Chapter 31
“ A re you all right?” Maggie asked. Ridge told her Sam had been beaten by the uncles, but it looked much worse than she imagined. His entire body looked bruised, swollen, cut, and one arm was in a sling.
“You should see the other guys,” he said with some of his old self-deprecating humor. He had been a kind, warm, and funny man, able to laugh at himself and the world, equal parts tender and courageous. Maggie’s heart pinged a little at the remembrance of who he had been and how much she’d loved him. “Maggie,” he said, his tone now altogether different. What had her face revealed when she stared at him? More than she intended, that was for certain. He took a step toward her, but she put up a hand.
“I want to talk, Sam. Just talk.”
“All right,” he said, following her as she turned and led the way toward the sofa. They sat. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she said. She felt fully recovered now. Between the rest she’d had and the visit with her sister, she felt ready to take on the world again.
“I’m sorry about your dog. Dogs aren’t the same in my family, as you know, and I’m so sorry that my uncles…”
She put up a hand to interrupt him again. “It’s not your fault, Sam, really.”
“Isn’t it?” he asked sadly. “It feels like everything is my fault; our broken engagement, your involvement in this whole affair. All because of me.”
“Think of it this way: if we had never met, then I would never have learned Arabic, never have spent so much time in the Middle East, and never have gotten this job or the opportunities that have come with it,” she said.
“I know, and that’s why I’m apologizing to you,” he said.
“No, I meant I’m happy about those things. I love my job, and I love my new life. It’s more excitement and adventure than I ever dreamed possible. I mean, a year ago I was a college reference librarian. Today I…” she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to tell him about meeting the president. “Today I realized how much this job means to me, how much it’s changed me for the better.”
“If I had never left, we would be six years married now. Are you also happy that didn’t occur?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sam. I would have loved being your wife. And you were correct; we would probably have two kids by now. At least two, maybe three because, with your big brown eyes, I wouldn’t have been able to get enough of your babies.”
He scooted closer to her and took her hand. “Would you still like to be my wife? Would you still like to have my babies?”
She blinked at him, her heart in her throat. “A part of me still wants those things,” she admitted.
Outside, Ridge reached for his keys and then realized Maggie had probably left the door unlocked for him. He reached for the handle, pushed open the door, and saw Maggie and Sam sitting close together on the couch, her hand in his, their eyes on each other. Silently, he backed out of the house and closed the door. He stood on the porch for a while, debating with himself. On the one hand, he wanted to go inside and physically toss the terrorist scum from her presence. On the other hand, Maggie needed to find her own closure on the man. Again .
He went back to his car and drove down the block to wait, refusing to let his mind dwell on any other possibility than Maggie finding closure in the situation. There was too much water under the bridge, much too much. Besides, Maggie was no longer available. She knew that, didn’t she? That was the point that stuck in his craw, that maybe he hadn’t been clear enough for her. Maybe by giving her space and trying not to rush her, he had left room for doubt. What if that space opened a place for the next in line? For Sam?
Ridge white knuckled the steering wheel. He would give them an hour. After that, he was going in, ready or not.
“Sam, I loved you. Until you faked your death and ran out on our wedding, you were a wonderful boyfriend and fiancé, so kind, thoughtful, attentive, and romantic. I could not have wanted anyone better. You cared for me with no pretense, no games. That was why it was so difficult when you were gone, because what we’d had together had been so good. A year ago, if we’d had this conversation, I probably would have said yes, let’s try to pick up where we left off. But this year has changed me irrevocably and in ways I can’t begin to describe. I’ve discovered I’m more than who I thought I was.”
“That’s what’s so heartbreaking, Maggie. You’re becoming the person I always believed you were. You are larger than life to me, and I don’t think I will ever get over you,” he said.
“I think you will. No, I know you will. You will find someone to fill up all the empty places and make you whole again, I know it in every fiber of my being because you’re too good to go to waste.”
“How can you say that, after all that has happened?” he said.
“Because, despite circumstances beyond your control, I still know the man you are. I still believe in you. ”
“Is that what happened to you? You found someone to make you whole again?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“The cowboy from the party?” he guessed.
She smiled.
“He had better be worthy,” Sam said.
“He is,” Maggie replied.
They talked for a while longer, putting off the inevitable and painful goodbye. At last she walked him to the door and stepped onto the porch, hugging him impossibly tightly.
“I do love you, you know that,” she said.
“I do. Not in the way I’d hoped, but I do. And I love you, far more than you could imagine,” he said.
