Chapter two #2
And did I do anything about it? Absolutely not. I stopped it from going anywhere, and with good reason.
But sometimes I wonder what would have happened that night if I hadn’t stopped it.
The truth is that back then, my head was a mess. It had only been a year since I lost my husband, I was a single mom, and I was still trying to find our new normal.
And it’s Penn.
He’s…my friend. Has been since we were kids.
But that was three years ago, and even though I hoped those glimmers of feelings would go away, they never did. Actually, they’ve only amplified over time. And lately, I feel like this thin thread between us is only one tug away from snapping.
But when he does things like this? Fill up the “Kisses from Daddy” vase that I started during Brandon’s first deployment after Bentley was born—it makes it harder to argue with both my body and my heart.
“Now.” Penn walks back over to the table, grabs his pen and notepad, and takes the same seat as before. “Tell me what you were thinking.”
“I want something fresh and clean. White and pink. I know the place is called the Sunshine Bakery, but I’m over all the yellow. A little is okay, but it needs to be dialed down for sure.”
He scribbles notes. “Okay. Do you want to change the name too, then?”
I nod. “Yes, but I haven’t landed on the winner yet.”
“Let me know when you do, and we’ll get a sign made for you too. As for the floors, we could bring in gray and white checkered floors for contrast, but I can work with pink and white. Chrome details on the case then?”
I ponder his suggestion. “I think so. The case is so old, so it needs to be brought up to modern times.”
“I agree. What about the back of the house? The kitchen?”
“Greg and Jenny just replaced a few of the pieces of equipment, so I should be good there. But the storage area could use a makeover, something more organized. Maybe some more shelves?”
He nods, scratching down more notes. “Got it.”
“How long do you think it will take?”
“A couple of weeks, but I can replace the floor and things like that at night so you don’t have to close the front doors the entire time. I was thinking about that today actually.”
“You’re willing to work at night?” I say, surprised by the suggestion.
“Yeah, it’d be easier since I wouldn’t have to worry about moving around you or any of the other employees.” My staff consists of me and three other employees, so it’s not like there’s a soccer team to dance around.
“But when will you sleep?” I tease him.
“Sleep is overrated. Besides, I don’t mind missing some shuteye for something like this.”
I reach over and place my hand on top of his, the heat of our skin touching traveling all the way up my arm. “You’re the best, Penn. You know that, right?”
His eyes drop to my hand. “So I’ve been told.”
“Mommy!” Lilly exclaims as she enters the room. I retract my hand from Penn’s as if we’d just been caught doing something we shouldn’t—which is preposterous—and then twist to find my beautiful daughter with soaking wet hair, dressed in her pajamas.
“What’s up, baby?”
“Can I have kisses from Daddy now before we play our game?”
I nod, swallowing down the lump in my throat that forms each time she asks for the chocolate so innocently.
I hate that her memories of Brandon are so few.
I think she loves the idea of him more than the actual time she can remember spending with him.
He was gone on deployment almost half of her life up until he died.
“I love chocolate,” she mumbles around the first piece as she climbs into her chair, resting on her knees so she can reach the table.
Penn replies, “Just like your mom. In fact, I brought a special chocolate to share with her tonight.”
“Really?” I say, arching my brow at Penn.
He returns the gesture. “Yup.” Reaching into his bag, he takes out two Ferrero Rocher, the individually wrapped ones, and hands me one like he’s making a drug deal. And in a way, he might as well be. Penn knows these are my favorite decadent treat.
“Oh, you know me so well.” I take the chocolate from him, unwrap it, and pop it into my mouth.
Staring intently at me with eye contact that is borderline unnerving, he says, “I do, Astrid.”
Our eyes remain locked on one another, until Lilly breaks the moment. “I wanna play Uno!”
Snapping myself out of the electrically charged eye contact, I turn to her and smile. “Okay. Let’s play, baby.” I call over my shoulder, “Bentley! Get out here!”
Once we’re all settled, the blood bath begins.
Call me unorthodox, but I take pride in the fact that both of my children are turning out to be highly competitive.
We’re still working on graciously losing, but for the most part, their competitive nature is alive and well.
They’re learning to be strategic, think ahead, and problem solve.
It’s one of the best side effects of our game nights.
The ultimate repercussion though is the time we spend together, and the time that Penn gives us.
