Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
OLLIE
Five months later
Hours after everyone else had left, I closed my laptop and stretched.
There was no reason for me to be here this late, but I still felt the need to prove myself.
No matter how often Becky, my department head, scolded me for putting in unpaid overtime, I couldn’t let it go.
Not when I knew how damned lucky I was to get a second chance at my dream job.
I’d been so surprised when Identity called the day after the whole lift…
incident. Once I’d handed over my contact information to Luca’s manager, it hadn’t even occurred to me to go to the Identity offices and explain the situation.
The whole encounter with Luca seemed to have removed my ability to make logical decisions.
Which was probably how I ended up coming down his throat and then signing an agreement vowing not to go to the press.
I’d barely heard the threats about what would happen if I broke the agreement his creepy manager had flung my way.
I’d been too busy watching Luca disappear from my life and wondering what the fuck I should do now.
In the space of one morning, everything in my life that I’d thought I’d known had been flipped on its head. My relationship. My closest friendship. My career path. My living situation.
Even my sexuality.
But none of that mattered as much as watching Luca leave, knowing I’d never see him in the flesh again.
So no. Even without the NDA or threats, I wouldn’t have told anyone anything about that day.
It was sad that Luca hadn’t trusted me, but I understood where he was coming from.
I’d been mad at the time, but looking back at it now…
I got it. His whole life was lived in the spotlight.
People taking advantage of him was probably something that happened regularly.
It made sense he’d assume the worst of me too.
It made sense, but it hurt, especially after how I’d opened up to him.
But that was all in the past.
Part of me had wondered if I’d hear from him. I’d told him I didn’t want to see him again, but nothing about Luca suggested he gave up easily. Especially since his manager had my contact info.
But when my phone rang the following day, it hadn’t been Luca on the other end of the line. Instead, it’d been Becky from Identity, offering me another chance at my dream job.
Determined not to have another repeat, I’d arrived over an hour early to my interview.
And I’d taken the stairs.
My interview had been surprisingly short. It was more of a meet-and-greet than the grilling I’d expected. What had been even more shocking was that they’d hired me on the spot. I’d walked out of there in a daze, clutching the contract like a lifeline.
I’d been in such a fog that I hadn’t realised I’d stepped into the same lift until it started moving. Memories from the day before had assaulted me. Luca teasing me. On his knees. His full lips wrapped around my cock.
That was when it hit me that I had no one to call. No one to celebrate my news with.
My only living family member, my arsehole father, may as well be dead as far as I was concerned. His treatment of my mother growing up still haunted my nightmares.
He’d lost the right to updates about my life the second he’d raised a hand to her. Not that he seemed to want any. I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him since the day he stormed out when I was thirteen.
Good fucking riddance.
Months had passed since the day I’d landed the job, and my life had moved on.
Not massively, but enough to give me hope for the future.
I’d made friends with one of my coworkers, Riley.
We weren’t as close as I had been to Callum, but that was okay.
I was still stinging from his betrayal almost half a year later.
Time had allowed me to recognise how toxic my relationship with Suzie had become.
Now I could look back on it and be grateful that part of my life was done.
But losing Callum hurt far more than losing Suzie. It’d be a long time before I trusted anyone to get that close to me again.
Packing my few bits into my bag, I swung it over my shoulder and made my way down and out to my car.
Not only had this job come with a much higher salary than I’d anticipated, but a company car too.
Even more shockingly, when Becky discovered I was staying in a Premier Inn while flat hunting, she’d sent me information on a company-owned building.
I’d never heard of a business offering their employees housing, let alone at a reduced rent rate.
I’d said yes without even viewing it. It could’ve been a studio on the top floor of a concrete tower block, but anything was better than room 226 in a budget hotel.
If I’d been kept awake by one more couple having an extra marital affair, I would’ve likely committed murder.
Fortunately, it was better than I’d dreamt. Far nicer than the flat I’d shared with Suzie. Nicer even than any hotel I’d stayed in.
