Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
“ Y ou’ve got to talk to him,” Shiloh threw over her shoulder as she headed toward the family room, bowl of popcorn in hand.
Serenity pressed her lips together and scrubbed the plate she was cleaning a little harder.
“It’ll only get worse if you keep waiting.”
“Thank you!” Serenity sang out, but her sharp tone let Shiloh know exactly how she felt.
“You’re welcome!”
Serenity rolled her eyes and clenched her teeth. Shiloh was right…but that didn’t mean that Serenity had to be happy about it.
For nearly a week now, she’d been stewing over Luca’s decision to become a police officer. And each of those days she’d plastered a smile on her face and pretended she was fine.
She was anything but fine.
More nightmares had woken Serenity in the last week than after her attack. It was frustrating and ridiculous and yet completely founded.
And the confusing feelings only made it harder to really pin down what she was supposed to do.
Did she take away Luca’s newest dream? Or worry about her own peace of mind? Was it selfish to ask him to find a different career? Was she wrong to let old fears rule their choices? Was it really that dangerous to be a cop? Maybe therapy would make it better?
“Ugh. Why is this so hard?”
“Hey, girl! Deadly boyfriend is here!” Shiloh shouted from the front room.
Serenity’s heart fell, and when she realized she wasn’t excited to see him, she almost cursed. Why wasn’t she excited to see the man she loved? The one she hoped to spend the rest of her life with?
“Hey, sweetheart,” Luca said in his low, soft tone.
The tiniest tingle ran down Serenity’s spine, and she held onto the sensation. She did love him. She did. She just didn’t love the path they were taking. But why couldn’t she bring herself to tell him?
His hands slid around her waist from behind, and he rested his chin against her temple. “I missed you today.”
She leaned her head toward his for a moment. “I missed you, too, but it was nice to have the afternoon off.” She laughed a little. “You smell like sawdust.” She felt his shoulder shrug.
“Consequences of the trade, I suppose. Hopefully not for too much longer.”
Serenity tried not to tense, but she couldn’t quite help herself.
“Montoya’s helping me get through the paperwork. He thinks he can help push it a little faster.”
The dishes were a lost cause at this point, and Serenity pulled the plug on the drain. “I’ll finish the rest of them later,” she whispered, then cleared her throat at the thickness found there.
Luca stepped back when she went for a towel and folded his arms over his chest. “Do you have something you’d like to talk about?” he asked.
Serenity froze for a second. “Why do you think that?” she asked, not able to look him in the eye. She knew she’d cry if she did.
“I lost my hair and my eye, Seri, not my brain.”
Her shoulders fell. “Everything’s fine, Luc.”
It was quiet for a moment. “If you want to break up, all you have to do is say so.”
She spun, her jaw open. “What? You want to break up with me?”
Luca’s jaw was clenched so tight, she could see a muscle ticking in his throat. “I never said that,” he ground out. “But I don’t know what to do at this point. You won’t talk to me. At all. I’m not stupid. Something’s wrong. The bags under your eyes are getting worse, you don’t seem to want me to touch you at all, you barely speak, and your skin is so pale you look like you’ve been living underground for the past year.”
Serenity gasped.
Luca threw his arms out to the side, his voice tight and sharp. “So you tell me, Seri. You tell me what those things add up to? I thought we had made plans. I know I bungled the proposal, but I planned on making it up to you.” He stood to his full height, completely intimidating, yet Serenity knew there was a heart of gold inside, but right now he was angry. His voice never rose, his fists didn’t clench, and his words weren’t harsh, but it was clear as day that he’d reached the end of his patience with her behavior.
“If you’ve changed your mind, I would hope that you’d know it’s okay. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I would never, never, push those wants on you. I know you’ve had to forgive the most in this relationship, and I’ve tried to include you in every decision since that moment. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes as last time. I wanted to give you a choice. I’m still giving you a choice.”
Serenity must have opened and closed her mouth a half dozen times, but the words she needed were still stuck in her throat. She didn’t know how to do this. She didn’t know how to take away something he wanted so badly, even at the cost of her own sanity.
She also didn’t know how to let him go, and that made it worse. Life wasn’t life without Luca, and she’d only figured that out when he came back the second time. At first, she’d been drawn to his protection, but it hadn’t taken long for her to realize her feelings were about much more than just his strong presence.
She hadn’t realized just how dead she’d become inside while he was gone. And now that she had it back, the idea of losing it again was unbearable.
Why did it have to come to such a hard sacrifice? Her fears versus his dreams. Was there really a way to make this work?
Luca’s head dropped, and his shoulders sagged. After a moment, he slowly nodded. “Alright. I…” He swallowed. “I won’t pretend to understand everything going on in your beautiful head, but it’s clear that the gap between us is going to be too much to bridge.”
“Luca,” Serenity breathed as she realized where he was going with this. He had it all wrong!
“I don’t blame you,” he hurried to say. “This is on my shoulders. I shouldn’t have taken you for granted when we were younger, and I shouldn’t have cut off everything between us, especially after you had already waited and given so much for us to be together.” His eye was filled with tears that Serenity matched when he whispered. “I love you. And I’m sorry.”
“LUCA!” Serenity shouted as he turned and walked away.
But he didn’t stop, and faster than Serenity could follow, he was gone, the front door clicking shut.
Serenity’s chest heaved, and she leaned on the counter, trying to keep from hyperventilating. This wasn’t what she had wanted. She didn’t want to lose him. She’d been trying to come to grips with her own fears so she wouldn’t lose him, and yet those very fears had sent him running anyway.
“Ser?”
She couldn’t look at Shiloh. It was too much. For the second time in her life, Serenity had lost everything…only this time, it was no one’s fault but her own.
Luca needed to move. He needed to do something to expel the energy coursing through his system.
