SEVEN
Lincoln
Present
I fucking hated wearing suits, but it was necessary in my line of work, so when my sister told me their engagement party was formal, I was grateful that I had a couple of suits in my closet from game days.
Coach was still pissed at what I’d done, but we were thinking up a solution so that come play time this next season, I could make the team again.
I felt…weird about it. I don’t want to do it.
Sometimes I felt like there was nothing left for me here, and leaving to try to get picked up as a free agent would be better than staying in school.
Then I thought about her…
Hockey was all I’ve ever wanted. From the time I could strap on a pair of skates and chase after my friends on the ice, I knew it was what I wanted to do.
School has always been a struggle for me, and now, after finishing my third year of college with the threat of having to retake classes, I just felt dread swirling in my gut.
Heading up to my parents’ side door, I slip in unnoticed. The street was lined with cars; the party was in full swing, and I was…late.
I’m sure they thought I was trying to make some sort of statement. After the way I reacted to the news that my coach and my sister were in a relationship, it made sense people would think that.
But I wasn’t as selfish as some thought.
I saw the way Coach made my sister happy, and she deserved happiness and nothing less.
Voices filter through the door, and I spot my mom in the middle of it, laughing with Coach’s parents and some other neighbors that I can’t remember the names of now. I spot some of my teammates wandering throughout the house and slap their open palms as we pass by each other.
My mom spots me and comes toward me, arms stretched wide open. “Lincoln, honey!” I lean into her touch, and she kisses my cheek, pulling me into a hug.
I absolutely loved my mom. Some would call me a mama’s boy, and they would be right.
I hate that soon she was going to be majorly disappointed in me.
“How are you?” she asks quietly when we pull back, her hand still on my cheek. I study her features, closely matching my sister’s, and smile.
“I’m fine.” I clear my throat and squeeze her hand on my cheek. “Where’s the bride to be?”
“Oh mingling. I think I saw her friends just show up.” She points vaguely, and my stomach clenches with nerves. I cover it up with a smile.
“Great.”
Great…fuck.
I take a deep breath, suddenly interested in finding my dad and my neighbors and anyone on my team.
Anything to distract from seeing—
I turn a corner and see her.
Her blonde hair that normally lives in a bun on top of her head is down in big movie star curls, wispy bangs fell across her forehead—those were new. My gaze tracked down to a black dress that hugged every delicious curve on her body, ending in, I can’t help but smile, white tennis shoes.
God. She was fucking gorgeous.
Every bit of her was a sight for sore eyes.
I stride to her with purpose, my body controlling every action before I can tell my brain it’s a bad idea.
I join the group that consists of my coach, my sister, my sister’s best friend Vic, and…the fucking most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Cassie.
“Hey Linc,” Mickey says, stepping into me with a tight hug. She was dressed up as well, wearing heels that put her closer to my six-foot-two frame and a white sundress.
“Sis,” I say, returning the hug and stepping back, holding out a hand for Tanner. “Coach.”
“Ellis.” He shakes my hand. I can tell he’s holding back comments. Our conversation last week did nothing to fix what I’d broken, and I can’t say that I don’t understand his concern.
I shrug my shoulders, turning back to my sister’s friends. One who’s watching me warily, the other who won’t look at me at all.
It fucking hurts.
“Vic, looking sharp.”
Vic, my sister’s badass certified friend, is wearing what looks like a custom-fitted suit. Except there’s no jacket, her button-down blouse is sleeveless, and her pants taper to her ankles and to her studded heels. Her brown hair is twisted into some complicated knot on her head, and her eyeliner is pretty intense.
“Thanks, Linc. Not looking so bad yourself.” She nods, giving me a wink.
The woman lives to make me blush, and I never know how she does it, but it works every time.
I study the group for a second, not seeing any apprehension over Cassie and me being right next to each other again. No more than usual, anyway.
We’d had a hate/hate relationship for as long as any of them knew, and that hadn’t changed.
Except briefly.
“Cassandra,” I murmur quietly, thankful that one of my teammates came over and is now distracting the rest of the group. My right hand comes out of my pocket, and I barely restrain myself from reaching out and grabbing her.
“Lincoln.” She nods at me, not turning to give me eye contact, not giving me anything at all.
She was still pissed. I got it.
Didn’t mean I was willing to let it stand.
“Can we talk?” We haven’t talked in a while, and it was making my insides feel like they were going to break apart at the slightest breeze.
Every moment without her in my life felt like my life was falling apart piece by broken piece.
“No, thank you.”
“Cass—” Anyone could hear my heartbreak in my voice.
“No.” She finally turns to look at me, cutting off my plea, and the look in her light-green eyes absolutely guts me. “I can’t talk to you.”
The way her voice breaks over the last word has me itching to reach out and snatch her up, pull her to my chest and hold her until I can’t feel my arms anymore.
She moves in closer to the group, cutting me out. Tanner is the only one who notices, and for a moment, he gives me a pitying look.
