Chapter 30 #2
Her face dropped. “A-Arran.” The cousin she’d gone off with against Jeremy’s knowing.
Again, he assembled his features into a mask she couldn’t make anything out of. Even with the reminder of her betrayal, Jeremy attended her with such circumspection she wanted to cry.
Soon he was done.
He made no move to stand, just sat there.
She couldn’t bear this anymore.
“I trust you are furious with me, Jeremy,” Linnie whispered. “And I understand why. As your wife, I should never have accompanied Arran.” She scooted closer to him on the mattress. “But you must believe me when I say I did not know Lord Culross would be aboard and—I’m so sor—”
“My God, Linnie, are you apologizing to me?” He lifted ravaged eyes to hers.
“I . . .” Her thoughts froze. “I . . . understand why you would not wish to see me after—”
Jeremy tenderly cupped her face in his hands. He moved his pained gaze over her features. “My God, Linnie.” He stroked his thumbs along her lower cheekbones. “When I realized you were out there, when I saw how close you came to dying, and I couldn’t g-get to you.” His voice broke.
He glanced away for a moment. When he looked back, his eyes appeared red and raw.
Then she understood.
Tears filled her eyes.
A good, honorable man like Jeremy would blame himself for the fate she’d almost met.
“Jeremy,” she said urgently, sliding herself closer to him so that her legs hung over the side of the bed and gripping his arm, “you would never have been to blame. I was the one responsible. I had no right being on the Painted Dragon with Arran.”
An incredulous glimmer entered his eyes. “You think I’m angry with you?”
“You’re . . . not?” Hope brought her voice creeping up.
“My God,” Jeremy whispered, his gaze inward. “It’d be utterly hilarious if you weren’t breaking my goddamned heart.”
A half sob, half laugh burst from him, the sound filled with so much pain it became her own, but it was unbearable because it was his.
“Jeremy?” she pleaded.
“You were right about everything, Linnie,” he said hoarsely, and then all his words came rolling and flowing together.
He spoke quickly, in a way she’d never heard from him before.
“The day I left, I didn’t leave, I ran. Because I knew when you discovered what I’d done, you’d never forgive me.
I ran, Linnie, because I’d realized too late that I’d fallen madly, deeply, completely, and every last way in between in love with you. ”
Linnie’s heart thumped erratically in her chest. Her pulse pounded in her ears. “What?” she whispered.
Her husband didn’t hear her because he needed to speak everything he’d bottled up and concealed—from both of them.
“I couldn’t stay there and see all your beautiful love for me die and turn to hate, which I absolutely deserved.”
He threw his head back. “The bloody irony of it all!” he shouted at the rafters.
Linnie pleaded for him to explain. “I don’t know what you’re saying,” she whispered, scarcely daring to believe . . . to hope . . .
“That, Linnie! That, exactly. Christ,” he rasped, and that sacred name emerged like a desperate prayer he made to the Savior.
Jeremy exploded to his feet and began to pace. “I always prided myself on being skilled with what to say and how to say it, and right from the very start with you, I’ve messed things up so damned miserably with the one woman, the only woman, I’ve loved or ever will love.”
Linnie sank back, scarcely daring to breathe in fear that, if she did, she’d wake up for a second time and discover none of this was real. “Me?” she exhaled.
“I love you. I love you, Linnie McQuoid Tremaine,” he said thickly. “I love you with all I am and all I ever will be.”
Linnie didn’t move.
I love you.
Those were the three words she’d spent nearly her whole life dreaming to hear from this man, and this man only. A radiant joy washed over her, so strong her eyes slid shut.
The jaded, granite-hard, angry stranger he’d been at Lord and Lady Rutland’s had since vanished, replaced by this tender, beautiful man who’d laid his emotions bare for her.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
Jeremy’s tortured groan brought her eyes open.
“God, please, don’t cry,” he entreated. Frantically, he wiped those tracks away. “Your tears destroy me.”
“Th-they are happy ones,” she whispered tremulously.
With an exquisite tenderness, he framed her face in his hands. “I want your smiles, Linnie.” He brushed his littlest finger over her lips. “I want your laughter. I never want to see you hurt again, and I swear on my life, I’ll never be the cause of your pain.”
Jeremy dropped to his knees before her. “I’m no king, Linnie. You are my queen and I’m yours to command. You are my reason for breathing. I consecrate my life to you. The sole reason I’ve been put on this earth is to live for your happiness and keep you safe.”
His reddened and bloodshot eyes exuded a suffering that nearly crippled her. “I failed you, Linnie, too many times to count, but I will never, ever fail you again.” Bending forward, he lowered his head.
Too late, she realized what he intended and tried to stop him—in vain.
Ignoring her plaintive entreaty, her husband brushed his lips over the top of her right foot.
“Jeremy,” she sobbed, placing a trembling hand atop his silken locks. “No. Do not. Please, don’t.” Linnie’s shoulders shook from the force of emotion running through her. “I beg you.”
He answered by shifting his adoration to her left foot.
“You will beg no man, and certainly never me, Linnie McQuoid Smith Tremaine.” He straightened, and the remorse in his eyes threatened to shatter her all over again.
“Given the hell you were embroiled in today, I don’t expect you’ll ever want to venture onto the sea again, and I’ll happily mark this as the last day I ever sail, because when I left, I realized none of this matters.
Nothing matters unless I have you, Linnie. ”
My God, he’d give up the sea for me?
“No!” she cried. She could never—would never—let him make that sacrifice. “I l-love it. I do! Not the f-fighting or . . . or what happened, but the feel and sound of the ocean. All of it.”
His eyes glittered. “I once asked you,” he said hoarsely, “what else would you choose in life, Linnie? Me excluded. Do you recall what you said?”
Tears falling, she nodded. “I said I would explore the world and sail the seas with you. If you let me.”
“Wherever you go is where I will be, and—”
“Wherever you go is where I will follow, Jeremy,” she said, weeping.
As he’d always done, Jeremy wiped away her tears.
He drew her into his arms and held her, conferring all the warmth and love she’d ever dreamed of knowing.
Linnie’s lips quivered. “I will follow you into forever, Jeremy Tremaine,” she vowed.
He grinned, the carefree, crooked rogue’s smile she’d so missed. “That is perfect, love, because that is what I intend to have from you: forever.”
As Jeremy leaned up and took her mouth in a soft, tender kiss, Linnie smiled.
Forever.