Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
OLLIE
I stared at the cursor hovering over the blank page.
I swear the little fucker was taunting me. It knew I needed to write my final article about Caffeine Daydreams.
But the words wouldn’t come.
When I’d arrived back at the office yesterday, Becky hadn’t seemed at all surprised. She hadn’t even reamed me out over my relationship with Luca. I’d come in prepared to defend what I’d shared with him. Even knowing how it ended, I couldn’t regret it.
I’d barely slept over the past few days. I’d stayed awake at night, torturing myself with old videos of Luca’s performances. Whenever he flirted with someone in the audience, I compared it to how he’d been with me.
It had never seemed the same. But it had been.
That was the truth of it. I’d seen what I wanted to see. Sure, Luca had liked me enough to keep me around for longer than a night, but clearly, what he’d felt for me didn’t compare to how hard I’d fallen for him.
I hadn’t watched the concert from the night I left. I hadn’t even opened social media for fear I might stumble across a clip. It was hard enough watching Luca from before he knew me, wondering if he had invited the person he was flirting with back to the hotel.
But if I watched his last concert or the one he had tonight, there was no way I’d cope. I couldn’t watch him seduce another, knowing they’d take my place going back to his suite. Slipping onto my side of the bed.
I just needed to get this final story done so I could move on. One last piece, then I could tuck Luca away into that box I kept deep inside. The one I never dared open. The one I never dared think about.
Once I’d done that, I could throw myself into my career. Never again would I open myself up like this. At least my job couldn’t cheat on me. Couldn’t break my heart. Couldn’t make me cry myself to sleep at night wondering how I could be so fucking stupid.
One more story.
But the words conspired against me like they knew the longer they took to come, the longer I could hold on to the memory of Luca.
Because no matter how much I needed to forget him…I couldn’t.
I didn’t want to.
A loud thud on my desk had me jumping out of my skin. “Motherfucker!”
“Sorry,” Riley said, not sounding apologetic in the slightest. “I did say your name a few times, but you didn’t respond.”
I ran my hand over the scruff I’d let get far too long. “Sorry. I’m not very with it.”
“Understatement of the century.” Riley sat on the edge of my desk, crossing his arms over his wiry chest. “Wanna talk about it?”
This wasn’t the first time he’d asked me over the last week. And just like every other time, I shook my head curtly. “Nope.”
If I talked about it, I’d have to allow myself to feel.
I was having a hard enough time burying my emotions as it was.
The box I normally shoved them into was in full revolt.
It refused to contain Luca and all my thoughts involving him.
Work was my one safe space where I couldn’t let myself break down.
Home was another story…which was why I’d spent pretty much every waking minute in the office.
Hadn’t stopped me from thinking about Luca though. Wondering how the final week of his tour was going. Who he’d chosen to warm his bed. Had he found another steady fling among the crew? Or was he opting for a different partner every night?
I didn’t want to know. But not knowing was also killing me slowly.
“Have you done your last article yet?”
I groaned, slumping in my chair. “Nope. Becky has given me a few more days.”
I still hadn’t hit on a topic for that final article. Caffeine Daydreams had added a few extra tour dates in London at the end of next week. Because of that, Becky had extended my deadline, wanting the article to come out just before their final show.
“Okay, I’m officially intervening.” Riley clapped his hands on his knees, his blue eyes thoughtful behind his glasses. “You’ve spent too long moping around. That’s clearly not helping your creativity, so let’s try something else.”
“What do you have in mind?”
Riley’s answering smirk made me shiver.
“I’m not sure how this is going to help.”
I’d never been inside the club Riley dragged me to, a place a few streets from our offices called The Closet. The name wasn’t much of a surprise, given it was a gay bar.
To my horror, he’d marched us straight up to the front of the line. “Umm, Riley, there’s a queue.”
“It’s fine,” he said breezily, blowing a kiss at the hulking bouncer as he let us in. “I know the owners.”
I hustled after him, trying to ignore the glares being shot our way by those waiting.
What Riley was wearing tonight was a far cry from his conservative work clothes. He’d poured himself into some bright-blue booty shorts and topped it off with a black crop top.
Sure enough, Riley wasn’t short on attention inside the club. He waved off guy after guy, choosing instead to keep me company at the bar as I attempted to drown my sorrows.