I’d walked into a fully furnished two-bed flat with massive floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room and a kitchen fancy enough to give a chef a wet dream.
The furnishings wouldn’t have looked out of place in a John Lewis store, all matching and shit.
If that wasn’t enough, the building had a doorman and a gym, for fuck’s sake.
The second I’d seen it, I’d phoned Becky, convinced they’d made a mistake.
Even with my generous salary, the place was wildly out of my price range. It was obvious there’d been a cock-up.
To my shock, Becky had assured me the amount quoted was correct.
She said something about the company owner having more money than sense and was serious about employee benefits.
I was sceptical. If anything, it was probably one of those dodgy tax evasion schemes I’d seen on the news.
But hey, if they wanted to put me up in a luxury pad for a pittance, I couldn’t afford to say no.
Five months later, I still had to pinch myself when I entered. Growing up with nothing, I’d always wondered how rich people did it. Did they walk into rooms and just not notice their surroundings?
I wasn’t rich, but this was a far cry from what I’d known as a child. Maybe that was why I struggled to believe this was all mine. Or maybe it was because it wasn’t really. I was at the mercy of the company owner. At any time, they could decide to sell or increase the rent to match market value.
Then I’d be fucked.
That was the other reason I worked so hard. I wasn’t going to do anything to put my new standard of living at risk. I was going to be the best-damned employee Identity had ever seen.
Grabbing a can of Tiny Rebel beer from the fridge, I filled a glass before flopping on the sofa and pulling out my phone.
My finger hovered over the Uber Eats app.
I really should order some food because I hadn’t made it to the supermarket this week.
Now that I’d upped my hours at the gym from sheer boredom, I needed to not skip meals.
Instead, I clicked the icon beside it and opened Grindr.
Just like I had every night since the week after I met Luca, I flicked through profile after profile.
And just like every other time, I closed it without doing anything.
Swigging from my beer, I clicked the TV on and selected Air Crash Investigation out of habit. Some people thought it was weird that I relaxed by watching this show, but given those same people thought it was normal to fall asleep listening to true-crime podcasts, I wasn’t bothered.
Coming to terms with the fact I was less straight than I’d believed hadn’t been a huge stumbling block for me.
I mean, sure, it’d taken some time to get used to.
Hours lying awake, revisiting the memory of Luca on his knees, my cock in his mouth.
Evenings spent watching gay porn and realising it wasn’t just Luca who turned me on.
Maybe sex hadn’t been my issue, but the people I’d been having it with.
Maybe it would’ve been trickier if it had happened at another time or if someone other than Luca had been responsible for opening my eyes. But with my life in chaos, accepting I was attracted to men was one of the easier things to get my head around.
Refusing to acknowledge this part of myself wasn’t an option. That’d be like admitting I was ashamed of what happened between Luca and me. Like I hadn’t lain awake wishing it could happen again. Imagining what it might be like to take him in my mouth and return the favour.
That was the thing that had me tossing my phone aside every night. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hook up with guys…it was that those guys weren’t Luca.
Which was stupid. I was lusting after Luca Weston, same as approximately a few billion other people. The difference with me was I didn’t want him because he was a rock star.
I just wanted him. Luca. The guy who got me to open my soul with a few simple words. The stranger who taught me things about myself I’d never realised. The man who showed me his vulnerabilities. Who allowed me to help him.
But he didn’t exist. Not really. That was a snapshot of Luca. A side he’d shown because of the situation we were in. His behaviour when the real world crashed in had demonstrated how little we’d work in reality.
I downed the rest of my beer. There I went again, making the situation more than it was. Luca had asked me for a hookup, not a relationship.
Like I’d summoned him with my thoughts alone, a Google alert pinged on my phone. I shouldn’t check it. I shouldn’t even have the damned alert set up.
Luca was my addiction, one I wanted desperately to kick. Keeping tabs on him like this was unhealthy, feeding my obsession over a man I’d met once. I was on the precipice of turning into one of those stalker fans, building up a whole future for us based on a single encounter.
I knew all of this…but I couldn’t help myself.