Twenty-Two
Cassie
Five Months Ago
Aggressive pounding against my door had me jumping from where I sat on the couch, reading. I had just settled in after a long day of classes and homework and was ready to unwind.
I’d texted Lincoln earlier, inviting him over, but he hadn’t replied, and I figured he was busy with something.
Now I wish he were here to answer the door.
“Cassie! I need to talk to you.” I got up quickly at the sound of his voice and marched over to the door, swinging it open with a smile.
What I saw on his face wiped the smile clean off.
“Lincoln?” I asked as he stormed past me, pacing in my living room like he did a week ago after finding out what happened at the end of my book.
This was a different kind of pacing, though. He was angry.
Dread filled me as I waited patiently for him to talk.
“I met my sister’s boyfriend,” he said, finally stopping his pacing and facing me. He barked out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head.
“Oh,” I said in response, unsure of how he wanted me to reply. He looked pissed, so obviously he wasn’t taking the news well.
“Yeah, and guess what?” he started, not waiting for me to guess. “It’s my fucking coach! My coach! Who is with me most days and didn’t have the balls to tell me he was with my sister?” He slaps his hands together like he needs to exert extra energy.
I walked over to the couch, perching on the armrest and letting him vent all his frustrations out. He would be fine once he realized how much he was overreacting, but I get that he’s surprised.
“Someone took a picture of them making out at some bar.” I flinched, hurt for my friend who had her privacy violated.
That sucked. I knew she and Tanner went all the way into Denver to get some space from Rose Hill so they could date without intrusion.
I would have to call her and make sure she was okay.
“Can you fucking believe this?” he said, his head hanging in defeat. “Of all the fucking women here, he had to go after my sister. She’s fifteen years younger than him!”
I knew how that looked, but I also knew that Mick was so mature for her age, and I’ve seen them together. Tanner would do anything to make her happy. Even hiding the relationship from her family until she was ready.
“I know how shocking it is at first, but they’re happy together,” I said, not thinking about what I would get in return.
But, of course, I should have.
Lincoln’s head swivels to me slowly, and I brace myself for being on the end of his stare. I didn’t love how it felt, but I’m sure he’s not pleased that I kept it from him.
“You knew?” His words are whispered to me, and his brows furrow in confused anger. “You knew she was with my coach?”
I cross my right leg over my left, fiddling with the sleeve of my hoodie. “I’ve known for a little bit. Mick’s my best friend, Lincoln.”
“I’m your boyfriend, Cassandra,” he accused me, and I shook my head at the use of my full name.
No one ever accused Lincoln of not having enough flair for drama.
“You’ve been my boyfriend for a week, Muscles.”
“I thought we’d been friends for longer than that,” he threw back, making me flinch.
“Come on, don’t make me feel bad.”
“You should have told me.”
I frowned, getting angry myself. “It’s not my secret to tell.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He turned, running a hand through his hair and turning back to face her. “How could you keep this from me?”
I straightened my spine and looked at him head on. “As I said, it’s not my secret to tell, but when I tell Mickey about us, I was going to tell her I didn’t want to keep her secret from you.”
“Oh, how noble,” he replied, making me flinch.
“Lincoln,” I said, hurt that he was making this about us. I knew he was really just mad at his sister. “I had plans—”
“And when would that have been?” He cut me off, not giving me time to say what I wanted to. “When you graduate? When I graduate? When I’m signed to a pro hockey team?”
I couldn’t help the little scoff that escaped my mouth, even as hurt tore me up inside. “We’ve been together for a week. I didn’t think you were mad we were keeping it quiet for a bit.”
“I asked you to come to my game, to wear the jersey I got for you, but you did neither.”
“I—” I had nothing to say to that. Not because I had no feelings on the matter, I did. But because he was purposefully trying to hurt my feelings, and I didn’t like that one bit.
“I can’t believe they did this. I can’t believe you lied to me.”
I stood, crossing my arms over my chest, and glared at him. “You don’t get to accuse me of lying to you, Lincoln. I’ve been nothing but honest with you about everything. Including my feelings.”
“Oh? Then why not tell me about my sister?” He took a step forward until he was towering over me, but I had no fear that he would hurt me. I knew him well enough to know that’s not something he would ever, ever do.
“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” I ground out, my jaw aching at the anger that made me clench it so hard. “Mickey told me at Thanksgiving, and—”
“Thanksgiving?” His eyes widened. “You’ve known since Thanksgiving?”
I pursed my lips together, growing more and more pissed every time he cut me off.
“Yes. I have. She told me and Victoria.”
