Chapter Two
KAI
Silas and I had been hanging out a lot, but not today. I hadn’t even been able to cancel on him. It wasn’t like either of us had mobiles. I couldn’t even call him on his house phone because like many families on our estate, Silas’s line had been cut off when his dad didn’t pay the bill.
I hadn’t told Silas what was going on with…everything. It felt like a lot to dump on someone I’d only known for a few weeks. But I was sure he’d understand.
Week two of chemo was always the worst for Mum. Normally, Dad tried to be at home, but August was always tricky. Everyone and their nan needed time off during the summer holidays.
So, with Mum in bed, looking after my siblings was down to me.
“Stop hitting her with that.” I snatched the wooden spoon out of Louis’s hand before he could wallop Mia again.
Predictably, Louis’s lip wobbled before he launched himself into a full tantrum. Was I this much work at six?
Mia, apparently feeling left out, began to wail too. Being four, she liked to copy everything Louis did.
Right now, I couldn’t help but wish that what Louis was doing was behaving.
Their wails increased to an almost deafening level. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the baby monitor crackled with a tinny cry.
“Great, you’ve woken Ruby,” I muttered. “Stay here and don’t move.”
Taking the stairs two at a time, I raced to my parents’ room. I needed to grab Ruby before she woke Mum.
My nine-month-old sister was sitting in her cot. As soon as I entered, her hands went up, making grabby motions, and she began to babble in earnest.
“Shh, Rubes,” I whispered, smiling as I reached for her. “Come on, let’s get your bottle.”
I paused to check on Mum. Fortunately, her fever seemed to have abated and she was sleeping peacefully. She probably needed more water, though, and something to eat. Trying to find something she could face eating was the challenge. Most foods seemed to make her nauseous these days.
I made a mental list as I raced back down the stairs, Ruby bouncing on my hip. Bottle first, settle the others, then get Mum water.
Ruby squealed and giggled as she clung to me, enjoying the journey down the stairs.
Mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer during her pregnancy.
Everything had happened so fast after her birth.
On weekends and school holidays, I took over Ruby’s night feedings from Dad so he could get some much-needed sleep.
Because of that, Ruby had a special place in my heart. Her little smiling face was enough to make my day a bit easier.
I skidded into the kitchen and bit my lip to stop several curses from spilling out. Right now, the same couldn’t be said for my other siblings.
I loved them, but Jesus. They liked to test me.
“Where did you find the flour?” I asked as I strapped Ruby into her highchair. “And why did you tip it over Mia’s head?”
“We’re playing hairdressers,” Louis said, looking up at me with big eyes. “Was we not supposed to?”
“Poo, poo, poo,” Mia chanted, clapping her hands together, sending small clouds of flour floating through the air.
I grabbed the now nearly empty bag of flour before eyeing Mia warily. “Are you saying poo as in shampoo…or have you done a poo in your knickers?”
Mia grinned up at me. “Poo.”
I groaned inwardly, rearranging my to-do list. Hopefully, she hadn’t pooed in her underwear, but with the way this morning was going, that was highly likely.
Ruby decided that was the moment she was dying from hunger. She might be the most easygoing of the four of us, but she got hangry in the most spectacular ways. Her little fists began to thud on the highchair tray, snot, dribble, and tears mixing on her face.
“Okay, Rubes, I’m on it.” I filled the kettle with water, trying to hold myself together. “Just give me two minutes, sweetie.”
“Snow angels!” Mia yelled, launching herself into the flour on the floor and swishing her limbs.
“Mia, stop doing that. And where’s Louis?” I grabbed one of Ruby’s bottles from the steriliser and shovelled formula into it. “Louis? Where have you gone?”
A headache pounded at the back of my head as Ruby’s screams got louder.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Louis yelled from the front of the house. Great. He couldn’t hear me shouting for him but had no issues hearing that.
“No, you don’t,” I hollered back. “You don’t open the door unless you know who it is.”
The kettle clicked off, and I decided whoever our visitor was, they’d have to wait. I rushed too fast to fill the bottle, the boiling water splattering onto my hand. “Shit!”
“Kai said a bad word,” Mia said gleefully. “I’m telling Mum.”
“No, you don’t.” I lifted her as she ran past, putting her on my hip. “You gotta stay with me today, Mia. Mum’s poorly.”
She wriggled in my grip, trying to get down. “Put me down. I want my mummy!”
