Chapter Twenty-Seven
ARLO
Our conversation had to wait until after we’d dressed and Jack had checked the perimeter again. He’d also phoned Corey, who was covertly watching Smith’s house. From the sound of it, there’d been no movement.
Good.
Was it wrong to hope the police took another few days to conduct their searches and find the evidence they needed? Leaving here meant returning to reality, something I was reluctant to do. Not while things were still up in the air between me and Jack.
Speaking of Jack, he was almost vibrating with tension by the time he joined me on the sofa. Part of me was tempted to seduce him again in an attempt to put off this conversation. Whatever had happened was in the past. I wasn’t certain any good could come from dragging it all up now.
But this was clearly important to Jack. He was trying, and I couldn’t deny him that. And given I’d promised to work on us alongside him, I was going to have to let him get it off his chest.
Quite literally, it seemed. He was rubbing at the centre of his chest like there was a physical weight there. All of his earlier lightheartedness had evaporated, replaced with the heaviness he so often carried on his shoulders.
Whatever he had to say, it couldn’t be that bad…right?
Realistically, I knew that whatever Jack told me wouldn’t change anything. I might get mad at him. I might even yell, curse and ignore him for a few hours.
But that would be it. I’d lived my life without him in it for long enough now to know it wasn’t something I was prepared to do again. So whatever Jack had to tell me, it wasn’t going to be enough to make me leave him.
Nothing could.
I waited impatiently for him to start, drumming my fingers on my knees. I’d never been away from my kit for this long, and it felt like my skin was physically itching.
Jack’s eyes flicked down to my fingers and he sighed. “I guess I should get started. You already know that I agreed to step away as your guard and become Luca’s.”
“Not like I could forget.”
“Right. Well, the conversation didn’t go exactly as I told you.”
A buzzing noise filled my ears as Jack quietly explained what had really happened that day with Kevin. It got louder as he told me about the threats to both our jobs. By the time he mentioned the photos, I could barely hear what Jack was telling me.
“He blackmailed you,” I said, exploding from my seat and wringing my hands. “For fuck’s sake, Jack! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me all this years ago?”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“I didn’t need your protection,” I yelled. “I needed you.”
Jack was on his feet now, his hazel eyes pleading with me. “The band was your life, Arlo. I wasn’t going to let Kevin take that away from you.”
“No,” I answered hollowly, dropping back onto the sofa and cradling my head in my hands. “You were my life, Jack. And you let him take that.”
Jack knelt before me, gently prying my hands away from my face.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Looking back, I know I was wrong to do what I did.
My only excuse is that I was doing what I thought was best at the time.
You were so scared. That was all I could think of.
You were scared, and I wanted to fix it. ”
“You should’ve told me,” I whispered. “We could’ve stopped him. Me and the other band members—”
“Couldn’t have done anything,” he said heavily, squeezing my hands. “That was before the contract was changed. If Kevin had leaked the photos to management, they’d have got rid of you regardless of what the others said.”
My head was spinning. “How do you know we had our contracts changed?”
“It was a condition I insisted on. I agreed to stay away from you on the proviso that Kevin had the contracts changed. I didn’t want any of you having that held over your heads.”
Something wasn’t adding up. “But you helped us get rid of Kevin in the end.”
He nodded. “Yeah. By then I’d realised just how badly I’d fucked up.
With the change in the contract and the success of the band, I knew management wouldn’t fire you even if the photos were leaked.
I also reported his blackmail to the police so the photos can’t ever be used.
I wish I’d thought of that earlier. Most of all, I’m sorry I never said anything earlier.
I was so fucking terrified of him firing me. ”
The old bitterness was choking me, every former fear rearing its head. “You didn’t want to lose your job.”
Frustration flashed across his face. “Arlo, you’re not listening.
I couldn’t give a flying fuck about my career.
It’s all been for you. Every decision I’ve made in the past fifteen years has been because of you.
Either to keep you safe, make you happy, or to selfishly try and stay in your life.
Every Christmas, every birthday, every holiday that we’ve spent apart? Do you know what I was doing?”
I shook my head dumbly.
