Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lennox
Lennox had never felt so powerless in his life. Here she was, the woman he’d waited for, a woman he admired and enjoyed more than any other, and he was allowing her to walk away from him.
A woman he loved, a woman he’d handfasted with, the one he wished to marry and bring their bairns into the world, raise them—and she was leaving him.
About an hour after they’d returned from their journey, Meg crossed under the gates, four other guards in front of her while he followed. Just under the portcullis, he heard a voice from above. He turned to see his mother hurrying down the stairs.
“Mother? What is it?”
She approached his mount, patting his calf, speaking in such a tone so no one else would hear. “Lennox, she’ll be worth the wait. She loves you. She will return.”
He hoped she was correct.
They said little along the way to Clan MacQuarie, Lennox’s ears alert for any attack, though he hoped they’d caught all the criminals guilty of kidnapping. He didn’t need to run into any fool who’d attempt bride-stealing.
When they had traveled an hour, Meg fell back to ride abreast of him. “Lennox, could we talk, please?”
“Aye. What is it you’d like to discuss?”
She cleared her throat, her anxiousness obvious to him, so he gave her the time she needed to organize her thoughts. “What would my duties be as your wife?”
He thought for a moment, then answered with the explanation he thought she was looking for. “Working with our cook to make sure we have enough food in our cellar stores and planning the menu. Usually, we feed the entire village once a sennight, and we feed our guards two meals a day. They go home for the evening meal.
“Overseeing the maids, taking care of the bedchambers for guests. Most of it is handling the help, answering questions. You’re fortunate in that the current mistress of the castle, my mother, is still living with us and would be happy to teach you. My mother likes to teach some to read and write, but that would be entirely up to you. I don’t know if I am able to tell you everything she does. She could answer best. You also would have Eva to assist you.”
“Not you?”
“Of course, I would help wherever I can, but I don’t keep track of stores and menus. That is all my mother and my sister’s concern. A head housekeeper oversees all the maids, just as Cook oversees the serving lasses. I handle the coin, and I would love to have you participate in running that part of the castle. Keeping the clan with enough food for winter and being able to buy what we don’t have. That takes much planning and adjusting.”
He watched her take in this information and sort through it in her mind. Absolutely confident that she would excel at the job, he didn’t wish to be overly enthusiastic as she worked through everything. She blushed and turned to him.
“What is it? You are my wife, Meg. Ask me anything you wish.”
“Could I ask you if you have been in love before? I don’t wish to pry, but I wonder if you have, if she lives in the clan?”
Lennox nearly smiled because her question spoke of sheer jealousy, something he told himself didn’t really matter. But it did to her.
“I’ll be as honest as I can. I thought myself to be in love twice. Once was the first lass who ever lay in my bed, and I will tell you that my sire came to me and told me the strumpet was to leave and never come back.” He had to chuckle at the memory. “He gave me a warning about bringing such women into our home. That it was an insult to my mother.”
“Such women?”
Lennox was suddenly caught by the truth of his wife’s innocence and wondered exactly how to explain this to her. “Women who are paid for their services.”
She tipped her head, still confused.
“Have you heard of prostitutes?”
She shook her head.
“There have always been women who will provide intimate services to men for a coin. Even in Biblical times. Men’s needs are usually stronger than women’s, so they will pay for such services if they are not married.” Then he thought a bit more. “And sometimes even if they are married. They decide they want someone different.”
“You would do that?”
“Nay! I was just saying…” Hellfire, how was he to get out of this? “Some do not marry for love. If one does not have feelings for one’s partner, they are not interested in sharing the bed except to bear children.”
She still looked confused, but he said, “Meg, this is a question better directed to your sister.” This conversation was helping him understand why Meg was so persistent about having alone time with Tamsin. Her statement about her ignorance didn’t begin to explain her innocence. It wasn’t just about dolphins, but much, much more. “Your sister was married to someone she did not like. I think she can explain it better than I can.”
Apparently accepting of this, she nodded, but then asked, “And the other woman you loved?”
“The other woman was a beautiful lass from the Highlands who visited once, and I admit that I was attracted to her. Her father spoke to my father about a betrothal, and I accepted it. It made my mother verra happy until the woman came for a second visit and tried to give my mother orders. That did not set well with her, but we didn’t suit either.”
“But you thought you loved her?”
“I thought I could love her. Since you are my wife, I will be completely honest with you. She warmed my bed quickly, but that was the only way she wished it to happen. Quickly. She was not a virgin. Every visit was considered a bargaining event. How many gowns could she get? She’d love two new pairs of boots or mayhap four. Would I take her to court so she could have her wedding dress tailored from special fabric and the finest thread in the world?”
He paused for a moment, trying to come up with a way to explain what he thought of his betrothed after one moon of visits. “Shallow. She was an extremely shallow woman. I can’t even call her a lass because everything she did was well planned, well executed.” She was exactly the opposite of Meg.
As they mounted the next hill, Lennox sighed.
“What’s wrong?” Meg asked.
“Naught. Once we reach the other side of this hill, our journey is nearly done. I guess I’m missing you by my side already. But keep your eye on the horizon. You’ll see Loch Tuath and MacQuarie Castle. We’ll approach from the front. I wish for you to see the full view. It is a lovely castle.”
Lennox cursed to himself. Their time was nearly over.
What the hell would he say to her to convince her of his love? That they belonged together for eternity?
He had no idea.