Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
H er hands shook, and her breathing was difficult. It felt as if a great weight was pressing in on Serenity’s chest and refusing to move.
So much pain. So much information. So much baggage and history and shame. Could they do this? She honestly wasn’t sure.
She didn’t agree with Luca’s choices. Of course, she didn’t. She’d been left behind in the wake of it all, but hearing his side didn’t truly ease the pain, though it did cause her to rethink it.
She’d been hurting, but so had he. It was how he’d dealt with the pain that was the problem.
Serenity took a shuddering breath and broke more tissue off the roll, blowing her nose again to stall for time.
Dropping her gaze to her lap, she thought through everything. Everything. Their younger years together, their subsequent break up, their few moments of happiness in the last few days…there was a bottom line to all of it.
Serenity was happier when Luca was by her side.
She’d survived with him gone. She’d finished college and built a business and a name for herself. She could eventually build a new life with someone else and even a family if she wanted. Though her foray into the dating pool had been amazingly disappointing.
But she was happier with him, despite the choices he’d made.
“I know I don’t deserve it,” Luca murmured. “And I’m not going to press you one way or the other. This is in your hands,” he continued. “I took that choice from you back then. I won’t now.” He took a deep breath, his broad chest expanding with the movement and catching Serenity’s eye. “You take all the time you need before you make a decision that has the power to affect the rest of your life.”
Serenity’s eyes widened. “Does it have the power to affect the rest of my life?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Luca’s jaw set, and he didn’t flinch when he said, “Serenity, if you were willing to forgive me and give me a full second chance, I’d never let you go again. Ever.”
Curse those tears. How many had she cried today? Too many to be healthy..
“You’re so sure of that?” Her voice cracked as emotion closed her throat once more.
He nodded once. “I’ve had a lot of time to come to grips with it all. And I’m sure.” Luca slowly shook his head. “But none of that matters. If you aren’t ready or aren’t willing, it’s okay. I know this is on my shoulders. I know what I’m asking isn’t fair, and I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness?—”
“None of us do.”
He stopped talking and blinked a couple of times.
Serenity forced a tight laugh. “Isn’t that why it’s forgiveness?” she asked. “Or maybe a better word is mercy? If it was deserved it would be justice. If we wanted to exact justice from each other, we’d have to go about this a very different way.” Her fingers tightened on the toilet roll. “And neither of us would be happy with the outcome, I think.”
Luca fell back against his seat, slowly shaking his head. “I don’t understand,” he said in a low gravelly tone.
“Understand what?” Serenity frowned.
“How you can be so…amazing.”
Serenity scoffed. “Now you’re tossing out flattery.”
He shook his head harder. “No. I mean it. I haven’t missed that you haven’t said what you think concerning us, and that’s fine. But the fact that you have thoughts like that at all are a testament to who you are, Seri.” He leaned forward. “This is why you like having a souvenir shop. Because you like working with people and making them happy. You like helping them, which is why you enjoy small towns and the closer neighborhood relationships. It’s also why you had the idea for a neighborhood watch group, coupled with promoting each other’s businesses. You build family everywhere you go. It’s amazing.”
“I think you’re good for my ego, McCoy,” Serenity teased, though her heart's erratic rhythm was anything but teasing. How could he not hear it pounding against her chest? How did he not know that she was willing to forgive him anything, as long as he promised not to leave her again?
“You’re good for so much more than my ego, Seri.”
“I forgive you.” She’d already planned to say the words, but they slipped out before she could make them give the greatest impact. In the end, it probably didn’t matter, however. They needed to be said. He needed to hear them, and she needed to say them. “And I wasn’t lying when I said last night that I wanted you.” Serenity gave him a small smile. “I want us .”
Luca’s face crumpled, and he closed his eye, leaning into his fingers and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Luca?” Serenity’s heart leapt for an entirely different reason this time. “Are you okay?”
He blew out a breath and didn’t look up, but muttered something under his breath.
Serenity leaned forward, putting a hand on his shoulder. “What?”
“Don’t,” Luca said more clearly, “tell the twins I’m such a baby.” He did look up then, and his watery eye said it all.
Serenity closed her eyes and dropped her chin to her chest with a smile before shaking her head and looking up at him. “They’re going to be a pain in our neck forever, aren’t they?”
Luca sucked in a deep breath and wiped at his face. “Probably.” He pushed out the breath he’d taken. “Can I kiss you now?”
Serenity’s smile spread slowly across her whole face. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
Without another word, Luca grabbed her waist and pulled her right back into his lap where she’d been sitting only a few minutes before. But this time, she wasn’t shaking and crying. This time, the emotions were much more welcome and enjoyable.
Serenity let her hand travel to the back of his neck and brush his warm skin as he kissed her breath away.
If she’d thought she was floating before, it was nothing compared to what she was doing now. This time, Serenity’s lightness wasn’t just caused by the momentary euphoria of Luca’s touch.
Now it was lasting. The weightlessness of forgiveness combined with her love for Luca, and Serenity wasn’t sure if she’d ever come down to Earth again.
She wasn’t sure she wanted to.
He’d cried. He’d cried. The twins would seriously never let him live it down. But they’d never hear it from Luca, so if they started in…he’d know exactly who outed him.
His hands flexed against her back.
Did they ever have to come up from this moment? It felt so much more poignant than it had before. Yesterday’s kisses had been good, but this was more. This was the promise of the future they’d always dreamed of.