It took every ounce of control he had not to slam his foot on the gas pedal and race for home. Instead, he nearly crushed the steering wheel in his grip as he slowly worked his way through the residential streets until his house popped into view.
Pulling into the driveway, he decided the best thing was to get dressed for a long run. He’d head down and run along the beach. Maybe the sea salt spray and rhythmic pounding of the waves would help settle his current adrenaline rush.
It was either that, or Luca was going to turn one of his brothers into a punching bag. The twins probably wouldn’t mind all that much.
Slamming the truck door, he leapt up the front steps in one bound, bursting through the door.
“Whoa.” Tate’s voice came through the hallway, his footsteps sounding before Luca could reach the stairs. “I thought you were headed to Serenity’s.”
“I was.” Luca marched upward, not bothering to turn around.
“Uh…are you eating here then?”
“No.” There was silence, and if Luca stopped, he’d say something he was going to regret. As a coach at the rehabilitation facility in Oregon, he’d always told his patients to put their emotions into safe actions. He was going to take that advice right now.
Running was safe.
Striking up a conversation with his brother was not.
Luca was dressed and ready in record time, and he hurried down the stairs, ignoring Tate who still waited at the bottom.
To his credit, Tate didn’t say a word as Luca burst back outside. He didn’t bother driving to the beach. Running there and back would just give him some extra mileage and hopefully expel even more energy.
The pavement of the sidewalk slapped the bottom of Luca’s running shoe, but Luca barely heard it.
In fact, he could barely hear anything. His mind wouldn’t stop going over the fact that Serenity wouldn’t even speak to him.
She’d stiffened when he’d tried to hold her, not turned when he left a kiss on her cheek…why wouldn’t she just say that she changed her mind? Why wouldn’t she speak up? He’d laid everything on the table, and she hadn’t said a word until he walked away.
Hearing her shout his name has been excruciating. It felt like someone was slowly carving a hole through his chest, but he hadn’t been able to turn back. The hurt was bubbling, and a feeling of betrayal was churning in his gut.
He couldn’t understand any of it. Why had she welcomed him back? Why say she loved him? Why make it sound like she agreed with their future and then go cold? What was he missing?
Sweat began to trickle down Luca’s neck and into his shirt. Good. He needed to get his blood flowing. It would calm his mind to have his heart beating fast.
The evening grew dim before Luca made it to the boardwalk where he cut into the sand and thigh high weeds.
They brushed his legs, and his stride slowed as they sand gave way beneath his feet. Only one more rise to go, and he would… Luca paused, his chest heaving as he came to the top of the small rise.
The sun was just setting, leaving the sky a riot of pinks and oranges, while the reflection on the ocean looked like spun gold.
Serenity’s hair would have fit right in with the chaos.
Luca shook his head and put his hands on his hips, walking down the hill slowly until he got to wet, firm sand. He continued to breathe deeply, his heart rate slowly falling as he stared into the endless waves.
Only a few days ago, he’d thought he had his whole future figured out. Now he had nothing.
Again.
Sighing, Luca rubbed his hand on his sweaty head. Grimacing, he wiped his hand on his shorts and turned to the side. A few late-day visitors were still sitting in chairs or in the process of cleaning up their day at the beach.
It would only be a few minutes before Luca was essentially alone.
Perfect.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed his feet into motion. His path wove up and down as he stayed on firmer sand, but danced back to avoid getting hit by the oncoming tide.
Twenty minutes later, his heart was pounding, his lungs were screaming, and he was alone. Blessedly alone.
The moon was visible above the dying sunset, and Luca welcomed not only the dark, but the stillness that would come with it.
His mind was still too busy. He couldn’t quit yet. Without Serenity in his life, what was he going to do? Could he stay in Lighthouse Bay? It felt wrong. He’d come to make amends and spend time with his brothers. Luca hadn’t expected Serenity to be willing to forgive him, though the slight hope had always sat in the back of his mind.
He’d wrestled with doubts, and the unknown, but disaster had brought clarity, and Luca had been sure he had it right this time. Serenity at his side and a police badge on his chest. It would have worked out perfectly.
But if he wasn’t getting married, then Luca wasn’t sure he wanted the job either. It would forever remind him of the plans he’s made with Seri and the life that fell apart.
Coming to a stop, Luca bent over, spitting in the sand and sucking in heavy lungfuls of air.
He couldn’t blame her. Luca had broken her trust ages ago. Was it really any wonder that she couldn’t get past it in order for them to see a future together? Especially after such a botched proposal?
He straightened and shook his head. “She deserves better,” he told the ocean. “It’s too late.” Closing his eyes, he blew out a long breath and turned to start for home.
He didn’t need to be out here anymore. While the pain was still present in his chest, he’d known all along what he needed to do.
Luca would finish his work for the summer with his brothers because he’d already committed to it, but come this fall, he’d either go back to school or have another job elsewhere.
The walk back to the boardwalk was longer than expected, but helped Luca cool off from his angry sprint and the walk back to the house had him near shivering. With the sun gone, the temperature was lowering, and his sweaty clothes were chilly.
He expected a fight with his brothers. They wouldn’t be happy to hear that Luca would be leaving again. They’d been asking him to come home for a long time, but Luca it had taken him years to be ready.
Now he wasn’t ready to stay. Not when Lighthouse Bay held so little for him.
What he didn’t expect, however, was to find a person sitting on the front porch steps when he approached. Their head came up as Luca grew closer, and he jerked to a stop. Even in the dark there was no hiding the mass of red hair dancing in the light breeze.
Slowly, Serenity stood, brushing off her jeans and holding eye contact the whole time. “Luca,” she rasped.
He waited, not trusting his voice to stay steady.
“We need to talk.”