“I sat outside your house in my car,” he said softly. “Even though I knew I couldn’t spend them with you, I wanted to pretend. To be close enough to what we once had to convince myself that we still shared something.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth to graze a kiss over my knuckles. “Toxic and idiotic it might be, but I’ve lived my life for you. That’s led to me making some very questionable decisions, which I absolutely regret now, but at the time I was doing what I thought was right. For you. Always for you.”
I gaped at him as my brain scrambled to catch up.
Jack had been putting me first. Okay, he’d made a fucking pig’s ear of it, but he’d done it.
All this time I’d believed he didn’t care, that he didn’t feel as intensely about me as I did him.
That everything he’d done was to protect his job.
That my love had always been unrequited, my burden to carry alone.
All this time.
All this fucking time.
He hadn’t been protecting me out of duty, but because he cared for me.
Jack went to pull away, misinterpreting my silence. “I’m sorry, Arlo, truly. I should’ve told you this years ago. I’ll give you some space for a bit—”
“I love you.”
Jack froze, mouth still open. “What?”
Grabbing his cheeks, I locked my gaze with his.
“I love you, Jack. I’ve felt so many things for you over the years.
Lust. Annoyance. Affection. Even hate. But the one constant has been love.
I love you. That didn’t change when you left me five years ago.
Or when I made you walk away. And learning this now doesn’t change it either. I. Love. You.”
My big, stoic guard looked about two seconds away from crumpling. “You do?”
“I do,” I said, catching a tear as it ran down his cheek and smoothing it away. “I always have. Until you walked into my life, I never had anyone to love. I think that’s why I’ve held on to it so tightly. You’re mine, Jack. You were even when you didn’t realise it.”
“I love you too,” he said, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry I let my fear of losing you entirely rule me for so long.”
“Maybe I’m at fault there too,” I admitted. “When we had the contracts changed, I insisted we add a new clause that meant the hiring and firing of all staff was down to the band members alone. If I’d have told you that, maybe we would’ve worked all this out sooner.”
“Or maybe this is just what was meant to happen. As painful and idiotic as the journey was, maybe it’s what we needed to make sure we ended up right here. Together.”
“I’m not letting you go,” I warned him. “This is it now. You and me.”
He chuckled before kissing me gently. “Baby, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
The rest of the day passed quietly as Jack and I caught up on everything we’d missed over the past few months. Years, really. We had a lot of ground to cover—a reminder of how much time we’d lost.
But no more. I’d meant it when I said this was it for us now. Jack might have had SAS skills to try and escape me, but I had more money than sense. I’d pay a whole team of ex-SAS soldiers to capture him and bring him back to me if needed.
Was that too far?
Probably. I meant it though. Now that I knew Jack loved me, I’d never stop fighting for us.
Hopefully I wouldn’t need to.
“You haven’t dated anyone?”
We were sat at the kitchen table, the remnants of the spaghetti carbonara we’d cooked together on plates in front of us. A candle was burning low, making the setting almost romantic.
You know, if you ignored the fact that there was a crazed stalker out there wanting to wear my skin as a suit.
“Not really.” I shrugged. “I went out with the occasional bloke, but I’ve kind of been fixated on you for a while now.”
He grinned crookedly. “Poor taste on your part.”
I nudged his foot under the table. “I dunno. I think you’re all right.”
His phone buzzed on the table, making us both tense up. Jack scanned the message quickly, his shoulders relaxing. “All quiet on the Smith front. No one in or out all day.”
“Perhaps he’s given up on me.”
Jack gave me a piercing look. “Do you really believe that?”
“No,” I sighed. “Would be nice if he did though.”
Now Jack was the one nudging my foot. “Is being stuck here with me so terrible?”
I rolled my eyes in response. “Of course it’s fucking not, but now I’ve got you in my life, I’d like to get you back there properly.”
“What do you mean?”
Shit. I’d let my mouth run away with me again.
“Umm…like, going on dates and stuff. That’s what I meant.
Not you moving back in with me again. That would be insane, obviously.
Certainly not something we should consider after being together for, like, two hours.
Only a crazy person would suggest that.”
Jack bit his lip, but he couldn’t hold the laughter in. His whole body was shaking with it, damned tears rolling from his eyes.
Git.
“Sorry,” he said when he finally got control over himself. “But you’re so fucking cute, Arlo.”
I sniffed. “I prefer sex-god rock star, thank you very much.”