I shake my head and move back toward the kitchen, wishing like anything I still drank, because I could use it right about now.
Sitting at one of the tables in the backyard of my childhood home, I listen to Coach’s parents make a joint speech about the happy couple.
They were an interesting couple, almost looking like they didn’t really belong together, but for whatever reason, their chemistry was off the charts.
People laugh at one of their jokes, and they wrap it up, giving Tanner and Mickey hugs and returning to their seats.
My parents had this event catered so that no one would have to kill themselves. Actually, Tanner had the event catered himself, relieving my mom of any hardships to pull this off.
People circle them, and I launch back into conversation with my teammates, who sit around my table with me, Crew talking to me about a new book he’s been reading.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cassie hurry inside, and before I know what I’m doing or even have a plan, I’m up and rushing into the house, giving polite smiles and nods to those I pass.
She rushes into the main floor bathroom and shuts the door. I stand right outside, waiting patiently for her to finish and open the door again.
I hear the sink run and turn off, then the handle starts twisting. As it does, I grab it, twisting and pushing gently but firmly inside, shocking Cassie.
“What the—Lincoln!” she squeaks, taking a stumbling step back as I grab her around the waist, steadying her, and then turning to slam the door shut behind us, locking it.
“What the hell are you doing?” Her firm voice draws my attention to her lips. Lips that I miss so fucking much.
“I need to talk to you,” I say, desperate.
“Lincoln, I don’t—”
“Please.” I push closer and note she’s not pushing me away. She’s not holding me, but she’s not shoving me either. Her back is against the wall, and I hold my arm around her, relishing in the feel of her against me again.
Cassie’s chest moves up and down rapidly, her eyes not meeting mine for a full minute. When they do…I can’t help but lean down and rest my forehead on hers.
“I—” Fuck. Now that I’m here, words are failing me.
“Lincoln, we shouldn’t be in here. We can’t—”
“Please, don’t…don’t walk away from me.” I don’t know what context I’m even talking about. Right now or…at all.
Maybe both.
Her eyes glisten with tears, and it’s the last thing I want to see. “Sunshine, don’t cry. I hate when you cry.”
“I can’t help it,” she whispers to me, her voice rough with tears. “My heart is breaking.”
My chest aches at her words, and I pull her tighter to me, hoping that my closeness will somehow hold her heart together.
“I don’t want your heart to break,” I whisper, my lips grazing hers by accident.
Not in a kiss, though I desperately want to throw caution to the wind and slam my lips down on hers. I know I can’t do that. Not yet.
“I can’t even see you without it hurting, Lincoln. I can’t see you and put aside everything that’s happened.”
“I know you’re pissed at me,” I start, shaking my head slightly as I try to find the right words. “I know you are. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Her lips purse, and shit, they touch mine again. I’m sure we look intense, both pressed together as we have a conversation, my arms tightly wrapped around hers and her hands resting on my shoulders.
It’s a position we’ve been in before, just for different reasons.
“I’ve tried to make it right,” I start. “I tried to make amends for what I did, for everything. Tell me what to do.”
Her eyes latch onto mine, and I break again, seeing how utterly heartbroken she is. “I’m not sure you can do anything.”
I shake my head.
“No. I refuse to believe that’s true, Sunshine,” I retort, my voice dropping into a low growl. “I—”
I cut myself off because I can’t weaponize the phrase I’m dying to tell her. No matter how much it’s true, I can’t use it against her.
“I guess.” She shrugs, a tear streaking down her cheek. I reach up and wipe it away, my arm still banding her close to me. “Time. I don’t know. I need more time.”
My teeth grit and my eyes search her green ones. “Time? It’s been weeks.”
“I—” I see the apology forming on her lips. She doesn’t owe me a damn thing, so instead, I change the subject.
“How’s your mom doing?” I actually miss seeing her and her mom interact. It was one of my favorite things. And heading to Retro Bites for a study session with the woman in front of me had been one of the few highlights of my week.
Until I ruined it.
Cassie’s eyes find mine and soften. “She’s good. Brings you up a lot.”
“I’d love to see her.” I react quickly, hoping I could get an invitation to the diner. Not that it wasn’t a public space, but I don’t think I can handle going without Cassie.
“You should go see her. She loved you,” Cassie replies, not exactly giving me what I need, but…it was a start.
Someone knocks on the bathroom door, and Cassie looks over, startled. It’s enough to break the tension, and she lightly pushes on me, making me step out of her space.
I miss her immediately.
But that was how my life was going lately. Missing Cassie happens with every breath I take.
“We should go out there.”
I don’t say another word, just open the door, ignoring the old fuck who was staring disapprovingly at us and making our way back to our seats, her with Mickey and Vic and everyone I love, and me with my teammates.
This isn’t how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be next to her, holding her hand, laughing with my family, loving her.
Loving her.
I’d failed spectacularly at proving my love for her.
I couldn’t let myself keep failing.
I need a plan to show her how much I care and how much I don’t want to let her go.
And if she’ll let me close again, I won’t fail her a third time.