Chapter 13
JASON
My phone buzzes at the same time Jordan’s does, which means one thing, a message into one of our chat groups. I pull out my phone to check them. It’s not the family or footie groups. It’s the staff one. A message from Bob that Kai wants to see us.
“What do you think that’s about?” Jordan asks, pocketing his phone again and loading the spades and trugs into the ATV. It’s going to take us a few minutes to drive back to the hall.
“I have no idea. Maybe it’s an update on the sale.
Perhaps there’s a buyer.” Jordan pulls a face and I hope it’s not that too.
I want to see Kai again, at the very least to check with my own eyes he’s okay.
Bob had sent us a message on Sunday when he’d woken up, and the knot that had been in my chest since I saw him on Friday eased.
But also, I’m kind of dreading seeing him right now.
I know who he is now and I’m certain that as soon as he looks at me he’s going to know my secrets as sure as if I had “LegacyinLace follower” tattooed across my forehead.
That’s been worrying me as much as Kai’s health, enough that a couple of my friends over the weekend remarked on how I was quieter than normal.
Damon had pulled me to one side while Finn, Kyle, and Jordan had taken the younger children to the nets adventure area for soft play in the sky.
“What’s up, mate?” he’d asked, steering me towards a picnic table.
“Nothing.”
“I don’t believe that. You’re never one for high drama, but you’re never this withdrawn either. So what gives?”
“Just some work stuff on my mind. The uncertainty of it all.” He knew enough to know that the hall is up for sale and that this was as close as I could get to the truth. And it is the truth, in a way.
“Yeah, Jordan says he’s worried he might have to find a new job too.”
“I hope it doesn’t come to that.” I didn’t add that I might have to find a new job, not because the hall will be sold but because I’ve been using an adult site that my boss is on.
Surely there are protocols about that sort of thing.
I’m not sure which is worse, him knowing I used the site and followed his account, or being sacked for it.
I decide it’s the first one that’s eating me up.
So coming face to face with Kai has been in the forefront of my mind all weekend and yesterday. Now it’s happening, it’ll almost be a relief to get it over with.
Jordan parks the ATV and I follow him into the kitchen.
I’d half expected for us to be called up to one of the drawing rooms, but when I see Kai in the kitchen, I know it’s going to be here.
I look over at him talking to Bob. He’s still paler than normal, but he’s lost the grey look.
There are dark circles under his eyes, and he looks tired, but other than that he looks alright health wise and still breathtakingly beautiful, which makes this even harder.
I look away before he catches me staring at him.
He sits at the head of the table and I take a seat as far away as I can, letting the others sit closer to him. He takes a deep breath.
“First of all, I want to thank you for coming to my aid last week. Simone for finding me and Jason for putting me to bed.” I feel him look my way and I quickly glance at him, give him a quick nod of acknowledgement, and return to looking down at my hands.
“And of course to Bob for calling the doctor and for helping me recover for the last few days. I am nearly back to normal. I just need to have a few tests later this week.” I twitch as his words squeeze my chest. Tests, for what?
I look at him then, trying to see what’s wrong with him.
“It’s just a precautionary measure related to an old childhood infection.
” I release a breath and focus on my hands again.
“What I’ve gathered you here for is to tell you what I’ve been doing and why.
I know you’re all exceptional at keeping secrets and I value that as much as my uncle did.
Today I’m going to ask you to keep my secret.
I know I said I was going to sell the hall; I couldn’t see another option.
Then I came to live here. Being here, not only have I come to know all of you .
. .” I feel his gaze linger on me, but I daren’t look at him, and after a few seconds it passes on again.
“But I’ve also learned a lot about my uncle.
What he stood for and what his place meant to him and those who gathered here. ”
He pauses to take a drink of water and I steal another glance at him. As he puts the glass down he catches my eye and gives me a tiny hopeful smile. Of course, he isn’t aware that I already know his secret, and shame burns at my face, so I look away again.
“I find I don’t want to sell the hall. I don’t want to destroy what my uncle built, and I don’t want to see any of you lose your jobs.
But in order for that to happen, I need money .
. . a lot of it. So I’ve done one of the few things I can do to try and raise the money in time.
I don’t know how many of you are aware of adult sites, in particular For my Fans.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I created an account and I’ve been creating videos of lets say .
. . adult content. I’m sure I don’t need to go into the details. ”
He pauses again for a drink, and I see Courtney trying not to giggle. I guess she’s allowed to as she’s the youngest.
“It’s been surprisingly successful. I don’t know if I can raise the full amount but I’m going to try my best. Does anyone have anything to say, any questions?”
Again I feel him look my way, his eyes boring into me.
But I resolutely look at my fingers as I trace the scars on the table from a lifetime of use.
I desperately want to look up into his shining amber feline eyes, but I daren’t, because now it’s far worse than I expected.
He created that account for noble reasons, to save the hall and save our jobs.
All I’ve done is indulge in pure lust for him, and I’m no longer kidding myself that it was a likeness.
I wanted it to be him, I just never in a million years expected the truth that it was.
Simone starts talking and I feel his gaze move on.
“I thought it was something like that. It’s kind of exciting really.
If there’s anything I can do to help, not with that but with helping you raise the money, then count me in.
” There’s a chorus of offers to help from everyone else, of course there is, we’re family and we pull together.
But this time I can’t. I push my chair back, wincing as it scrapes along the floor, and everyone turns in my direction.
I don’t look up, though. I can’t risk anyone seeing my shame and embarrassment.
Maybe I do need to look for another job.