Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
LUCA
If I’d thought I was needy before, giving Ollie his first taste of bottoming had introduced me to a hitherto unknown level of codependency.
I had to physically stop myself from reaching for him at every opportunity.
When it was just my bandmates or Jack around, I let myself touch him.
I trusted them more than anyone. Besides, they’d listened to me drone on endlessly about Ollie during the five months we’d been apart.
There was no point hiding my feelings towards Ollie when they already knew how I felt.
It wasn’t even the act itself that had me wanting to drape myself over him every hour of the day. No, it had been those whispered words about me ruining him. That night had opened a door between us, cracking the shields Ollie kept around his heart and letting me slide inside.
I knew why he had them, and I completely understood why he needed to keep everyone at arm’s length.
Even if he hadn’t been royally screwed by his ex and former best friend, his turbulent childhood meant he was more guarded than most. He hadn’t told me much, but the halted conversations in the dark of night had filled in enough of the picture for me.
Coupled with the way he’d lost his mum…yeah. It made perfect sense that he was encased in armour several inches thick.
But understanding why didn’t stop me from getting frustrated.
There was always a point during those conversations when Ollie would hit a wall.
Where his words would refuse to come out.
That was when he’d roll me over, distracting me with his hands or mouth until I no longer remembered what we’d been talking about.
I was trying so hard to take things slow with Ollie. The problem was that the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to push.
I wanted him to be mine. To know we had a future once this tour was done.
Ollie wasn’t ready for that. He held himself so tight that sometimes I was scared he’d make himself crack.
My brain was no better. My anxiety was well controlled, but it made me overthink things. Everything, really. I’d spent hours agonising over every decision with Ollie, considering what the outcome might be with each one.
Things might’ve moved on between us physically, but thanks to Ollie’s bottled emotions and my dickhead brain, we were nowhere near where I wanted us to be emotionally.
Maybe today would help us take another step towards it. We had a rare day off, and I’d arranged a surprise for Ollie. What better place for romantic wooing than Paris? It was so cliché, it would almost be rude not to.
When Kevin asked me what I had planned for today, I caught myself before I told him. He was my manager. I should be able to trust him as much as my bandmates—more even, given the level of control he had over my life and career.
But I’d been watching him as closely as he’d been watching Ollie. I didn’t like it. There was a gleam in his eyes like he was concocting some scheme. Regardless of what it was, I didn’t want him anywhere near Ollie.
So I lied, the words tripping easily off my tongue. A quick message on our group thread with Arlo, Kai, and Silas had me covered. If anyone asked, they’d vouch for me spending the day with them songwriting.
Only Jack knew what I really had planned. I wasn’t stupid enough to stroll around a foreign city without security. I’d learned the hard way that no disguise was infallible. It was one thing if I was spotted by a fan wanting a selfie, but if the paps caught up to me, my cover would be blown.
Oh well. That was future Luca’s problem. Current Luca wanted to take Ollie out for a busy day of sightseeing, and nothing would stop that from happening.
“Where are we going? And why exactly are you wearing that?”
Jack drove us away from the hotel while Ollie and I huddled in the backseat. My fingers were entwined with his. Here, with the privacy glass and my disguise, we were free to just be us. “I’m incognito.”
Ollie swept his gaze over me, one brow raised. “Who have you been taking disguise tips from—the Avengers?”
I lowered my sunglasses to frown over them. “What?”
He gestured vaguely. “You know, they all chuck on a baseball hat and a pair of sunnies, and suddenly, no one knows who they are. I’m pretty sure it won’t work with your fans.”
I pushed my glasses back up and grinned. “You’d be surprised. If people don’t expect you to be there, they don’t tend to look at you long enough to notice.”
“And if they do?”
“Then we smile, I do a selfie, and we move along.”
Ollie tapped a finger against his thigh. “And if it’s the paps?”
“Then Jack will get us out of there. That’s why he’s here.”
Ollie hesitated. “Won’t people think…you know, that we’re together?”
A band of iron tightened around my ribs. I hated that Ollie was afraid of being seen with me. “Would it really matter that much?”
His cool gaze met mine. “It would if it means I lose my job.”
I squeezed his hand. “You won’t lose your job.”
“You can’t know that.”
Jack’s eyes met mine in the rearview mirror before sliding away. Like my bandmates, he knew the truth.
“Is that the only reason?”