After Lilly calls Uno, Penn slaps her with a reverse card. “Aw, man!”
Penn chuckles as the order moves backward around the table. “Should have seen that coming, Lilly Bear.”
Bentley laughs and changes the color, which works out perfectly for me as I lay down another reverse card, skipping Lilly for a second time.
“That’s not fair, Mommy!”
Laughing, I say, “Life isn’t fair, baby girl. Better you learn that now.”
Penn and I successfully reverse the order two more times as Lilly grows beet red with frustration, then he slaps her with a draw four and you’d think the world was ending.
“Hey.” I place my hand on her arm, signaling her to breathe. “It’s just a game.”
“But I want to win!” Her bottom lip trembles and her eyes fill with tears.
“Sometimes you have to play a few rounds before you can win, Lilly Bear,” Penn says as he lays down his card, eyeing me across the table, his words feeling like they have a double meaning.
Lilly huffs and rearranges her cards in her tiny hands.
“I bet she still wins,” Bentley grumbles as the game continues, and in less than five minutes, Lilly is crowned the winner.
“I won! I won!” She fist pumps the air as she does laps around the living room, making Penn and me laugh and Bentley roll his eyes, a reluctant smile on his face.
“Yes, you won. Now, it’s time to get ready for bed.” I glance at the clock on the microwave.
“Aw, man,” Lilly grumbles as she and Bentley head toward the bathroom to brush their teeth.
“That one is going to be a force to be reckoned with,” Penn says, standing from his chair and stretching his arms above his head, giving me a glimpse of the sliver of skin between his shirt and the top of his jeans.
That little happy trail I’ve seen a time or two always makes my thighs clench together.
God, it’s been too long since I’ve had sex.
“You don’t have to remind me.”
“She’s gonna be strong and fiery, just like her mother.” He glances at me over his shoulder as he begins cleaning up the cards.
“Ha. I don’t know about that. She’s got more moxie in that little body than I’ll ever have.”
Penn drops the cards on the table, turns, and closes the distance between us so fast I nearly fall over as he grips my chin, lifting my face so our eyes can connect.
I can hear my heart in my ears and suddenly breathing feels like a monumental task.
“You have no idea how strong you are, Astrid. That little girl couldn’t ask for a better example of a mom.
You’ve turned a shitty hand of cards into something incredible—without any reverse cards in the pile.
” He gives me a reassuring grin as his eyes bounce back and forth between mine, and I have to remind myself to breathe.
“Don’t doubt your strength for a second.
You hear me?” All I can manage is a nod.
“Good. Now, I’m beat, and I have a bakery to tear apart tomorrow.
” The corner of his mouth lifts as he releases my chin and steps away, robbing me of his warmth and the confidence he instills in me with his words.
I’ve never felt that from a man. My father left when I was so little, I don’t even remember him. And with Brandon, the only man I’ve ever been with, I felt so alone, blending into the background, a trophy for him to have on his arm, not a partner he was proud of.
Penn makes me feel like I’m front and center stage.
It’s unnerving and relentless, and it makes me want things I know I can’t have.
“You want to start tomorrow?” I ask, pulling my thoughts back to our conversation.
“If that’s okay, yeah. The sooner the better. I can work there during the day until I do the floors and that leaves me the afternoon to work on my other projects.”
“How are you gonna manage this all? The restaurant, the hardware store, the bakery, and your top-secret project.” He grins. “Seriously, you’re never this cryptic. Why won’t you tell me what you’re working on?”
His smile fades and then he moves back to the table, gathering his things and shoving them into the bag. “It’s nothing.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.”
“I said it’s nothing, Astrid. Okay?” His words are clipped and final.
His tone honestly takes me aback for a moment, but I nod and say softly, “Okay. I’m—I’m sorry.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m sorry. It’s just…I just don’t want to talk about it yet, okay? I’ll tell you when it’s the right time. I promise.”
I nod again. “Okay.”
“Uncle Penn, will you tuck me in?” Lilly calls from her bed, offering a reprieve from the tension building between us in the dining room.
Penn draws in a deep breath and calls back, “Yeah, Lilly Bear. Be right there.” His eyes meet mine once more. “Duty calls.”
“You don’t have to do that, you know.”
“I know, but it’s what Brandon would have done. And since he can’t, it’s the least I can do.”