Chapter 14
T he walk back to Ridge’s office was long and silent. He held the door for her, ushered her inside, and closed and locked it behind her. He closed the blinds and turned to face her.
Maggie sat in the chair in front of his desk, miserable and silent. Ridge paced back and forth behind her. “Maggie, how many hours have we spent together?”
“Ridge…”
“How many hours?” he asked.
“I don’t know. About a million,” she said.
“We’ve run together every morning, we’ve gone out every weekend, and often during the week. We’ve slept at each other’s houses; you nursed me back to health when I was sick. I held you when you cried; you held me when I cried. During all that time, we’ve had conversation after conversation after conversation about intensely deep and personal topics.”
“I get it, Ridge,” she said. “I neglected to tell you I dated a terrorist, and you were embarrassed in front of the brass. I’m incredibly sorry, but I also spent the last hour getting reamed by some of the highest-ranking members of the intelligence community, and I really don’t want to hear it from you.”
“A terrorist? You think that’s what this is about?” he said.
“Isn’t it?” she asked, confused.
“I don’t care if he was a terrorist, I don’t care if he was the leader of the free world. You had a fiancé, and you never said a word, not once. You had a wedding planned, you had a life planned, and you never even mentioned it. Would it have been so hard to say, ‘Hey, Ridge, guess what? I was all set to marry another man. Surprise.’”
“I don’t recall hearing about any of the women in your life,” she said.
“If I’d ever had a fiancée, you’d be the first to know,” he said.
“What about the other women you’ve dated since I’ve been here?” she asked, standing to face him.
“What other women, Maggie?” He spread his arms wide and looked around the room as if expecting phantom females to drop from the ceiling. “There’s been no one since you. Do you think I’m Hugh Heffner with some sort of supernatural testosterone level, the kind of guy who can juggle multiple ladies? Because, spoiler alert, you are more than enough for me. You exhaust me,” he yelled, jabbing his finger in her chest, his own chest heaving. “That was not supposed to make you smile,” he added, in a significantly calmer tone.
“But it did,” she said. “Cam, the reason I didn’t tell you about Sam was because it hurt too much. He was my first kiss, first date, first love; he was my everything. And when he died, he took a piece of me with him. It was two months before a wedding we had been planning for a year. Everything was booked, the invitations were sent. I had to write everyone and explain why there wouldn’t be a wedding and send back their gifts, and I couldn’t stop crying to write the words. I thought I would never stop crying. It’s been six years, and it still hurts. Do you understand what it’s like to believe you will never love again, that you’ll never get close to anyone again? Do you know what it’s like to realize the last man who touched you drove off a cliff?” she asked.
“I believe I have the distinction of being the last man who touched you,” he said. He eased closer and slid his arms around her. She returned his embrace and rested her forehead on his chest.
“Seeing him again was…you have no idea,” she muttered.
“I can guess,” he said. He tipped her face up. “Maggie, don’t take the assignment. Go back to Washington or go back home. Please. Do something else, anything else,” he said.
“You want me to go?” she asked.
“Who said I’m not going with you?” he replied. “You can become a librarian again and support me until I figure out what to do next.”
“Cam,” she said.
He touched his finger to her lips. “Listen to me. You don’t know what you’re getting into. The Saudis…remember what they did to that journalist? And all he did was have the audacity to disagree with the prince. They will kill you, and they will do it in such a manner that will make you beg for death first. Please don’t do this.”
“If I don’t do this, what’s it all been about? So others can sacrifice but not me?”
“That’s heroic in theory, but you haven’t seen the reality. I have,” he said.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said.
“How can you possibly say that?” he asked.
“Because you’ll be there,” she said.
He touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”
“Then don’t.”
His hand ran down the length of her spine and back up again, she tugged him impossibly closer. A knock sounded on the door, startling them apart. Maggie sank into the chair as Ridge answered the door.
“Did you debrief her?” the Colonel asked .
“Thoroughly, sir,” Ridge said.
“Good. Report on my desk in an hour. We’re working on the logistics of the assignment, it should come together soon.”
“Yes, sir,” Ridge said. They shared a nod, and the Colonel departed. “Can you write a report for me?” he whispered to Maggie.
“Should I put in some grammatical errors and typos to make it look legit?” she asked.
“Probably,” he said. He perched on the edge of his desk, facing her. “I just realized something. Your dog’s name is Samson, and you call him Sam.”
“My parents bought him for me, after. They thought it might bring some sunshine into my life again. They were right,” she said.
“Now I feel like a jerk for disparaging the shedding and drooling,” he said.
“As well you should. He’s an awesome dog,” she said. They shared a smile.
“It’s going to be a crazy blitz around here until this thing is over. I probably won’t see you much until then.”
“All right,” she said, not sure if she was receiving the brushoff.
“What I’m trying to say is that I’m here, if you need me. Even if you can’t tell. I’m always here.”
“Back at ya, sailor,” she said. “Always.”
They shared another smile that lingered much longer than necessary. “I should go write your report,” Maggie said at last, snapping to attention.
“Back to work, minion,” he said, tapping his foot to her backside when she turned to go.
She whirled. “That’s harassment, sir.”
“What are you going to do about it?” he asked, grinning .
She moved very close, until they were almost touching but not quite. “What did you have in mind?”
“You’re in a dry forest playing with matches right now,” he warned.
She mimicked striking a match and opening her hand to release it, but he caught her wrist.
“Who knows you better than I do?” he asked.
“No one,” she said.
“That’s right, so I know when you’re teasing and when you’re not. If you’re in the mood to be serious, come back and I’ll help you with those matches. In the meantime, go write my report, worker bee.” He released her wrist.
“I’m going to write an amazing report, and I’ll sign it with your new handle, ‘Big Talk, No Action,’” she threatened.
“You think you’re safe because we’re at work, huh?” he asked.
“I think I’m safe because you’re all hat, no cattle,” she said. She had learned the phrase from him and rightly assumed it would drive him crazy if she used it on him.
He picked her up, bringing her face in line with his and pressing her close. “Uh-oh, now you’ve gone too far.”
Maggie tried not to let on how nervous she was. He had that look, the same one he’d used when he licked the frosting off her finger. He could drive all the common sense from her brain, if he chose to. “Cam…” she began.
“What’s that, chicken feathers? Is someone having second thoughts?”
She frowned, not liking the challenge she heard in his mocking tone. “No. I was going to tell you to bring your A game.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, closing what little distance remained between them.
“Baby, I don’t have anything besides an A game,” he said .
Maggie rolled her eyes. “You know, I was thinking this moment needed some cockiness. It’s so universally appealing.” She squirmed, and he released her, setting her gently on her feet a few inches away.
“Just so we’re clear—you broke first,” he said, poking her bicep.
“Just so we’re clear—you’re twelve,” she said, batting his fingers away.
“Am I getting a report today or nah?” he asked.
“You men and your reports. It’s all you ever think about,” she accused.
“That’s because your reports are so incredibly sexy. I can’t get enough,” he said.
“I’m going to put a little something extra in this one, just for you,” she said, tossing him a wink as she let herself out of his office.
Ridge walked her to the door, making a shooing motion with his hand. When the door was closed and she was safely on the other side, he pressed his forehead to the cool, solid wood, trying to draw a deep, steadying breath for the first time in what felt like years.