She’d forgiven him and taken him back. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve it. But she’d done it, anyway. And her description of justice versus mercy had Luca ready to haul her to the church and marry her now.
“I love you,” he whispered against her lips. There was no way to deny it. He didn’t want to. “I never stopped.” He hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d be playing for keeps. This moment was only the beginning. He wouldn’t ruin it a second time.
Serenity paused, a hand on his neck and the other on his chest. “Do you mean it?”
“I told you I wouldn’t let you go again. I meant it.” He kissed the edge of her mouth. He loved how red and soft her lips were, especially after he’d been kissing them. They could bring a man to his knees. Or to tears.
Her lips stretched into a smile, and she dropped her forehead to his. “I love you too. I was mad for a long while, but I still loved you.” A soft, breathless laugh broke free. “I think that was part of why I hated you.”
Luca chuckled and leaned back enough to run his fingers through her hair. “You had every right to hate me. I don’t blame you for that.” Though he’d never be able to deny how much it hurt. He planned to spend the rest of his life making up for it.
“No,” Serenity mused. “No one has a right to hate. We might have reasons, but we don’t have a right.”
“I thought you studied business in college, not philosophy.”
She grinned. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And you’re mine.”
Her smile grew, and Luca could have basked in it all day. He still was trying to come to grips with how he’d gone without this so long. All his reasons for staying away seemed so small now, but at the time, they’d felt insurmountable. He’d have to develop her habit of thinking a little deeper if they were going to make this work.
“I am yours.” She swung her other arm around his neck. “And I like that.”
Before Luca could respond, his stomach growled, and he grimaced. “I don’t think I ate enough lunch.”
Laughing, Serenity moved to stand up, and Luca reluctantly let her go. He didn’t care about food, but apparently his body felt otherwise. “Finish eating. We have all the time in the world.”
While he knew what she meant, it didn’t quite feel true. Now that they’d gotten past the hardest part of him coming home, Luca had this odd…urgency. He didn’t want to dally or waste their time together. He wanted to move forward with purpose and clarity.
Unless she told him otherwise, he planned to take her right to the altar. The only question was how long he needed to wait before springing that one on her.
Maybe more than an hour.
But definitely less than six months…he hoped.
With Serenity back in her own chair, he picked up the roast she’d made for him and dug back in. It was cold, but he didn’t care. Reaching out, he grabbed Serenity’s chair and pulled her closer.
She laughed and leaned her shoulder into his. “Is this how it’s going to be now? Joined at the hip?”
“We were described as that once,” Luca stated. “Would you care if it became true again?”
She tilted her head, as if considering the question, and tapped her bottom lip. “No, I don’t think I would. Though, I have to warn you, my hip isn’t the same size it was be?—”
“Nope.” Luca pressed a hand over her mouth. “I don’t want to hear it.”
Serenity’s eyes crinkled at the edges, but she didn’t pull away.
“I already told you you’re beautiful and perfect. Now stop fishing for compliments and eat your lunch.” He tilted his head to indicate her food. “We have work to do this afternoon if we’re going to get your shop up and running in the next couple of days.”
Serenity was still smiling when he pulled away. Giving him a mock salute, she teased, “Yes, Captain.”
“Eat up, soldier.” Luca shoved a large bite in his mouth. “You’re gonna earn those calories today.”
The next twenty minutes were fairly quiet, but if eyes could talk, the entire neighborhood would be chatting.
Luca couldn’t look away. It was worse than when they’d been laying flooring earlier. He didn’t want to go back to punching a nail gun. He wanted to hold onto Serenity and never let go. He wanted to throw her over his shoulder and run straight to the church. He wanted to?—
Luca shook his head. He needed to stop this. His imagination was completely getting away from him, and he wasn’t sure whether he should be amused or worried.
It wasn’t like him to get so worked up about things, but Serenity seemed to change everything.
Scratch that. Serenity’s forgiveness seemed to change everything.
“Come on, Cap,” Serenity said, stuffing everything back in her bag. “Let’s get that floor down.” She stood and offered her hand.
Luca took it, but was careful not to pull as he stood. Whether she was the same size as high school or not, he still outweighed her significantly. “Slave driver,” he joked.
“One of us has to be,” Serenity tossed over her shoulder. “Otherwise, you’d sit and eat all day. What good would that do us?”
“Food is energy.”
“Maybe so, but too much food is gluttony.” She pushed the back door open. “How far do you think we’ll get today?”
Luca pursed his lips and studied the room. “We should be able to finish the floor in the next two days. It’s the trim that’ll take longer. Angles are more precise, and the painting takes a bit to dry.”
“So…”
“I think you can plan on reopening next Monday.”
Serenity clapped her hands together. “Awesome. I’ll plan a little reopening sale. And it’s still in time for the biggest crowds of the season.” She bounced on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for helping with this.”
Luca nodded instead of returning her kiss. If he did, there’d be no more flooring for the day. Now he had a deadline, and he was going to meet it. Even if he had to work all night.
“Let’s go, buttercup,” he barked. “You agreed to be mine, and now I’m putting you to work.”
She sashayed toward the boxes of flooring, and Luca was positive there was an extra sway in her hips. “It was worth it.”
He hoped so. Oh, he hoped so. Luca knew he’d do everything in his power to make that statement the truest thing she’d ever said.