“Be happy, and be at peace,” she said, kissing him gently on the lips. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, but a kiss of goodbye, of release.
“And you as well. I wish you every happiness,” he said in Arabic.
“And you as well,” she replied, also in Arabic. They gave each other one last hug, and then he went away, back to the rental car, back to a new job as a spy and a life that would be dangerous and fraught with peril for as long as he lived. Maggie swiped a few tears as she watched him go and then, almost as soon as Sam pulled away, Ridge pulled up. It occurred to her he had probably been waiting and watching her goodbye with Sam.
“Oh, hey, um, Sam stopped by, and…”
“Nope, no more words from you. Now is the time to listen as I speak. I’m not taking the chance on one more minute going by before I say what I need to say,” he said.
“I’m listening,” she said. She tucked her arms behind her back and stood at attention.
He picked her up and carried her inside .
“I thought you were going to talk,” she said.
“You’re barefoot and not wearing a coat. It’s thirty degrees out. Have some self-preservation, woman.” He set her down and closed the door.
“Now I’m ready. Here’s the thing, Maggie. I always believed when I found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I would know immediately. There would be some kind of sign from heaven, a thunderbolt that struck me numb and proved I had found the one. Everything would go so smoothly I would have no doubts she and I were perfect for each other. I would fall in love at first sight, and we would live happily ever after forever. And as it turns out, I was right because, from the first moment I met you, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. I told myself I hired you because you were competent and good at what you do, but that was only a bonus. The real reason was because I loved you. From the moment you licked a piece of muffin off your palm to the moment you smacked my hand for attempting to touch your cookies, somewhere in between there, I was gone. And I have never been the same, and I have never regretted one second my decision to bring you here under false pretenses or woo you under the guise of friendship. Because you’re also my best friend. You are my everything, my entire world, and I want to be the same for you. I want to be your best friend, your lover, your partner, and the father of your children. And if you say you’re going to take the Colonel’s job and become an assassin, then I’ll say I’ll be your caddy, follow you around the world, and carry your ammo because I’m not going another minute with things up in the air and unsettled between us. I love you, I adore you, and I need you in my life in every way completely.”
She blinked at him, trying to absorb the mad rush of words. “Wow, you are really good at making speeches. I’m not, so I’ll say six years ago, I thought my life was over. When I began putting it back together, bit by bit, it stretched out in front of me, a long, lonely, boring road. Then you showed up with an unbelievable job offer and a chance to start over in a new city. And you believed in me, you encouraged me every step of the way as I took an impossible leap. When I fell down, you were there to pick me up. I wasn’t looking for love, ever again, but you made yourself so lovable I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. And it happened so seamlessly I didn’t even realize until it was too late.”
“That was a good speech, Maggie,” he said, brushing her newly shorn bangs out of her face.
“Yeah?”
“One of the best,” he said.
She slipped her arms around him, and he returned the favor. “Did you really love me from the beginning?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“Denial isn’t merely a river in Egypt. This former SEAL was terrified. I was afraid of my feelings, and I was afraid of messing up the perfect thing we had going. I was so delusional, I believed we could be platonic roommates and nothing would happen, that if I kept stuffing down and ignoring my attraction to you, it would go away.”
“When did you first realize?” she asked.
“I think sometime around that trip to London. When you drove me to the airport. I began to suspect, but I wouldn’t let myself look too closely at what was going on.”
“London?” she exclaimed. “That was forever ago.”
“It took me a bit to figure out why every parting was more painful and why it seemed like my heart was only beating when we were together, why I couldn’t stop touching you and had no desire to even try. ”
“Oh, Cam, that’s so mushy and romantic. I love it,” she said.
“There’s one more thing, while we’re getting it all out. I’m not certain I want to stay in DC forever. I miss being from a small town. I don’t want our kids to grow up in the city. Maybe someday I’ll go into the private sector or teach somewhere.”
“I don’t care where we go or what we do or how we live, as long as we’re together. It’s a sad, tired cliché, but it’s true,” she said.
“Not to ruin this perfect moment, but I’m starving. The last food I had was the tiny sandwiches at the White House,” he said.
“Good because I am cooking your favorite meal, including a rib eye steak that cost more than my first car. I was going to bake your favorite pie, but I ran out of time. No dessert, sorry.”
He picked her up to bring her eye level. “You’re in luck because I stopped by your favorite bakery and bought the cupcakes you love.”
“You really do love me,” she said.
“Was there any doubt?” he asked.
“No.” She kissed him, and it was a long time until supper.
Thank you for reading The Bun and the Gun.