Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
ARLO
The skin on the back of my hand was still burning from the contact with Jack’s lips. I stared at his profile, the light scruff covering his jaw, the setting sun turning his skin golden. He’d always been perfect, but forever out of reach.
I couldn’t quite believe he was telling me there was a chance for this. For us.
Of everything that’d happened in the last twenty-four hours, this was somehow the most shocking. I’d been expecting my stalker to make a move, and something like the attempted kidnapping had been lurking in the back of my mind as a possibility.
But this? I hadn’t seen this coming. Not in a million years.
“Do you mean that?”
“I do,” he said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I’m just sorry I didn’t realise it sooner. I’ve never seen you as a client or a friend, Arlo. You’ve always been more than that to me, I just didn’t realise why.”
“What changed?” I said, my throat constricting as something occurred to me. “Did you…did you hook up with another guy and realise you’re gay or bi?”
“No,” Jack said, easing the chokehold on my throat. “And I’m not gay or bi, I’m demisexual.”
Demi.
“Do you know what that means?”
I bobbed my head, furiously trying to keep up with what Jack was telling me. “Course I do. Even if I hadn’t been attending Pride since I was a teenager, Blake at the tattoo shop is demi. I just…It never occurred to me that you might be.”
“I didn’t know the term existed,” Jack confessed. “After I opened up to Will about the fact that I’m not really attracted to anyone, male or female, he suggested I was on the asexual spectrum.”
“You’re not attracted to anyone…but you’re attracted to me?”
His gaze cut away from the road, sweeping over me in a manner that had my cock stiffening. “Yeah, Arlo. I am. That’s how I realised I was demi. I’m attracted to you because we had the emotional connection first.”
“Really?” There was no hiding the disbelief in my voice. “Because in all the times I sucked you off, you barely touched me. I figured you were just picturing a woman.”
He grimaced, his thumb stroking mine. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel that way. If it helps, I never pictured anyone else. Even since we stopped, it’s been you. You’re the only person I remember or imagine.”
I shook my head, wanting so desperately to buy what he was selling me, but it was too difficult. What if we got down to it and he realised he was wrong? What if he panicked and walked away again?
Maybe it was shitty of me to doubt him, but I’d been burned too many times to trust him.
“There’s a big difference between receiving blowjobs and doing other sexual things with a guy.”
He shot me a confused glance. “Yeah, I’m aware of that.”
“What if we start doing stuff and you realise you don’t like it?”
Jack was quiet for a moment. “Are you saying that if I am fully asexual, if I’m not sexually attracted to you, then you won’t want to be with me? Is sex a dealbreaker?”
My temper notched up. “Of course it’s fucking not, Jack. I’ll take you in my life however I can get you. What I can’t risk is you getting into this with me and walking away again. What if we start having sex and you freak out and leave?”
He kissed my hand again, pressing his lips to the skin for several heartbeats.
“That won’t happen, Arlo. Even if I do freak out, I’m not walking away from you.
Not again. I can’t. You’re it for me. I’ve missed you every fucking day for almost five years now.
Even the ones when I was in the same room as you, breathing the same air.
It wasn’t enough, because I couldn’t talk to you how I once did.
I couldn’t touch you the way I wanted to.
I didn’t realise it, but I was slowly dying, Arlo.
It took you pushing me away entirely for me to realise that.
To realise nothing else matters. Only you. That’s literally it.”
I drew in a shuddering breath. “I want to believe you, I do. I’m just so fucking scared, Jack.”
“I’m scared too,” he said honestly. “This thing I feel for you, it’s not normal.
I’d love to tell you that I’d be a relaxed boyfriend, but I think we both know that’s not true.
I’ll probably be possessive and overprotective.
And needy. So fucking needy. I can’t pretend otherwise.
If you let me touch you again, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop. ”
I snorted. “Like any of that scares me off.”
I studied him as he drove, his frame relaxed, a small smile tilting his lips.
“You mean it? You really want me?”
“Yes.”
I blew out a breath. “Why now? Why not before?”
“I thought I was broken,” he confessed. “I wasn’t attracted to anyone other than you.”
“That doesn’t make you broken, Jack. Having no sexual attraction to anyone doesn’t mean you’re broken either.”
