Chapter 13
TANIA
Carlo is off today, and I call our boss first thing to ask if it’s ok to come in about an hour late so we can go and get Gomez together.
My route isn’t too long today, so he’s fine with it.
At the vet, we get his discharge papers, instructions, medicine, new food, and the diffuser.
He’s worth every penny, but man does it sting in the wallet.
He seems more himself today, they said he ate well for breakfast and that it was good we brought him in so quickly.
The last check was to make sure he can pee on his own, which he did.
Morticia frantically starts cleaning him as soon as he’s out of the carrier at home, making little noises at him while he purrs and eats up her attention.
I leave for work, and Carlo promises to take good care of him while I’m gone.
Now that Gomez is going to be ok, my mind cannot stop replaying what Carlo and I did on the couch all through my work day.
His kiss seared right into me and changed me for good.
It was life ruining, because nobody else will ever live up to the way his lips moved perfectly with mine.
I’m trying so hard not to daydream in my truck, but it’s becoming a lost cause.
One thing I do know is I don’t want to go further yet.
There is no rush, and if I’m this gone over kissing him, I need to emotionally prepare for what having any type of sex with him will be like.
There are still a whole lot of feelings to parse, and going further will only make them even more muddy in my mind.
This is so much more than an attraction, or a fling that would last maybe a few weeks.
The more we spend time together, the more I know in my bones this could be something beautiful if I don’t let myself get in the way and mess it up.
I manage to make it through the rest of my day in spite of my constant wandering thoughts, and am dying to get back to the apartment to see Carlo and the cats.
I’m a little nervous too, because a conversation is definitely happening tonight about what is going on with us since we were too tired last night and just crawled into bed.
Then we were both in a rush this morning to get Gomez home and me to work.
So my heart is fluttering when I walk in, and it picks up even more when I see Carlo dancing around, cradling Gomez like a baby, cooing to him that he’s such a good boy and he’s so happy he’s ok.
Morticia is watching from the squashy leather couch in amusement.
Light fills up the whole space between the last of the sunlight streaming in and the soft lighting inside, making it so welcoming.
Carlo looks golden and heartachingly gorgeous with the way the light hits him, haloing him like the angel he doesn’t think he is.
His muscles ripple as he dances with Gomez, who is not exactly light and looks like content dead weight in his arms.
“You boys are adorable,” I say with a smile. He grins and winks at me.
“Our little man seems better today. I managed to pry him off of me to go on a run and do some cleaning, but otherwise he was velcro. He drank plenty, and I saw him pee just fine.” I go up to give Gomez some loving.
“Good job, buddy! Who’s my good boy?” He butts his head into my hand, purring like a motor.
Ugh, I love him so much. I love this whole situation so much.
Coming home to Carlo and the cats like this, it’s hard to think about ever possibly going back to living without him.
Subconsciously, I think it’s why I haven’t looked too hard for another apartment.
Loneliness has always been my safe default.
I realize I’ve been missing out on so much because I’ve been a coward.
He lets Gomez down next to Morticia and comes back toward me
“Guess what? I also applied to a couple of art programs, too,” he says, bringing his hand to his neck in that nervous way he does.
“That’s amazing!” I let out an embarrassing happy squeak as I throw my arms around him and reach up to peck him on the lips without even thinking. He kisses me back, a low groan rumbling out of him as our tongues meet. He breaks it off before we get too carried away and rests his forehead on mine.
“Been waiting for that all day. You hungry? We have some leftovers we can heat up,” he asks, kissing my forehead.
“I’m starving. I’ll make our plates.” I get us each a plate of the leftover roasted chicken, potatoes, and broccoli I made the other night.
He grabs drinks, napkins, and silverware while I get everything heated up.
We sit to eat and he asks about my work day.
I ask him more about how his day off was and the art programs he applied to.
We’re both dancing around what we really need to talk about. He brings it up first.
“Should we have that conversation about what happened last night before the fun vet visit?” I put my fork down to give this my full attention and take a deep breath.