“What about my parents? Do they know?” His eyes searched mine, and for a moment, I saw what it was that was eating him up inside. He was being vulnerable in this moment with me, and judging by his question, he was terrified that everyone knew except for him.
That he was left out.
“No. I don’t think so. Mick never said they knew.” I reached for his hand, interlocking our fingers together and stepped close. His forehead met mine, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s going to be okay, Muscles. Tanner is a good guy; he treats Mick well.”
He pulled away from me, his hand leaving mine, my hand left suspended in the air. “Oh, hell no. They’re not staying together, are you serious?” He looked at me like he didn’t know me, and the shock of that look burned into my brain and scorched my heart. “He’s a playboy. He’s been in pro hockey for years. He’s also fifteen years older and probably ready to settle down! Mickey isn’t ready for all of that.”
I scoffed at the audacity his words displayed. “I think you should let Mick decide who she wants to be with and what she’s ready for.”
I knew Tanner would never force her to do anything she wasn’t ready for. They were made for each other, and anything she wanted, I was confident he would deliver.
Of course, Lincoln didn’t know that because he hadn’t gotten to see them together.
“You remember Mark? Yeah, I don’t think dating another pro hockey player is a great plan.”
I did remember Mick’s ex-boyfriend. Well, at least the stories I heard, which were that he was a jerk and treated her like crap. When they were both twenty…
Lincoln being that age, I didn’t think it was fair to throw it in his face, so instead I said nothing and thought about how we were going to move past this.
“You need to decide if you can even be with me because I don’t want secrets between us.”
I flinched and took a step back. “What? I don’t have any secrets with you.” I let the man read my book, for crying out loud. Mick and Victoria don’t even know I wrote one. If anyone knew everything about me, it was Lincoln.
“You did. You kept this from me, knowing that it would upset me.”
“Lincoln.” I sighed, holding back tears that threatened to fall. I desperately did not want them to fall. “I kept it from you because Mick asked me to keep it to myself. She was planning on telling you.”
Lincoln flattened his lips, his anger radiating from him like steam. “Yeah, except she didn’t. I had to find out. And not from my girlfriend, either.” He shook his head. “Do you know how much it hurts to hear about my sister and my coach and know that I was left out of the loop? That I was going on my merry way, pretending my coach was just my coach and my sister was dating some mystery guy? I feel so fucking stupid.”
“You shouldn’t feel stupid,” I said, taking a step forward and trying to reach out.
“No.” He shook his head again at my outstretched hand, making me feel like I was just slapped. “Don’t…” His eyes met mine, and the pain there had me stumbling back. “You hurt me too.”
“Lincoln, that wasn’t what I meant to do. I was going to tell you—”
“You lied to me, Cassie. And I don’t know where to go from here.” He took another step back, then another until he was nearly to the door.
“Me either,” I replied, feeling anger and hurt and frustration and desperation all clawing their way through me, vying for the number one spot. “I don’t know how to make you see that I never intended to hurt you, but you don’t get to place all the blame on me, either.” I crossed my arms, shielding myself from him.
He shook his head. “Don’t go acting like you’re innocent.”
I looked at him sadly. “You know what? I am innocent. This wasn’t a secret that I kept from you intentionally, because when I was with you, I was all about you. I wasn’t thinking about Micayla and Tanner. I was thinking about how happy I was with you. But you know what? You have to figure this shit out all on your own, because I will not be your punching bag because you’re comfortable with me.”
I felt the anger coursing through me, winning the number one spot. “If that’s the way you act, then I want nothing to do with you.”
He flinched, and, in that moment, I saw him realize what he was fucking up. He was pushing me away without even realizing he was doing it. He was placing the blame on me because, right now, he was uncomfortable around his own family.
I was his safe space.
Unfortunately, that also meant that he thought I could take the brunt of his anger.
I wouldn’t do that, though. I refused.
“Get out,” I said, hating the words as they left my throat.
“Cassie,” he started, taking a step forward, regret and guilt all over his face.
“No, get out,” I said, standing my ground even as tears spilled from my eyes. He looked heartbroken at the sight of them.
Good.
“Cassie, I’m sorry.”
I just shook my head, angry and tired and hurt.
He took my gesture to mean we were done, and I was. I was done. I wouldn’t allow myself to be treated that way.
I swore he would be different. I thought he’d matured and grown since the last time he hurt my feelings. But maybe not.
Finally, with reluctance, Lincoln took the last few steps to the door and stepped out into the hallway, closing it softly behind him.
With him out of sight, I let myself fall onto my couch and cry, feeling my relationship crumble all around me and burn to ash.