“This place is fun, right?”
I sipped my vodka and Coke, glancing around the packed dance floor. “I guess.”
That wasn’t fair. The club actually had a great vibe.
Lots of people dancing, having a great time.
No one was getting aggressive or starting fights.
In fact, the opposite. Almost everyone around me was paired off, grinding against each other and disappearing into dark corners to take things further.
Even the bartenders were getting in on the action. The massive one who looked like a Viking currently had his tongue down a similarly good-looking bloke’s throat while the young lad who’d served me was now surrounded by not one but two gorgeous men.
It was a painful reminder of how pathetically alone I was.
“Hey, there’s Tom!” Riley was on tiptoes, waving impatiently at someone I couldn’t see.
“Who?”
“New guy. Started while you were away. They sent him to the London office for training the day before you got back. He returned last night, so I texted him to meet us here.”
A fresh-faced man with baby-blue eyes and dark-brown hair joined us. After exchanging a hug with Riley, he held out a hand for me to shake. “Hey! You must be Ollie. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Thanks,” I said, shaking his hand, feeling bemused. He was like a puppy, all wide-eyed with an eager smile. It made my cynical heart not quite know how to act with him. “How’ve you settled in at Identity?”
Tom lit up with enthusiasm, positively gushing over all the mundane facets of his job. I took a backseat, letting him and Riley lead the conversation.
“I just need to find somewhere to live,” Tom said. “Can’t crash on my mate’s sofa forever. I swear, rent around here is just getting higher and higher.”
“Why don’t you ask about the employee accommodation?” I sipped from my glass, hoping the alcohol would numb the ever-present ache in my chest. The first drink hadn’t, but I lived in hope.
Riley and Tom stared at me like I’d spoken in a different language. “What?”
I frowned. “You know, the building over on Leigh Road. The one that’s owned by the company. That’s where I live—you get discounted rent as an employee benefit.”
Riley gave a humourless chuckle. “Yeah, because that’s what the company owner cares about…
his employees. That’s why he slashed salaries last year and took away our company cars and private medical.
I’m in the accounts department, and we see everything that comes through.
A building for employees is sure as fuck not on that list.”
The blood drained from my face. Now that Riley pointed out how obviously stupid it was, I couldn’t believe I’d believed it in the first place. “You sure?”
“Very,” Riley said in a clipped tone, draining the last of his drink. “Not sure what you’ve been told about your flat…but it doesn’t come from the company. I can assure you of that.”
I was about to press him for more information when a very familiar tune came over the speakers. My spine stiffened, my blood running cold.
Riley’s head snapped around, but I was already shoving past them. I couldn’t listen to this. Couldn’t hear Luca’s voice when I was trying so desperately to forget him.
I shoved blindly through the crowd, not stopping until I burst through the club doors. I was in such a hurry that I didn’t see the man in front of me until I collided with him.
“Shit, man, are you okay?”
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted. The big guy had a kind expression, his blond hair flopping over his forehead. A tiny twink appeared next to him, his face beautifully made up.
The smaller guy bared his teeth at me, an arm winding around the blond’s waist. “Watch where you’re going.”
“Low, be nice. He’s upset.”
I stepped back, shaking my head at the couple. Fuck, their casual touches were too painful to witness. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful.”
“Wait.” The twink stepped forward, his brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
The door to the club opened behind me, Luca’s voice filling the air.
“No.” My voice was raw as I answered the stranger. “No. I’m not.”
Becky didn’t even have time to remove her coat before I barged into her office the next morning.
“Who pays for my flat?”
“Good morning, Ollie,” Becky said, her voice loaded with sarcasm. “Please do come in.”
I dropped into a chair opposite her desk, waiting for her to hang her coat on the hook and stow her bag. “I’m serious, Becky. Who pays for it?”
She didn’t look at me as she clicked her computer on. “Well, given you pay the rent every month, I’m going to say you.”
“Cut the bullshit.” I probably shouldn’t talk to my boss like that, but I was starting to feel unhinged.
Maybe this was the result of suppressing my emotions for so many years.
Or maybe it was because I’d gotten used to having Luca in my life, only to have him ripped away.
“Who owns the building? Who’s giving me a discounted rate? ”
She sighed, finally looking at me. “I’m not at liberty to share that information.”