I want my mummy too, I thought desperately. God, how was I supposed to hold this together. It wasn’t even nine a.m., and everything was falling apart.
Just then, a hand reached around and lifted the kettle. “How much water?”
My head snapped round. Silas was here. But how? Why?
“Louis let me in,” he said in response to my unasked question. “He looked like he was about to cause trouble, so I plopped him in front of Bob the Builder in the living room.”
“I…” I was at a loss for words. What must Silas think?
“So, how much water?” He repeated his question, raising an eyebrow.
“Nine ounces,” I whispered. “Then under cold water.”
Silas waggled his eyebrows at Ruby in an exaggerated motion, making her giggle. “Under cold water, he tells me, like I’m going to give you boiling. What’s he like?”
I stared at Silas in utter bewilderment. He looked up from the bottle and nodded at Mia. “Why don’t you go get Mia cleaned up? I’ll watch Ruby and Louis.”
I had no idea what Silas thought about the whole situation. It wasn’t like I could turn down the help though.
With him cooing away at Ruby, keeping her entertained while her bottle cooled, I carried Mia into the bathroom. The flour had caused enough damage to require a shower.
I was so grateful that the “poo” had meant shampoo that I didn’t care.
It took me a solid thirty minutes to get the flour out of her hair. Even then, I wasn’t sure I’d got it all, but it would do. By the time I got back downstairs, it was suspiciously quiet. I poked my head into the living room to see the TV off and Louis nowhere to be seen.
Oh god, what was he up to now?
I strode into the kitchen and came to a sudden halt.
Ruby was happily drinking her bottle in her highchair, her chubby feet swinging in delight. Louis was at the table, crayons and bits of paper strewed all over it. His tongue poked out in concentration as he tried to fill in the lines.
And Silas, my lanky friend, was at the kitchen sink with bubbles up to his elbows.
“Colouring,” Mia squealed, wriggling out of my hold to join Louis at the table.
“Hope you don’t mind me giving them that,” Silas said cheerfully over his shoulder. “Found them in the cupboard and figured it’d keep them quiet.”
I nodded. “It’s fine. Thanks.”
“No problem.” He put another plate in the rack to drip dry. “I’ve made you a cup of tea too. Thought you might need one.”
I glanced around to see that he’d also cleaned up the flour. The floor was now sparkling clean. “Silas, you don’t need to do all this.”
He rolled his eyes, not looking up from the pan he was scrubbing. “I know that. But it’s what friends do.”
I filled a glass of water and dashed it up the stairs to Mum. After coaxing her to take a few sips, I returned to find Silas still at the sink.
“Let me do that,” I muttered, my cheeks burning.
“Fuck off,” he said before glancing back at my siblings. “Shit, sorry. Forgot I shouldn’t swear.”
For the first time since I’d woken up, I smiled. “It’s okay. Not like they haven’t heard it all before living here.”
Silas snorted. “Tell me about it. I thought my old estate was bad, but even I’m learning all sorts of new words.”
Unable to stand there doing nothing while Silas worked, I grabbed a tea towel and started to dry. “Thank you.”
He nodded once. “Wanna talk about it?”
I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the others weren’t paying attention. Obviously, they knew Mum was sick, but they didn’t know everything.
Dad and I wanted to protect them as much as we could.
In quiet whispers, I told Silas the whole story. He listened, washing the dishes while I poured my heart out.
When I finished, he didn’t say any of the things I was expecting. No, “your parents can’t expect you to do this,” or “this isn’t fair,” or “you’re too young to be worrying like this.”
No. Silas just took the towel from me and dried his hands.
Then nodded slowly. “When’s her next round of treatment?”
His question threw me. “Why?”
He rolled his eyes like I was being deliberately thick. “So I can make sure I’m here. If she’s poorly around the same time, I can come over and help you and your dad out.”
My throat thickened. I couldn’t speak.
“Oof,” Silas said as I crushed him to me. I hugged him fiercely, trying to pour all my unspoken words into my hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He was slow to return my hug. Was that because we were boys and boys weren’t supposed to show affection according to our fucking ridiculous society?
Or was it because Silas wasn’t used to hugs?
His grip tightened like he was figuring out how to do it. “You’re not alone, Kai.”
I held him a little tighter, wondering why this felt so right. “Neither of us are. Not anymore.”