”
She chuckled, the sound so musical and light that it made the last bit of worry melt from my shoulders. We would be okay. For now, anyway. Whatever happened in the future would happen.
I couldn’t control that. Not yet.
“There is something else I’d like to talk about,” she said, eyes hooked on mine. “I have been wondering what a guy like you does for Thanksgiving.”
I laughed, but we paused our conversation when the server came over to take our orders. Having read about this place when I’d made the reservation, I asked for a martini and a steak, and Mariam ordered the same.
Once he was gone, I turned back to her, already reminded of how easy our conversation had been that first night. “I spent Thanksgiving the same way I do every year, which is with my siblings at my mom’s house. How about you?”
“I also spent it the same way I do every year, which is at my friend’s mom’s house. It’s a whole thing, but my parents were there this year, which isn’t always the case. That’s a long story that I’m not sure you want to hear, though.”
I chuckled. “Every family has its long stories, doesn’t it? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
Head rocking from side to side, she considered the offer for a moment before she smiled. “Fine, but you go first. We’ll see if your family story is bad enough that you won’t feel sorry for me when you hear mine.”
“If anyone is going to be feeling sorry for anyone,” I said. “ You’re going to be feeling sorry for me . I hope you don’t, though. What happened to me happened a long time ago and I’m mostly over it. I’m definitely not hung up on the woman in question anymore, which I feel needs to be made clear from the outset.”
“Oh, wow.” Her blue eyes widened. “I’m suddenly nervous about hearing yours.”
I laughed. “Don’t be. It wasn’t great when it happened and there’s a lot of backstory involved about how she and I felt about each other to begin with, but suffice it to say that whatever was between us once upon a time is completely gone and has been for a long time.”
“Okay.” She dragged the word out, took a deep breath, and nodded at me. “Let’s go, then. What’s the long story?”
“My ex-wife is now married to my brother.” I paused. “I guess it wasn’t such a long story after all.” I watched Mariam closely, hoping that she didn’t decide to bolt now that she knew about that fun little incident.
As it was, she impressed me again, simply blinking a few times in rapid succession as she absorbed what I’d told her. “Wow. Okay. That’s… how does something like that even happen?”
I shrugged. “The same way anything else does, I suppose. They met, they fell in love, with the only difference being that they both neglected to take into consideration that she was already married to me.”
Mariam’s pink tongue darted out of her mouth, drawing my attention to her lips as it swiped across them. “I’m so sorry. It breaks my heart that anyone would betray you that way, but it’s so much worse that it was your brother and your wife .”
“Like a Greek tragedy.”
She nodded. “Or a soap opera.”
“Same thing, I suppose.” I filled my lungs with air, relieved that she hadn’t freaked out about my drama. “It’s okay, though. Things definitely worked out in my favor in the long run. Lisa and I tried, but we were never going to work out.”
“You’re very zen about all this,” she said lightly. “I know you said it happened a long time ago, but whether you were going to work out or not, she definitely shouldn’t have had an affair with your brother. That’s despicable behavior.”
I chuckled. “Agreed, but twenty-five years does a lot of things for that sense of injustice and rage. Your turn. What’s your long family story?”
“Well, I mean, it seems so silly now in comparison to yours. Maybe we should just forget about it.”
“Nope. I told you mine. Time to pay the piper.”
She sighed, trying and failing to fight a smile. “Alright, well, like I said, it’s probably going to seem silly to you, but I spend Thanksgiving with Laurel and her mom every year because my parents are hardly ever around for the holidays.”
“Where are they?”
She shrugged. “For context, my dad met my mom when he was a bit older. His late wife, Brian’s mom, had passed a few years before and he was raising Brian as a single dad. For years, Dad put everything into him, working like a maniac while also never missing a single ballgame, but then he met my mom. They fell in love and I wasn’t there for this, obviously, but the way I understand it, the rest of the world just sort of ceased to exist for them in many ways.”
“Including you and Brian?”
She lifted a shoulder in another shrug. “They love us. Don’t get me wrong. We were well cared for and we had everything we needed, but Mom and Dad are a unit. We’re just the kids that they have these extreme expectations of. Take Brian, for example. He practically raised me before he went off to college, but he was only fourteen at the time.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard snippets of this story,” I admitted. “It sounded like they put a lot of responsibility on him.”
“They did.” She blew out a sharp breath. “Once he was gone, they just sort of expected me to get by without him, you know. Obviously, I was never neglected or put in any danger, but according to them, I was old enough to put myself to bed by the time he left. They said goodnight and it didn’t matter that I couldn’t read my own stories or that kind of thing. I was just expected to go to sleep.”
“So emotionally, you raised yourself?”
She frowned. “That sounds so bad. No, I wouldn’t say that. I’d say that they simply strove toward my being more independent a little earlier than most kids. That’s all.”
Well, that explains a few things.
Mariam seemed deep in thought as she stared at me from across the table. “It wasn’t a horrible way to grow up. It sure led me to a life of rule-following and always striving to be the best, which definitely isn’t horrible, and besides, I met Laurel and Gemma early on and they’ve been there for me ever since, so I’ve never felt alone.”
“I’m so glad you have them. No one should be alone, but especially not a child. I’m sorry that your parents didn’t see things that way.”
She let out a slow breath, the smile that played on her lips suddenly peaceful. “I’ve always had Deb, Laurel’s mom, as well as the girls. To be honest, I wouldn’t change anything. Even if I could.”
“It sounds like they mean a lot to you.” Certainly more than her parents. “Do they know about me?”
She nodded, then flushed, then groaned and buried her face in her hands.
I frowned. “I’m not quite sure what to make of that.”
“They know about you, alright.” She peeked at me from between her fingers. “I hope you don’t get mad about this. I realize that it’s something of an invasion of privacy, but I told them that we… I mean, that you and I…”
“Had sex?” I finished for her, a grin threatening to break out across my face. “It’s okay that you told them, Mariam. It’s not an invasion of privacy as far as I’m concerned. In fact, I would’ve been more worried if you hadn’t told them, considering how close you are to them.”
Her hands slid away from her face, her cheeks still bright red but her eyes finally back on mine. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not, uh, I’m not used to talking about this kind of thing, but while we’re being honest, you should also know that having a one-night stand was an item on this list the three of us made as kids. That’s not why I did it, but I can’t say that I’m mad about having been able to tick it off with you.”
“A list?” Apprehension slivered through me. “What kind of list made by kids includes having a one-night stand?”
“See what happened when my parents weren’t around?” She cleared her throat, seeming nervous as she started telling me about her, Laurel, and Gemma having a sleepover at age fourteen.
Evidently, they’d been the good girls at school, so they’d made a pact that if things didn’t go the way they thought they would for them in future, they’d divide their list of twelve things bad girls would do equally among themselves, and treat them as dares to their future selves.
As she told me the story, my apprehension turned first to understanding, then to amusement. Finally, when she was done, she seemed more nervous than ever and I reached across the table, taking both of her hands in mine and looking directly into her eyes.
“You never have to be worried about telling me anything, Mimi. I love hearing about all of this and I love the fact that even at such a young age, you guys were willing to challenge yourselves, but I love it even more that you have the courage now to follow through.”
I think I might even be capable of falling in love with you , I thought, but obviously, I kept that bit to myself. Realistically, Mariam posed a very real threat to my commitment to being an eternal bachelor, but right then, that didn’t seem like a bad thing to me at all.