“I know that now,” he said. “Will made it clear how stupid that line of thinking was. Before that though, I was scared that if I couldn’t sleep with you, you wouldn’t want me.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “You’re more of a fucking idiot than I thought.”
He gave me a wry smile. “Believe me, I know.”
“Having a sexual relationship isn’t the be all and end all for me. Like I said, if it meant having you in my life, it wouldn’t matter. It’s okay if you’re not attracted to me.”
He chuckled, making goosebumps rise on my skin. “And like I said, that’s not a problem. I’m very attracted to you. When we get to the cabin and make sure it’s safe, I’ve got no problem showing you just how much.”
Using the hand not holding Jack’s, I pressed down hard on my crotch. At Jack’s laugh, I scowled at him. “Don’t laugh. This is all your fault. I’ve had fifteen years to think about all the different things I want to do with you.”
Jack’s eyes darkened. Pulling our hands into his lap, he pressed the back of mine against the thick bulge. “You’re not the only one with ideas.”
Oh my god. I was touching him. After all this time, I was touching him. Sure, there were several layers of material in my way, but that was Jack’s cock pressing against my hand.
Pulling out of his grip, I flipped my hand to squeeze his length through the denim. Jack let out a low groan as I re-familiarised myself with the feel of him. “I think you’d better drive faster.”
I wasn’t sure who I edged more during the final hour of our journey—me or Jack.
Now that I’d been given permission to touch him, I spent our time in the car doing just that. Massaging and squeezing his cock through his trousers. Tracing the strong muscles in his thighs.
I even undid several buttons on his shirt, raking my nails over his hairy chest just to see him shiver.
And shiver he did. His head would fall back against the seat as his delicious moans and whimpers ricocheted off the windows. Both his hands were on the wheel while I explored, his knuckles white like he was having to force himself to concentrate on the road.
Or maybe to stop himself reaching over and touching me back.
Fuck, I hoped it was that one. Please let it be that one. I wanted his hands on me more than I wanted my next breath.
Needless to say, by the time we turned off the main road onto a dirt track, both of our cocks were straining against our trousers. As we rounded the top of the track and a log roof peeked through the trees, the reason for our visit slammed back home.
This wasn’t a romantic getaway. We were in hiding.
“Stay here.” Jack’s lips were tight. “I’m going to sweep the area. Keep the doors locked. Don’t open them for anyone but me.”
If by some miracle Smith had learned of our location and beaten us here, I doubted something as flimsy as a locked car door would stop him. I didn’t argue though, the memory of his grip on my body still too fresh for me to feel easy about any of this.
My gaze tracked Jack as he grimly examined the exterior of the property. I held my breath, not letting it out until he reappeared on the other side, knocking some dirt off his hands.
I waited until he was right outside the door before releasing the locks.
“House is clear,” he said. “I’ve checked the roof too.
It’s filthy and in need of some repairs, but there’s no one hiding up there.
I’ll search the woods later once I’ve secured the house.
You’ll be safer in there than in the car. ”
I unfolded my limbs from the seat, stretching out the various knots in my muscles from being sat in the same position for so long. “Doubt he’s hiding out in the woods, Jack. That’s not his scene.”
“Arlo—” Jack caught my chin between his finger and thumb, forcing me to look at him. “—this is you we’re talking about. I’ll take any precautions necessary to keep you safe. You got it?”
“Got it,” I breathed, completely distracted by how close Jack was. If I rose up on my toes, I could press my lips to his and then…
Unfortunately, Jack released me before I could finish the thought. Slinging his arm protectively over my shoulders, he steered me into the cabin.
“This place is nice,” I said, letting out a low whistle as I examined the massive open room we’d stepped into.
Cushy sofas surrounded a fireplace, blankets piled in a basket to one side.
There was a bookshelf crammed full of titles, and a flat-screen TV above the fireplace.
Through the door, I could see a simple but modern kitchen.
It smelled musty, but opening the windows and letting some air in would fix that.
The lack of dust suggested someone had been in to clean relatively recently. “Way better than I expected.”
“Same. I didn’t even know he owned property, let alone a place as nice as this.” Jack’s attention caught on a wall of pictures, the blood draining from his face. “Oh my god…”
“What?” I joined him, peering curiously at the framed photographs. “Oh! Is that you guys in the military?”