Ollie shrugged. “Mainly. I wouldn’t mind them speculating about me being seen with a guy if that’s what you’re worried about. But wouldn’t it cause problems for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like if you get all this media coverage speculating about this new guy you’ve been seen with, and then, once the tour is over and I’ve…gone home, there will be rumours about what happened.”
I was suddenly glad my eyes were hidden by my sunglasses. “What makes you so sure this will end when the tour does?”
Ollie’s brows knitted together. “Because that’s what we agreed…right?”
That band tightened until it was difficult for me to draw breath. Fuck, he was so hard to read. Did he feel that way because that was what he wanted? Or because he believed it was what I wanted?
I was about to ask him, to blurt it all out and admit that I wanted to continue exploring our…dynamic, but just then, Jack stopped the car. “We’re here.”
Ollie’s head snapped around, his mouth falling open. “Holy shit. Have you brought me to the Louvre?”
I forced a smile. Later. There’d be time for the heavy stuff later. Now was about showing Ollie Paris. “Do you like art?”
“Meh,” he said, the word at odds with his awed expression. “Could take it or leave it, to be honest. But getting to explore one of the most famous museums in the world? Hell yes.”
Jack opened Ollie’s door, startling him. He jumped out hastily. “You don’t need to open the door for me.”
Jack didn’t stop surveying the surroundings. “Perks of putting up with Luca’s bullshit.”
I climbed out after Ollie, choking on a laugh. “Jack! Who knew you had a sense of humour?”
He didn’t respond, too focused on searching through the crowds of people for any possible threat. Fortunately, not a single passerby gave us a second glance. It was early in the day, and the pavement was filled with commuters. The museum didn’t even open for another hour, but that didn’t matter.
Up ahead, a smartly dressed woman with platinum-blonde hair waved briskly. “Ah, there’s our tour guide.”
“We’re joining a tour group?”
“No.” I chuckled. “I booked us a private tour.”
Ollie’s jaw fell open, but I was saved from explaining by the very exuberant tour guide. She ushered us into the silent museum, facts rattling from her at an alarming rate.
Like Ollie, I wasn’t particularly interested in art. But I could spend days watching Ollie’s face as he took in the architecture and history surrounding us.
I slid my hand into his, ignoring the pang brought on by his widened eyes and panicked glance at the tour guide. I leaned in to reassure him. “It’s okay. She’s signed an NDA and is being paid to keep anything she sees strictly confidential.”
Ollie relaxed, his bright smile returning. I tried to focus on the way my hand felt as he caressed it absentmindedly with his thumb, but I couldn’t strike the image of his fear-filled eyes.
Was it just his job Ollie was worried about? Or was it being seen with me?
He’d said long ago that he wouldn’t like to live in the spotlight, and honestly, I didn’t want that for him either.
But I also didn’t want to hide how I felt about him.
“And here we have the famous Mona Lisa.” The tour guide swept to a spot in front of a tiny portrait, clapping her hands together. She gave a reverent sigh. “Isn’t she magnifique?”
Ollie crinkled his nose. “I was expecting it to be bigger.”
“That’s what he said.”
Ollie laughed, trying to disguise it as a cough when the tour guide replaced her rosy disposition with a haughty glare. “The Mona Lisa is a national treasure. Tourists queue for hours just to get a peek at her.”
I stepped closer to the guide, flashing her a charming grin. “Apologies, mademoiselle.”
She fluffed her hair, giggling like a schoolgirl. “It’s madame. I haven’t been mademoiselle in many years.”
I put a hand to my chest in mock surprise. “I would never believe such a thing. Perhaps you could show us some of the other treasures the museum is hiding?”
Mollified, she bowed her head and motioned for us to follow her. Ollie fell into step beside me, his hand slipping into mine like it belonged there. “You really are a charming bastard.”
I pulled our joined hands up to press a kiss to his. “I like getting my own way.”
Ollie’s eyes heated. “Oh, believe me, that’s something I’m well aware of.”
Suddenly, filling the entire day with various tours felt like a stupid idea when we could’ve spent it naked in bed.
Those thoughts faded as Ollie’s excitement and wonder grew.
We’d started the day so early that it was barely brunch by the time we left the Louvre. After grabbing croissants from a bakery, we were back on our sightseeing mission. We had tours around Saint Chappelle, the Musée d'Orsay, and finally, a boat trip on the river Seine.