“We should.”
“Are you feeling ok about it?” His question is uncharacteristically tentative. I give him a wry smile.
“Everything about it felt extremely good, Carlo,” I tell him honestly, and he breathes out a relieved sigh.
“When I walked in tonight to you, and the cats, it made me feel at home. You manage to simultaneously wind me up in the most fun ways, and bring me so much peace. We’re building something great, I think. ”
“I think so, too,” he says as he takes my hand on the table.
“Let’s just go nice and slow, if that’s ok. This is a very new concept to me and it’s scary.”
“We’ll go at whatever pace you need, mi sueno.
I have two requests, if that’s ok.” It takes me a minute to register what he just called me.
I’m not fluent in Spanish, but I’m pretty good from speaking it as a child with my parents, grandma, and then studying it in school.
I know Carlo is fluent, and we’ve even broken into a little Spanish when we’ve talked sometimes.
He’s never called me a Spanish pet name before, though.
“I’m your dream?” My voice comes out strained with emotion. He looks me dead in the eyes as he nods.
“Since the first day I saw you, and it’s even more true now that I know you better,” he says simply.
My heart is basically a frantic hummingbird right now, ready to fly out of my chest and into his warm, capable hands.
The whiplash between feeling terrified and exhilarated at the thought of giving him any piece of my heart has me almost dizzy.
I manage to wheeze out a response around the lump in my throat.
“And what are your requests?”
“One, that you stop apartment hunting and just stay here. Two, that we turn your room back into a spare room, and you sleep in my room with me without having to knock on the door and ask if it’s ok.
Nothing much needs to change from what we’ve already been doing, we’re just making it more official, yeah?
Maybe a little more kissing added to the mix,” he says with a boyish grin.
“I think I can agree to that,” I tell him with my own smile. He kisses my hand that’s still in his.
“Good.”
“So we’re doing this? We’re dating?”
“Oh yes, I’m about to date the hell out of you.”
I can’t contain my laugh as he kisses my hand again with another huge grin of his own.
On Thursday I head up to NY to see Celeste and tell her about Damian.
I go through the usual security procedures and am taken into the visitation room pretty quickly.
She’s brought in and smiles when she sees me.
She looks the same, although thankfully the dark circles under her eyes aren’t quite as pronounced.
Hopefully she’s sleeping better. I squeeze her as soon as she’s close enough.
“How are you, Cece?”
“Doing ok, all things considered. I’m glad you could come visit.”
“Me too, because I have news. Also, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you like crazy. What news do you have?”
“There’s an attorney who is interested in taking your case pro bono, and he’s very good.
He wants to come up and meet with you soon.
Damian Sanderson, Esquire might be the help you need to get out of here sooner rather than later.
” I’m vibrating from excitement, but when I fully take in Celeste’s expression, she’s not exactly matching my energy. My face falls.
“Aren’t you excited?” I ask.
She sighs heavily. “Nia, I told you not to worry about that. I’ll be fine here. If I stay on my best behavior, I’ll have a chance at making parole early, but I don’t want to get dragged through more legal crap. Ok?”
“Why? Why is this the one time in your life you don’t want to fight?” My voice comes out raised and the guard glares at me. I’m trying to contain my frustration but I don’t understand why she’s being like this. Please don’t leave me alone, I want to beg her. You’re the only family I have.
“Because I’m tired. Because what life do I have to fight for?
” It comes out in a hiss. “You’re an adult now living your life in the next state over with a gorgeous new roommate, who you need to tell me more about, by the way.
The phone calls did not give us enough time to go into detail.
My job and apartment are gone. I have nothing, ok?
I have to rebuild my life from scratch, and maybe the time here will let me get my head on straight to do that. ”
“You could come live near us, Cece. Get a job in Jersey, hang out with me regularly, meet my roommate and see the cats. I’m building a pretty nice life there, and the only thing missing from it is you. That’s what you can fight for.”
“You don’t want me polluting this life you’ve built. I’m proud of you, by the way.”