Chapter 6 #2
I rolled my eyes before I answered. Jack knew my schedule better than I did, but still insisted on checking in with me every day.
It’d been years since I’d snuck off, but I thought part of him worried there was a chance I’d do it again.
“Appointment with Dr Michaels at ten thirty.” Therapy was a key component when it came to managing my depression.
Along with my medication, Dr Michaels helped me manage the lows far better than I could ever have imagined. “Then lunch with Luca.”
Jack nodded as he got to his feet. “The Greek place? Or are you going Italian today?”
“Italian.” I kept my gaze on my cup as I spoke carefully, an idea occurring to me. A way for me to get some much-needed breathing room. “You don’t need to come though. Simon will be there.”
Simon was Luca’s guard. We didn’t usually take those things into consideration, just assumed that Jack would accompany me regardless, but today I needed a bit of space. This need for him was itching under my skin. I needed some breathing room before I did something entirely inappropriate.
Like shoving my tongue down Jack’s throat.
I jumped as his breath hit the back of my neck. Fuck, I hadn’t even realised he’d moved. Guy was built like a brick shithouse but moved like a ninja.
“Why don’t you want me to come?”
I squeezed the tea bag against the side of the cup before removing it. It gave me an excuse not to look at him. “Just don’t see the point. We aren’t in the headlines at the moment so it’s nothing Simon can’t handle alone.”
“If one guard is sufficient, then Simon can hang back and I’ll accompany you.”
Sighing, I turned to face him, keeping my mug in my hands as a barrier between us. “Jack, I’m not planning anything dodgy. I’m not sneaking off anywhere or doing anything I shouldn’t. I’m literally just going to lunch with Luca.”
Jack’s face moved the tiniest amount, but it was enough to let me know he was displeased. “That’s not what I was thinking at all.”
“Then why’s it an issue if Simon guards me instead?”
“I don’t understand why it’s an issue for me to do it.”
I took a sip of my tea, taking a second to calm my frustrations. Jack didn’t even seem to notice how codependent we’d become. We weren’t living our own lives now, just both experiencing mine.
If we’d been a couple, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. If anything, Jack acting this way had taught me this was exactly the kind of relationship I craved. I needed to be the centre of someone’s universe. I wanted to be able to rely on them to always be there.
It might have been toxic. It was certainly selfish.
But it was what I wanted.
However, Jack wasn’t my partner. He never would be.
What’s more, if I didn’t put any space between us, then there’d be no room for anyone else. I couldn’t expect another person to fulfil my needs if I was letting Jack do it. That wouldn’t be fair. Not to them, not to Jack, and certainly not to me.
Forcing my face to stay impassive, I met Jack’s gaze. “You’re worrying over nothing. I’m going to lunch with Luca and Simon, and your presence isn’t required.”
Something flickered in Jack’s eyes. Shit, was that hurt?
It was there and gone in a second. He stepped back, his face hard. “Fine.”
“Is that Jack hiding behind a potted plant?”
I swirled my spaghetti around my fork, purposefully not looking in the direction Luca was pointing. “Yep.”
Luca scrunched his nose in confusion. “Why?”
I put my fork down with a sigh, turning to face Luca. It was funny really—as the lead singer of Caffeine Daydreams, it was Luca’s face that was the most famous. People of all genders went positively gaga over his lazy grin and captivating green eyes.
To me though, he was just Luca. The boy who’d had holes in his shoes who’d welcomed me into the band with a grin.
He was far from that boy now. Every item of clothing had a designer label, like Luca was trying to leave his past far behind.
Couldn’t blame him. I was doing exactly the same thing.
“I told him not to come today. Figured with Simon here, we didn’t need Jack too.”
Luca’s guard was leaning against the wall a few feet away, close enough to leap in if there was a problem, but far enough away to give us some semblance of privacy.
“You two fallen out?”
“No, of course not. What makes you say that?”
Luca shrugged, tearing off a piece of garlic bread. “Can’t blame me. The two of you are always joined at the hip. Can’t remember the last time I saw you without Jack at your side.”
“You go places without Simon all the time,” I pointed out, reaching for my drink.
Alcohol didn’t mix well with my meds, so I’d gone for a lemonade over wine.
It didn’t bother me—I’d left my partying days behind long ago.
The only time I could be found in a club these days was if I was trying to find a partner for the evening.
“Well, yeah. But that’s because we can always count on Jack being there. He never leaves you alone.”
I scowled down at my barely touched pasta. “Maybe that’s the problem.”
“Oh.” Luca scrunched his nose again. Then his eyes widened, fixing on my face. “Oh. You’ve finally realised you have feelings for him and now you’re trying to put some distance between you.”
I winced. “Nope.”
Luca snorted. “Sure, and I’m retiring from rock music to become a priest.”
“You’d look good in a cassock.”
“Damn straight,” Luca said, his chest puffing out. “Seriously though, we all know you have feelings for Jack. It’s kinda obvious.”
“Not to him.”
“Sure about that?”
“Yep. Jack’s straight as an arrow. He doesn’t see me like that. I don’t think it’d even occur to him that I feel anything other than friendship.”
Luca sighed. “Straight people are so boring.”
“Don’t let Silas hear you say that.” Of the four of us, our bassist was the only one who identified as straight.
“Pretty sure someone who’s ‘straight’ shouldn’t be grinding up on their best mate on stage the way Silas does, but there you go.”
Privately, I agreed with Luca. It wasn’t our place to interfere though. We just had to hope Silas realised what Kai was to him before it was too late.
“Back to Jack though,” Luca said. “Are you certain he’s not interested in you that way? It doesn’t make sense for him to be this overprotective of you.”
“I’m positive.”
I bit my lip. After what Jack had seen that day with my so-called parents, it did make sense for him to be this overprotective. Once I’d got my diagnosis, his attentiveness had only increased.
But Luca didn’t know about either of those things. As the youngest, the others already fussed over me an ungodly amount. I didn’t want to give them any other reasons to do so.
“All right.” Luca huffed, clearly not agreeing with me. I knew I was right though. Jack just didn’t see me that way. “So why is he pretending to hide behind a fucking plant? We all know he’s capable of observing you from a spot where you can’t see him.”
“He wants me to see him,” I said, my gaze finally flicking over to where Jack stood, arms folded and expression grim. “He’s going through the pretence of hiding so it seems like he’s respecting my wishes, but he wants me to know he’s here.”
And I hated that. Because it showed how fucking well he knew me. Like he knew I wouldn’t fully relax if he wasn’t standing guard over me.
I stared Jack down. To his credit, he didn’t flinch. He didn’t move a muscle. Just continued watching me like it was the only thing he cared about.
But not the way I wanted him to care. The way I needed him to.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I tore my gaze away and turned to Luca. “Wanna hit up a club tonight?”